topic Re: Advice needed please in Community Chat

Advice needed please

queendiva — Mon, 01 May 2017 15:00:25 GMT

How to handle a bridal shower gift problem:

Two sons and their special young women. One I will call Bride, the other is GF. These girls live in different states, have met a few times, get along well and hope to be sisters-in-law someday.

Bridal shower. GF could not travel, but was very thoughtful to send a gift via FedEx in a FedEx box. It was not well packaged. The item arrived broken in several pieces. Beyond repair. Bride and I do not want to hurt GF's feelings, particularly since she may have made the error of not securely packing the gift. It was a marble and stone item; I suspect she thought it was unbreakable, but the marble broke. 'Everyone's relationship with GF is much more important than the gift. There was no gift receipt. Looked like an item that was purchased at a small boutique-type local store.

I am sending something via FedEx today, and will bring the box and broken gift with me. I will talk with the store manager here about options. FedEx box. Do not know who packed it. I hope tracking number will provide more info and if there is insurance to cover the damage.

How can this situation best be handled? TIA

Re: Advice needed please

Bri36 — Mon, 01 May 2017 15:32:21 GMT

Why don't you want to tell her it arrived broken?

I don't know what Fed Ex is supposed to do about it. She's the one who would need to file a claim, not you.

I would just let the GF know it arrived broken and come up with a solution instead of going behind her back.

Re: Advice needed please

Plaid Pants2 — Mon, 01 May 2017 15:06:59 GMT

Just be honest with the girlfriend and tell her that unfortunatly it arrived broken.

She's going to find out sooner or later, one way or another anyway, wouldn't you rather that she heard it from you?

Or, she could be embarrassed when she askes the gift receipiant, "How did you like the marble gift that I sent you?'"

Then, she could get mad that you knew before hand and didn't tell her.

So just tell her.

Re: Advice needed please

IamMrsG — Mon, 01 May 2017 15:10:46 GMT

Deceit is far more damaging than truth. Let GF know her gift arrived damaged.

Re: Advice needed please

ROMARY — Mon, 01 May 2017 15:12:16 GMT

Yes, tell her; tell Fed EX. They might have just accidently thrown the package around. Was it marked: 'Fragile'?

Re: Advice needed please

noodleann — Mon, 01 May 2017 15:17:01 GMT

It's important that, however disappointing it may be to her, the GF know about the breakage and loss, for three reasons.

One, if it is insured, she gets the money, not the recipient, because she actually suffered the loss. She might be able to purchase a replacement.

Two, if she packed it, she needs to learn about the realities of packing, and there really is a learning curve. Even metals can break, especially things like pot metal, which is brittle, but people don't realize that. There are all kinds of guides to good packing online, or she may be wisest in having a professional pack something like this in the future.

Three, telling her the truth now prevents any misunderstanding about why the bride doesn't have the item--and no one has to lie. That seems a valuable point when you're talking about two women who want to have an enduring relationship as sisters-in-law.

Re: Advice needed please

beckyb1012 — Mon, 01 May 2017 15:22:38 GMT

Tell her gently that her gift arrived broken. It is not like she sent it that way. If years down the road this story is told she will be mortified that you and the other DIL knew this behind her back. That will be so much more painful and she will wonder what else do you two talk about?

Re: Advice needed please

Kitlynn — Mon, 01 May 2017 15:24:13 GMT

I would definitely in a very nice way let her know the gift arrived broken. She spent money on something she thought would be a really nice gift and she deserves to know what happened. Let her know that her sending it and thinking of the bride to be was very thoughtful and appreciated. The truth is always best and being up front about it in a nice way is good then she knows what happens but also knows she was appreciated for her kindness.

Re: Advice needed please

nomless — Mon, 01 May 2017 15:30:18 GMT

I don't see a problem. Thank GF for sending a gift, let her know it arrived beoken, ask her if it was insured by FedEx for loss or damage during transit. If it was, she (the sender) is probably the one who would file a claim with FedEx.

Re: Advice needed please

riley1 — Mon, 01 May 2017 15:30:54 GMT

I would definitely be truthful with GF - not great to start any relationship with untruths. And, someday if she goes to Brides house and doesn't see the gift what will she be told?

Yes, you should check with FedEx about insurance, etc and if they packed it it is on them, I think.

If GF packed the package, it is on her and this is a good lesson in how to pack items for shipping.

Re: Advice needed please

Isobel Archer — Mon, 01 May 2017 15:36:06 GMT

I would definitely let her know. The fact that there was no gift receipt does not necessarily mean she packed it herself. I have had experience - more than once - of items arriving without a gift receipt, wrapping, - or even an indication of who sent it - despite my specifying on the website that I wanted (and paid for) all three.

Re: Advice needed please

queendiva — Mon, 01 May 2017 15:39:39 GMT

OK. Thanks for the feedback. Called FedEx CS. They said to get in touch with GF and blame FedEx for the broken item. GF can open a claim within 60 days.

Will suggest to Bride that's what she should do.

Thanks to alll who replied.

Re: Advice needed please

Cakers3 — Mon, 01 May 2017 17:42:48 GMT

@noodleann wrote:
It's important that, however disappointing it may be to her, the GF know about the breakage and loss, for three reasons.

One, if it is insured, she gets the money, not the recipient, because she actually suffered the loss. She might be able to purchase a replacement.

Two, if she packed it, she needs to learn about the realities of packing, and there really is a learning curve. Even metals can break, especially things like pot metal, which is brittle, but people don't realize that. There are all kinds of guides to good packing online, or she may be wisest in having a professional pack something like this in the future.

Three, telling her the truth now prevents any misunderstanding about why the bride doesn't have the item--and no one has to lie. That seems a valuable point when you're talking about two women who want to have an enduring relationship as sisters-in-law.

@noodleann All good points-especially since GF spent the $$ to purchase the gift. The gift shouldn't just be discarded as though it really didn't matter.

Re: Advice needed please

viva923 — Mon, 01 May 2017 21:18:38 GMT

let the girlfriend know about the breakage.

she will find out about it. Be honest and let her know the gift did arrive but it was broken.

she would have to file the claim with fed-ex for breakage.

Re: Advice needed please

chickenbutt — Mon, 01 May 2017 21:39:10 GMT

It wasn't clear to me whether GF packed and shipped it or whether the store where she purchased packed and shipped it for her.

If the store did and it fell within the automatic insurance coverage, maybe it can be replaced.

I kind of think that the situation could be brought to her attention kindly, without damaging the friendship unless she is a particularly sensitive person. Maybe she can get it replaced.

But if it doesn't come up and she never sees the gift in the person's house she might just think they didn't like it and either just stuck it away or gave it away. Plus, how does one thank the person without letting them know because if they thank her, without letting her know, then it will be kind of weird later.

I don't know - I guess it depends on the people involved. YMMV of course. Those are just my thoughts.

I'll just say for a sort of similar experience I had - I would send my husband's aunt and cousin a very expensive item each year and never knew until later that one of them was stale and dry. If I had known at the time I would have been able to get it replaced. Finding out WAY down the line I just felt badly because I had wasted all that money and they didn't end up with the quality to which they were accustomed. It was a lose-lose, since I never knew.

Re: Advice needed please

Bri36 — Mon, 01 May 2017 21:50:19 GMT

If I'm a gift giver, I want to know if it arrived damaged or something is wrong with it. I would do whatever I could to make sure the person receiving my gift was happy.

It would upset me if something was wrong and nothing was said.