topic Re: I Need Advice On How To Handle a Nosey Relative in Community Chat

I Need Advice On How To Handle a Nosey Relative

Leeny — Tue, 11 Apr 2017 00:18:40 GMT

I looked through all the forums and didn't see anything related to this topic. I hope you don't think I am being horrible. So here it goes.

My mother is in a nursing home and she has a cousin that has interfered since day 1. I am the only child and I am my mother's power of attorney. A couple of years ago this cousin purchased a cell phone for my mother who has dementia and I expressed to her then I didn't go along with it at all.

Now my mother is calling my daughter at all hours of the wee morning and then hangs up. She use to do this to me, but that stopped awhile back. My DD told me today she is not going to put up with this anymore and that I need to contact the cousin and have the phone removed. My mother hasn't a clue how to work this phone and yet her cousin says she needs it to keep her social.??? Any suggestions?

Re: I Need Advice On How To Handle a Nosey Relative

MickD — Tue, 11 Apr 2017 00:21:21 GMT

@Leeny you are the POA case closed. Give cousin her phone back.

Re: I Need Advice On How To Handle a Nosey Relative

Sooner — Tue, 11 Apr 2017 00:23:47 GMT

Take the phone out and let the nursing home staff know YOU are the POA and they aren't to take direction from anyone else and you DO NOT want your mother to have a phone.

You have to stand up for yourself. Been there, done that. You have to.

Re: I Need Advice On How To Handle a Nosey Relative

DiAnne — Tue, 11 Apr 2017 00:23:57 GMT

If you are the DPOA just take the phone away from your mother. I might also make the social worker aware of the problem.

Re: I Need Advice On How To Handle a Nosey Relative

Annabellethecat66 — Tue, 11 Apr 2017 00:24:07 GMT

Here's my reply. Why does you mother need a cell phone? Answer, she doesn't. Especially if she has Dementia.

I'm surprised the nursing home allows her to have a cell phone!

Answer (my opinion) is to remove the cell phone...period.

Re: I Need Advice On How To Handle a Nosey Relative

pegomyheart — Tue, 11 Apr 2017 00:24:37 GMT

Take the phone away. Don't feel bad about it. Case closed.

Re: I Need Advice On How To Handle a Nosey Relative

nana59 — Tue, 11 Apr 2017 00:30:02 GMT

Take the phone away from your mother--then use it to call that whacky cousin all hours of the day and night....sounds fair to me....

Re: I Need Advice On How To Handle a Nosey Relative

Leeny — Tue, 11 Apr 2017 00:30:18 GMT

@Annabellethecat66

@pegomyheart @DiAnne

@Sooner

@MickD

Thank You all for the vote of confidence that I needed to hear. I e-mailed my cousin and I will give her the opportunity to get rid of it and if she doesn't I am taking it away when I go out this week. I didn't want to call the cousin since I don't want confrontation at the nursing home. I will take it and give it to the social worker or the Nurse in Charge and they can give it to the cousin when she comes.

@Annabellethecat66.. Exactly, why does a 85 yr. old woman with Dementia need a phone? It's ridiculous. Who needs to have the phone ringing at 4AM in the morning? My DD is an RN and works late and needs her sleep. It's crazy....

Re: I Need Advice On How To Handle a Nosey Relative

AuntG — Tue, 11 Apr 2017 00:31:19 GMT

I'd contact the cousin and say that as POA I've removed the phone because mother is confused and making nuisance calls.

Re: I Need Advice On How To Handle a Nosey Relative

Sooner — Tue, 11 Apr 2017 00:36:08 GMT

@Leeny wrote:
@Annabellethecat66
@pegomyheart @DiAnne
@Sooner
@MickD

Thank You all for the vote of confidence that I needed to hear. I e-mailed my cousin and I will give her the opportunity to get rid of it and if she doesn't I am taking it away when I go out this week. I didn't want to call the cousin since I don't want confrontation at the nursing home. I will take it and give it to the social worker or the Nurse in Charge and they can give it to the cousin when she comes.

@Annabellethecat66.. Exactly, why does a 85 yr. old woman with Dementia need a phone? It's ridiculous. Who needs to have the phone ringing at 4AM in the morning? My DD is an RN and works late and needs her sleep. It's crazy....

Sometimes people can GET calls, but they don't make them, or certainly not at inappropriate times. It all depends on the patient. . .

Re: I Need Advice On How To Handle a Nosey Relative

Posh Poodle — Tue, 11 Apr 2017 00:40:28 GMT

Re: I Need Advice On How To Handle a Nosey Relative

Nomorebirthdays — Tue, 11 Apr 2017 00:42:04 GMT

Years ago I had in law who was decided to give a phone to another of her relative that is alcoholic so she goes out until the bars closed and call people when she got home. That did not last long. I had to have her number blocked by the phone company.

I think I would give the phone to social worker as someone suggested, let them handle it. I was the bad guy for having blocked her calls at 2:30 in the morning, she never forgave me.

Re: I Need Advice On How To Handle a Nosey Relative

Posh Poodle — Tue, 11 Apr 2017 00:43:55 GMT

Leeny, I am serious with this suggestion: put the cousin's phone number, the one who gave the phone to your mother, into your mother's cell phone after deleting all the other numbers. Then your mom can call her at all hours of the day to stay social. Just see how long that will last.

Re: I Need Advice On How To Handle a Nosey Relative

Annabellethecat66 — Tue, 11 Apr 2017 00:45:05 GMT

@Leeny You are a good person (seems like it) and a good daughter.

I think (no I know you knew the answer) but it's always good to hear from other's (reinforcement).

It sounds like you've done a good job already. Don't you ever let anyone cause you to question your decisions regarding your mom. She's YOUR mom and you know best.

My late husband and I waited 7 years to have children. We got married early (barely 19) but when I turned 26 I told him I wanted more than one child and we'd have to start. Back then people just didn't have children after 35 (and that was stretching it).

I had 3 daughters. I never wanted one child to be responsible for my husband and myself when we got sick or old. I was raised like an only child because my brother and sister were older. I have two younger 1/2 sisters but never lived with them.

I know we can't always guide what we want in life. I'm telling you all of this because it has to be difficult to be the one person responsible for an elderly parent. Just know I think it sounds like you have a good heart and are doing a good job. Don't question yourself. I think your heart is good. Fondly, Annabelle

Re: I Need Advice On How To Handle a Nosey Relative

Daisy Sunflower — Tue, 11 Apr 2017 01:20:28 GMT

@Posh Poodle wrote:
Leeny, I am serious with this suggestion: put the cousin's phone number, the one who gave the phone to your mother, into your mother's cell phone after deleting all the other numbers. Then your mom can call her at all hours of the day to stay social. Just see how long that will last.

I was going to suggest the same thing.

Re: I Need Advice On How To Handle a Nosey Relative

GCR18 — Tue, 11 Apr 2017 01:14:32 GMT

My sister is also in a nursing home with dementia. We had lots of phone issues. My sister knew not to call at night, but she'd call every 15 minutes from 7am until 3pm. I would take the phone home and put it in a drawer. When cousin mentions the phone is missing, I'd say I took it home because of the nightly calls. I'd tell her she can have it back if she didn't give it to mother. If she brings another phone, do it again.

Re: I Need Advice On How To Handle a Nosey Relative

kdgn — Tue, 11 Apr 2017 01:27:20 GMT

Someone at the nursing home must be helping your mother out-cell phones need to be charged. Does your mother have the capacity to understand that and charge it herself?

As POA, you have the right to determine who gives what to your mother. Just as the nursing home has to inform you of anything having to do with your mother-whether it's a change in medication, test results, she has a cold. Make sure the staff and administration knows that the cousin has no authority over your mother.

Re: I Need Advice On How To Handle a Nosey Relative

NicksmomESQ — Tue, 11 Apr 2017 01:33:21 GMT

Bottom line you are in charge of your moms care.This means that you get to make all of the decisions!! Bottom line the phone goes.No ifs ands or buts.Period!!!

Good luck! Your mom is in excellent hands!!

Re: I Need Advice On How To Handle a Nosey Relative

Katcat1 — Tue, 11 Apr 2017 01:41:59 GMT

@Leeny, Explain to this cousin about the calls and hangups and that if she does not remove the phone, I will. That is your mother not hers and she needs to butt out. I don't understand these people who insist on being a pain in the -------. Life is too short, take control of this situation.

Re: I Need Advice On How To Handle a Nosey Relative

Marp — Tue, 11 Apr 2017 01:56:59 GMT

If your mother gets some degree of fun/comfort/interest from the phone let her keep it but remove the sim card so she cannot make calls.