topic Re: I need suggestions for dealing with a kind neighbor in Community Chat

I need suggestions for dealing with a kind neighbor

cherry — Fri, 01 Jun 2018 17:20:15 GMT

He is a wonderful man and is 90 years old. His licence was taken away, until he gets tested by the state. He had a minor fender bender. We have never noticed bad driving on his part, but that isn't our problem

Mr Cherry has volunteered to take him where he needs to go. So far ,it is only a one way trip to the senior center. It cant be more than a 5 mile round trip, and he gets a ride home.

He just insists on giving my husband money, every week for gas. We don't want it, and have refused to take it. He then throws it into the car, as he departs. I know he isn't hard up, but neither are we, and we don't want repayment

He and is wife were so wonderful, to us, many years ago, when Mr Cherry had cancer. We have never forgotten their goodness, and kindness

I want to put it into an envelope and stick it into his mailbox, but, I am afraid he might be offended by this. Can you offer a suggestion?

Re: I need suggestions for dealing with a kind neighbor

CrazyDaisy — Fri, 01 Jun 2018 17:22:39 GMT

Perhaps take him out to dinner. He is not going to want the cash back so just use his money to do something nice for him.

Re: I need suggestions for dealing with a kind neighbor

Kardi — Fri, 01 Jun 2018 17:25:10 GMT

Keep the money and take your neighbor and his wife to dinner or lunch. It gets them out socially. Either that or buy them a nice gift with the money.

Re: I need suggestions for dealing with a kind neighbor

deeva — Fri, 01 Jun 2018 17:26:09 GMT

Dinner or lunch is a great idea. Or maybe donate the money to a charity.

Re: I need suggestions for dealing with a kind neighbor

cherry — Fri, 01 Jun 2018 17:26:20 GMT

His wonderful wife has passed away, so he is alone

Re: I need suggestions for dealing with a kind neighbor

Midnight11 — Fri, 01 Jun 2018 17:26:49 GMT

Accept the money from him, it makes him feel better. If you don't nt want it donate to a charity.

Re: I need suggestions for dealing with a kind neighbor

Mistic — Fri, 01 Jun 2018 17:27:42 GMT

How much does he want to give you for the ride? If it is a $5 or $10 dollar bill, I would suggest you just take it and say "This really isn't necessary, but Thank You."

He sounds SO MUCH like my Father, who I lost in February. He would do the same thing when someone took him somewhere. He just wants to "pay" you for your kindness.

I know that you don't want the money, but he feels like a burden, and you have to drive him. It makes him feel better to "Help You Out."

Just my experience with a Very Proud Man. Mistic

Re: I need suggestions for dealing with a kind neighbor

GingerPeach — Fri, 01 Jun 2018 17:28:03 GMT

Hi @cherry

Yes, take him to lunch or dinner. @CrazyDaisy 's idea is great.

Or use the money to fund the ingredients to bake him something that is allowed (should he have any dietary restrictions).

I think his giving you money is important to him as it fulfills his need to stay in control of his own life. To stay relevant, to remain a productive citizen. I think we all need that.

I know people say it's gracious to accept help, but if he's 90, allow him this dignity.

Re: I need suggestions for dealing with a kind neighbor

qualitygal — Mon, 04 Jun 2018 15:20:24 GMT

Keep it, envelope it to return at a later date to his family when he has passed. It's one of the last things he can take some pride in doing. Leave him his pride. If something ever comes up, you'll be able to return it to his family. Allow him his pride.

Re: I need suggestions for dealing with a kind neighbor

cherry — Fri, 01 Jun 2018 17:30:49 GMT

It's $10 but honestly we could probably drive him there and back for months for that. We could probably get there on fumes, it is so near

I don't know if he would agree to go out to dinner with us, but maybe we could get him a meal from KFC, and just take it to him?

Re: I need suggestions for dealing with a kind neighbor

cherry — Fri, 01 Jun 2018 17:32:15 GMT

He has no family, except for 1 brother, who is in a nursing home

Re: I need suggestions for dealing with a kind neighbor

okaywitheasypay — Fri, 01 Jun 2018 17:33:35 GMT

Maybe find out what kind of treats they use at the senior center and take them in when you deliver him ?

He is from a background of paying his way so don't take his dignity. It sounds like neither of the neighbors are short of good neighbors !

Re: I need suggestions for dealing with a kind neighbor

qualitygal — Fri, 01 Jun 2018 17:34:05 GMT

I bet he'd love to share that chicken dinner with you at your house. Good idea!

Re: I need suggestions for dealing with a kind neighbor

VaBelle35 — Fri, 01 Jun 2018 17:34:16 GMT

I agree about donating to charity

Re: I need suggestions for dealing with a kind neighbor

SahmIam — Fri, 01 Jun 2018 17:36:23 GMT

@cherry Just take the money and say "Thank You".

Why the insistence on NOT taking it? He wants to do it, he believes he should do it, why not allow him to do it?

Collect it and pass it on to charity. Save it and buy a gorgeous flower arrangement when he passes. Give it to his family. But whatever you do, stop saying no to it; feeling like burden to someone (even if you're not) makes you stop reaching out to them. This is important to HIM, so just go with it. : )

Re: I need suggestions for dealing with a kind neighbor

cherry — Fri, 01 Jun 2018 17:38:29 GMT

I guess I just feel ashamed to take money from him. He is so good to everyone @SahmIam

Re: I need suggestions for dealing with a kind neighbor

SahmIam — Fri, 01 Jun 2018 17:40:51 GMT

@cherry I COMPLETELY understand how you feel. The funny thing? How YOU feel TAKING his money is how HE feels when you DON'T.

We're never an island when it comes to feelings. : )

Re: I need suggestions for dealing with a kind neighbor

fthunt — Fri, 01 Jun 2018 17:43:43 GMT

So why the big problem? The man has pride and dignity and doesn't want charity...and was taught to pay his way and to say thank you to Mr. Cherry. Take the cash - don't refuse it - and in turn - make him his favorite pie or cake or cookies. Let the gent say ..thank you...his way. (Gish)

Re: I need suggestions for dealing with a kind neighbor

cddh — Fri, 01 Jun 2018 17:44:23 GMT

People of that genration have tremendous pride. Take the money, it makes neighbor feel as if he not imposing. Save the money. Take them out to dinner, get them a gift card for groceries or donate to charity or his church in his name.

Re: I need suggestions for dealing with a kind neighbor

gidgetgh — Fri, 01 Jun 2018 17:44:49 GMT

@cherry- I’d accept the money and just say thanks. That’s it.

At age 90, and having lost his license, he is feeling that the life he knew and the life he was in control of is slipping away. Giving you this simple gift makes HIM feel good about himself and having him feel good about giving the money is the gift for you. If I made any sense with that.