topic Re: Friendship over because hurricane Harvey in Community Chat

Friendship over because hurricane Harvey

madie — Thu, 31 Aug 2017 15:03:56 GMT

I am in Houston and emotions are high I'm looking for a rational advice about a situation. Was I in the wrong for not helping my friend I feel very guilty about not helping my friend but when I go back and replay the events I'm wondering if my friend was asking too much. This is a situation. My friend lives in a high flood zone the house she bought flooded six times previously but she bought it anyway ,since she has lived there the house flooded last year with just some heavy rain. She and her husband own five dogs two pigs and chickens.Houston was made aware of the storm on Wednesday but the rains did not arrive until Saturday. I spent the next few days preparing my home reinforcing fences, getting gas ,animal food ,aerators for my saltwater tank, preparing our generator, cutting limbs from trees, Etc. My friend seemed in denial and kept saying sentences like" if "their house floods. They did almost no preparation for their animals. Even after the first flood they did not purchase any type of animal trailers to move the animals out of the area . My friend's husband put a tent at the edge of their property because he knew the house was going to be underwater. And yet made no arrangement for his animals. I saw them on Thursday my friend seemed in denial and her husband was acting like the hurricane was a joke. Both my friend and her husband were off of work Monday through Thursday I feel they had plenty of time to prepare. My friend works the weekends at the hospital so she was not going to be home during the hurricane. Saturday comes the hurricane makes landfall south of Houston and it starts raining my husband and I were clearing out our garage to fit our cars in. I get a text from my friend who is up at the hospital working " hey I'm going to need you to go get some of my stuff the water is going to be really high" I get a text from her husband " emergency I only have hours can you come get the dog"( he only cares about one dog I don't know what happened to the rest) their house is half an hour north of mine I have to cross the San Jacinto River and a creek to get to their house the rains had already started so I told them no I was not risking driving from a safe part of town into a flash flood area. At that point the husband became irritated with me and kept telling me the streets are open he just said he went to Walmart and Taco Bell and all the streets are clear. At that point I offered for him to come and stay at our house I even told him he can bring all the animals five dogs and two pigs and he can cage the chickens I didn't care we could keep them in the garage. Even though we already took in another guest , I have my own animals and we just have a Suburban house I still opened my house up to let him stay or even just drop off the animals. He became even more agitated with me and went on and on about how he has so much to do and only hours to do it and didn't have time. I tried to be sympathetic but I explained that I was not driving into an area that flash floods. Once I told my friend and her husband no my friend refused to contact me anymore. After the storm her husband contacted me to inform me that the dog drowned. I was heartbroken as I am an animal lover and I like the dog I have no idea what happened to the rest of the animals I am just heartbroken. It was clear through his text that he blamed me for not going to pick up his dog. I got very angry and sent an angry text about how he was irresponsible and had all week to prepare and if he could go to Taco Bell he could have driven to our house and dropped off the dog. Now again I feel guilty for losing my temper at people whose house flooded and animal died I should have remained more level-headed and realize their emotions were high. No matter who was in the wrong if I had driven through the rain the dog would have been saved that is what is tearing me up. But on the other hand they had plenty of time to prepare and did nothing and waited till the streets were not safe and then ask for help and when I didn't want to risk me or my family they got mad. I guess I am debating whether to try and apologize and have sympathy for my friend and help her through an yet another flood or if I should just turn my back and let them be on their own.

Re: Friendship over because hurricane Harvey

Barbara-QVC — Thu, 31 Aug 2017 15:05:15 GMT

This post has been removed by QVC because it is unkind.

Re: Friendship over because hurricane Harvey

ValuSkr — Thu, 31 Aug 2017 15:08:51 GMT

If their house was under water, wouldn't a tent at the edge of their property also be under water?

Re: Friendship over because hurricane Harvey

Trinity11 — Thu, 31 Aug 2017 15:10:00 GMT

First of all.....welcome to the forums @madie.

I think you did everything you could. Clearly, your friend is not thinking straight and lashing out at you is their coping mechanism.

Give it all some time and hopefully, they will apologize to you when they are under less stress. If not, you did nothing wrong. Your conscience should be clear.

Re: Friendship over because hurricane Harvey

Snoopp — Thu, 31 Aug 2017 15:10:06 GMT

These people are idiots. You did nothing wrong. You made a generous offer to house them. It was their choice to be irresponsible.

Re: Friendship over because hurricane Harvey

madie — Thu, 31 Aug 2017 15:14:41 GMT

Re: Friendship over because hurricane Harvey

IamMrsG — Thu, 31 Aug 2017 15:15:59 GMT

All through this narration, I was reminded of Aesop's fable about the ant and the grasshopper.

@madie This feels very much to me as a one sided friendship, and not much of a 'loss'. Stay safe.

Re: Friendship over because hurricane Harvey

catchersmom — Thu, 31 Aug 2017 15:16:11 GMT

@madie I'm sure you must be very distraught, but you are not responsible for their responsibilities. They may be directing their anger for the outcome at you (safe, easy outlet) but it is up to you not to accept that anger.

It's a sad situation and that poor dog but there is no guarantee you would have made it safely there to intervene anyway.

@fthunt thank goodness you weren't too bored to reply before leaving the thread

Re: Friendship over because hurricane Harvey

madie — Thu, 31 Aug 2017 15:16:46 GMT

I understand not for everybody I was just looking for advice and a calm head to help with high emotions 😉

Re: Friendship over because hurricane Harvey

QVCkitty1 — Thu, 31 Aug 2017 15:22:35 GMT

You did what you could, and they did nothing to prepare. Don't beat yourself up. I wouldn't call them friends.

Re: Friendship over because hurricane Harvey

I am still oxox — Thu, 31 Aug 2017 15:22:47 GMT

Your type is so small I needed to copy and enlarge the page. Unless you are are on a tablet you can add paragraphs and make the font larger.

You did offer and they did not take you up on it, I understand that you are upset about their fur baby but their hard hardness is not your fault

@madie wrote:
I am in Houston and emotions are high I'm looking for a rational advice about a situation. Was I in the wrong for not helping my friend I feel very guilty about not helping my friend but when I go back and replay the events I'm wondering if my friend was asking too much. This is a situation. My friend lives in a high flood zone the house she bought flooded six times previously but she bought it anyway ,since she has lived there the house flooded last year with just some heavy rain. She and her husband own five dogs two pigs and chickens.Houston was made aware of the storm on Wednesday but the rains did not arrive until Saturday. I spent the next few days preparing my home reinforcing fences, getting gas ,animal food ,aerators for my saltwater tank, preparing our generator, cutting limbs from trees, Etc. My friend seemed in denial and kept saying sentences like" if "their house floods. They did almost no preparation for their animals. Even after the first flood they did not purchase any type of animal trailers to move the animals out of the area . My friend's husband put a tent at the edge of their property because he knew the house was going to be underwater. And yet made no arrangement for his animals. I saw them on Thursday my friend seemed in denial and her husband was acting like the hurricane was a joke. Both my friend and her husband were off of work Monday through Thursday I feel they had plenty of time to prepare. My friend works the weekends at the hospital so she was not going to be home during the hurricane. Saturday comes the hurricane makes landfall south of Houston and it starts raining my husband and I were clearing out our garage to fit our cars in. I get a text from my friend who is up at the hospital working " hey I'm going to need you to go get some of my stuff the water is going to be really high" I get a text from her husband " emergency I only have hours can you come get the dog"( he only cares about one dog I don't know what happened to the rest) their house is half an hour north of mine I have to cross the San Jacinto River and a creek to get to their house the rains had already started so I told them no I was not risking driving from a safe part of town into a flash flood area. At that point the husband became irritated with me and kept telling me the streets are open he just said he went to Walmart and Taco Bell and all the streets are clear. At that point I offered for him to come and stay at our house I even told him he can bring all the animals five dogs and two pigs and he can cage the chickens I didn't care we could keep them in the garage. Even though we already took in another guest , I have my own animals and we just have a Suburban house I still opened my house up to let him stay or even just drop off the animals. He became even more agitated with me and went on and on about how he has so much to do and only hours to do it and didn't have time. I tried to be sympathetic but I explained that I was not driving into an area that flash floods. Once I told my friend and her husband no my friend refused to contact me anymore. After the storm her husband contacted me to inform me that the dog drowned. I was heartbroken as I am an animal lover and I like the dog I have no idea what happened to the rest of the animals I am just heartbroken. It was clear through his text that he blamed me for not going to pick up his dog. I got very angry and sent an angry text about how he was irresponsible and had all week to prepare and if he could go to Taco Bell he could have driven to our house and dropped off the dog. Now again I feel guilty for losing my temper at people whose house flooded and animal died I should have remained more level-headed and realize their emotions were high. No matter who was in the wrong if I had driven through the rain the dog would have been saved that is what is tearing me up. But on the other hand they had plenty of time to prepare and did nothing and waited till the streets were not safe and then ask for help and when I didn't want to risk me or my family they got mad. I guess I am debating whether to try and apologize and have sympathy for my friend and help her through an yet another flood or if I should just turn my back and let them be on their own.

Re: Friendship over because hurricane Harvey

Goodie2shoes — Thu, 31 Aug 2017 15:23:27 GMT

I read your story in it's entirety and I am sorry for all of the devastation this storm has brought to all there in Houston and other areas of Texas. I think you did the right thing by making sure you and your family were prepared as much as possible and agree that your friend should have also made sure they were prepared as much as possible especially when they knew the home had flooded 6 times before. They have to take some responsibilty for what happened to their pet, not your fault, they are adults. If he could go to Taco Bell he could have brought the pet to you so don't beat yourself up over this, hopefully they will soon understand their mistakes and move on with your friendship. Stay safe, God bless

Re: Friendship over because hurricane Harvey

madie — Thu, 31 Aug 2017 15:26:02 GMT

their property is quite large and the street is actually The High Ground they have a creek behind their house. in a previous flood the street was not covered in water so I guess he thought this was safe ground.

Re: Friendship over because hurricane Harvey

freakygirl — Thu, 31 Aug 2017 16:48:56 GMT

so sorry you had to go through such an unfortunate situation. to your so called friends, i'd say good riddance. they went from totally irresponsible to totally obnoxious. i feel bad about the dog too, but the husband has got to live with the fact that it was his fault. although i doubt those two are sensible enough to realize that. you have nothing to feel guilty about. you did all you could. absolutely no need to apologize to them.

Re: Friendship over because hurricane Harvey

2blonde — Thu, 31 Aug 2017 15:29:39 GMT

@madie I am so sorry your "friends" put you in this awful situation. As if you don't have enough to deal with right now, they add to your anguish by trying to burden you with their stupidity and lack of responsibility. I think right now your pain is for the poor dog. I understand that, and I feel your pain even though I didn't know the dog. He didn't deserve to have them as owners, but it's in no way your fault.

I think you can see now these people never really were your friends. They are selfish and lazy people........do you think they would have done for you what they were asking you to do? It's OK to grieve for the poor dog, but it wasn't your fault, and you never should have taken the risk of going out in that weather to save a dog. Look what happened to many other people who acted foolishly like that. I'm just glad to hear you and yours are safe. The Bible says the foolish man builds his house upon the sand; the wise man builds his house upon the rock. God bless!

Re: Friendship over because hurricane Harvey

madie — Thu, 31 Aug 2017 15:30:52 GMT

Thank you everyone for replying. I realize QVC is not a therapy room but I am just heartbroken over the death of the dog over the loss of a friendship I'm heartbroken for my hometown.

Re: Friendship over because hurricane Harvey

Teddie — Thu, 31 Aug 2017 15:34:52 GMT

@madie wrote:
Thank you everyone for replying. I realize QVC is not a therapy room but I am just heartbroken over the death of the dog over the loss of a friendship I'm heartbroken for my hometown.

I'm so sorry. 🙁

Re: Friendship over because hurricane Harvey

hckynut — Thu, 31 Aug 2017 15:42:50 GMT

@madie wrote:
I am in Houston and emotions are high I'm looking for a rational advice about a situation. Was I in the wrong for not helping my friend I feel very guilty about not helping my friend but when I go back and replay the events I'm wondering if my friend was asking too much. This is a situation.

My friend lives in a high flood zone the house she bought flooded six times previously but she bought it anyway ,since she has lived there the house flooded last year with just some heavy rain. She and her husband own five dogs two pigs and chickens.Houston was made aware of the storm on Wednesday but the rains did not arrive until Saturday.

I spent the next few days preparing my home reinforcing fences, getting gas ,animal food ,aerators for my saltwater tank, preparing our generator, cutting limbs from trees, Etc. My friend seemed in denial and kept saying sentences like" if "their house floods. They did almost no preparation for their animals. Even after the first flood they did not purchase any type of animal trailers to move the animals out of the area .

My friend's husband put a tent at the edge of their property because he knew the house was going to be underwater. And yet made no arrangement for his animals. I saw them on Thursday my friend seemed in denial and her husband was acting like the hurricane was a joke. Both my friend and her husband were off of work Monday through Thursday I feel they had plenty of time to prepare. My friend works the weekends at the hospital so she was not going to be home during the hurricane.

Saturday comes the hurricane makes landfall south of Houston and it starts raining my husband and I were clearing out our garage to fit our cars in. I get a text from my friend who is up at the hospital working " hey I'm going to need you to go get some of my stuff the water is going to be really high".

I get a text from her husband " emergency I only have hours can you come get the dog"( he only cares about one dog I don't know what happened to the rest) their house is half an hour north of mine I have to cross the San Jacinto River and a creek to get to their house the rains had already started so I told them no I was not risking driving from a safe part of town into a flash flood area.

At that point the husband became irritated with me and kept telling me the streets are open he just said he went to Walmart and Taco Bell and all the streets are clear. At that point I offered for him to come and stay at our house I even told him he can bring all the animals five dogs and two pigs and he can cage the chickens I didn't care we could keep them in the garage. Even though we already took in another guest , I have my own animals and we just have a Suburban house I still opened my house up to let him stay or even just drop off the animals.

He became even more agitated with me and went on and on about how he has so much to do and only hours to do it and didn't have time. I tried to be sympathetic but I explained that I was not driving into an area that flash floods. Once I told my friend and her husband no my friend refused to contact me anymore. After the storm her husband contacted me to inform me that the dog drowned. I was heartbroken as I am an animal lover and I like the dog I have no idea what happened to the rest of the animals I am just heartbroken.

It was clear through his text that he blamed me for not going to pick up his dog. I got very angry and sent an angry text about how he was irresponsible and had all week to prepare and if he could go to Taco Bell he could have driven to our house and dropped off the dog. Now again I feel guilty for losing my temper at people whose house flooded and animal died I should have remained more level-headed and realize their emotions were high.

No matter who was in the wrong if I had driven through the rain the dog would have been saved that is what is tearing me up. But on the other hand they had plenty of time to prepare and did nothing and waited till the streets were not safe and then ask for help and when I didn't want to risk me or my family they got mad. I guess I am debating whether to try and apologize and have sympathy for my friend and help her through an yet another flood or if I should just turn my back and let them be on their own.

Re: Friendship over because hurricane Harvey

viva923 — Thu, 31 Aug 2017 15:38:57 GMT

this reminds me of the story tale of grasshopper and ants. I am probably getting this story all mixed up. but the grasshopper was just fooling around and never prepared for the worst. The ants were preparing for the worst and when the storm hit they saved themselves, the grasshopper came knocking on the ants door to ask them if he could come in and save himself.

You can only tell people what needs to be done. If they do it that is their free will to do the tasks or just ignore what will happen.

You offered to take them in, which is very kind of you. If they chose to ignore your kindness there is little you can do. You offered, they ignored, free will once again.

Re: Friendship over because hurricane Harvey

madie — Thu, 31 Aug 2017 15:43:23 GMT

Thank you to everyone who replied I realize QVC is not a therapy forum, I am just heartbroken about the dog dying heartbroken about losing a friend just plain heartbroken over the state of my hometown. When you survive a disaster of this magnitude you can feel overrun with guilt for being so lucky and it's hard to think clearly, Houston has a very strong help your neighbor attitude so my compulsion is to keep helping them. I am going to help my sister clean out her house and some of our coworkers. Thank you everyone who took the time to reply