topic Re: Divorce - American Style in Community Chat

Divorce - American Style

Annabellethecat66 — Tue, 25 Jul 2017 01:36:48 GMT

Lately I know two females who are being divorced by their husbands.

You'd think I'd be a little familiar with this since everyone in my family (sisters, etc) have been divorced at least two times. My mother was divorced 5 times (remarried two guys 2 and 3 times!). However, I didn't live with her so wasn't familiar with any of what goes on.

This system is so unfair to the woman! I can't believe that many of these women haven't worked or if they did years ago and have absolutely no income.

The husband closes up all of the accounts and moves on. These women have nowhere to turn. Sure they have lawyers who are working for them, but in the meantime they have no money and nowhere to get it! What are they expected to do?

This is a hole in the law that allows this to happen! I have been so upset hearing about this. What are they expected to do?

Anyone go through this? What does it say about the 'system' that allows this to happen?

Re: Divorce - American Style

Kachina624 — Tue, 25 Jul 2017 01:40:38 GMT

If a woman doesn't have a good job, she should always have a secret "nest egg" stashed away. You never know what's going to happen.

Re: Divorce - American Style

JaneMarple — Tue, 25 Jul 2017 01:42:33 GMT

@Kachina624 wrote:
If a woman doesn't have a good job, she should always have a secret "nest egg" stashed away. You never know what's going to happen.

My mother always told me that.

Re: Divorce - American Style

Snowpuppy — Tue, 25 Jul 2017 01:46:00 GMT

"These Women" made a choice to not have a income of their own.

My own beloved grandmother was an immigrant, spoke little English, never drove and didn't work outside the home.

Yet she insisted that a woman have her "pin money" to keep her safe. She always said she had money from the sale of her farm eggs when they lived on the farm. Just in case grandad took off with a floozie from the saloon.

I didn't listen to her when I was young. After all, my stupid girlfriends said "well, he'll just have to take care of you".

Re: Divorce - American Style

Bri36 — Tue, 25 Jul 2017 01:49:12 GMT

And that is why women should have their own accounts and their own money. Otherwise, you're at someone else's mercy.

We've had a lot of threads here asking about seperate bank accounts. A lot of women say they would never entertain the thought. This is exactly the reason why.

It's very sad and heartless to clean out your accounts and leave the other spouse with nothing. But it happens every day...

Re: Divorce - American Style

mousiegirl — Tue, 25 Jul 2017 01:48:10 GMT

@Annabellethecat66 wrote:
Lately I know two females who are being divorced by their husbands.

You'd think I'd be a little familiar with this since everyone in my family (sisters, etc) have been divorced at least two times. My mother was divorced 5 times (remarried two guys 2 and 3 times!). However, I didn't live with her so wasn't familiar with any of what goes on.

This system is so unfair to the woman! I can't believe that many of these women haven't worked or if they did years ago and have absolutely no income.

The husband closes up all of the accounts and moves on. These women have nowhere to turn. Sure they have lawyers who are working for them, but in the meantime they have no money and nowhere to get it! What are they expected to do?

This is a hole in the law that allows this to happen! I have been so upset hearing about this. What are they expected to do?

Anyone go through this? What does it say about the 'system' that allows this to happen?

@Annabellethecat66 This is one reason why women should plan ahead once they realize the marriage is over, and begin saving money into a separate account under her name, that her husband does not know about, so she will have money to leave and live on for a while.

Re: Divorce - American Style

Annabellethecat66 — Tue, 25 Jul 2017 01:52:33 GMT

@mousiegirl I actually know someone who did that. She went to a lawyer, paid cash to find out the laws in her state, started putting money aside. The lawyer advised her to always have a recent copy of all tax returns (they don't lie to the government on assets).

She did that then when he skipped town she wasn't devestated. Well, she was upset but at least she had some money put away.

Isn't it that that one has to do that? Says something about the system, doesn't it?

Re: Divorce - American Style

Noel7 — Tue, 25 Jul 2017 01:55:33 GMT

@Annabellethecat66

@Annabellethecat66 wrote:
Lately I know two females who are being divorced by their husbands.

You'd think I'd be a little familiar with this since everyone in my family (sisters, etc) have been divorced at least two times. My mother was divorced 5 times (remarried two guys 2 and 3 times!). However, I didn't live with her so wasn't familiar with any of what goes on.

This system is so unfair to the woman! I can't believe that many of these women haven't worked or if they did years ago and have absolutely no income.

The husband closes up all of the accounts and moves on. These women have nowhere to turn. Sure they have lawyers who are working for them, but in the meantime they have no money and nowhere to get it! What are they expected to do?

This is a hole in the law that allows this to happen! I have been so upset hearing about this. What are they expected to do?

Anyone go through this? What does it say about the 'system' that allows this to happen?

Surely you must have this wrong. Doesn't your state have community property? Whatever they have in assets should be split between the spouses.

Re: Divorce - American Style

Venezia — Tue, 25 Jul 2017 02:04:13 GMT

It isn't always the woman who gets burned in a divorce. I just helped my brother go through a divorce. She walked out on him over two years ago, no notice, nothing; just left a scribbled note on an envelope. Suddenly showed up and said she wanted a divorce, but we had to do all the work, pay all the fees and jump through hoops. She put up obstacles whenever she could.

By the end of it, she walked away scot-free and left him so saddled in debt that he'll never be able to retire, at a time when he should be able to take it easy. (Did I say he owned his own home free and clear when he met her? I didn't know it was her "fourth time at bat" or I'd have told him to run a mile and fast.)

Men get treated unfairly, too.

(Been through my own divorce, so I know what it's like on both sides of the equation. I also worked for a lawyer in my early career and I saw men get taken to the cleaners. Some states favor the woman, regardless of the circumstances.)

Re: Divorce - American Style

Scooby Doo — Tue, 25 Jul 2017 02:03:22 GMT

Years ago I worked with a guy who did that to his wife. After many years together he left her with nothing. She went to work as a telelphone operator to be able to pay her rent. Then he married someone else who divorced him. I ran into him one day in the grocery store and he actually had the nerve to ask me out. UMMMMM, No.

Worked with another guy who I think was hard to live with. He made sure his wife understood that he was the boss! She told him she wanted a divorce, and he told her she could leave anytime but she wouldn't get anything out of him. She also had no backup or means of support. Well, she up and disappeared. Nobody knew where she went. In the Spring time he and his son were cleaning up the back yard from the winter. Son found mom in a sleeping bag under some bushes. She had committed suicide in October and lay in the snow for 6 months.

Some relationships just boggle my mind.

Re: Divorce - American Style

Noel7 — Tue, 25 Jul 2017 02:07:10 GMT

@Scooby Doo wrote:
Years ago I worked with a guy who did that to his wife. After many years together he left her with nothing. She went to work as a telelphone operator to be able to pay her rent. Then he married someone else who divorced him. I ran into him one day in the grocery store and he actually had the nerve to ask me out. UMMMMM, No.
Worked with another guy who I think was hard to live with. He made sure his wife understood that he was the boss! She told him she wanted a divorce, and he told her she could leave anytime but she wouldn't get anything out of him. She also had no backup or means of support. Well, she up and disappeared. Nobody knew where she went. In the Spring time he and his son were cleaning up the back yard from the winter. Son found mom in a sleeping bag under some bushes. She had committed suicide in October and lay in the snow for 6 months.
Some relationships just boggle my mind.

Oh how awful. So sorry, that woman was obviously in so much pain.

@Scooby Doo

Re: Divorce - American Style

Snowpuppy — Tue, 25 Jul 2017 02:11:28 GMT

If you make a decision to do nothing about your own financial security until your partner goes out the door or files, it's a bit too late.

After all, they've been planning for quite some time.

Re: Divorce - American Style

Nancy Drew — Tue, 25 Jul 2017 02:12:22 GMT

Then there is this story. Women marries man has 3 boys with him. They legally divorce but live in same house. She moves in new boyfriend and they have a baby. All under one roof. Now the ex husband watched the ex wife's baby so she and the boyfriend could go on vacation for the weekend. Divorce American Style indeed.

Re: Divorce - American Style

GSPgirl — Tue, 25 Jul 2017 02:15:13 GMT

@Kachina624 wrote:
If a woman doesn't have a good job, she should always have a secret "nest egg" stashed away. You never know what's going to happen.

I taught my daughter this after her dad cleaned me out and moved to Europe.

Re: Divorce - American Style

Noel7 — Tue, 25 Jul 2017 02:19:41 GMT

Knowing community property is a state thing, I looked it up and was shocked to see it isn't every state.

Ladies, this is what feminism is about. Elect more women, lobby for community property. Women may not have worked for a salary, but they worked supporting their husband and possibly taking care of his and her children.

Getting nothing in a divorce is unacceptable.

Re: Divorce - American Style

september — Tue, 25 Jul 2017 02:25:29 GMT

@Bri36 wrote:
And that is why women should have their own accounts and their own money. Otherwise, you're at someone else's mercy.

We've had a lot of threads here asking about seperate bank accounts. A lot of women say they would never entertain the thought. This is exactly the reason why.

It's very sad and heartless to clean out your accounts and leave the other spouse with nothing. But it happens every day...

Yes...my husband and I always kept our own personal accounts and had some joint accounts. I'm not divorced, but he is living in a memory care facility, so it was for the greater good that everything was set up the way it was.

Re: Divorce - American Style

Snowpuppy — Tue, 25 Jul 2017 02:33:17 GMT

@Noel7 wrote:
Knowing community property is a state thing, I looked it up and was shocked to see it isn't every state.

Ladies, this is what feminism is about. Elect more women, lobby for community property. Women may not have worked for a salary, but they worked supporting their husband and possibly taking care of his and her children.

Getting nothing in a divorce is unacceptable.

Community property means sharing assets accumulated during marriage. One is entitled to keep what they brought into the marriage.

That said, you and your kids can go hungry while waiting for your asset to be sold.

Community property doesn't keep the lights on nor your kids fed.

Re: Divorce - American Style

missy1 — Tue, 25 Jul 2017 02:35:42 GMT

@Snowpuppy wrote:
@Noel7 wrote:
Knowing community property is a state thing, I looked it up and was shocked to see it isn't every state.

Ladies, this is what feminism is about. Elect more women, lobby for community property. Women may not have worked for a salary, but they worked supporting their husband and possibly taking care of his and her children.

Getting nothing in a divorce is unacceptable.
Community property means sharing assets accumulated during marriage. One is entitled to keep what they brought into the marriage.

That said, you and your kids can go hungry while waiting for your asset to be sold.

Community property doesn't keep the lights on nor your kids fed.

This is when you go to court and ask for emergency temporary orders: custody, child support etc.

Re: Divorce - American Style

Snowpuppy — Tue, 25 Jul 2017 02:39:31 GMT

Emergency child support?

Custody is usually not an issue. You come home, he's long gone, no where to be found. There. You have been awarded custody.

Re: Divorce - American Style

Noel7 — Tue, 25 Jul 2017 02:43:00 GMT

@Snowpuppy wrote:
@Noel7 wrote:
Knowing community property is a state thing, I looked it up and was shocked to see it isn't every state.

Ladies, this is what feminism is about. Elect more women, lobby for community property. Women may not have worked for a salary, but they worked supporting their husband and possibly taking care of his and her children.

Getting nothing in a divorce is unacceptable.
Community property means sharing assets accumulated during marriage. One is entitled to keep what they brought into the marriage.

That said, you and your kids can go hungry while waiting for your asset to be sold.

Community property doesn't keep the lights on nor your kids fed.

@Snowpuppy

That's the point, it's sharing assets acquired during the marriage. But no, in this state kids don't go hungry. The court can order a home sold if it hasn't gone to shelter the parent and children.

If there are no assets, that's a problem for all, but child support will be granted. If one parent is a ne'er do well, that's a different kettle of fish.