topic Re: Presents (Gifts) I AM DONE! in Community Chat

Presents (Gifts) I AM DONE!

LilacTree — Fri, 21 Apr 2017 18:51:32 GMT

Odd this should come up today (in another thread). I decided that was not the place for my thoughts today. So I moved it.

Over the past few weeks I have decided I'm not buying any gifts anymore for anyone in my family, including my girls and my grandchildren. No matter how hard I try, they wind up not liking it, not wearing it, never using it, etc. It's not that it hurts my feelings . . . oh forget that . . . it hurts my feelings!

And I have even had them pick out something themselves and wind up not ever seeing it again. My daughter's Christmas gift, an aromatherapy diffuser she had been saying she needed in her bedroom. I don't see it anywhere, it's probably in a box in her closet. I am done. I have always been a huge gift giver . . . but no more. A card, a "Happy Birthday," and a kiss and a hug. That's it.

As always, when they need something (like my grandson needed a laptop for school), I am right there buying it for them. Those are the only times they are getting something from me. WHEN THEY NEED IT, a specific thing.

No more, not for me anyway. (I await the criticism, LOL.)

Re: Presents (Gifts) I AM DONE!

Halidon — Fri, 21 Apr 2017 19:08:17 GMT

Lilactree I'm so sorry you feel this way. You sound like you're very generous! Know in your heart that you should be valued for you, not for what you can give. Maybe this is just a rough patch and temporary. Cyberhugs.

Re: Presents (Gifts) I AM DONE!

CelticCrafter — Fri, 21 Apr 2017 19:14:51 GMT

Different reasons, but I'm done with nieces and their children.

When I had to continually ask if they got birthday, Christmas - whatever - I was over it...and it took a while to get over me feeling guilty for not gifting them anymore.

Re: Presents (Gifts) I AM DONE!

aggravated — Fri, 21 Apr 2017 19:14:24 GMT

My sister-in-law and brother-in-law (his family is in Canada) have said the same thing. They have had his relatives stay with them for weeks (they live in Florida near the beach) and never hear from the afterwards - no thank you, nothing. Brothers wrote asking them to buy laptops for their children - no thank you anythings - phone calls or cards. They, too, said they are done.

Re: Presents (Gifts) I AM DONE!

Nomorebirthdays — Fri, 21 Apr 2017 19:15:22 GMT

I wont be critical of your decision. I would love to cut way back, but my one sister and mom won't hear to it. At Christmas we exchange with 19 people, some I only see 3 or 4 times a year, adult nieces, nephews, great nieces and nephews, it's ridiculous. But they throw a fit if I mention it. I really hate to shop and no one needs a thing. They continue to think we will have a Waltons mountain Christmas when in fact some of do not even like each other. I think Christmas is for the kids. I too have decided after my mom passes this will stop, Kids only.

Re: Presents (Gifts) I AM DONE!

cotton4me — Fri, 21 Apr 2017 19:22:24 GMT

I think there comes a time for many people, especially retirees, where it’s best to let go of the gift giving. I remember when my grandparents told everyone they were no longer going to be buying gifts for anyone. I thought that was great. Many people are on limited incomes or don’t have the wherewithal to look for and buy gifts. I think a card is fine and lets them know you’re thinking of them.

Re: Presents (Gifts) I AM DONE!

Halidon — Fri, 21 Apr 2017 19:26:33 GMT

This is interesting as I have bought a tremendous amount of bridal showers, baby showers, weddings, graduations and holiday presents. Out of all of those events, I received two thank you mentions, one by formal mail, the other by text. Maybe it's not etiquette anymore for simple thank yous? My mother pounced it in our noggins to always say thank you. We do have the right to do as we wish however. An invitation is a request, not a demand. I read that somewhere.

Re: Presents (Gifts) I AM DONE!

LilacTree — Fri, 21 Apr 2017 19:30:51 GMT

@Nomorebirthdays wrote:
I wont be critical of your decision. I would love to cut way back, but my one sister and mom won't hear to it. At Christmas we exchange with 19 people, some I only see 3 or 4 times a year, adult nieces, nephews, great nieces and nephews, it's ridiculous. But they throw a fit if I mention it. I really hate to shop and no one needs a thing. They continue to think we will have a Waltons mountain Christmas when in fact some of do not even like each other. I think Christmas is for the kids. I too have decided after my mom passes this will stop, Kids only.

@Nomorebirthdays

I don't have any little kids anymore. My youngest granddaughter is 14 . . . and she doesn't like anything!

You buy for 19 people? My goodness!! That's one thing my beloved sister and I settled a long, long time ago, as we have a large family. We pledged to buy just for our own kids. Now there are over 40 in our extended family. Can you imagine?? Who could afford that?

But again, I will say with me it's not the money. It's wasted money maybe, but that is not my point these days. I just like to please my loved ones, and if I'm not, then it's time to stop.

Re: Presents (Gifts) I AM DONE!

Mom2Dogs — Fri, 21 Apr 2017 19:38:27 GMT

We are cutting back as well, we rarely get a thank you.....some may say it's not about the thank you but to me if a gift is given and thank you is expected......this will be the first year we have not given our grandaughter (married with children) a birthday check. We are not making any announcements, just sending a card. When her sister turns 18, she will be done as well.

Re: Presents (Gifts) I AM DONE!

dex — Fri, 21 Apr 2017 19:39:35 GMT

@LilacTree I agree it is time to stop if they don't enjoy their gifts.Maybe you could purchase event gifts or movie tickets or a family zoo pass.I know my son and his gf love going to entertainment events of all kinds.I think those tickets are a waste but they love it so it is all good.

Re: Presents (Gifts) I AM DONE!

goldensrbest — Fri, 21 Apr 2017 19:48:15 GMT

@LilacTree, i really do understand, it is just waisting money if they do not use it, and yes it hurts my feelings also, on the other side i miss not getting gifts.

Re: Presents (Gifts) I AM DONE!

Puppy Lips — Fri, 21 Apr 2017 19:50:52 GMT

Years ago I made it my rule that the 18th year of the life of my neices and nephews would be their last birthday and Christmas gifts. I would be lucky to even get a thank you for what I did give. The other siblings I think followed that rule, except for my youngest son. He is way younger than his cousins. As soon as I stopped giving gifts to my neices and nephews, their parents stopped giving anything to my youngest son, even though he was not 18. He really got cheated and was forgotten.

My husband still gives Christmas gifts to his sister and two brothers. They give us stuff too, but I really don't want it. Food gifts that we don't use; some stupid decoration or ornament, etc. One year we got stuff that was broken. I wish they would just stop all that nonsense. No one needs anything. We can exchange Christmas cards and be done with it.

Re: Presents (Gifts) I AM DONE!

Nomorebirthdays — Fri, 21 Apr 2017 19:53:53 GMT

@LilacTree@Yep, I will continue with my adult children and my grandkids. I had 6 Easter baskets to fill, I gave them each 10$ and a bit of candy, that's about 80$ plus I gave 40. To my sister towards the ham and candy for the egg hunt

We are OK financial wise but I would rather use the money to save for after my DH retires.

I do not add up the cost of Christmas it would scare me.

Re: Presents (Gifts) I AM DONE!

goldensrbest — Fri, 21 Apr 2017 19:52:30 GMT

I remember at christmas ,you ordered your girls the tsv pj's, did they wear them?

Re: Presents (Gifts) I AM DONE!

makena — Fri, 21 Apr 2017 19:54:05 GMT

Sadly I think many people give gifts out of obligation and not out of their heart. If you don't give a gift for the right reasons you can end up resenting it and then it's not really a gift anymore.

Re: Presents (Gifts) I AM DONE!

RetRN — Fri, 21 Apr 2017 19:54:29 GMT

@LilacTree, I think you have made a wise decision. You won't get any negativity from me. Use the money for yourself and enjoy it.

Re: Presents (Gifts) I AM DONE!

LilacTree — Fri, 21 Apr 2017 19:59:00 GMT

@goldensrbest wrote:
I remember at christmas ,you ordered your girls the tsv pj's, did they wear them?

@goldensrbest

I can't believe you remember that! Yes, I bought eight pairs of those PJs. I'm never there when they are going to bed or in the morning, so I don't know if they wear them or not. And they each got an additional gift as well.

I know the daughter I live with doesn't wear them.

Re: Presents (Gifts) I AM DONE!

goldensrbest — Fri, 21 Apr 2017 20:00:36 GMT

@LilacTree wrote:
@goldensrbest wrote:
I remember at christmas ,you ordered your girls the tsv pj's, did they wear them?
@goldensrbest
I can't believe you remember that! Yes, I bought eight pairs of those PJs. I'm never there when they are going to bed or in the morning, so I don't know if they wear them or not. And they each got an additional gift as well.

I know the daughter I live with doesn't wear them.

I remember alot of things, nothing wrong with my memory!!!

Re: Presents (Gifts) I AM DONE!

LilacTree — Fri, 21 Apr 2017 20:01:37 GMT

@RetRN wrote:
@LilacTree, I think you have made a wise decision. You won't get any negativity from me. Use the money for yourself and enjoy it.

@RetRN

Well I have a lot of medical co-pays coming up because of all my recent testing, so . . . yes, I will be using a lot of money to pay those bills.

Re: Presents (Gifts) I AM DONE!

goldensrbest — Fri, 21 Apr 2017 20:02:42 GMT

My mom,she soon will be 83 , use to love everything i got her, but about 4 years ago she started not liking the items i bought her.