topic Re: Thank yous - what is proper etiquette these days? in Community Chat

Thank yous - what is proper etiquette these days?

shellbeach — Mon, 25 Sep 2017 23:26:43 GMT

I know this subject as been covered before as far as whether or not thank you notes have become a thing of the past. With all the digital communication today, I am good with an email or even a text.

I sent money to my goddaughter a few months ago for her birthday and then, a couple weeks later, sent another monetary gift for her high school graduation. I never got any kind of acknowledgment on either gift. I am wondering if it is impolite for me to ask if these cards were received, or just let it go? I was raised to always write a note, but I guess those days long gone. Just wondering what others do if they don't hear any kind of response.

Re: Thank yous - what is proper etiquette these days?

DiAnne — Mon, 25 Sep 2017 23:29:04 GMT

I would ask either her or her mother. In my family thank-you notes are still written and sent - or at least thank-you phone calls.

Re: Thank yous - what is proper etiquette these days?

dal23 — Mon, 25 Sep 2017 23:30:12 GMT

I do believe that the official Emily Post position on this is that it's perfecly fine to inquire as to whether your gifts have arrived.

Re: Thank yous - what is proper etiquette these days?

sweetee2 — Mon, 25 Sep 2017 23:33:42 GMT

Next time I would see or talk to her or her mother, I would ask if they received your gifts or not because you didn't hear anything. I'm done being nice. That was rude.

Re: Thank yous - what is proper etiquette these days?

Noel7 — Mon, 25 Sep 2017 23:36:40 GMT

@dal23 wrote:
I do believe that the official Emily Post position on this is that it's perfecly fine to inquire as to whether your gifts have arrived.

I've asked. Perhaps it wasn't delivered. If it was, I like to know that. I don't keep sending gifts or money if there is no response that it was received.

Re: Thank yous - what is proper etiquette these days?

fthunt — Mon, 25 Sep 2017 23:36:57 GMT

Impolite? You must be kidding - you thought enough of her to remember - you thought enough to send a gift (not once but twice) and you think a simple Thank You in some form is "IMPOLITE?" I would call this young lady and put her on the spot - forget Mom - she hasn't raised her daughter properly in this area. I would bluntly ask - did you received the two gifts I sent? And did you like them? Put her on the spot.

Re: Thank yous - what is proper etiquette these days?

millieshops — Mon, 25 Sep 2017 23:37:47 GMT

I have no idea what etiquette says, but I say write a thank you.

If I'd sent cash or a gift card, I'd call just to be sure, but if I'd sent a check as I usually do and it was cashed, I know. I know it was received and I know I'm going to stop expecting a thank you. If that really eats into me, I will not be sending gifts in the future. Now I'm responsible for how I feel and what I do about it.

Re: Thank yous - what is proper etiquette these days?

jackthebear — Mon, 25 Sep 2017 23:39:23 GMT

@shellbeach wrote:
I know this subject as been covered before as far as whether or not thank you notes have become a thing of the past. With all the digital communication today, I am good with an email or even a text.

I sent money to my goddaughter a few months ago for her birthday and then, a couple weeks later, sent another monetary gift for her high school graduation. I never got any kind of acknowledgment on either gift. I am wondering if it is impolite for me to ask if these cards were received, or just let it go? I was raised to always write a note, but I guess those days long gone. Just wondering what others do if they don't hear any kind of response.

was it a check, then you would know

if it was cash then you need to know either way

ask just to make your point,

and perhaps rethink your gift policy going forward, just saying

Re: Thank yous - what is proper etiquette these days?

Annabellethecat66 — Mon, 25 Sep 2017 23:45:23 GMT

Ahhhhh! You've just hit upon my pet peeve! That would be people not sending out thank you notes.

I raised my 3 daughters if someone does a kindness or gives you something, you take the time to write a thank you note to acknowledge it.

I am proud to say they do and the 2 daughters with the 7 children among them have their children do it also. My youngest daughter has no children but she also ALWAYS sends thank you notes.

They send them to me all of the time (I assume they send them to others also). It's so cute to receive a thank you from a grandchild who's scribbled on the page. I save all of them throughout the years.

When my girls lived at home and we took trips they would draw a picture and write thank you to my husband and myself. Not a big deal, just a little note that would show up.

It seems to be a lost art these days with others. If you really want to get on my wrong side don't acknowledge something I've sent you. I don't want anything more than a line or two (hand written), just a short note.

Why? Because it takes a few minutes to make or purchase the note, address it, put a stamp on it and mail it. That's why.

Don't be sending me a text message or email. Take a few minutes and send me (in the mail) a note.

Ugh! That's how I feel about this subject. I don't want to hear about people being too busy or any other excuse. I have given my little sister thousands of dollars over the years to buy several cars, pay her rent and so on. So far I have yet to get a real thank you note.

I've gotten the word to her that the next time she can go somewhere else for the money. That's how strongly I feel about this. I've over-looked this lack of appreciation long enough.

Re: Thank yous - what is proper etiquette these days?

blackhole99 — Mon, 25 Sep 2017 23:55:52 GMT

You got burned once and you went back for more. We always send the nieces and nephews a generous gift of cash when they graduate from high school. My sisters kids always sent a hand written note thanking us for the generous gift. My husbands nieces and nephews never acknowledged the gift, so my thinking was they didn't want or need the gift. I never gave them anything again. Kids are not stupid, you don't have to be raised by Miss Manners to know you should thank someone when they care enough to give you a gift.

Re: Thank yous - what is proper etiquette these days?

shellbeach — Mon, 25 Sep 2017 23:59:13 GMT

For those asking, I sent cold hard cash - I know, lesson learned. I will ask the kid and be sure her mom knows when I do. I will definitely rethink my preferences as far as my gift giving (or lack thereof) in the future.

Re: Thank yous - what is proper etiquette these days?

Reva — Tue, 26 Sep 2017 00:00:25 GMT

The previous poster echos my feelings exactly. I gave someone a gift card almost a month ago and never received a thank you in any form. I am so disappointed in that person. I also have relatives that I gifted repeatedly in the past and the gifts were never acknowledged. I decided enough is enough and have stopped with all the gifts. I remember a quote from Ann Landers saying something to the effect...nobody can take advantage of you unless you let them.

Re: Thank yous - what is proper etiquette these days?

Barb114 — Tue, 26 Sep 2017 00:11:43 GMT

Unfortunatey, with this generation there is No etiquette nowadays. It is so sad.

Re: Thank yous - what is proper etiquette these days?

Mom2Dogs — Tue, 26 Sep 2017 00:13:06 GMT

@Annabellethecat66...I so agree with you. I have a lot of saved thank you notes and drawings from my sisters kids....they are so fun to pull out and look at.

We are waiting on a thank you from our granddaughter for her birthday money....we did not call her on her birthday but her gift arrived on time, that I know, she could have called and said thanks...still waiting, and I am just about done with birthday gifts for grandkids, we rarely get a thanks nor we do get our birthdays acknowledged!

Re: Thank yous - what is proper etiquette these days?

Mom2Dogs — Tue, 26 Sep 2017 00:16:16 GMT

@shellbeach...I would ask if the gift was received....and I think this is the last year for our 16 year old granddaughter....we never get a thank you.

Re: Thank yous - what is proper etiquette these days?

misscecille — Tue, 26 Sep 2017 00:16:16 GMT

For 10 years I would send my godson a birthday card with a check in it. I knew the cards/checks were received because of my bank statement. Well, I decided when he turned 13 I would just send him a card. He called(only time) to thank me but said "you forgot to put a check in it." I told him I deliberately left a check out because he never called to thank me. His response was, "oh okay." Never heard another word from him and that was 15 years ago.

Re: Thank yous - what is proper etiquette these days?

SeaMaiden — Tue, 26 Sep 2017 00:28:26 GMT

When I was old enough to write, my father made my sister and I sit down and write ThankYou letters every time we received a gift from family or friends. It was instilled in us to do this and as an adult I have continued to do so. Now this was in the 1960's....maybe today this is no longer something parents teach children. Paper and pen.....but even a phone call saying ThankYou is better than nothing.

Re: Thank yous - what is proper etiquette these days?

Julie928 — Tue, 26 Sep 2017 00:34:28 GMT

@shellbeach ~ I'm sorry you never received an acknowledgment of your gifts. I write thank you notes for everything. I love beautiful note cards, stamps, stickers, all those things. If it were me, I would let it go because my guess is she received both your gifts but just isn't inclined to send a note or make a phone call. Then that would be that. Next birthday, holiday, whatever ~ a verbal "Happy ~~~" would be it. I can't tell you how many times this has happened to me. It has happened from many different people, but it only happened once for each of those people. I remember a couple years ago we gave our neighbor's daughter a birthday present. We handed it to her over the fence with the parents standing there. The mother asked if we would like some birthday cake and we said yes, thank you! She went inside to get the cake and never came back out, lol! Yeah, we felt a little stupid standing there waiting. (A bit off-topic but just had to share that one)! ;-)

Re: Thank yous - what is proper etiquette these days?

CHIP62 — Tue, 26 Sep 2017 00:35:07 GMT

@sweetee2,

Well said!🌻

Re: Thank yous - what is proper etiquette these days?

NicksmomESQ — Tue, 26 Sep 2017 00:52:01 GMT

I too am sick & tired of not receiving thank you notes or phone calls acknowledging my generosity. I taught my now 25 year old son to always say thank you & he does.It’s the right thing to do,period!!

I was a generous gift giver.Now I’m very selective as to whom I give to & how much.Over the past several years I’ve given gifts for every occasion imaginable including weddings. I’ve gotten very few acknowledgements.I now give fewer gifts & spend less on each one.

I guess people think they’re entitled to receive gifts.They feel thank you isn’t necessary. I disagree!! If you’re not appreciative enough to acknowledge my Kindness you get nothing!!

Oh & if you never had time to spend with me don’t invite me to your celebrations because you heard I’m generous. Because I won’t go nor will I send a check!!