topic Re: Unexpected visit in Community Chat

Unexpected visit

LilacTree — Sat, 13 Jan 2018 18:03:32 GMT

Some of you may know that my oldest daughter and I have been estranged for many years. Last year I sent her several emails that opened the door toward reconciliation, but nothing ever happened.

Yesterday late afternoon I received an email from her that she would be stopping by later to take the daughter I live with out for her birthday, and would I like to see her. I said "of course."

They wound up having dinner here instead, and although I did not eat (way too late for me), we did sit together for three hours in the dining room. We exchanged polite conversation . . . nothing from the past brought up by anyone. It was very laid back and pleasant. No drama at all, including hugging and kissing . . . nothing like that. It was like a friend visiting.

I can't say it will lead to anything like a true reconciliation, but it was a first step, initiated by her. Since I will be 80 next week, perhaps she thought it was time, or maybe it was just happenstance. I don't know.

At 10:30 PM I excused myself, as I can't remember the last time I was up and out of bed that late. I told her it was good to see her again, and she responded in kind.

Re: Unexpected visit

Goldengate8361 — Sat, 13 Jan 2018 18:08:06 GMT

It’s really nice to hear this, @LilacTree. Sounds like a great step forward. Cheers!

Re: Unexpected visit

ROMARY — Sat, 13 Jan 2018 18:08:43 GMT

One wonderful step in the right direction. Wishing you and your daughters the very best. .

Re: Unexpected visit

cherry — Sat, 13 Jan 2018 18:11:26 GMT

It's at least better that it's been, there may be cause for hope

Re: Unexpected visit

SXMGirl — Sat, 13 Jan 2018 18:11:42 GMT

@LilacTree, so nice to hear that she did reach out and that you had a pleasant evening.

Re: Unexpected visit

Trinity11 — Sat, 13 Jan 2018 18:11:51 GMT

@LilacTree...music to my ears!!! Words cannot express how happy I am for you. This is a giant step ...an opening for you to get to know one another again.

Re: Unexpected visit

tansy — Sat, 13 Jan 2018 18:14:24 GMT

A step in the right direction🙂

Re: Unexpected visit

Sweet_Serenity — Sat, 13 Jan 2018 18:14:39 GMT

This is good news. You sound healthy no expectations. Having been there with my Father 12 yrs ago wounds healed. Both of us learned valuable lesson. Fast forward to present day Dad 94 healthy but alas clock is ticking quickly. Makes me thankful we are right. Praying for you and your family. May God bless you all. Sincerely.⚘

Re: Unexpected visit

LilacTree — Sat, 13 Jan 2018 18:18:00 GMT

@Trinity11 wrote:
@LilacTree...music to my ears!!! Words cannot express how happy I am for you. This is a giant step ...an opening for you to get to know one another again.

@Trinity11

Yes, I hope so. I really think it just sorta "happened." Sometimes things go better when unplanned. I think we both knew that this had to be drama-free, and it was.

I called both of my other daughters this morning and they were surprised, but seemed fine with it. Fingers crossed.

Re: Unexpected visit

cherry — Sat, 13 Jan 2018 18:19:14 GMT

@LilacTree are you feeling better?

Re: Unexpected visit

LilacTree — Sat, 13 Jan 2018 18:22:08 GMT

@Sweet_Serenity wrote:
This is good news. You sound healthy no expectations. Having been there with my Father 12 yrs ago wounds healed. Both of us learned valuable lesson. Fast forward to present day Dad 94 healthy but alas clock is ticking quickly. Makes me thankful we are right. Praying for you and your family. May God bless you all. Sincerely.⚘

@Sweet_Serenity

Thank you, Sweet Serenity. One slow step at a time and, hopefully, I will get to have my whole family back again. That would be my gift of a lifetime.

Re: Unexpected visit

LilacTree — Sat, 13 Jan 2018 18:24:58 GMT

@cherry wrote:
@LilacTree are you feeling better?

@cherry

From the UTI, cherry . . . yes, better. Still have two docs to go for the other issues. Have two more appointments near the end of the month. Thank you for asking.

Re: Unexpected visit

Mominohio — Sat, 13 Jan 2018 18:26:27 GMT

THis sounds like great news. and I can imagine you have mixed emotions about the whole thing right now.

I would be feeling cautious, not wanting to get my hopes up too much, just to be hurt later when things either didn't progress or actually went backward.

Dealing with adult children can be so much harder than I ever anticipated it could be.

I hope this opens the door to a better relationship than you have had in the past, and although you didn't ask for any advice, I would simply say to guard your heart a bit at this point in time, as I know the hurt will be immense should things revert back to the way it was.

In the meantime, tread lightly, give her space and try to remember you can only have the relationship with someone that they will allow you to have.

Re: Unexpected visit

meallen616 — Sat, 13 Jan 2018 18:28:33 GMT

Definitely a step in the right direction, happy for you!

Re: Unexpected visit

OKPrincess — Sat, 13 Jan 2018 18:31:34 GMT

@LilacTree One step at a time. I'm very happy for you and your family.

Re: Unexpected visit

LilacTree — Sat, 13 Jan 2018 18:41:17 GMT

@Mominohio wrote:
THis sounds like great news. and I can imagine you have mixed emotions about the whole thing right now.

I would be feeling cautious, not wanting to get my hopes up too much, just to be hurt later when things either didn't progress or actually went backward.

Dealing with adult children can be so much harder than I ever anticipated it could be.

I hope this opens the door to a better relationship than you have had in the past, and although you didn't ask for any advice, I would simply say to guard your heart a bit at this point in time, as I know the hurt will be immense should things revert back to the way it was.

In the meantime, tread lightly, give her space and try to remember you can only have the relationship with someone that they will allow you to have.

@Mominohio

Yes . . . I'm going to let her take the lead. I always maintained a relationship with my granddaughter, and she never interfered with that. I don't see my grandson, but nobody sees much of him. He's a 30 year old bachelor and has a thousand friends and they are always off somewhere.

But for right now, this is enough for me.

Re: Unexpected visit

LilacTree — Sat, 13 Jan 2018 18:45:26 GMT

@Trinity11 wrote:
@LilacTree...music to my ears!!! Words cannot express how happy I am for you. This is a giant step ...an opening for you to get to know one another again.

@Trinity11

Yes, we have both changed. She is very successful in real estate on LBI, so she is able to have the life she always wanted. Both she and my granddaughter love living in the city (Philadelphia).

Re: Unexpected visit

cherry — Sat, 13 Jan 2018 18:50:53 GMT

You are smart to go slow and let her lead. It's best not to try to make things happen too quickly. She might be still a bit difficult ,but, I am sure you know this

Re: Unexpected visit

goldensrbest — Sat, 13 Jan 2018 18:54:47 GMT

I think it is wonderful ,she stopped by to see her sister,and offer to take her out ,and you.

Re: Unexpected visit

LilacTree — Sat, 13 Jan 2018 18:54:53 GMT

@cherry wrote:
You are smart to go slow and let her lead. It's best not to try to make things happen too quickly. She might be still a bit difficult ,but, I am sure you know this

@cherry

Oh yes I do. She was never an easy person even as a child. I know I have to let her take the lead.

I don't think the two of them will ever be reunited, but I'll deal with that as it comes also. I won't even try to make that happen.