topic Re: Should he Stay or Should he go ? in Community Chat

Should he Stay or Should he go ?

Goodie2shoes — Sat, 22 Jul 2017 17:31:40 GMT

I'm a very happy girl @ 66 yrs old, retired and financially stable, own my home. I have been dating a 62 year old man exclusively for a little over 1 yr and he is also retired and financially stable. We are very happy, never argue, he treats me very very well, takes me to dinner (I also cook), we go bowling, he surprises me with roses, he's never late, stays fit and keeps his word all the time. When I met him, I told him I was looking for someone to build a great relationship with and eventually wanted to get married. Later in the relationship he told me he never wants to get married again. We love each other very much but since we have different goals I'm thinking about ending the relationship and moving on until I find what I am looking for because at my age, no need to waste my time. What would you do ???

Re: Should he Stay or Should he go ?

GenXmuse — Sat, 22 Jul 2017 17:34:02 GMT

Do you know why he is opposed to marrying again?

Re: Should he Stay or Should he go ?

jaxs mom — Sat, 22 Jul 2017 17:35:48 GMT

It depends on how important the piece of paper is to you.

Re: Should he Stay or Should he go ?

elruth — Sat, 22 Jul 2017 17:37:08 GMT

I would go with my gut feeling and move on. Hope some day you will find someone who wants to make the commitment and marry. If your current love has told you he does not want to get married, he has made his feelings clear so .....move on.

Re: Should he Stay or Should he go ?

Trudey — Sat, 22 Jul 2017 17:37:19 GMT

What will marriage give you that you don't already have? He sounds like a keeper to me. Marriage is only a piece of paper.

Re: Should he Stay or Should he go ?

Goodie2shoes — Sat, 22 Jul 2017 17:40:37 GMT

Bonanzajellybean wrote:

Do you know why he is opposed to marrying again?

His previous marriage ended badly, previous wife ran up bills. But again, I am not that type and he knows that. I have never asked him to pay any of my bills. We are pretty much on the same level which is good.

Re: Should he Stay or Should he go ?

Isobel Archer — Sat, 22 Jul 2017 17:43:02 GMT

I could be very wrong here, but if you "love him very much" and are happy in the relationship, it sounds like your leaving would really be giving him an ultimatum in hopes that he would change his mind and marry you.

If that is the case, just be prepared for the possibility that he will let you go.

Re: Should he Stay or Should he go ?

SilleeMee — Sat, 22 Jul 2017 17:43:03 GMT

At your fine age of 66, why would getting married be such a deal breaker for you? Honestly, maybe if you were twenty or more years younger then I can see why it would be an important thing. But at 66...??

Re: Should he Stay or Should he go ?

Pearlee — Sat, 22 Jul 2017 17:43:06 GMT

@Trudey wrote:
What will marriage give you that you don't already have? He sounds like a keeper to me. Marriage is only a piece of paper.

@Trudey Does your husband know this is what you think? LOL

(by the way I agree with you)

Re: Should he Stay or Should he go ?

Isobel Archer — Sat, 22 Jul 2017 17:45:19 GMT

@Goodie2shoes wrote:
@Bonanzajellybean wrote:
Do you know why he is opposed to marrying again?

His previous marriage ended badly, previous wife ran up bills. But again, I am not that type and he knows that. I have never asked him to pay any of my bills. We are pretty much on the same level which is good.

Does he have kids? If so, he could be concerned about complicating his finances and creating a problem when he dies. Yes, there are wills and trusts - and people sue each other over them all the time.

Re: Should he Stay or Should he go ?

GCR18 — Sat, 22 Jul 2017 17:45:32 GMT

Based on what you said, he should go. Are you willing to continue dating knowing that's as far as it will go. If he changes his mind, will he eventually resent you. Need to have an honest talk with yourself, then with him.

Re: Should he Stay or Should he go ?

Sadiesadie — Sat, 22 Jul 2017 17:47:36 GMT

I agree with @Trudey and must say I love your optimism that in this age group you feel you'll be able to find another gem like him....especially someone healthy....who wants to marry.

That pool shrinks.

I'm 72, still married to my husband who takes care of himself and is in great shape. I know if he were to die first I would not be lucky enough to find another like him.

Good luck and if you genuinely love him, think very carefully.

Sounds like you have a wonderful relationship with a wonderful man. Those can be hard to come by.

Re: Should he Stay or Should he go ?

truffle — Sat, 22 Jul 2017 17:47:42 GMT

If you've already consummated the marriage then what's the big deal? Are you worried that without the piece of paper he will cheat? Finding a trustworthy partner is not easy these days and if he's proven to be the real deal I wouldn't throw him away. He may even surprise you in the future with a proposal after all.

Re: Should he Stay or Should he go ?

SurferWife — Sat, 22 Jul 2017 17:48:38 GMT

@Goodie2shoes...you should listen to your heart, not us.

Re: Should he Stay or Should he go ?

jaxs mom — Sat, 22 Jul 2017 17:49:05 GMT

@Isobel Archer wrote:
@Goodie2shoes wrote:
@Bonanzajellybean wrote:
Do you know why he is opposed to marrying again?

His previous marriage ended badly, previous wife ran up bills. But again, I am not that type and he knows that. I have never asked him to pay any of my bills. We are pretty much on the same level which is good.
Does he have kids? If so, he could be concerned about complicating his finances and creating a problem when he dies. Yes, there are wills and trusts - and people sue each other over them all the time.

That's why my MIL never married her boyfriend even though she loved him and was with him until he died.

Re: Should he Stay or Should he go ?

darlight — Sat, 22 Jul 2017 17:49:23 GMT

stay!!! a piece of paper is nothing, just say your engaged..lol, who cares, sounds like you got a good one..

Re: Should he Stay or Should he go ?

Mom2Dogs — Sat, 22 Jul 2017 17:49:47 GMT

@Goodie2shoes.....are you for or against living together?

Re: Should he Stay or Should he go ?

Goodie2shoes — Sat, 22 Jul 2017 17:50:28 GMT

Trudey wrote:

What will marriage give you that you don't already have? He sounds like a keeper to me. Marriage is only a piece of paper.

Good question, I have my own home, can come and go as I please, can spend time with my grandsons (21 months and 17 years old) I can watch what I want on TV I guess It's the commitment. My dear mother even asked me why I would want to get married !! Maybe I'm asking to much ?

Re: Should he Stay or Should he go ?

Group 5 minus 1 — Sat, 22 Jul 2017 17:52:44 GMT

You do not share values. So go! I know you will not, but that is my advice.

Re: Should he Stay or Should he go ?

NicksmomESQ — Sat, 22 Jul 2017 17:56:08 GMT

At your age I wouldn't worry about a piece of paper.Good men are hard to find once you get older.If you found one,keep him.If you love ❤️ each other,& he's good to you then you hit the jackpot !! Don't rock the boat. I 'm afraid you might regret leaving him.A man like you describe won't be alone for long!!

Good luck!! 🕊💐