topic Re: Thinking outside the box in Community Chat

Thinking outside the box

panda1234 — Tue, 07 Nov 2017 08:07:56 GMT

Was wondering, other than flowers and homemade food, what have you sent or done for a funeral? I would like to do something that will be useful for the family.

Re: Thinking outside the box

libbyannE — Tue, 07 Nov 2017 09:32:02 GMT

We send a card and flowers or a donation to the family's designated charity at the time. Then, a month or so later, I send food. Most friends and relatives are scattered around the country, so sending food involves either ordering something from an online vendor or having a full meal delivered from the deli of a local grocery store.

Re: Thinking outside the box

Lilysmom — Tue, 07 Nov 2017 09:37:35 GMT

@panda1234, my neighbor recently lost her mother. I sent food and offered to look after the dog while they were at the funeral home or at the service. LM

Re: Thinking outside the box

Pook — Tue, 07 Nov 2017 09:38:03 GMT

What is done a lot where I live is sending pizza or catered food to the funeral home as (at least in this area) they have rooms for food so the family and other morners can go to get away and grab something to eat.

Re: Thinking outside the box

panda1234 — Tue, 07 Nov 2017 11:55:17 GMT

@Pook that is a wonderful idea. I have never seen it done here, must be a regional thing. I am going to look into this, thanks.

Re: Thinking outside the box

panda1234 — Tue, 07 Nov 2017 11:58:54 GMT

@Lilysmom

I do want to be of help to them instead of just saying, let me know if there is anything I can do. They do have a dog that I could watch, I am going to offer. Thank you.

Re: Thinking outside the box

panda1234 — Tue, 07 Nov 2017 12:05:29 GMT

@libbyannE wrote:
We send a card and flowers or a donation to the family's designated charity at the time. Then, a month or so later, I send food. Most friends and relatives are scattered around the country, so sending food involves either ordering something from an online vendor or having a full meal delivered from the deli of a local grocery store.

Sending food at a later time, when everyone has forgotten is a great idea @libbyannE. She is my neighbor, so I may take her to lunch next month. I will save your idea for people out of town.

Re: Thinking outside the box

cherry — Tue, 07 Nov 2017 13:01:01 GMT

If there is a lot of people involved I think food is always a good thing. It takes a great deal of stress off of the mourners People need to eat and children are always hungry no matter what.

If it is just a couple, or a widow a lot of food might be a burden if many people do it

You could always give them a gift card for a meal ,from a restaurant, for a time they feel like going out

Re: Thinking outside the box

CalminHeart — Tue, 07 Nov 2017 13:07:52 GMT

A friend's husband just died. There are 4 of us who lunch with her once a month. We had full, cooked meals delivered from a grocerty store for a week so she wouldn't have to worry about feeding family, friends, herself.

Re: Thinking outside the box

Marp — Tue, 07 Nov 2017 13:16:38 GMT

@panda1234 wrote:
@libbyannE wrote:
We send a card and flowers or a donation to the family's designated charity at the time. Then, a month or so later, I send food. Most friends and relatives are scattered around the country, so sending food involves either ordering something from an online vendor or having a full meal delivered from the deli of a local grocery store.
Sending food at a later time, when everyone has forgotten is a great idea @libbyannE. She is my neighbor, so I may take her to lunch next month. I will save your idea for people out of town.

@panda1234, am I correct that your neighbor is newly widowed? If so one of the best things you can do for her "later" is visit with her and not be afraid of upsetting her by talking about her DH.

When my dad passed one of mom's major complaints is that friends and even most family did not want to talk about dad because they were afraid it would upset her or she would start crying again. She did get upset because they would not talk about dad and she wanted to.

Share memories with her. Let her tell you about how they met, encourage her to reminisce, show her that her DH may be gone but is not forgotten.

Most importantly, don't change your relationship with her. If you visited regularly continue to visit. Keep in mind that she is going through a dramatic change in her life and being alone may feel excluded because she is no longer part of a couple.

Be a shoulder, be an ear, be a friend.

Re: Thinking outside the box

Greeneyedlady21 — Tue, 07 Nov 2017 13:19:30 GMT

If there is a caregiver for the person who dies I would suggest something personal for them after some time has passed. Like a gift card to a salon if it's a she, or a movie theater gift card, or a clothing store or website gift card. Anything that's a treat just for them. For me it wouldn't be food but that's just my preference.

I know from experience that the caregiver is often a forgotten person. You never have anything that's just for you.

Re: Thinking outside the box

I am still oxox — Tue, 07 Nov 2017 13:23:47 GMT

When we were sitting shiva for my Mom we had two huge deli orders delivered and my neighbor brought up a fully catered chicken dinner.

We set out the food for the friends that came to see us and we still had enough food for several days

Re: Thinking outside the box

BirkiLady — Tue, 07 Nov 2017 16:46:01 GMT

I have paid a trusted person (often an off-duty fireman or police officer) to stay at the home of the family during the service. Too often those homes are targets for thiefs who have read the obituarys and know the wealthy families. My family has done this for over 60 years to protect our homes during family funerals in large cities.

Re: Thinking outside the box

summerwind — Tue, 07 Nov 2017 17:00:26 GMT

Sounds like you're in the same town. Offer to put up out-of-town friends/family, if you're able.

Re: Thinking outside the box

viva923 — Tue, 07 Nov 2017 17:02:21 GMT

sent money to charities of family choice. driving a family member who needs transportation at a particular time.

to doctor's, even pick up or taking someone to airport.

Re: Thinking outside the box

Goldengate8361 — Wed, 08 Nov 2017 03:21:17 GMT

@panda1234 This very unconventional but I gave a work colleague a nice card and a great CD of music that I happen to find particularly comforting and uplifting (it was classical type of music). I think he likes that kind of music anyway, so it made a very personal, sincere “bereavement” gift.

Re: Thinking outside the box

dex — Wed, 08 Nov 2017 16:12:28 GMT

@Marp that is beautiful and thoughtful advice.

Re: Thinking outside the box

Plaid Pants2 — Wed, 08 Nov 2017 16:27:29 GMT

When one of my co-workers lost his father several years ago, I got him a $25 gift card to Subway, when he came back to work.

He was single, so that way, he wouldn't have to worry about food for awhile.

Re: Thinking outside the box

shoptilyadropagain — Wed, 08 Nov 2017 16:43:47 GMT

As someone has mentioned, I've seen food delivered/taken to the funeral home for the family to grab a quick bite to eat in between afternoon and evening calling hours. I've seen deli & cheese platters along with chicken salad, and then there are usually chips & side salads, bread, crackers & condiments and cookies or brownies.

Another non-flower/plant idea is that many flower shops are carrying inspirational or religious chimes & throws along with nice candles, ceramic angels, etc. My work sends the chimes or throw to the funeral home for their employee's families.

I've also waited 3 or 4 weeks and taken the individual out for dinner.

Re: Thinking outside the box

Shanus — Wed, 08 Nov 2017 16:49:31 GMT

@panda1234 wrote:
Was wondering, other than flowers and homemade food, what have you sent or done for a funeral? I would like to do something that will be useful for the family.

@panda1234 If any younger children are in the family or children as family visitors, the long hours of hanging around get boring. I show up with my coloring books, crayons, waterproof markers and sketch pads & look for a quiet room to take them & give them a break.