topic Re: My Co-Worker in Community Chat

My Co-Worker

SydneyH — Mon, 08 May 2017 04:00:38 GMT

Came into work today with a black eye. I was soo upset to see her in this condition, and when she tried to downplay her condition, I didn't take very well. Has this ever happened to you in the workplace?

Re: My Co-Worker

Kachina624 — Mon, 08 May 2017 04:09:44 GMT

There isn't much you can say or do. You can't ignore the "gorilla in the room" and pretend to not see it. I'd just quietly tell her you're a good listener if she wants to talk.

Re: My Co-Worker

SydneyH — Mon, 08 May 2017 04:11:58 GMT

@Kachina624 wrote:
There isn't much you can say or do. You can't ignore the "gorilla in the room" and pretend to not see it. I'd just quietly tell her you're a good listener if she wants to talk.

Her bruises were soo shocking, I insisted she seek medical attention immediately. I think her nose was broken, she couldn't even wear her glasses.

Re: My Co-Worker

Pearlee — Mon, 08 May 2017 04:22:18 GMT

Yes, I've seen it twice at work. It's horrible.

The first time was when a woman came to each of our offices to deliver the mail each day - well I should say very young woman, around 18 yrs old. She came to work with her face all bruised one day and said her boyfriend had beaten her up the night before.

The second time was when a much older woman - close to 60 yrs. old - came to work also all bruised - her face, her arms, and her legs. She said her dog had pulled her down the driveway when she was taking him out for a walk, but most of us didn't believe that and thought her husband had a hand in her injuries. This woman was very slight and frail and meek which made it all worse.

Re: My Co-Worker

SydneyH — Mon, 08 May 2017 04:25:55 GMT

@Pearlee Did Management address these incidents?

Re: My Co-Worker

Pearlee — Mon, 08 May 2017 04:30:45 GMT

@SydneyH wrote:
@Pearlee Did Management address these incidents?

@SydneyH If Management did, it did so in private with the employees. I never heard a thing about it other than seeing these two women at work.

Re: My Co-Worker

Kitlynn — Mon, 08 May 2017 05:22:20 GMT

It really could have happened to the older woman with the dog. My Mother In Law had it happen to her and it was terrible. Now if she came in more than once with bruises and things I would have been suspicious that there was something else going on.

Re: My Co-Worker

Kachina624 — Mon, 08 May 2017 05:31:45 GMT

I had a woman who worked for me. I don't remember if her So was boyfriend or spouse. He was head driller on oil rigs in Oklahoma and made a lot of money. She'd periodically call in sick from a hospital. When she'd show up for work she'd be bruised and battered. Then shortly after she'd blossom out in a new fantastic piece of jewelry, the good stuff. She had a cute name for him doing penitence, and all seemed to be forgiven.

Re: My Co-Worker

SydneyH — Mon, 08 May 2017 06:02:06 GMT

@Kachina624 wrote:
I had a woman who worked for me. I don't remember if her So was boyfriend or spouse. He was head driller on oil rigs in Oklahoma and made a lot of money. She'd periodically call in sick from a hospital. When she'd show up for work she'd be bruised and battered. Then shortly after she'd blossom out in a new fantastic piece of jewelry, the good stuff. She had a cute name for him doing penitence, and all seemed to be forgiven.

This must be some sort of coping thing because after I composed myself and asked for an explanation.........she started laughing, like it was nothing. I was horrified because we had have conversations in the past about her's partner's abusive behavior, I thought I was making inroads but apparently not. I asked her if she would be laughing if I dared to come to work looking that way, she couldn't look me in the eye. I then asked if she had a casket picked out because that imo, is the the next step........

Re: My Co-Worker

Lindsays Grandma — Mon, 08 May 2017 06:43:47 GMT

SydneyH...Yes Sydney but I was the one with two black eyes. My husband who I eventually divorced would use me as his punching bag if and when he drank alcoholic beverages. I wore

@SydneyH wrote:
Came into work today with a black eye. I was soo upset to see her in this condition, and when she tried to downplay her condition, I didn't take very well. Has this ever happened to you in the workplace?

sunglasses but had to eventually remove them. I gave a lame excuse that I was painting the ceiling beams in the family room and slipped on the ladder hitting my face on the rungs. Don't know if anyone believed me.

Re: My Co-Worker

SydneyH — Mon, 08 May 2017 06:46:29 GMT

Wow, Lindsay, my heart breaks hearing about your experience.

Re: My Co-Worker

Kachina624 — Mon, 08 May 2017 07:16:28 GMT

Does your company participate in an Employee Assistance Program? If so, that might be a first step if you can get her to go. If not, there's not much you can do. She has to want to change the situation. If she's satisfied to be somebody's punching bag, there not much else you can do.

Re: My Co-Worker

hckynut — Mon, 08 May 2017 07:24:46 GMT

@SydneyH wrote:
Came into work today with a black eye. I was soo upset to see her in this condition, and when she tried to downplay her condition, I didn't take very well. Has this ever happened to you in the workplace?

@SydneyH

In reply to your last sentence: "has this ever happened to you in the workplace"? Yes, many times, but all my co-workers were male.

I was one of the ones that went to work with, not only a black eye, but it also was swollen completely shut. My job required safety glasses, but my eye was so swelled up, my safety glasses would not fit over my swollen eye. The glasses also required side shields, and that made it worse.

Without being able to wear all the required safety equipment, I was assigned a different job for over a week. Once I got the 17 stitches out that were right under my eyebrow, and above my eyelid, the glasses finally fit my face again. Still couldn't open my eye over half way, but could still handle my job.

As far as co-workers coming in with black eyes? I heard many different reasons how they got them? Did I believe all of them? No I did not, as males like to exaggerate their injuries to make a good story for us.

I get the point you are making, but not sure why. "I didn't take very well", is your quote. That part I am not sure about. The last few years I changed jobs and did work with females. I saw more than one with a black eye, but unless they said something to me about, I am a "MYOB" person, and did not ask, or even think about it.

Wonder if this is a "men are from Mars" difference? You asked a question, and since I don't read other's posts before adding mine, this is my answer to the question you asked. I know, I know, have been asked tons of times why, that is just the way I prefer adding my comments to a post, question asked or not.

hckynut(john)

Re: My Co-Worker

deedledeedeedle — Mon, 08 May 2017 08:34:44 GMT

It would be very difficult to look at the poor woman, let alone interact with her as a customer. Hopefully there is an Employee Assistance Plan where you work. If not, you could let her know the phone number of a woman's shelter in your area. Hopefully kids are not in the picture as well. So sad. I would also be concerned that he may bring the violence to the work place if she attempts to leave. You read about it happening every single day.

dee

Re: My Co-Worker

deedledeedeedle — Mon, 08 May 2017 08:38:41 GMT

I'm so sorry this happened to you in the past @Lindsays Grandma.

You are a brave woman and a survivor! Thank God you kicked that loser to the curb.

dee

Re: My Co-Worker

Pook — Mon, 08 May 2017 08:58:02 GMT

I have had many black eyes, bruises and a broken nose. I taught baton for 20 years and often was hit in the face when a student's or my baton went wild. I bruised my nose badly when I walked into a very clean glass door at church that I thought was open while walking and talking to our priest. Once I had a black eye and my SO broke his fingers and hand when he ran to stop the stacked planks from falling over and tripped, fell into the cement blocks on the garage and used his hand to block his fall and protect his face(the same weekend) when he was building our deck and to this day some still do not believe we didn't have a knock down drag out fight. Even his doctor suggested he had punched me in the face and offered me help as well as anger management for him!! You just cannot assume it was abuse.

Re: My Co-Worker

AuntG — Mon, 08 May 2017 11:05:55 GMT

Interesting comments. In one instance, the 18 year old told the truth and said her boyfriend beat her up. In others, some have pretty interesting stories that may or may not be true. When it happened to my boss, she asked each of us to guess what caused her black eye. She started out by saying no one punched her and it was not sports related so our imaginations went wild. I'm the kind of person who would not want false stories; better not to address it at all.

Re: My Co-Worker

PINKdogWOOD — Mon, 08 May 2017 11:55:45 GMT

@Kitlynn This exact thing happened to me with a former dog we had years ago. He was racing around through the house, I was sitting on the sofa when he came bombarding around the corner when his hard bony head hit me square on my right cheek just under my eye. HIT IT HARD!!! I could feel my cheekbone puff up immediately so I grabbed some ice and the swelling went down. I had a black eye for a few weeks. This happened on a Friday. Monday when I went to work no one said a work to me about it. Then Tuesday came around and finally a co-worker flat out asked me what happened. It was such a ridiculous story, everybody just really laughed out loud at me. No amount of makeup could hide the rainbow of colors! He (the guy who asked) asked me if I was okay or if he "needed to take somebody out" for me. I laughed and said no.

My black eye finally went away but it took awhile for sure.

Re: My Co-Worker

151949 — Mon, 08 May 2017 11:56:27 GMT

I once was out walking with my puppy and she ran between my legs , tripping me and making me fall. I fell right onto my face breaking my nose and my cheekbone. Many people we knew thought my DH had hit me. You should never assume this unless the person tells you it is so. My DH would never do that and not every injury a woman receives is done by her SO.

Re: My Co-Worker

NicksmomESQ — Mon, 08 May 2017 12:04:17 GMT

@Lindsays Grandma I'm so sorry that happened to you! No one deserves that kind of treatment. I know someone who's ex used her as a punching bag.It wasn't until her brother found out that she finally left.He went over to her house & physically removed her.She left with the clothes on her back & never looked back. That was over 11 years ago.

With her brothers help she divorced her abuser & began the journey back to herself.She became a social worker & runs a victims of abuse program for the town she lives in.

@Lindsays Grandma you're a strong person.Your family must be proud of you.