topic Re: Why do some women endure so much from men? in Community Chat

Why do some women endure so much from men?

Lilith1 — Fri, 04 May 2018 16:36:23 GMT

It is hard to understand them. Do they accept so much because they can't live without a man? For example, would you forgive your husband if he was attracted to another woman before and after you married? If he was staring at her, etc while at work and you found out because she complained. It is the time when he is supposed to have eyes only for you. It would be impossible to forget it even if you forgave, right? Could things be right between the couple in this sitution?

Re: Why do some women endure so much from men?

winamac1 — Fri, 04 May 2018 16:36:03 GMT

usually insecurity or a low sense of self esteem

Re: Why do some women endure so much from men?

Sooner — Fri, 04 May 2018 16:38:33 GMT

I just hate when people make things about race, gender etc. We are all just people, we all are different.

Forgiveness lies within each person. Who knows the circumstances and who can judge what others do. What their needs are. What any of us "put up with."

Re: Why do some women endure so much from men?

IMW — Fri, 04 May 2018 16:39:56 GMT

@winamac1 wrote:
usually insecurity or a low sense of self esteem

Also, economic insecurity, not wanting to separate children from their father. Expert abusers know how to prey on weaknesses, and get the abused thinking they deserved it.

Re: Why do some women endure so much from men?

Lilith1 — Fri, 04 May 2018 16:49:36 GMT

The low self steem and the money issues are good points but in a case like this there is no hope of happiness. The woman wouldn't be able to trust the man. Maybe the first time he just looked but did not have an affair because the woman was not interested but there is the possibility of a next time. He didn't respect her in the beginning, what would make her think that he will in the future? It would be in the back of her mind, wouldn't it?

Re: Why do some women endure so much from men?

winamac1 — Fri, 04 May 2018 16:49:13 GMT

@IMW wrote:
@winamac1 wrote:
usually insecurity or a low sense of self esteem
Also, economic insecurity, not wanting to separate children from their father. Expert abusers know how to prey on weaknesses, and get the abused thinking they deserved it.

very valid point--regarding economics and children!

Re: Why do some women endure so much from men?

Alison Wonderland — Fri, 04 May 2018 17:13:28 GMT

I'm more interested in why some men feel like they have the right to abuse women. Why are we always questioning the women in these cases when it's the men doing the harm?

Re: Why do some women endure so much from men?

Carmie — Fri, 04 May 2018 17:14:25 GMT

A man that only has eyes for you? LOL

You have got to be kidding. As long as a man' s heart is beating, he is going to be looking at other women. Some are just more clever at it than others and their wife/ girlfriends don't notice.

That doesn't mean that he will stray or that he doesn't love his wife/girlfriend.

All of us, male or female are attracted to the beauty of other human beings. Even women will turn their heads to get another glimpse of a beautiful women or an attractive man. We are even drawn to beautiful children to oooh and ahh over them.

It is normal to look. It is not normal to gawk or cause someone to be uncomfortable because you are staring at them or stalking them.

There's nothing to forgive if a man is just looking. If he crosses over into the creepy category, I'd leave that relationship immediately.

Everyone is different and what bothers you, might not bother them. There are many open relationships out there where looking and more is acceptable to both parties.

Re: Why do some women endure so much from men?

NycVixen — Fri, 04 May 2018 17:18:51 GMT

If you really want to know, ask the question without adding bias by offering a possible answer.

Your question IMO is already skewed to receiving responses that places the blame squarely on women's shoulders for 'enduring' so much. What about societal and religious expectations and demands etc.? I was married in a Catholic ceremony so if I get a divorce I can't get communion if I remarry in addition to breaking a holy sacrament.

I'm a researcher and we learn early on how we can add bias to our investigative efforts in a multitude of ways. In addition, we need to avoid manipulation of data when interpreting and presenting results.

Bias can be minimized by asking the right questions in the most objective way possible.

Re: Why do some women endure so much from men?

reiki604 — Fri, 04 May 2018 17:21:30 GMT

@Lilith1 wrote:
It is hard to understand them. Do they accept so much because they can't live without a man? For example, would you forgive your husband if he was attracted to another woman before and after you married? If he was staring at her, etc while at work and you found out because she complained. It is the time when he is supposed to have eyes only for you. It would be impossible to forget it even if you forgave, right? Could things be right between the couple in this sitution?

I’m not sure what exactly you’re trying to say. I don’t believe a person can help who or when they’re attracted to someone. It’s what they do about it is under their control. Unfortunately some woman have so little sense of self and self confidence that they feel like they are incomplete without a male in their life. That is the real problem, not if he looks at another woman. It’s how the woman deals with it.

Dh can be attracted to and look at whomever he wants as can I. We both know that’s as far as it can go without consequences. We have been together for such a long time because we want to be, not because we have to be.

Re: Why do some women endure so much from men?

cherry — Fri, 04 May 2018 17:22:36 GMT

@NycVixen things are quite different now. My daughter got an annulment . You might not be interested, and it's none of my business, but , if you try for one ,I am sure you will get it

Re: Why do some women endure so much from men?

cherry — Fri, 04 May 2018 17:25:14 GMT

For goodness sakes, everyone looks at an attractive person, male and female. Being married doesn't mean you are dead

Re: Why do some women endure so much from men?

maestra — Fri, 04 May 2018 17:26:49 GMT

I have an apron that says," Married but not Dead".

Re: Why do some women endure so much from men?

SusieQ_2 — Fri, 04 May 2018 17:33:46 GMT

Good points @NycVixen. I always enjoy reading your posts.

I think this conversation is skewed as well because the OP is clearly speaking about one particular situation while others have continued on, in some cases, in the general sense of the question.

I also don't care for the idea of "always" here. No criticism to the poster who said it but it's wrong. We don't "always" question the women. And honestly, not to question someone makes no sense. We can't just blindly accept everything as fact due to some knee-jerk movement. Everyone deserves to be judged fairly.

Of course that's not what, or should I say who, this thread is about anyway.

Re: Why do some women endure so much from men?

stevieb — Fri, 04 May 2018 17:33:56 GMT

First of all, I don't believe anyone 'has eyes' for only one person. Attractive people are everywhere and looks are free... Attraction is an involuntary mechanism... Acting on an attraction is a whole different thing...

Re: Why do some women endure so much from men?

NycVixen — Fri, 04 May 2018 17:34:13 GMT

@Alison Wonderland wrote:
I'm more interested in why some men feel like they have the right to abuse women. Why are we always questioning the women in these cases when it's the men doing the harm?

Exactly! Great point. I've spent a great deal of my studies trying to understand the complex socio-economic factors that undescore these issues.

This is a better question to ask since it aims to find the root of the problem. It's not about maligning men or women with judgmental notions. This question alludes to the power dynamic that allows these issues to exist in the first place.

Re: Why do some women endure so much from men?

cherry — Fri, 04 May 2018 17:41:28 GMT

If you want to know why women stay ,ask them. It's no good asking strangers, the only person that knows is the women herself

There is no point trying to generalize ,everyone is different..Why do some men stay, women can be abusive too ,and cheat we aren't all saints

Re: Why do some women endure so much from men?

NycVixen — Fri, 04 May 2018 17:43:31 GMT

@cherry wrote:
@NycVixen things are quite different now. My daughter got an annulment . You might not be interested, and it's none of my business, but , if you try for one ,I am sure you will get it

Good to know even if I'm not in that situation. It's still a difficult decision to end a marriage and have to deal with the aftermath.

Re: Why do some women endure so much from men?

SusieQ_2 — Fri, 04 May 2018 17:52:04 GMT

@cherry wrote:
If you want to know why women stay ,ask them. It's no good asking strangers, the only person that knows is the women herself

There is no point trying to generalize ,everyone is different..Why do some men stay, women can be abusive too ,and cheat we aren't all saints

I doubt the Secret Service would allow that to happen.

I have to admit, though, I've also asked the same question as the OP which is:

"He didn't respect her in the beginning, what would make her think that he will in the future? It would be in the back of her mind, wouldn't it?"

My guess is the answer would have to be yes.

Re: Why do some women endure so much from men?

makena — Fri, 04 May 2018 17:54:57 GMT

@Sooner wrote:
I just hate when people make things about race, gender etc. We are all just people, we all are different.

Forgiveness lies within each person. Who knows the circumstances and who can judge what others do. What their needs are. What any of us "put up with."

Agree ... we are all to quick to put on our therapist or counselling hats and be the judge. It can go back as far as what was learned as a child or how we were treated. People need to be more understanding, loving, and helpful. Being judged by others is not what those people need.