topic Re: Would you stay? in Community Chat

Would you stay?

Abrowneyegirl — Sun, 16 Jul 2017 18:06:33 GMT

A young woman I volunteer with for the last several years is going through her own Lifetime Show........

She has 4 young children all under 10 years old.

About 8 months ago her husband started to have mental changes and behaviors. They are in their young 30's. He has a family history of mental illness, a severe history!

He has been in in-patient and out patient treatments, he has several doctors/counselors and therapists they work with- in the meantime his behaviors are ALL over the place:

He is having affairs

He is buying cars, trucks, motorcycles, mountain bikes, etc

He was actually trying to buy cows and chickens to "save money on eggs and milk." (they do NOT have a farm)

Then he panics over the bills and starts selling things online- not the ****** he bought that they can not afford but things like their refrig. and washer and dryer.

This have been going on for almost 9 months and he is NOT improving and she is exhausted!

The only good news is the children are well shielded from all of this- everyone is helping with that. When he was hospitalized the kids thought he was off hunting, etc.

Everyone is saying divorce him! But she loves him and she knows it is not his fault it is the mental illness.

When do you throw in the hat?

She knows if she divorces him he will lose his insurance and access to mental health treatments.

I can not imagine!!!

Would you stay??

Re: Would you stay?

KentuckyWoman — Sun, 16 Jul 2017 18:14:07 GMT

I would do whatever I had to do to protect my children and keep them safe. I would leave.

Re: Would you stay?

GCR18 — Sun, 16 Jul 2017 18:15:36 GMT

I don't think I'd leave him since it's a relatively new issue. Sounds like maybe he hasn't seen the right kind of Dr. I'd look for a different Dr or program. You marry for better or worse. This is worse. I'd hang in there providing he is agreeable to continuing to seek help.

Re: Would you stay?

Mz iMac — Sun, 16 Jul 2017 18:18:44 GMT

Re: Would you stay?

Bri36 — Sun, 16 Jul 2017 18:20:02 GMT

No one can answer that but her

It sounds like he needs medical help and the right medications. She needs a lot of support during this time

Re: Would you stay?

Katcat1 — Sun, 16 Jul 2017 18:20:06 GMT

It sounds like Bi-Polar disorder. Is he on medication? If not, he needs to be and right away. His wife cannot be expected to live this way if he doesn't take medication. She cannot be expected to be the only parent otherwise she might as well be alone.

Re: Would you stay?

Noel7 — Sun, 16 Jul 2017 18:20:38 GMT

She needs to be the one to see a counselor. Someone who will help her make a decision whether to stay or not. She loves him and I can understand her not wanting to just walk away.

She could consider a legal separation where he would be able to stay on her medical plan.

Re: Would you stay?

JaneMarple — Sun, 16 Jul 2017 18:21:03 GMT

Does the wife carry the health insurance? Since you mentioned that he'll lose his it if they divorce. Does he work?

Since he has a family history of mental illness then it probably will get worse and I can't see raising four children while while taking care of a seriously mentally ill husband. The kids will definitely suffer if she doesn't leave, at this point they matter most.

Re: Would you stay?

SaRina — Sun, 16 Jul 2017 18:21:29 GMT

I would try every avenue to get him the help he needs. It sounds like he needs to be evaluated and put on the appropriate medication. However, ultimately, the woman and her children need to protect themselves from harm and it sounds like the current situation is completely untenable as is.

Re: Would you stay?

Bri36 — Sun, 16 Jul 2017 18:21:52 GMT

I would cut him off financially so he couldn't make large purchases or drain accounts

Re: Would you stay?

hennypenny — Sun, 16 Jul 2017 18:23:50 GMT

The children's safety must come first.

I would need a haven for myself and my kids. Maybe hold off on divorce. but she needs a safe place.

Re: Would you stay?

Moonchilde — Sun, 16 Jul 2017 18:27:40 GMT

1) I would not have married someone with a known family history of several members having a severe mental illness.

2) There is little likelihood of this ever being "cured" or even able to be lived with/coped with. By what the OP has said it sounds more like schizophrenia than other things it might be, and that is a life-long disease that resists any successful treatment, largely because the patient will not medicate.

Since the eventual outcome (whatever it is) is highly unlikely to be that he ever returns to being the man she married, and since even under the best of circumstances he will likely continue to make her life, and the children's lives, a living he**, I would remove myself and my children from this scenario ASAP.

Divorce? Well, ultimately if she doesn't she'll be in part financially at least responsible for things he does, buys, and things that may get into illegal territory.

Re: Would you stay?

libbyannE — Sun, 16 Jul 2017 18:30:21 GMT

How can anyone else possibly looking from the outside and answer such a question? If you love someone and you think they are ill,I don't think you would throw them out. Would you? But one might need to force the issue with hospitalization and treatment. He could have a brain tumor which alters thinking and behaviors. He could be manic depressive. Who knows? If it were me, I would be going to every specialist to get help for someone I love. The kids may have to go to a relative.'s house while the wife focusing on her husband, possibly taking him to out-of-town specialists. She needs a lot of support and many prayers--not criticism. I will be thinking if her.

Re: Would you stay?

goldensrbest — Sun, 16 Jul 2017 18:32:24 GMT

She is in a very tough situation, we all know what could happen from the news reports, her and the kids really need alot of help in many ways.

Re: Would you stay?

kdgn — Sun, 16 Jul 2017 18:33:07 GMT

It can be written into the divorce decree that she maintains insurance on him. He doesn't automatically get dropped. A legal separation would mean any expenses he incurs after the date are his and his alone.

Re: Would you stay?

JaneMarple — Sun, 16 Jul 2017 18:36:02 GMT

@libbyannE wrote:
How can anyone else possibly looking from the outside and answer such a question? If you love someone and you think they are ill,I don't think you would throw them out. Would you? But one might need to force the issue with hospitalization and treatment. He could have a brain tumor which alters thinking and behaviors. He could be manic depressive. Who knows? If it were me, I would be going to every specialist to get help for someone I love. The kids may have to go to a relative.'s house while the wife focusing on her husband, possibly taking him to out-of-town specialists. She needs a lot of support and many prayers--not criticism. I will be thinking if her.

@libbyannE I don't see it so much as criticism of the wife for possibly leaving but the focus being on her children. The OP says that he has a family history of mental illness so it's like inheriting any other illness but this one seems to be severe.

I don't think its a good idea to be sending the children to be with relatives, what message does this give to the kids? I believe the husband needs long term medical help.

Re: Would you stay?

libbyannE — Sun, 16 Jul 2017 18:39:42 GMT

@JaneMarple

Exactly. My point was that for the short term if she's trying to get him appropriate help, and traveling to places like the mayo clinic, she might have to have relatives look after the kids. Simply short term. I should have spelled it out but I figured that was obvious. In any case, as I said, one cannot look from the outside in and I'm even sorry I replied. It's really none of our business.

Re: Would you stay?

JustJazzmom — Sun, 16 Jul 2017 18:41:39 GMT

Schizophrenia and bi-polar disorder are 2 separate mental illnesses. The symptoms sound more like bi-polar with highs (manic stages) and lows (depressions).

I would try to also consider seeing an attorney as to what rights she has and what means can be put into place to protect their finances and belongings..

Re: Would you stay?

Mz iMac — Sun, 16 Jul 2017 18:43:57 GMT

I find these statements very disturbing....

"The only good news is the children are well shielded from all of this- everyone is helping with that. When he was hospitalized the kids thought he was off hunting, etc."

"He has a family history of mental illness, a severe history!"

The ONLY thing these children should be shielded from is "danger."

They should have been told their father is "sick." As they get older, the truth of what caused this "sickness."

There is a 50-50 chance these children will inherit the same "mental illness" their family has been suffering from.

It's a shame that in the 21st century, generational mental illness in families is still considered so shameful, that families try to keep it hidden from from the outside world & loved ones.

Re: Would you stay?

JaneMarple — Sun, 16 Jul 2017 18:45:23 GMT

@libbyannE wrote:
@JaneMarple
Exactly. My point was that for the short term if she's trying to get him appropriate help, and traveling to places like the mayo clinic, she might have to have relatives look after the kids. Simply short term. I should have spelled it out but I figured that was obvious. In any case, as I said, one cannot look from the outside in and I'm even sorry I replied. It's really none of our business.

We were asked a question and we answered. None of us for the exception of the OP knows this family and I seriously doubt they the couple reads the QVC forums @libbyannE.