topic Re: NUMB TO EVERYTHING in Community Chat

NUMB TO EVERYTHING

vicki is ok — Sat, 30 Sep 2017 06:47:10 GMT

I use to come in here all the time, but my husband became ill 4 months ago with what we thought was something he could get over(kidney issues). After a long 4 months he was told there was nothing they could do. We came home from hospital and went into Hospice.

Monday, Sept, 25th he passed away. I feel nothing now. No happiness, no pain, no hope. Is this normal? We were married 32 years and I try so hard to keep postive for our disabled daughter who is 23.

I'm sorry if I'm posting this in the wrong place.

Re: Numb To Everything

SarahW — Sat, 30 Sep 2017 06:26:56 GMT

I'm so very sorry for your loss, Vicki. I imagine you are still in shock, so please take care of yourself. My sincerest condolences and good wishes to you.

Re: Numb To Everything

BirkiLady — Sat, 30 Sep 2017 06:40:54 GMT

Sincere condolences. Recently lost my mom after 14 years as a dementia patient . . . and yes, you are in shock. This is the body's natural coping process. Don't make any huge changes for at least one year. You will go through the stages of grief and the tears will flow. They are so healthy and nothing to be embarrased about; let them flow naturally whenever and wherever. My heart grieves with you for your loss.

Do you have a place offering classes on the stages of grief? Some people find great comfort from the fellowship and information provided. Check into it please through a Church, hospital, or even the mortuary for additional information in your community.

Warm hugs and best wishes for you.

Re: Numb To Everything

dooBdoo — Sat, 30 Sep 2017 06:40:47 GMT

I'm so sorry, @vicki is ok. I agree with @SarahW's and @BirkiLady's thoughtful posts. What you're feeling is normal. Please give yourself time and be gentle and forgiving with yourself. My prayers for you and all who love your dear husband, may he rest in peace and live on in your memories and your celebration of his life.❤️

Re: Numb To Everything

vicki is ok — Sat, 30 Sep 2017 06:42:47 GMT

Thank you so much for your quick replies. We were in the process of moving back to our home state in Indiana when all of this started.

I still want to move there so that our daughter can be near family.

I have cried many tears while he was ill and as he was dying, but now I feel nothing. I loved him greatly and I just don't understand why I can't cry anymore.

Re: Numb To Everything

dooBdoo — Sat, 30 Sep 2017 06:41:50 GMT

BirkiLady wrote:
Sincere condolences. Recently lost my mom after 14 years as a dementia patient . . . and yes, you are in shock. This is the body's natural coping process. Don't make any huge changes for at least one year. You will go through the stages of grief and the tears will flow. They are so healthy and nothing to be embarrased about; let them flow naturally whenever and wherever. My heart grieves with you for your loss.

Do you have a place offering classes on the stages of grief? Some people find great comfort from the fellowship and information provided. Check into it please through a Church, hospital, or even the mortuary for additional information in your community.
Warm hugs and best wishes for you.

(((@BirkiLady)))❤️

Re: Numb To Everything

BirkiLady — Sat, 30 Sep 2017 06:46:54 GMT

You may have grieved while your husband was so ill. Cannot answer that question. We all grieve differently. I didn't cry much; but when the tears hit, it was always in an akward place. I decided to let them fall since they were so seldom. Family and friends were fine and understood.

In you case, if moving was already in the plans go ahead and do so. Your daughter already know of the impending move and is planning on it. It's not an unheaval for her. Best wishes on your new life.

Re: NUMB TO EVERYTHINS

beach-mom — Sat, 30 Sep 2017 06:49:39 GMT

@vicki is ok - I am so sorry. From my experience, sometimes the tears just don't come right away, but they will later. You might be in a state of disbelief, and you said you are trying to be positive for your disabled daughter. Do you have a close friend or family member you can sit with and confide in? Also, you might want to get join a support group for widows and widowers. You will be able to talk about your feelings there. As others have said, be sure and take care of yourself. And know we are all thinking of you. I will be praying for you and your daughter.

Re: NUMB TO EVERYTHINS

daisyk — Sat, 30 Sep 2017 06:51:15 GMT

@vicki is ok...I'm so very sorry for your loss. I haven't lost my husband, but I have lost a daughter and many other loved ones. As others have mentioned, I think it's really normal to be numb at this point. Everyone does grieve differently. Be gentle with yourself and try not to have too many expectations of yourself. When you're feeling up to it, try a bereavement group-either one that meets in person or I found some online groups that were great. It really helps to connect with others going through the same thing, even it you're not really social by nature, which I am not. Prayers for you and your daughter.

Re: NUMB TO EVERYTHING

LTT1 — Sat, 30 Sep 2017 07:59:45 GMT

@vicki is ok

I am so very sorry for your loss.

Re: NUMB TO EVERYTHING

Nataliesgramma — Sat, 30 Sep 2017 09:17:54 GMT

So sorry for your loss.....

Re: NUMB TO EVERYTHING

Beth-QVC — Sat, 30 Sep 2017 09:33:53 GMT

This post has been removed by QVC because it is religious

Re: NUMB TO EVERYTHING

on the bay — Sat, 30 Sep 2017 09:50:28 GMT

I'm so sorry for such a great loss to you @vicki is ok.

I remember your name because I like the sound of it.

Vicki is ok.

But I know you don't feel ok at all right now and I do think it is shock.

Just so hard to imagine how everything keeps happening around you when someone you have loved and lived with is not there.

I hope that you will feel him in your life and heart and take all the comfort and love you can from the ones who love you and take all the time you need to feel like Vicki is ok again.

My mother joined a bereavement group when her husband died and said it meant the world to her. She still remains friends with that group today.

I could never imagine myself doing this but I have heard so many say it helps so much. But take your time to do whatever you need to do especially if it is just nothing.It takes time and healing to imagine a new world without someone so dear to you. I hope you find all the comfort and love surrounding you that is there from those who love you.

Re: NUMB TO EVERYTHING

panda1234 — Sat, 30 Sep 2017 09:57:49 GMT

You have had your world turned upside down, so very sorry for you and your daughter. Hospice will be checking in on you. They also offer some type of program for dealing with what has happened. You may need medication to get you through this. Unfortunately, being responsible for your daughter, you have to keep things going and move forward with the everyday things you might not feel like doing. I too have a disabled 22 year old daughter so I somewhat know your position. I could not do what I do without the support of my husband. Please keep us posted.

Re: NUMB TO EVERYTHING

gidgetgh — Sat, 30 Sep 2017 10:16:05 GMT

@vicki is ok- I'm so sorry to read about the loss of your husband. Sending my deepest sympathies to you and your daughter.

I think feeling numb is absolutely normal. Maybe it's your body's way of protecting you.

Re: NUMB TO EVERYTHING

qualitygal — Sat, 30 Sep 2017 10:35:17 GMT

I too, am very sorry for your loss. Know we're thinking of you and your family. I think what you are going through is part of the process we go through. My best to you and yours.

Re: NUMB TO EVERYTHING

AuntG — Sat, 30 Sep 2017 10:36:45 GMT

You went from what you hoped was a treatable illness to hospice so that alone was a shock. I think your feelings are normal. It's probably best that you carry out your plan to move, but that will be another adjustment so be gentle on yourself as you get back on your feet.

Re: NUMB TO EVERYTHING

AngelPuppy1 — Sat, 30 Sep 2017 10:42:33 GMT

@vicki is ok wrote:
I use to come in here all the time, but my husband became ill 4 months ago with what we thought was something he could get over(kidney issues). After a long 4 months he was told there was nothing they could do. We came home from hospital and went into Hospice.

Monday, Sept, 25th he passed away. I feel nothing now. No happiness, no pain, no hope. Is this normal? We were married 32 years and I try so hard to keep postive for our disabled daughter who is 23.

I'm sorry if I'm posting this in the wrong place.

@vicki is ok

My deepest condolences to you and your family. You have been through such an ordeal and are suffering a terrible loss. Any feeling that you have right now is normal. And you will have so many different ones. The fact that your husband was ill for some time did in a way give you chance to do some grieving. You, no doubt, have cired so many tears, that you are just worn out. But I do think that what you are feeling is a type of shock. Your body is in survival mode --- the best way it knows how to deal with such a horrible event. You will go through many phases of grief before your release will come to you in a way that you feel is a catharsis of a type. Blessings to you.

Re: NUMB TO EVERYTHING

phoenixbrd — Sat, 30 Sep 2017 14:41:22 GMT

So sorry for your loss. Others have given great advice, be gentle with yourself during this challenging transition.

Re: NUMB TO EVERYTHING

meallen616 — Sat, 30 Sep 2017 10:50:38 GMT

I am so sorry for your loss, please give yourself time,