topic Re: Bullied to death in Community Chat

Bullied to death

newname0 — Wed, 02 Aug 2017 13:33:14 GMT

I cannot understand why the parents of the 12 year old girl Mallory Grossman who committed suicide after relentless bullying during her school years didn't pull her out of that school. She told her Mom she didn't want to go to school. That is a clear indication that something is wrong there.

My son told me that in 8th grade or middle school and I took him out of the school and put him into a parochial school for his last year. I was grateful to the principal of that school for taking him in for one year only.

If those parents had only listened to their daughter and not let her face the ridicule all by herself she would probably be still alive. There is such a thing as being too stubborn to make a change.

Re: Bullied to death

SharkE — Wed, 02 Aug 2017 13:34:37 GMT

My first thought was it could had to do with money. I would had went to the kid's parents and had a talk.

Re: Bullied to death

ValuSkr — Wed, 02 Aug 2017 13:37:43 GMT

Maybe the parents couldn't afford to send the child to a parochial or private school.

Re: Bullied to death

CrazyDaisy — Wed, 02 Aug 2017 13:38:10 GMT

Hind sight is 20/20.

Re: Bullied to death

NeNe1010 — Wed, 02 Aug 2017 13:45:07 GMT

My understanding was that she was being cyberbullied. Why didnt they just limit her access to the internet and expecially to social media sites. Of course she would have still had to deal with the issue at school. How do children get mean enough to do such a thing to a peer? So sad.

Re: Bullied to death

Mominohio — Wed, 02 Aug 2017 13:49:09 GMT

I can understand if parents don't know what is happening, and the child hides their problems and conflicts. Some kids are very secretive and keep things inside, and when a parent has no idea, they can't help.

But it seems in this case, they were well aware of it, and for quite a bit of time. It would seem so easy to make the first step AFTER trying to work with the school didn't solve the issue, to be the removal to another school, or to home school for a period of time.

There is no excuse for letting a child continue to go to a place where they are being mistreated on a continual basis.

Even getting counseling for her while she stayed in that environment might have helped (don't know if they pursued that or not). Just giving her some coping skills and the confidence and self esteem to battle the negative things being said/done to her might have saved her.

The only take away from this is to learn from someone else's experience and be more aware and proactive should this present itself in our own lives or the lives of those we know and love.

I think some people (including kids) are just stronger than others. They can cope better, they can feel good about themselves, behave in healthy ways, regardless of what outside sources are pressuring them. In my opinion, it is like immune systems. some people have stronger ones than others. It is kind of how we are. Immune systems and inner strength can be boosted with the right therapies. Now the task is to determine who is at risk and what can be done to strengthen them.

Re: Bullied to death

Mominohio — Wed, 02 Aug 2017 13:55:27 GMT

@NeNe1010 wrote:
My understanding was that she was being cyberbullied. Why didnt they just limit her access to the internet and expecially to social media sites. Of course she would have still had to deal with the issue at school. How do children get mean enough to do such a thing to a peer? So sad.

I get sneers when I say it, but kids this age don't need all this technology in their face all day long. Of course they need to need to learn to use it for school work, but social media at this age is really unnecessary and too time/life consuming to kids this age.

My son is now 21, and we didn't allow any social media for him until he was 17. He avoided a lot of the drama that goes on during middle and high school, and actually was grateful to us after he did start to participate, that we had kept him out of it for so long.

I was the 'fat' kid in school (funny how that has changed, because when I look at pictures of me during that time, I wasn't anywhere near the size obese kids are today, but I was tall, big boned and chubby). I was teased, but I could get away from it, at home, weekends, summers etc. It didn't follow me every hour of every day, like the bullying of today does with all this social media.

One of the first things parents have to do is cut the technology use, and monitor heavily what they do allow.

Re: Bullied to death

Vivian — Wed, 02 Aug 2017 13:58:07 GMT

I saw this story on the news last night. It brought me, and my husband, to tears. Despite all the coverage of bullying in the news, there are too many cases where schools have done little or nothing, especially in regard to cyber-bullying.

A close well-to-do friend of mine, who was paying for her granddaughter's private school education, discovered that her granddaughter was being cyber-bullied. Her daughter went to the school to complain but was told, essentially, that whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger. After the shock wore off, my friend's daughter pulled her daughter out of that school and placed her in the excellent public school system where she lived. The bullying ultimately disappeared since the bullies no longer saw their victim in school. My friend is saving thousands of tuition dollars. The lesson to be learned is that bullying takes place everywhere and parents should never assume that the schools will control things.

Re: Bullied to death

straykatz — Wed, 02 Aug 2017 13:59:50 GMT

@ValuSkr wrote:
Maybe the parents couldn't afford to send the child to a parochial or private school.

I also think parents can be quick to pass off "I don't want to go to school" excuses and often push kids to stand up for their self - all part of the learning process...but how much push is too much push for a child?. Why do kids bully in the 1st place...why are some kids prone to being bullied..both need to be addressed and understood before bullying can be conquered.

Re: Bullied to death

SahmIam — Wed, 02 Aug 2017 14:02:23 GMT

THere are some parents (my husband is one of them) that have an attitude of "deal with it...it will make you tougher...don't be a wimp....stiff upper lip" and so on. To them, to give in is to show the other person has WON. You don't let them get to you else YOU are the loser.

There is a time and place for this but kids.... and I'll say this till I'm dead... are NOT adults, they are NOT mini adults, they do NOT have the life experiences under their belt to deal with so much ****** that is now part of their world and it is UP TO THE PARENTS TO PROTECT THEM until they do have the ability to deal with it.

Her parents failed her. That's it. THEY failed HER.

Carry on.

Re: Bullied to death

Lipstickdiva — Wed, 02 Aug 2017 14:06:55 GMT

On GMA this morning it was reported that they were in the process of getting her into a private school but this happened before they could make the change.

I certainly am not going to criticize these parents because what they are going through is horrible and we do not know all the facts. The only ones who know all the facts here are the ones involved.

Re: Bullied to death

Bri36 — Wed, 02 Aug 2017 14:10:51 GMT

I think it's a terrible situation. How sad.

In my experience, schools take bullying very seriously. I've had conversations with other parents and school officials about incidents, and it's always been dealt with quickly.

I don't know enough about this to say more than that.

Re: Bullied to death

straykatz — Wed, 02 Aug 2017 14:12:41 GMT

@Mominohio wrote:
@NeNe1010 wrote:
My understanding was that she was being cyberbullied. Why didnt they just limit her access to the internet and expecially to social media sites. Of course she would have still had to deal with the issue at school. How do children get mean enough to do such a thing to a peer? So sad.

I get sneers when I say it, but kids this age don't need all this technology in their face all day long. Of course they need to need to learn to use it for school work, but social media at this age is really unnecessary and too time/life consuming to kids this age.

My son is now 21, and we didn't allow any social media for him until he was 17. He avoided a lot of the drama that goes on during middle and high school, and actually was grateful to us after he did start to participate, that we had kept him out of it for so long.

I was the 'fat' kid in school (funny how that has changed, because when I look at pictures of me during that time, I wasn't anywhere near the size obese kids are today, but I was tall, big boned and chubby). I was teased, but I could get away from it, at home, weekends, summers etc. It didn't follow me every hour of every day, like the bullying of today does with all this social media.

One of the first things parents have to do is cut the technology use, and monitor heavily what they do allow.

I agree that kids do not need all this technology and social media at such young ages. But htis is a different generation than mine or my daughter's. With that said....bullying existed before technology/social media....I too was bullied when I was around the same age as this girl. Even today after all these years it causes my heart to race thinking about how it made me feel and that fear...it was intense fear that caused me so much anxiety ...which has carried over into my adult life.

Re: Bullied to death

software — Wed, 02 Aug 2017 14:14:41 GMT

Bullies today are not like the bullies when I went to school.

Today they pile on using social media, it's like a pack mentality to the n-th degree.

Even if her parents limited her internet, the information still gets out. Everyone knows it.

You can't pull out every kid, there has to be strong consequences for the bullies.

It's a different world now with the internet and social media

Re: Bullied to death

Lipstickdiva — Wed, 02 Aug 2017 14:19:04 GMT

I don't have children and I don't know anyone who had children who were bullied so I don't really know much about this.

It was also reported (FWIW) that the parents were in constant contact with the school over this situation, the school was made aware of what was going on and the parents requested more than once that some type of report be filed about the bullying. The type of report had a name but I didn't catch what it was. The school failed to file the report both times it was requested.

The parents are supposedly suing the school and are also suing, or contemplating suing, the families of the kids who were doing the bullying.

Re: Bullied to death

KentuckyWoman — Wed, 02 Aug 2017 14:32:43 GMT

@Lipstickdiva wrote:
On GMA this morning it was reported that they were in the process of getting her into a private school but this happened before they could make the change.

I certainly am not going to criticize these parents because what they are going through is horrible and we do not know all the facts. The only ones who know all the facts here are the ones involved.

I absolutely agree. We don't know everything that was going on. This breaks my heart.

Re: Bullied to death

Trinity11 — Wed, 02 Aug 2017 14:52:02 GMT

@software wrote:
Bullies today are not like the bullies when I went to school.
Today they pile on using social media, it's like a pack mentality to the n-th degree.
Even if her parents limited her internet, the information still gets out. Everyone knows it.
You can't pull out every kid, there has to be strong consequences for the bullies.

It's a different world now with the internet and social media

Back when I was in junior high, they had "Slam books." They used to pass them around and you could read what your fellow classmates thought of you. It was ever thus....bullying has existed for what seems like an eternity.

I remember trying to raise my children so that they were not targets for bullies. Self esteem helps a lot. I often think kids target the most vulnerable.

I have no more answers to how to stop it than I did fifty years ago.... Bless that beautiful child and I hope that the perps get more than a slap on the wrist...

Re: Bullied to death

Bri36 — Wed, 02 Aug 2017 14:56:13 GMT

Apparently, the parents of the girl who was doing the bullying dismissed it by saying "it was no big deal"

There could have been a very different outcome if they took it seriously...

Re: Bullied to death

Trinity11 — Wed, 02 Aug 2017 15:07:11 GMT

Does anyone else find it strange that the parents are already talking about suing both the school and the parents of the children who bullied their daughter? The last thought I would have would be litigation if my daughter had died. They certainly seem proactive about litigation ...

I saw both of them on the News. Very composed and blaming everyone but themselves...

Re: Bullied to death

2blonde — Wed, 02 Aug 2017 15:07:38 GMT

I'll get bashed for this, but I truly think social media is a curse on our kids. When I was in school (100 years ago), I was skinny and awkward, and my best friend was very large. We made quite the pair walking down the hall, but any comments that may have been made were made in person in real time, and we were able to deal with them face to face. No one ever committed suicide while I was there for 12 years.