topic Re: My poor dad (may be long) in Community Chat

My poor dad (may be long)

cookinfreak — Mon, 19 Jun 2017 18:39:41 GMT

My dad is in a nursing facility with dementia & had a stroke a couple of years ago. They called me Fri to tell me that he hadn't been eating well and refused to get out of bed for 2 days. I left work and went to see him. He was sleeping and it took me a few minutes to wake him up. His voice was just a whisper and he kept falling asleep. I asked if he hurt anywhere and he shook his head no. Asked if he felt sick, he shook his head no. I asked are you just tired? He nodded yes. Asked do you want to sleep some more? He nodded yes. I stayed for a little while and left. Called a couple of times that night to see if any change. Went to see him Sat morning. He was the same. My SIL went to see him, he was the same. Sun morning, my SIL, my nephew (her son) and wife and I went to see him. Still the same. They brought up hospice care. His sister lives in Chicago but is visiting her daughter who is a couple hours from me. They came to see him Sun afternoon and he was the same for them. My niece (SIL's daughter) wanted to see him. They get to the nursing facility and he was sitting in a chair in the dining area eating supper!

I called this morning and they said he is refusing to get out of bed again and refused food and his meds.

I just don't know what to think. Thanks for listening.

cookin

Re: My poor dad (may be long)

Plaid Pants2 — Mon, 19 Jun 2017 18:54:53 GMT

Oh, {{{{{{cookinfreak}}}}}}, this makes me so sad to read.

My is with you as you go through this difficult time.

Re: My poor dad (may be long)

2blonde — Mon, 19 Jun 2017 19:09:13 GMT

@cookinfreak I'm so sorry you're having to deal with such a difficult situation. Have you asked any of the professionals at the facility what they make of it? I'm thinking they have lots of experience with such behavior and may be able to offer some insight.

Re: My poor dad (may be long)

henderson — Mon, 19 Jun 2017 19:12:49 GMT

I'm so sorry. It sounds like your dad is giving up and doesn't want to live. Do you know what his wishes are? Does he want a feeding tube, etc.? I don't want to sound harsh. If Hospice has been called in please don't hesitate to talk to them. They can help. Our son had hospice and they were amazing.

Re: My poor dad (may be long)

K9buddy — Mon, 19 Jun 2017 19:19:55 GMT

It sounds to me like his behavior is a function of his dementia. Wishing you the best during this difficult time.

Re: My poor dad (may be long)

RedTop — Mon, 19 Jun 2017 19:21:57 GMT

@cookinfreak

This happened to my 98 year old grandmother twice in the 10 months she lived in the personal care home. The first time it was due to being overmedicated. I researched her meds, found 3 that conflicted, and had the doctor review her meds and make changes. She perked up within about 3 days. The second time brought a diagnosis of congestive heart failure, which took her in about 6 weeks.

Re: My poor dad (may be long)

Fifi1 — Mon, 19 Jun 2017 19:23:31 GMT

THere is so little one can control in a skilled facility! Maybe he just wanted to sleep when he wanted and eat when he decided I understand how tough it can be, my MIL was at home and would do this, after a day or two demand that we all return to our homes out of town!

Re: My poor dad (may be long)

happycat — Mon, 19 Jun 2017 19:25:09 GMT

@cookinfreak, this sounds alot like what an elderly family member of mine did during the last 6 months or so of her life. We never knew what we were going to get when we visited, so we just tried to be prepared. We would have weeks like the one you describe, very little eating or drinking, stayng in bed mainly sleeping all the time. I for one would come home in tears, then after several days of that, I'd go in and she would be sitting up in the bed, wondering where her lunch was.

Prayers to you and your dad.

Re: My poor dad (may be long)

meallen616 — Mon, 19 Jun 2017 19:29:05 GMT

During this difficult time,

Re: My poor dad (may be long)

homedecor1 — Mon, 19 Jun 2017 19:31:36 GMT

@cookinfreak

I just wanted to add:

My closest & dearest friend was 87 in failing health, in hospital & rehab for months then released to home care. All was well for a few weeks then he was having trouble (like you explained) -- I called hospice for his sister was beyond what to do. In fact, when he knew the nurse was coming he'd get dressed & be perky...a few hours later so weak & tired.

I spoke to the nurse and she told me "he was ready to go home" and was waiting for us to say goodbye or let him know it's ok. It was one of the strangest & saddest things I've ever experienced. (I never had anyone close to me to know the signs).

A couple of days later he was tired and went to sleep and passed peacefully. I know this is sad but maybe he's ready to stop fighting to live.

My prayers are with you and your family.

Re: My poor dad (may be long)

Azcowgirl — Mon, 19 Jun 2017 19:36:20 GMT

@cookinfreak

Your story breaks my heart....my dear daddy had dementia too...he was in his own home and did pretty well at 92 .He took a turn for the worse and was in hospice for only a few days before he passed away. They were wonderful at hospice. He was so so lonesome for my mom, I think part of him wanted to go.

Sending thoughts and prayers to you.

Re: My poor dad (may be long)

Kitlynn — Mon, 19 Jun 2017 19:48:38 GMT

It is really hard to deal with dementia or alzheimers as there is no cure and nothing they can give them that really helps. Their brains don't tell them when something hurts or when they don't feel good. It also forgets to tell them they are hungry or need to get out of bed. You have to do it for them. The nursing staff has to get them up and bathed and dressed and then let them know it is time to eat and to be moving around like walking. Unfortunately it is hard to find well staffed facilites that will actually take the time to do these things. My beloved Mother In Law had alzheimers and we were fortunate that she could afford to be in a well staffed place with good solid care. Of course it cost $8000.00 a month and most people can't afford that kind of care. I feel for you and I wish that all facilites could have the kind of staff they need to really continue a good quality of life for the people who can't speak for themselves. Prayers for you and your family and all that you are going through and for your Dad. Bless yoru hearts.

Re: My poor dad (may be long)

Carmie — Mon, 19 Jun 2017 19:56:11 GMT

I am so sorry your father is doing so poorly.

Your father's symptoms are one of the signs that he may pass soon. Since hospice has been called in, I am sure you are aware.

Please know my prayers are with your father, you and your family.

Re: My poor dad (may be long)

cookinfreak — Mon, 19 Jun 2017 20:25:05 GMT

Thank you all for your words. I am braced for the worst. It will be terrible to see him go but he hasn't really been my same dad for several years. He doesn't remember his adult life. There is a very wonderful Care Assistant (that's her title) who he responds well to. She is just a doll and very compassionate. He told her the other day he wants to go home.

My 2 sisters see him 1 or 2 times a year for 15 min and act like they are the greatest children for doing it. (they do live out of town, but they are both only a few hours away but they act like it's a 3 day journey to get here). But they act like they did the world a favor by visiting him now & then. We basically don't talk.

I would go and visit one day on the weekend, and depending on my schedule sometimes more. especially if I thought I might miss the weekend.

cookin

Re: My poor dad (may be long)

jubilant — Mon, 19 Jun 2017 20:54:35 GMT

@cookinfreak

This is very normal for dementia patients. My Dad has dementia. He can have 3 or 4 "normal" days...then totally change. Sometimes he is as clear as a bell. Other times he has hallucinations, and other times he gets so sick we think he is dying. This past year he has lost his appetite and control of all his bodily functions. He went almost a month without eating hardly a thing and lost 20 lbs. Then, all of a sudden, he gets his appetite back and the whole thing starts all over again. Dad has vascular dementia and parkinson's disease. According to what we are told by the professionals...this is very common among vascular dementia patients.

Re: My poor dad (may be long)

game-on — Tue, 20 Jun 2017 00:16:58 GMT

@cookinfreak....Just wanted to send you (((hugs)))....it isnt easy to love sick people and to watch them die.... Mine have passed but I do have sisters in law and brothers in law.... who are aged....

Re: My poor dad (may be long)

Big Sister — Tue, 20 Jun 2017 01:01:05 GMT

I think his body is telling him/you what he wants and needs.

I agree that you should call in Hospice.

He may have some better days but I think they will get fewer.

I wish you peace.

Re: My poor dad (may be long)

chrystaltree — Tue, 20 Jun 2017 01:13:41 GMT

I think that's normal with dementia. Some days they are at their baseline and suddenly they deteriorate but inexplicably they can bounce back for short time.

Re: My poor dad (may be long)

Pqfan — Tue, 20 Jun 2017 01:24:21 GMT

@cookinfreakHi I don't know what to say but I wanted to let you know that I care. Sending prayers to you and your dad.

Re: My poor dad (may be long)

AuntG — Tue, 20 Jun 2017 01:25:04 GMT

Funny how we hear people say an ill person has 'good and bad days'. It really is true. I think he is wearing down and may be leaving you soon.