topic Re: a gift in Community Chat

a gift

esmerelda — Mon, 25 Dec 2017 02:06:08 GMT

I want to share with all of you an article written by the late Harry Browne...a dad...to his daughter. Some of the "old timers" here have seen this once or twice, as I have posted it several years at Christmas.

It expresses the basic truth about life that no one has to do anything for you or be what you want them to be or treat you the way you want to be treated...or even give you a thoughtful Christmas gift. And understanding this is one of the key signs of emotional maturity.

It is titled A Gift for my Daughter. The italics are mine for emphasis.

Enjoy! And merry Christmas!

December 20, 1966

To my 9-year-old daughter:

It’s Christmas and I have the typical problem of trying to know what to give to you. I know there are many things you might enjoy ~ games, books, clothes.

But I’m very selfish. I want to give you something that will last more than a few weeks or months in your mind. In fact, I want to give you a gift that will perhaps lead you to think of me on every Christmas to come in your life.

I have finally realized that if there were only one thing I could give you, I would want it to be a simple truth that took me many years to learn. If you can understand it now, it may enrich your life in hundreds of ways. And it may prevent hundreds of problems that have hurt people who have never learned it.

The truth is simply this:

No one owes you anything.

Now, how could such a simple statement have any great importance? You may not realize it now, but the
deep meaning behind it can bring you a thousand blessings.

It means that no one else is living for you, my child. Because no one is you. Each person is living for himself; his own happiness is all he can ever personally feel.

When you realize that it is no one’s duty to make you happy or give you what you want, you will be freed from the chains of expecting what can never be.

It means that no one has to love you. If someone loves you, it’s because there is something special about you that gives him happiness. Find out what that something special is and try to make it stronger in you, so that you'll be loved even more.

When people do things for you it's because they want to--because you, in some way, give them something meaningful that makes them want to please you, not because anyone owes you anything.

No one has to like you. If your friends want to be with you, it is not because it is their duty to be with you. Find out what makes others happy so they’ll want to be near you.

And no one has to respect you. Some people will even try to be unkind to you. But once you realize that people do not have to be good to you, and may not be good to you, you’ll learn to avoid those who would harm you. For you do not owe them anything either.

No one owes you anything.

You owe it to yourself to be the best person possible. Because if you are, others will want to be with you, want to provide you with the things you want in exchange for what you are giving to them.

Some people will choose not to associate with you for reasons that have nothing to do with you. When you know that this is true in a given case, look elsewhere for the relationships you want. Don’t make someone else’s problem your problem.

Once you learn that you must earn the love and respect of others, you will never expect the impossible and so you will never be disappointed. Others do not have to share their property with you nor their feelings nor their thoughts.

If they do, it is because you have earned these things. And you have every reason to be proud of the love you receive, your friends’ respect, the property you have earned. But don’t ever take them for granted. If you do, you’ll lose them. They’re not yours by right: you must always earn them.

It is not easy to sum up in a few words what has taken me years to learn. But maybe if you reread this gift each Christmas, the meaning will become a little clearer each year. I hope so, for I want more than anything else for you to understand this simple truth that can set you free: no one owes you anything.

Re: a gift

Big Joanie — Mon, 25 Dec 2017 02:37:50 GMT

I feel this is too deep for a nine year old ...

Re: a gift

Big Joanie — Mon, 25 Dec 2017 02:38:33 GMT

And a little dark i might add ....

Just an opinion of course ....

Re: a gift

SaRina — Mon, 25 Dec 2017 02:41:02 GMT

My immediate thought @Big Joanie. Maybe dad should've waited until at least 16. :-)

It's sad that it would take anyone "many years" to figure this out.

Re: a gift

Big Joanie — Mon, 25 Dec 2017 02:52:45 GMT

I could not agree with you more ....way too young ....

Re: a gift

gizmogal — Mon, 25 Dec 2017 03:09:15 GMT

I think this dad might be a little full of himself pouring all that out to a 9 year old as a ”gift”. Should have stuck to a game, book, or clothes like his first paragraph notes before he moves on to The Big Picture.

Teaching kids about life is best done at the separate teaching moments that arise as your child needs help through various experiences. Sending deep wisdom in a lump sum to a kid whose age is still single digits is a gift to show how much you know, probably inducing sone head scratching from the kid.

I don’t disagree with most of the points made by the dad’s views, but it’s a little pretentious to me in the context of “Merry Christmas, my 9 year old daughter”. About two years ago she was still believing in Santa Claus at Christmas. Now she gets philosophy, insight, and life lessons wrapped up under the tree?

Re: a gift

esmerelda — Mon, 25 Dec 2017 03:11:26 GMT

@Big Joanie No doubt the age of most posters here is greater than nine.

eta...and 16.

Re: a gift

Karie2022 — Mon, 25 Dec 2017 03:17:49 GMT

I’m sure she was thrilled with her “ gift” that year🙄

Re: a gift

Snowpuppy — Mon, 25 Dec 2017 03:33:29 GMT

That's too deep even for me.

Wonder where mom was?

Re: a gift

GenXmuse — Mon, 25 Dec 2017 04:07:03 GMT

Did you post this last year?

Re: a gift

JustJazzmom — Mon, 25 Dec 2017 04:19:02 GMT

It’s a pessimistic view. I’m an optimist. We need more love & caring in this world.

Re: a gift

proudlyfromNJ — Mon, 25 Dec 2017 04:26:14 GMT

@Bonanzajellybean wrote:
Did you post this last year?

@GenXmuse. She posts this every year. SSDD.

Re: a gift

GenXmuse — Mon, 25 Dec 2017 04:34:00 GMT

@proudlyfromNJ wrote:
@Bonanzajellybean wrote:
Did you post this last year?

@GenXmuse. She posts this every year. SSDD.

How very sad. Someone needs a hug. Lol at SSDD

Re: a gift

esmerelda — Mon, 25 Dec 2017 04:34:14 GMT

@JustJazzmom wrote:
It’s a pessimistic view. I’m an optimist. We need more love & caring in this world.

Respectfully, @JustJazzmom, it is not pessimistic. Pessimistic is being sad and complaining because somebody gave you a crummy gift when nobody owed you a gift to start with. It's people not respecting you because you haven't earned respect, not wanting to be around you because you are unpleasant.

Be "loving & caring" and there will be more of it in this world.

Re: a gift

proudlyfromNJ — Mon, 25 Dec 2017 04:37:41 GMT

@esmerelda wrote:
@JustJazzmom wrote:
It’s a pessimistic view. I’m an optimist. We need more love & caring in this world.
@JustJazzmom wrote:
It’s a pessimistic view. I’m an optimist. We need more love & caring in this world.
Respectfully, @JustJazzmom, it is not pessimistic. Pessimistic is being sad and complaining because somebody gave you a crummy gift when nobody owed you a gift to start with. It's people not respecting you because you haven't earned respect, not wanting to be around you because you are unpleasant.

Be "loving & caring" and there will be more of it in this world.

@esmerelda. Start again. You are wrong about everything as usual. I really think you are a pessimist. JMO.

Re: a gift

esmerelda — Mon, 25 Dec 2017 04:37:54 GMT

@Bonanzajellybean wrote:
Did you post this last year?

@GenXmuseYes, I post it just about every year. If you didn't see it last year it was because some of the same people who have commented this year posted similar comments last year and things got out of hand and the mods came in.

The same thing will likely happen this year because some people...well, they can't help themselves I guess. Can't see a viewpoint different than their own, aren't interested in considering maybe there is some truth and value to this article. And can't leave it for others to read and decide for themselves.

Re: a gift

Noel7 — Mon, 25 Dec 2017 04:44:35 GMT

@Big Joanie wrote:
I feel this is too deep for a nine year old ...

It’s also not true. No one owes her anything? Her parents owe her food, shelter and other basic necessities of life.

If Daddy doesn’t think so, Social Services will be happy to set him straight or legally charge him with child neglect. If Daddy doesn’t want to provide for her needs, his wages can be garnished.

Re: a gift

game-on — Mon, 25 Dec 2017 04:47:33 GMT

I dont know what age is appropriate to teach this.... but I agree with the principle....

I believe children learn from others.... so I think that as they live and have "hard knocks" that parents can tell them what they consider truths .... life is not easy.... we can not expect others to like or respect us unless we act in a respectful manner and are likeable.... hopefully parents will love their children enough to not distort their reality.

Re: a gift

esmerelda — Mon, 25 Dec 2017 05:05:35 GMT

@Noel7 wrote:
@Big Joanie wrote:
I feel this is too deep for a nine year old ...

It’s also not true. No one owes her anything? Her parents owe her food, shelter and other basic necessities of life.

If Daddy doesn’t think so, Social Services will be happy to set him straight or legally charge him with child neglect. If Daddy doesn’t want to provide for her needs, his wages can be garnished.

"When people do things for you it's because they want to--because you, in some way, give them something meaningful that makes them want to please you, not because anyone owes you anything."

Re: a gift

Noel7 — Mon, 25 Dec 2017 05:09:22 GMT

@esmerelda wrote:
@Noel7 wrote:
@Big Joanie wrote:
I feel this is too deep for a nine year old ...

It’s also not true. No one owes her anything? Her parents owe her food, shelter and other basic necessities of life.

If Daddy doesn’t think so, Social Services will be happy to set him straight or legally charge him with child neglect. If Daddy doesn’t want to provide for her needs, his wages can be garnished.
@Noel7 wrote:
@Big Joanie wrote:
I feel this is too deep for a nine year old ...

It’s also not true. No one owes her anything? Her parents owe her food, shelter and other basic necessities of life.

If Daddy doesn’t think so, Social Services will be happy to set him straight or legally charge him with child neglect. If Daddy doesn’t want to provide for her needs, his wages can be garnished.
"When people do things for you it's because they want to--because you, in some way, give them something meaningful that makes them want to please you, not because anyone owes you anything."

Try telling that to a judge in Family Court. Good luck.