topic Re: Break up heart break in Community Chat

Break up heart break

Shorty2U — Sun, 09 Jul 2017 03:05:53 GMT

Can anyone relate to the days of dating?

I'm sitting here down in the dumps worrying about my oldest granddaughter.

She met who we thought was a fine young guy. They dated since February?. Everyone loved him! Hes from a good family, well educated, going to an Ivy Leaf college.

Well, she found out he cheated on her while he was on vacation no less. She confronted him, he lied at first then admitted it. (his best friend told her because his best friend told him off and isn't talking to him because he did this!).

Well thankfully my granddaughter was taught long ago not to take any kind of baloney and to be a leader.

She told him we are finished, even though he said oh come on he made "one" mistake. She said please bring the things you have of mine back on Monday and we are done.

I feel so bad. She is in her room in tears. And she told his sister because she just adores his sister and parents and they adore her. Seems he lied to his family when they yelled at him, and said he didn't do anything. Well his sister believes my granddaughter. (Not sure about his parents because you know parents stick up for their own kids).

I didn't call her, she wants to be left alone (according to her mom). But I think I'm going to send her a message in the morning just saying how much we love her and if she needs anything we are here..

Yes she will get over it eventually. But dating schmating!...lol...This just touched a nerve, because I hated those days and I am glad I am on my 2nd and wonderful marriage for the past 10 & 1/2 years, because I never want to relive dating again. (I hated dating in between my marriages UNTIL I finally met my husband!).

Although it may be unrealistic, I think she should focus on herself, and her college and the heck with boys (for now). So anyway. I'm sure she will be ok, but she was head over heals for him so I know what shes going through. (Hurt my family, hurt me if you get what I mean?).

Re: Break up heart break

Beth-QVC — Sun, 09 Jul 2017 03:11:49 GMT

This post has been removed by QVC because it contains inappropriate language

Re: Break up heart break

SunValley — Sun, 09 Jul 2017 03:14:21 GMT

It's hard to watch our loved ones hurting. She is a wise young woman to take the hurt and move on. Sounds like this young man has some growing up to do or has a very different standard for behavior. Either way, your granddaughter has a good sense of her self worth.

Re: Break up heart break

Kachina624 — Sun, 09 Jul 2017 03:16:12 GMT

Ah, the heartache of young love. Tell her it's just part of growing up and it may be the first of several. How lucky she was to learn of his character flaw early in the relationship. It would really be tragic if they were married. He may be "all that" but he's not honest or loyal.

Re: Break up heart break

happycat — Sun, 09 Jul 2017 03:17:45 GMT

I think it sounds like you have a strong granddaughter, and I would be so proud of her for taking care of herself....I hear of so many women, who think they "have to have a man", they settle for less than they really should and live to regret it. I love to hear of an indendent, strong young lady like this.

She is gonna be better than ok, she's gonna be great.

Re: Break up heart break

Newgate — Sun, 09 Jul 2017 03:19:22 GMT

I do get what you mean! It's called being a mother!!

She will be o.k. Be proud of her that she decided not to keep going with him! Most cheaters will cheat again!!

Re: Break up heart break

nana59 — Sun, 09 Jul 2017 03:24:34 GMT

oh dear....i have 3 granddaughters, and one has just started dating........not looking forward to their heart breaks....i know you must feel like you could take her pain away......

Re: Break up heart break

Gram W — Sun, 09 Jul 2017 03:24:43 GMT

@Shorty2U. Be thankful she learned now before they were together a longer period of time. If she also is in college in the fall she will be busy with her friends and studies. Maybe she will give her studies a priority for awhile. It doesn't matter our age having something like that happen is devastating and shakes a ladies confidence. I also know but after my DH passed. Maybe you could send her a small gift (bath soaps, scented lotions, something to pamper herself) and a simple card to show you are thinking of her. You don't have to mention the breakup. She knows everyone knows. She probably needs time. She already knows how much you love her. If you call she might not yet be ready to talk and that would break your heart. If you like send the gift overnight, FedRx, Priority to get it there faster.

I am a grandmother. I had that happen to my son but he was married and did not seeing it coming. Thank goodness they had no children. Like you he recovered in time, remarried and has a son who is the light of his life.

Your granddaughter comes from a good family. She will be okay given time and love from you all.

Re: Break up heart break

Plaid Pants2 — Sun, 09 Jul 2017 03:32:32 GMT

If she said that she wants to be left alone, I would honor that.

She may feel like holing up in her room for a few days.

Let her.

She will talk when she feels like it.

Yes, she will hurt for awhile, but she will be stronger because of it.

Re: Break up heart break

occasionalrain — Sun, 09 Jul 2017 03:52:39 GMT

They're not married, not even engaged, not living together, not a long tem relationship.

Re: Break up heart break

NycVixen — Sun, 09 Jul 2017 03:54:23 GMT

I know the type of guy she was dating because I go to school with them. Very entitled. I'm glad I'm married. A few sent me anonymous invites to connect on a dating site only for people in certain schools. I'm not sure if they knew I was married but I wear my ring set every day.

As a millenial, this is the new normal. It will be difficult to find a mate in this hook up type of environment. My advice would be for your granddaughter to remain friends with the young men she may be interested in for some time before she begins dating them. That is what I did; I met my husband at school. But I became his friend first for a while so I can get to know him.

In other words, she shouldn't get to know them when she is dating them. She should just let things happen naturally. It doesn't matter if the person goes to an ivy league school for the most part. I began in community college and I don't think I'm a better person now.

The key is to focus on being with someone who is intelligent but more importantly someone who is kind. It's hard to hide unkindness for a long time. I agree she should focus on her studies. That is what I did and the right guy eventually came along.

As women, we focus too much on our relationships. She should be her priority and soon enough someone she has gotten to know as a friend might be the one. By that time she will have a good sense if he's a good person, if he is intelligent etc. and the transition will be seamless. He will already have feelings and vice versa and the relationship won't be based merely on looks, schools etc.

Re: Break up heart break

Shorty2U — Sun, 09 Jul 2017 05:38:20 GMT

Thank you for the replies, and you all have great advice and wisdom. Last I heard she fell asleep after watching a movie in her room. I'm sure she will be ok. (I was thinking to myself some men. ugh! Yes I know women do this too to men. But people should be more considerate and not cheat, but it happens a lot). I know she will be ok given some time. Well thank you again.

Re: Break up heart break

Big Sister — Sun, 09 Jul 2017 07:39:42 GMT

Yes, give her space and time.

I was engaged to my first love and he "dumped" me for a former girl friend. My heart was broken and shredded. You never forget your first love, but what I know now is that it was not meant to be 'cause he was not good enough for me and he did me a favor. Our marriage would have ended in divorce and I would never have met the wonderful man whom I eventually married.

I think the thing that helped me the most was talking to a young lady who went through what I was going through, and she said that "it will get better with time and I will be alright."

Re: Break up heart break

Lindsays Grandma — Sun, 09 Jul 2017 07:40:46 GMT

In her post, SunValley mentioned your granddaughter has self worth, she sure does. How did she get that self worth...perhaps her mother and certainly you taught her that. When I divorced my abusive husband many years ago friends and family told me my self worth gave me the courage to end the marriage. I pray that every young girl while growing up has that instilled in her. Be proud, stand tall, and never allow anyone to mistreat you, you are worthy of better things.

I have many conversations with Lindsay and the main one is what to look for when meeting boys and/or men. Sadly her father is the worst role model a child can have and she is aware of it. Anyway, Shorty2U, you must be very proud of your granddaughter and I know you feel her pain. All of us here know she will get over it, life goes on and she will meet someone else down the road, but telling her that isn't going to work as I am sure you know. Hugs and love to you and your family.

Re: Break up heart break

qualitygal — Sun, 09 Jul 2017 09:42:44 GMT

We all went through those growing up. It rains and the sun comes back out. In those relationships, best not to get involved, before you know it, they'll be back together (or not) and you'll be glad you were there to just listen. Remember?

Re: Break up heart break

jubilant — Sun, 09 Jul 2017 11:30:29 GMT

Yes, I can relate. I remember well my first heartbreak. I remember watching my son after his first heartbreak. That also broke my heart.

When I heard that this guy said, "oh, come on, it only happened once"....... that told me a ton about his character. He lacks the things that she will need the most in a marriage.....like honesty, compassion, loyalty, kindness......all the things other posters have mentioned here. He would have been the father of her children. How could he ever instill in them something he hasn't got himself. How could someone who lacks these things make anyone happy. She is wise to let him go. While she is having a lot of heartache now, it wouldn't compare to what she would have in the future with this guy. Heartaches by the numbers...troubles by the score. She is fortunate to have found it out now. Someone up there is looking out for her.

Re: Break up heart break

VaBelle35 — Sun, 09 Jul 2017 11:30:52 GMT

I am surprised that they were so involved with each other's families after only a few months of dating.

Hopefully everyone will not make it harder on her by making her repeat the drama and trying to get answers.

I imagine she doesn't want to talk to people because she doesn't want to talk about it as it's painful and being cheated on comes with a whole host of feelings that have to be sorted through.

Re: Break up heart break

alicedee — Sun, 09 Jul 2017 11:53:08 GMT

Seems like everyone is really into her private life....but since they were so involved in each other's families, I guess that's why. They were dating, not married or even engaged. The whole purpose of dating is to learn about each other....if he was attracted to another person, now was the best time for both of them to realize that and deal with the repercussions...not after an engagement or marriage.

Im sorry she is hurting...but give her space...maybe she doesn't want everyone talking about her and her situation. She knows you all love her....if she wants to talk let her approach you.

Re: Break up heart break

AngelPuppy1 — Sun, 09 Jul 2017 12:13:45 GMT

Yes, it's hard to see someone you love feeling sad and upset. She feels like her world is torn apart and I am sure has some feelings of self-doubt, etc. It's part of the growing up thing, unfortunately!

I think the best thing for her and everyone else is to not dwell on it or act like it's the most horrible thing to ever happen. The relationship was not long. Not to say that she didn't care for him, but they were not in a long-term relationship or engaged.

I would tell her given the chance ----- I am sorry that this happened to you, but he obviously did have the kind of feelings for you that he should have had. If he did, he wouldn't have done what he did -- he wouldn't have cheated on you, lied to you and hurt you! He was not the right guy for you. This happened for a reason. It will give you wisdom and the ability to deal with these things better in the future. Never settle --- and never allow anyone to treat you badly. Value yourself and be true to yourself.

She is young and has plenty of time. Enjoy the ride! Enjoy this time as it will never come again.

Enjoy dating, enjoy going out with friends. Study and do well. Love your family and those that love you.

Re: Break up heart break

prisrob — Sun, 09 Jul 2017 12:18:16 GMT

It is Ivy League not Ivy Leaf.