topic Re: DOES THIS WORK TO BRING UP A TEENAGER'S GRADES? in Community Chat

DOES THIS WORK TO BRING UP A TEENAGER'S GRADES?

Lindsays Grandma — Tue, 06 Feb 2018 07:55:38 GMT

When friends of mine were not happy with their sixteen year old daughter's grades, they decided to get her attention with the following instructions...

At the time they were living in a two story house, just the three of them, both parents working. The young lady was instructed to clean the entire house, top to bottom including all of the windows and baseboards. The two adults left the house for the day leaving her alone with her tasks. When she graduated at age eighteen, she didn't waste a minute in packing up and moving out.

My friends and I were talking about it recently and they jokingly remarked that they think it was the baseboards and thirty five windows that did her in. Personally I did not find it funny. Some may ask, "Did it work?" and if it did than there was nothing wrong with the assignment. To me, what they had her do appeared to be more of a punishment as opposed to an inspiration.

What would you do to inspire your teenager to improve his or her grades and what is your opinion of what that sixteen year old had to do? Personally I am not in agreement with their method and I am curious as to how many feel the same way.

Re: DOES THIS WORK TO BRING UP A TEENAGER'S GRADES?

KitTkat — Tue, 06 Feb 2018 08:34:04 GMT

I think it was an awful punishment, not a motivation to do better. I personally didnt have the best grades, but it wasn't because I didn't try. To punish or force an undesired task on someone doesn't do anything but create resentment. Rewarding a kid for good grades goes a lot farther than punishing for bad.

Re: DOES THIS WORK TO BRING UP A TEENAGER'S GRADES?

Kachina624 — Tue, 06 Feb 2018 08:37:13 GMT

I think having a teen clean the entire house was excessively punitive bordering on child abuse. Caring parents would have made an effort to find out why her grades were low and corrected the appropriate short comings. I'd say the parents were lazy and looking for free maid service.

Re: DOES THIS WORK TO BRING UP A TEENAGER'S GRADES?

jeanlake — Tue, 06 Feb 2018 08:48:24 GMT

Brings back memories of raising children with varying personal drives and goals. I'm an educator, grandmother, mother, aunt, great aunt, foster parent.... My experience and observation is to ask student, in non-threatening way, why s/he isn't driven to succeed. You can't give that internal desire to anyone, but you can expose students to questions and resources available to help uncover answers to internal conflicts and roadblocks. When people are their own worst enemies -- there's little you can do to alter behaviors until they're ready to produce. And of course, always set boundaries and consequences. Such a frustrating challenge for students / parents / guardians.

Re: DOES THIS WORK TO BRING UP A TEENAGER'S GRADES?

CrazyDaisy — Tue, 06 Feb 2018 10:52:22 GMT

What were the daughters grades, was she working to her potential? Was this a one time event or something that happened often?

Perhaps they were trying to teach her a lesson that this was the type of job she would get if she didn't take her education seriously. Really not enough information to judge the situation.

Re: DOES THIS WORK TO BRING UP A TEENAGER'S GRADES?

cherry — Tue, 06 Feb 2018 11:25:55 GMT

I had two children and I never used them to do my job. I couldn't have done all of that in one day..There is a difference between punishment, which should also be given with and eye toward mercy and justice, and abusing someone. The poor child probably had the life of a drudge

Re: DOES THIS WORK TO BRING UP A TEENAGER'S GRADES?

x Hedge — Tue, 06 Feb 2018 11:34:36 GMT

Are you kidding me?
What has cleaning the house to do with improving one's grades?
I see zero connection between the two. I'm sure any last shred of respect or affection that 16 year old had for her parents was extinguished during that exercise.
Watch for headlines: "Estranged teen kills parents".

-p.s. Can't help but wonder if the teen were a SON, would the parents have issued the same assignment?

Re: DOES THIS WORK TO BRING UP A TEENAGER'S GRADES?

on the bay — Tue, 06 Feb 2018 12:15:33 GMT

My first thought was if I was that teen, I would want to leave as soon as I could, and not because cleaning a house was so hard but because I wouldn't have felt love and concern from all this but yes punishment, getting even etc.

I wouldn't trust them to have my best interests at heart anymore.

So I hope they re-examine their methods.

Parents who think they are right are not always right.Or use their power as parents to make their children do something like that is just not fostering trust and love.

Plus the consequence-cleaning a whole house, how does that improve grades?!

Like someone else said, why not find out what is going on?

I don't think they used good judgement here, more like something out of the 1950's punishment parenting book.

Cleaning a house is a not a bad thing in itself, its just I don't equate having her do that as something that might improve her grades.

And cleaning a house shouldn't be a bad thing to do so thats another mis-step on this I think.

Actually, I would rather clean a house than do some of the work, papers, projects,pressure, heaped on students at high school at times.

Re: DOES THIS WORK TO BRING UP A TEENAGER'S GRADES?

Nataliesgramma — Tue, 06 Feb 2018 11:47:14 GMT

I don't see how that coud help bring up grades.

If my daughter was just being lazy...she was "grounded" until the grades got better.

I it was only one particular subject....I got her a tutor....

Re: DOES THIS WORK TO BRING UP A TEENAGER'S GRADES?

qualitygal — Tue, 06 Feb 2018 11:54:49 GMT

As a teenager, my friend across the street, had to do the house cleaning, while her parents worked. That's how she helped out. It didn't hurt her, taught her how to clean and she grew up to have a house and she knew how to clean. No different than cooking. Good to learn that too. I don't equate these two things.

I think money talks now a days to kids. Pay them for good grades, job well done.

After all, they'll have to go out and get jobs that they will get paid for. Good grief let them get their hands dirty, vs. sitting on them. It will hopefully teach them how to take care of themselves and earn a living to take care of themselves and not depend on someone else to rescue them.

Work keeps them busy, teaches them, and gets them moving. They'll appreciate it someday.

Re: DOES THIS WORK TO BRING UP A TEENAGER'S GRADES?

nunya — Tue, 06 Feb 2018 12:55:49 GMT

nothing more than a power trip.

Re: DOES THIS WORK TO BRING UP A TEENAGER'S GRADES?

JeanLouiseFinch — Tue, 06 Feb 2018 12:57:47 GMT

Not that it's right, but I have a feeling there might be more to this story than what the parents shared. I'm wondering if their thought process was that her grades were slipping because she was being lazy or going out with friends and not getting her homework done? Who knows, maybe a little ditching of class too? They decided to fix her wagon by keeping her busy with the house cleaning. No, that wouldn't help her grades any. And if the parents thought it would, they have other problems. Not that slipping grades are a crime that need to be punished, but by way of analogy, the punishment should fit the crime. The daughter obviously needs help, more encouragement, someone to get her focussed and back on track, even a tutor if necessary. With both parents working, it's possible she needs some real attention from them. She could be having emotional or social issues that are causing her grades to go down. Putting her to work got them a clean house but didn't do a lick for the daughter's better understanding of any of the subject matter or anything else she might be stuggling with.

We had kind of a similar situation when our kids were little. One of our kids was involved with a couple of other kids and got themselves into a little trouble at a neighbor's house. DH and I marched ours over there, to own up to it and apologize, and we put him to work at the neighbor's house cleaning their garage to make ammends for what he did wrong. The mom of the the other two made them clean their rooms or something equally ridiculous. They never had to face the neighbor, which I thought really stunk. They didn't learn a thing and ours pretty much shouldered the blame for the whole incident.

Re: DOES THIS WORK TO BRING UP A TEENAGER'S GRADES?

151949 — Tue, 06 Feb 2018 13:06:14 GMT

I think parents have to start at first grade impressing upon their children how important it is to get good grades and to teach them the importance of hard work.My father was taken out of school in third grade and put to work at Clark candy factory. He taught himself to read as his children did -- doing our homework with us. He was quick to point out to us all the things we couldn't have in life because we were poor but that people who are educated did have.

IMO - if your starting to try to change a child's way of thinking at age 16 - you are way too late and are unlikely to be successful.

Re: DOES THIS WORK TO BRING UP A TEENAGER'S GRADES?

CAMOGIRL — Tue, 06 Feb 2018 13:15:59 GMT

No.

But it probably did wonders for the teenager/parent resentment thing,,,

Re: DOES THIS WORK TO BRING UP A TEENAGER'S GRADES?

Vivian — Tue, 06 Feb 2018 13:21:44 GMT

I’ll tell you what my daughter and I did with my then-teen grandson. He was doing the minimum in high school. His grades were OK but we knew he could be doing better. I was an academic advisor at a university so my daughter asked me to talk to my grandson. Knowing that lectures don’t work, I crafted a deal. I told my grandson that I would finance a month at a local college near me. He’d live in the dorm, take a class of his choosing, and get a glimpse of college life...to see what could lie ahead if he put in more effort in high school. It was a special program for high school students.

The deal worked. My grandson had a fantastic experience. He loved his professor, got an A in the class, met some great kids, and saw what it was like to put in the effort on his way to college. When he returned to his senior year in high school, his grades improved, and he made the honor society. My grandson went to a state university, where he did very well. He graduated in 2016, got a great job, and was just promoted.

Teens learn more by direct experience than through lectures or even bribery. Cleaning the house was a totally negative experience. To expect a 16 year old to make the connection between house cleaning and academic excellence is wishful thinking. It’s punishment. Sending my grandson to a beautiful school where he was trusted to be on his own and do well sent the right message. It worked.

Re: DOES THIS WORK TO BRING UP A TEENAGER'S GRADES?

Bri36 — Tue, 06 Feb 2018 13:22:14 GMT

It depends on why I felt the grades were low - is this a new issue or an ongoing issue. Is it because of low test scores, late homework, coming late to class, not participating.

I would definitely talk to my child and the student and see what could be done.

My youngest daugher had a problem turning in assignments on time. I worked with the teacher to make sure it was rectified.

Cleaning the house from top to bottom has nothing to do with improving grades, IMO.

Re: DOES THIS WORK TO BRING UP A TEENAGER'S GRADES?

SahmIam — Tue, 06 Feb 2018 13:40:17 GMT

I'm there with a kid having grade issues. Their choice was a huge FAIL, IMHO.

There are many reasons (especially today) for low grades, especially if it isn't the norm for the child or that subject matter. They didn't help her OR the situation; obviously, the parents didn't want to be bothered so they ordered her to clean the house and went on their merry way.

That's kinda the norm today......

Re: DOES THIS WORK TO BRING UP A TEENAGER'S GRADES?

Winifred — Tue, 06 Feb 2018 13:55:22 GMT

What works for one may not work for another. I have a great grandson living with me and he is just plain lazy. He is now attending what is called a Community SChool and doing much much better. That does not mean he still does not have a way to go. The one thing which still makes his grades not as good as they should be is he is bone lazy. Have NOT found the right answer yet to get him to get his act together. I fault his MOther for being the culprit as he is her "baby" and quite frankly she does nothing to help and rewards him by buying junk food for him?. He is perhaps 70 pounds - at least - overweight. He comes home, sleeps and then stays up a lot at night and eats during the night. I cannot physically get him to the dentist or regular MD for checkups. He has this hangup about doing what HE wants and not much else. Not real simple as he is very bright but just has no desire to do anything. I have refused to replace his cell phone - almost a year now - and it did nothing to change him and that cell phone was his world. Laziness is the big issue and I suspect depression. His Dad raised him when he was younger and he did great. His Dad messed up and then my grandson floated and I took him in. At least he is being cared for and yes, his grades have come up from several years of all F's to now only two F's. Am grateful for that but like his teacher says if he does not want to work he simply puts his head down on the desk. This school works with the kids and that is good but would sure love to see him move faster. Changing to this school was one of the best things as they gear to kids not doing well. No homework which is a blessing as he would not do it.

So to me if a young one is doing nothing and they are assigned to clean at home, quite frankly that means they are doing something and hopefully it will pay off down the road. The electronics of today to me are not all good for some young ones. Life is different.

Re: DOES THIS WORK TO BRING UP A TEENAGER'S GRADES?

Group 5 minus 1 — Tue, 06 Feb 2018 14:00:40 GMT

Why did they want her grades to improve? She was old enought to make up her own mind.

And don't talk about college! Theret are many fine professions that do not need a college degree.

Re: DOES THIS WORK TO BRING UP A TEENAGER'S GRADES?

CrazyDaisy — Tue, 06 Feb 2018 14:03:24 GMT

wrote:
What works for one may not work for another. I have a great grandson living with me and he is just plain lazy. He is now attending what is called a Community SChool and doing much much better. That does not mean he still does not have a way to go. The one thing which still makes his grades not as good as they should be is he is bone lazy. Have NOT found the right answer yet to get him to get his act together. I fault his MOther for being the culprit as he is her "baby" and quite frankly she does nothing to help and rewards him by buying junk food for him?. He is perhaps 70 pounds - at least - overweight. He comes home, sleeps and then stays up a lot at night and eats during the night. I cannot physically get him to the dentist or regular MD for checkups. He has this hangup about doing what HE wants and not much else. Not real simple as he is very bright but just has no desire to do anything. I have refused to replace his cell phone - almost a year now - and it did nothing to change him and that cell phone was his world. Laziness is the big issue and I suspect depression. His Dad raised him when he was younger and he did great. His Dad messed up and then my grandson floated and I took him in. At least he is being cared for and yes, his grades have come up from several years of all F's to now only two F's. Am grateful for that but like his teacher says if he does not want to work he simply puts his head down on the desk. This school works with the kids and that is good but would sure love to see him move faster. Changing to this school was one of the best things as they gear to kids not doing well. No homework which is a blessing as he would not do it.

So to me if a young one is doing nothing and they are assigned to clean at home, quite frankly that means they are doing something and hopefully it will pay off down the road. The electronics of today to me are not all good for some young ones. Life is different.

Sorry you are in this situation, however you are correct there is no one correct answer. Not knowing the whole story it is impossible to judge this situation. Hope you are able to find something that works for you.