topic Re: When you think of funerals in Community Chat

When you think of funerals

game-on — Wed, 23 May 2018 17:22:31 GMT

I think about funerals.... in general.... and I wonder how others think about them....

To me... a funeral is for those who are left....

I feel that it would be best for the people who are survivors to plan the ceremony.

Wouldnt it be wonderful if family members could talk about this with each other....

I think about what happens during a funeral.... the ones that I felt the best about .... and those have included memories of the person who has died, and words of comfort. I do not want to be preached at.... I am in the most vulnerable of times and you might not believe as I do. I have come to surround the friends and family of the this person with my love and to be surrounded myself.

I really like informal gatherings.... some people call them wakes. Everyone shares memories and special moments. There is laughter and tears. People hold each other and are supportive.

What do you think?

I know people who are requesting that no service be held for many reasons. Do you want a service?

Re: When you think of funerals

goldensrbest — Wed, 23 May 2018 17:29:37 GMT

I honestly to not like funerals in the typical way ,them lying in a casket ,everyone walking by them, i have heard people say ,he ,or she looks nice, i find it not to be true ,they do not look like they did alive, my son was cremated in 1998, my husband in 2003, when it is my time i will be also.

Re: When you think of funerals

riley1 — Wed, 23 May 2018 17:33:47 GMT

@game-on - Not always amicable if the survivors plan the funeral. My much older sister and I had two very different opinions regarding a wake/burial.

My Dad was not a religious man at all and wanted no part of a service, yet my sister decided to have a church service with burial afterwards.

For my Mom she basically did the same thing. Both times she and I had words and I told her neither parent would have wanted this. Plus, my parents were both much older and there weren't many people left that knew either of them.

I should also add, I believe my sister did these services not for my parents, but for herself.

Re: When you think of funerals

hennypenny — Wed, 23 May 2018 17:36:28 GMT

I am not a fan of funerals.

Gatherings to share memories are fine. Keeping it light helps.

My father was a Rabbi and always tried to keep it soft, sweet, a bit light and short.

I told everyone that I wanted all my family and friends to go to Hawaii to have a big luau when I went and then they could dump me in the warm pacific. I think I have changed my mind and they can take me out off the coast here and do the deed. Its closer and cheaper for everyone.

Re: When you think of funerals

VaBelle35 — Wed, 23 May 2018 17:36:58 GMT

I just prepared my estate documents and one of the forms they suggest you complete it your wishes for funeral, memorial service, casket, etc. I have filled this out with as much specificity as I thought would help those having to do the planning. I think if they can just hand over a piece of paper to someone to make it happen, it will be easier for all concerned.

Is it creepy that I was looking at caskets? They have some really nice white ones with pink roses.

My mother just went through this with my uncle and it was helpful to her that he already had the grave and told her the type of casket he wanted when they buried their parents. The rest was guided by the funeral home and the church coordinator.

Re: When you think of funerals

jubilant — Wed, 23 May 2018 17:44:47 GMT

No, I really don't want a service. Neither do I like viewing dead bodies. I have told DH of my wishes but also said that if they (my family) need something different do whatever brings them comfort and peace.....I won't be there so I won't care! There is one exception.....I can't stand the thought of cremation. It has nothing to do with beliefs or anything like that.....it just seems very abnormal to me for some reason. The thought of it gives me the creeps. DH, on the other hand, wants to be cremated.

+++++ I edited this to add... I think the cost of funerals is absolutely ridiculous. It costs way too much to die these days!

Re: When you think of funerals

chrystaltree — Wed, 23 May 2018 17:40:45 GMT

I don't think about funerals unless I have to go to one. I'm only 58 and I don't have a terminal disease, I'm not suicidal so why would I think about funerals? I do know that 40 years from now when the end is near; I will have pre-paid my funeral and left instructions for what I want. Just like my parents did.

Re: When you think of funerals

hayseed00 — Wed, 23 May 2018 17:42:08 GMT

We have a small horse and carriage business and have been doing horse drawn funerals with our hearse. The ceremonies always make me drift back in time to both my Mom and Dad's funeral with some fond memories along with the sadness I have of not being able to see them. I was so close to my parents. I feel privaleged that we can provide some comfort and beauty for the families. After the casket is loaded off the hearse at the cemetary my husband rings the carriage bell, when I asked him why, he told me it's to chime the deceased to Heaven. He has a tender heart and compassion for the families that is so needed often at this time.

Re: When you think of funerals

Carol Diane — Wed, 23 May 2018 17:44:44 GMT

Ok, I know in advance this will not be a popular opinion. I have been to many wakes and funerals. My husband's side think it's a huge sin if you don't attend. Let's be honest....you have events planned or small trips and then everything has to be cancelled or shuffled around to attend the service. No thanks for me. I want what my father had. He had a small ceremony at the gravesite that very close family members could attend. My sister and I saw him in a small room in the funeral home. It was lovely. No one was inconvenienced and people called and reminisced about happy memories of my dad. Obviously every has a preference. My husband wants a wake a funeral....I do not. Remember me as I am now.

Re: When you think of funerals

deepwaterdotter — Wed, 23 May 2018 17:46:30 GMT

Both my husband and I have directed our executors that no services be held.

Re: When you think of funerals

PickyCindy — Wed, 23 May 2018 17:52:48 GMT

No, I do not want a funeral. I want to be cremated only. Where my ashes should go I don't know and I don't care. I'm dead and that's it. And I'm an organ doner, too. Just cremate me in the end. However, I do respect those who want a funeral and I have attended them before. To me it's just a way to say goodbye to the deceased.

Re: When you think of funerals

jubilant — Wed, 23 May 2018 17:55:09 GMT

@chrystaltree

I'm hoping you have an inflation clause. Mom and Dad didn't have one (they thought they did). We buried Dad last July. It's very hard to keep a funeral under $10,000 these days. Basically we had to come up with around $4,000 dollars.

Re: When you think of funerals

mercyMe — Wed, 23 May 2018 18:00:44 GMT

OP ... you said you do not want to be "preached at." Some times this is the only time one hears "the message."

It is selfish not to have a list of "what you want" for your funeral which runs approx. $8000. Prepaying is good so Medicaid doesn't take all your money if one should end up in a nursing home (at least in my state). Do not leave this task for bereaving family members, they are suffering enough.

As the song says, "I'm only passing through."

Re: When you think of funerals

mac116 — Wed, 23 May 2018 18:01:20 GMT

I want to be cremated, but also definitely want a church service. I want a spiritual send off for me, as well as my family and friends. That is what we are most comfortable with in our family...nothing morbid or gruesome, but a celebration of a person's life as a Christian.

Re: When you think of funerals

cherry — Wed, 23 May 2018 18:03:56 GMT

I want a mass, not anything else. This is for my children, and for the repose of my soul. I don't want a big public service. I wasn't like that in life, and I will return to my maker ,as quietly as possible

Re: When you think of funerals

IMW — Wed, 23 May 2018 18:05:12 GMT

I believe it is all about those left behind. Whatever my kids do is fine. We have plots with my parents, my father used to brag he bought 4 plots in 1947 for $100.

I had to arrange my parents’, best friends’ and cousin’s

funerals by myself (with Dhc ’ support) - more than enough funerals for me.

Re: When you think of funerals

jubilant — Wed, 23 May 2018 18:06:10 GMT

The funeral announcement (with picture) alone was $520. We really wanted that and I am glad we did it but I was shocked at how much it cost.

Re: When you think of funerals

Mj12 — Wed, 23 May 2018 18:17:00 GMT

@jubilant wrote:
The funeral announcement (with picture) alone was $520. We really wanted that and I am glad we did it but I was shocked at how much it cost.

@jubilant I was shocked at all of that too; for us the obituary (no picture) - $450. Criminal IMO. I don't recall them asking for a picture.

Re: When you think of funerals

game-on — Wed, 23 May 2018 18:25:56 GMT

@mercyMe .... I do not believe that it is anyone's responsibility to get the message to a grieving person; I also believe it is abusive. It is when the person is very vulnerable. If one is concerned about another's soul, I believe that s/he can preach at another time. JMO I believe words of comfort and lots of love is what is best at this time.

Thanks to all of you who have been sharing. And to all of you who will share in the future. I know this is a touchy subject.

Re: When you think of funerals

Laura14 — Wed, 23 May 2018 18:29:21 GMT

Nope. There is no one to really come anyway so just burn me up and let me fly.