topic Re: WHAT IF in Community Chat

WHAT IF

goldensrbest — Wed, 29 Nov 2017 19:12:39 GMT

If it was your husband , brother ,dad, etc. , that was being accused of this bad behavior, who would you believe?

Re: WHAT IF

BirdieGal — Wed, 29 Nov 2017 19:04:09 GMT

Evidence.

Re: WHAT IF

deepwaterdotter — Wed, 29 Nov 2017 19:12:45 GMT

@BirdieGal wrote:
Evidence.

Good answer.

Re: WHAT IF

Laura14 — Wed, 29 Nov 2017 19:15:48 GMT

Evidence can be manufactured especially these days.

Motive and/or potential loss or gain is usually a good indicator of where the truth may lie and it's always in between both stories.

Re: WHAT IF

CrazyDaisy — Wed, 29 Nov 2017 19:45:37 GMT

@deepwaterdotter wrote:
@BirdieGal wrote:
Evidence.
Good answer.

Unfortunately simply accusing a person can ruin their life.

Re: WHAT IF

I am still oxox — Wed, 29 Nov 2017 19:46:02 GMT

I was going to say truth but these day you can not even take that for granted

Re: WHAT IF

dex — Wed, 29 Nov 2017 19:49:11 GMT

@goldensrbest I think I would be inclined to believe the evidence no matter how hurtful.I always told my son that if you do something wrong the only thing left for you to do is find a way to make it right again.I don't know how you could begin to correct the wrongs against some of these women but I would think that they should be consulted on this matter..

Re: WHAT IF

Puppy Lips — Wed, 29 Nov 2017 19:50:16 GMT

This might be obvious, but I think if more than one person comes forward with accusations, especially if the two accusers don't know each other, then that gives more credibility to their stories. The more people who come forward, the more likely the bad behaviour is true.

Re: WHAT IF

software — Wed, 29 Nov 2017 20:21:00 GMT

My late husband and I found each other late in life.

He told me once that probably half the women he had previously dated were victims of sexual abuse. He never cheated on me or did anything to harm a woman in that way.

If he were ever accused, I would not believe it. I would need proof and he was the kind of guy who would admit it, if true.

He was not a saint in every aspect of his life but he did have empathy for women.

Re: WHAT IF

Scooby Doo — Wed, 29 Nov 2017 20:26:04 GMT

I think that if I have lived in the same house with that person, I would know who they are and what they are capable of doing. I don't turn a blind eye to people's actions, good or bad. I recognize a wolf in sheep's clothing. I was burned a few times in my youth and now I'm thankful to be older and wiser. Been there, done that, got it behind me.

Re: WHAT IF

blackhole99 — Wed, 29 Nov 2017 20:37:36 GMT

Years ago I went to a school function with my husband and was appalled when six teenage girls came running up to my husband and started hugging him in thanks for coming to their function. Also, A coworker whose daughter was a student of my husbands said her daughter mentioned how good looking and classy Mr. ------was and she asked me if my husband was available to tutor her for a math course she was taking in college to get her RN degree. I told her he was way too busy for tutoring. I told my husband he better be careful because he was way too popular at school. He said he knows how teenage girls are and he's never alone with them and always has his door open if someone stays after class. Thank God he got old and grouchy and the kids and their mothers let him alone. My point is, I think appearance's matter, so you better not put yourself in a position to have to defend yourself.

Re: WHAT IF

SilleeMee — Wed, 29 Nov 2017 20:37:50 GMT

I was a victim and so were my friends. I lived in silence for many years because I didn't think anyone would believe me. It was not me who came forward, but someone close enough to speak out and bring it to light to someone else who did take action. It was all too painful. When it comes to family, that's where this kind of thing starts and it goes on for generations. Covering up becomes a thing. I don't think it will ever go away.

Re: WHAT IF

Jackhound Mom — Wed, 29 Nov 2017 21:30:19 GMT

Dear SM,

I'm so sorry you were a victim! I wish it were easier to come forward about these things.

Still I can't believe people are being fired without a hearing or trial. I thought everyone was innocent until proven guilty. There must be overwhelming evidence right?

Years ago while working at my local Humaine Society a person I knew came in and roughed me up but something I said made him stop and he left. I was 18 and reported it to the police. This person had a record but 2 weeks later the PD told me it was my word against his! He bothered woman in my home town for years and finally assaulted someone and went to prison. I hope that my reporting what he did to me at least helped support the fact that he was trouble.

Again I hope that scar has healed for you and maybe you can help or warn someone else.

Cathy

Re: WHAT IF

SilleeMee — Wed, 29 Nov 2017 22:38:42 GMT

@Jackhound Mom,

Thank you.

That was a long time ago but if it happened today, there would be more jobs and marriages destroyed. But at the time, the wrong-doers were given a slap on the wrist and the abuse was mostly covered up like it was no big deal. It's that part that is most disturbing to me because I know that some of those bad people have gotten away with stuff for many years and it was always covered up in some way...a pay-off or threat was thrown to keep quiet. Troubling waters start in the home with family and until this is taken care of, there will be no solution imo. I wonder how many slaps on wrists were given to all the older men who are now being accused?

Re: WHAT IF

Jordan2 — Thu, 30 Nov 2017 03:11:07 GMT

That's a good question. I think if you know someone long enough, you know what they are capable of. I often think there are signs when a spouse cheats, the other person may try to excuse it away, may not want face the possible truth. I would hope I would have an open mind before I made my judgment.

Re: WHAT IF

zitawins — Wed, 29 Nov 2017 23:55:49 GMT

What I am afraid will happen is this will turn into a frantic witchhunt. All these accusations are Alleged not proven. Who knows if they're true? And one or two instances don't make a man a serial offender. I'm all for calling out those jerks, but, please, the employers like NBC and MPR are doing knee jerk reactions by fearful corporate types who don't want to lose their bottom line.

And I DON'T automatically believe the women. There may be all sorts of agendas and revenge motives involved, especially if someone didn't get a job or was let go for lack of talent.

I just want people to slow down and look at all the angles.

Re: WHAT IF

Cakers3 — Thu, 30 Nov 2017 00:01:59 GMT

If the men accused so far are admitting to inappropriate behavior, then what is the problem believing the women??

An accusation out of the blue with a man denying it is one thing; then we have the he said, she said situation.

When the accused admits to the accusation, apologizes (and not always genuinely) then for me it's a done deal.

DId it, admitted it, apology or no-who would say the accuser is lying?

Illogical.

Re: WHAT IF

LoveMyBaby — Thu, 30 Nov 2017 00:43:59 GMT

@dex wrote:
@goldensrbest I think I would be inclined to believe the evidence no matter how hurtful.I always told my son that if you do something wrong the only thing left for you to do is find a way to make it right again.I don't know how you could begin to correct the wrongs against some of these women but I would think that they should be consulted on this matter..

@dex I'm with you, regarding the bolded above. I am not going to stand by ANY family member if they did anything like this or worse. Some people stick by family 'no matter what'. Not me. There's right and wrong. The Facts, Truth or Lies.

Re: WHAT IF

SilleeMee — Thu, 30 Nov 2017 00:55:27 GMT

@LoveMyBaby wrote:
@dex wrote:
@goldensrbest I think I would be inclined to believe the evidence no matter how hurtful.I always told my son that if you do something wrong the only thing left for you to do is find a way to make it right again.I don't know how you could begin to correct the wrongs against some of these women but I would think that they should be consulted on this matter..
@dex I'm with you, regarding the bolded above. I am not going to stand by ANY family member if they did anything like this or worse. Some people stick by family 'no matter what'. Not me. There's right and wrong. The Facts, Truth or Lies.

Breaking a family apart because of sexual misconduct is easier said than done. It becomes a matter of survival for some people. When a family is torn, the comforts and security of being together are gone forever. That part is what makes it difficult to speak out because when you do there is no turning back.

Re: WHAT IF

Sweetbay magnolia — Thu, 30 Nov 2017 01:00:52 GMT

Accusations against my Dad, yes, I would believe the accuser.