topic Re: Your Siblings and Your Children in Community Chat

Your Siblings and Your Children

Goodie2shoes — Mon, 06 Mar 2017 04:34:23 GMT

Just curious, do you get along with your siblings ? Where do you fall in birth order and does your adult children get along with each other ? I am the oldest of 10 and I have 2 of my younger siblings that I really don't deal with, one is a alcoholic and the other just thinks he knows everything. My adult children are currently not talking to each other. It's very upseting to me but they have always had their issues with each other so I just pray for them both. I always tell each one that I love them and will always be there for him and for her. How do you handle conflict between your adult children ? Do you take sides or stay out of it and let them work it out ?

Re: Your Siblings and Your Children

Snowpuppy — Mon, 06 Mar 2017 04:45:14 GMT

Sadly I no longer have a relationship with my siblings due to their alcoholism.

They are functioning, hold down jobs, etc. But the constant lies, fabricated stories for money and self created drama got to be too much to deal with.

DS is an only child. He has some great friends and tho there is drama among his buddies from time to time, including silent stretches, they seem to work things out.

Re: Your Siblings and Your Children

SydneyH — Mon, 06 Mar 2017 04:50:43 GMT

One brother who is 7 years younger, I prefer as little contact as possible due to his dysfunctional behavior, however I do have to 'tolerate' him for my children's sake. For the record, they know he's not all there either, lmao. I dread what antics he may bring at my upcoming child's graduation in May.

Re: Your Siblings and Your Children

CAMOGIRL — Mon, 06 Mar 2017 05:02:10 GMT

I have one older sister. She is definitely a miss know it all. I really do not have much to do with her anymore at all. Yes, sad - but true, it took me a long time to just call it quits with her.

As far as my children. I would say their pretty close, but lead completely different lives.

Funny how people can be so different in just one family alone, isn't it?

Re: Your Siblings and Your Children

151949 — Mon, 06 Mar 2017 05:11:10 GMT

I find it best to just forgive and forget as far as my brothers are concerned. Our 1 problem brother has passed away - alcoholism. 1 more died from heart disease - rampant disease in my father's family. 1 died in Viet Nam, leaving just myself and 1 brother left.We get along well and so do our spouses. The brother who is still with us has 12 kids - many remember living next door to my stepkids and they do still call each other cousin and keep in touch.

Re: Your Siblings and Your Children

homedecor1 — Mon, 06 Mar 2017 05:52:49 GMT

I am the middle child. I have a brother (5 years older) & sister (11 years younger). We kinda drifted apart after our parents passed they were young 57 & 59.

We always got along. Life takes different directions but we are never more than a call away - if anyone of us needs each other we are there. My sister & I always spend time together when I go home -my brother lives 5 hrs away I see him often.

My boys are direct opposites. I know they have their moments and I try to stay out of it. I've told them I

won't be here forever so work it out! They usually do as far as I know. (Sometimes I do bite my tongue cuz I want to take sides😱). Honestly, neither tell me too much and I don't think they have any "earth shattering issues" just typical sibling stuff (I hope).

Re: Your Siblings and Your Children

CatsyCline — Mon, 06 Mar 2017 05:58:13 GMT

i have a sister who is 3 years younger. she is the dominant one because in my mother's eyes she could never do wrong. she was white blonde as a child and a brat. my mother values looks and she was very cute. she has always been a manipulator

we have never been close, maybe only for a very short time when we were in our early 20s. i was not her maid of honor when she married. she has been married 29 years and has 2 kids HS/college age and a husband who can't be alone it seems she has never come to visit me or just have a girl's weekend. i feel sad about this. our family was and still is dysfunctional.

Re: Your Siblings and Your Children

Winter Holiday — Mon, 06 Mar 2017 09:57:54 GMT

I am the youngest of three children. I have a brother and sister. Both are much older than me. My relationship with my sister is hot and cold. The relationship might seem okay but then she betrays me or at her age chooses her friends over me in an important scenario and things go cold. I really believe her friends are more important to her then her "total"family. Now her family with her child, significant other and step child is another thing. We aren't close anymore. We're too different. In this case different isn't the type of opposing likes and cutsyness.

When I was a kid she adored me but when I grew up and had different views and made different choices than her well she didn't like me so much anymore. The biggest example of this is that I chose not to have kids. She won't say if but I know if I was gaga over kids she would like me more. She also no longer lives reasonably close to me anymore so that is a factor. My sister has one college age child who has had learning disabilities and who knows what else that she has been hiding for years because she is seemingly embarassed by it. The kid is her whole world and smart but extremely rude and antisocial. Quite honestly he hasn't flown the nest and I don't know how he is going to get a real job and function in life when he doesn't talk to anyone and gives one word answers to conversational questions.

My brother and I were never too close. I always gave him a hall pass for this as the whole well sisters are always closer thing. This may also have to do with the fact that he and my sister are from one father and me another but he will never say it. He doesn't live unbearably far from me but we hardly see each other. He never invites me anywhere. I see him for holidays and we pretend everything is okay. I do it that way even though I think its fake because I want to try and keep the peace to honor what my mom wanted when she passed a few years back(that the three of us stay close). I put up with that behavior even though I don't like it and think its fake just to keep our little family together. I say little because when my grandmother died over 20 years ago relationships dwindled between extended relatives. None of us have any successful relationships with our cousins be it first, second, or third. Those died when she did.

My brother has a college age daughter. She and I used to be close until she got to college and now she doesn't know any of us She has now graduated and received her degree. I haven't spoken to her in a year. She's livin it up balancing work and going on trips. My brother and her mother were divorced years ago. For the longest time for holidays she has repeadedly chosen her mother's family over her dad's (ours) that's because she knows she always has a chance of getting something. She's totally turning out to be a person that only needs a person if she has something to gain from them materially and has become a social climber. I don't like it at all.

This is my family or I should say the people I deal with. I guess I repeatedly forgive them because I care. I shouldn't because these relationships are never healthy for me.I don't feel any of them truly care for me. Thankfully God has blessed me with a wonderful man who does love me and care about me and more than anyone has my entire life.

Re: Your Siblings and Your Children

Nataliesgramma — Mon, 06 Mar 2017 10:30:19 GMT

My brother is 4 years younger than me and we see each other probably only once a month even though we live in the same area. He is a work-a-holic. If I needed something though....I am sure he would be there though.

I do have breakfast with his wife every few weeks to chat....LOL

Re: Your Siblings and Your Children

CelticCrafter — Mon, 06 Mar 2017 11:17:50 GMT

Seems as though this has turned into a bash siblings for the most part...

I had two - both younger than I and they have both passed. Wish they were here, warts and all...

Re: Your Siblings and Your Children

ID2 — Mon, 06 Mar 2017 11:24:54 GMT

I only have an older brother now, my other brother (older too) passed away years ago. I am the youngest of three. My brother and I get along splendidly! I have two adult kids. I'm always warmed to find out how much they call and text each other! My dh has a wacko sister that is estranged in his life. She's big trouble and I hope he never finds her.

Re: Your Siblings and Your Children

Eire22 — Mon, 06 Mar 2017 11:30:28 GMT

I have three siblings and the best tmes are when we are all together. Our children and now grandchildren can't wait until they are with their cousins. A shore vacation again this summer. Should be about 46 of us.This is all Mom And Dad wanted for us. Love love my family!

Re: Your Siblings and Your Children

blackhole99 — Mon, 06 Mar 2017 11:36:48 GMT

There are 4 of us, 3 girls and 1 boy, I am the oldest and we all get along, but we only see each other on occasion. I call my youngest sister about every 2 months to chat, she reminds me of our mother who is deceased. My brother calls me a couple of times a year and my younger sister emails me only if there's a problem. I think we don't bother socializing because we have very little in common, other than being related by blood. My son is an only child.

Re: Your Siblings and Your Children

Tantrum — Mon, 06 Mar 2017 11:39:19 GMT

My brother and I were close as children, but grew apart as young adults, when interests, work responsibilities, and young families kept us busy. After our father's death last year, we found ourselves suddenly responsible for dealing with an extensive estate and trust matters, and I am happy to say that we are once again, extremely close. I have 9 children of my own and while they may occasionally fight among themselves, God help anyone else who interferes with a sibling! Certain combinations work together better than others, but all in all, I am proud that they are all extremely close and intensely loyal to each other.

It was certainly a struggle, particularly financially, to raise them all, and they had to often share or do without many of the things kids in smaller families took for granted, but I think that helped them to appreciate the things they DID get more and also not to just expect everything to fall in their lap. It just wasn't possible to spoil them with stuff. I'd like to think that the time and effort and love I gave them was more important, along with actual family and moral values.

Re: Your Siblings and Your Children

hoosieroriginal — Mon, 06 Mar 2017 13:28:32 GMT

@Goodie2shoes wrote:
Just curious, do you get along with your siblings ? Where do you fall in birth order and does your adult children get along with each other ? I am the oldest of 10 and I have 2 of my younger siblings that I really don't deal with, one is a alcoholic and the other just thinks he knows everything. My adult children are currently not talking to each other. It's very upseting to me but they have always had their issues with each other so I just pray for them both. I always tell each one that I love them and will always be there for him and for her. How do you handle conflict between your adult children ? Do you take sides or stay out of it and let them work it out ?

@Goodie2shoes - oldest of 10? wow - my husband was next to youngest of 10 also - It was hard for me because we were always over at his families' houses. I think he and his brothers and sisters mostly got along. I was from a small family and it was difficult getting used to always being with such a large family.

Re: Your Siblings and Your Children

Greeneyedlady21 — Mon, 06 Mar 2017 13:46:50 GMT

Telling (and facing) the truth about your siblings isn't bashing them, for me it isn't and sometimes it's far worse than warts. One of my brothers, well I believe he's dangerous. And yes I am afraid of him, of what he is capable of. In my family pretending and being in denial has just helped all these problems to flourish. Facing the truth about my siblings (and my family), and saying it out loud, has been part of my healing process. I wasted so much time wishing, a tiny part of me still does.

In general I believe that an unhealthy dysfunctional marriage causes these issues. Not always, I would think sometimes siblings can become closer in those circumstances. And maybe sometimes things are healthy and siblings still don't get along. It's complicated.

You choose your friends, not your family. And you're not obligated to be close with family if they're toxic.

Re: Your Siblings and Your Children

mima — Mon, 06 Mar 2017 13:53:15 GMT

I only had one brother and he died at age 47. He was 3 years younger than me. We got along great through the teen years. Then he went to the Navy and didn't contact us (Mom or me) for 10 years. When he came home we had a falling out and we didn't get along for several years. We were just getting close again when he died. Sad.

We have 3 adult children. The oldest and the youngest get along great. The middle one is estranged pretty much from our entire family. The only person she contacts is my MIL and that is only when she needs something. My MIL is an enabler.

Re: Your Siblings and Your Children

happycat — Mon, 06 Mar 2017 13:58:06 GMT

I only have 2 children, they do get along. Don't see each other often, not sure how often they talk, on phone, as neither live with me.

I get along with my well with my sisters, but the older I get, the more I see how different we all are. No one is right or wrong. We are just very different.

Re: Your Siblings and Your Children

CalminHeart — Mon, 06 Mar 2017 13:58:35 GMT

I am the oldest of 7 kids. We don't always agree and we sometimes get upset but we don't hold grudges.

Our immediate family is 43 people now. Our elderly parents, siblings, spouses, kids, etc, get together once a month to celebrate birthdays and whatever else is happening that month. We also get together for Thanksgiving and Christmas Eve. Those who aren't going anywhere on Christmas Day get together too. We laugh and talk and have a great time. We've been doing this since 3-4 of us moved out back in the mid to late 70s.

Not everyone can attend every gathering. Sometimes people are out of town or have to work. But we do try our best to get together, especially now that Mom is receiving in-home hospice care and Dad has Parkinsons. Every gathering could be our last with them.

Re: Your Siblings and Your Children

Mominohio — Mon, 06 Mar 2017 14:41:09 GMT

My brother and I (just the two of us) have no real arguments, but we don't interact all that much. It began in high school (we were close when we were little), as I was the serious student, he was the athlete jock.

He began to get the attitude that mom and I were beneath him, and it is still like that to some extent today. We live about 3 hours apart, but maybe see each other a couple of times a year. We have gone a couple of years at a time without contact in the past.

He has a lot of issues about his childhood, that he won't really discuss, and I have no idea what it's all about. But I have the philosophy of laying it on the table and have your say, or move on. Either way get over it.

We don't fight or have problems when we are together, we just are not close, and I don't see us ever being so. It used to bother me a little, because of the way siblings are 'supposed' to be, but then I grew up and see that even those that seem to have the best of relationships have their issues. I'm ok with it, and don't long for anymore of a relationship than what we currently have, and if it went south and there was no relationship, I could live with that too.

I'm just not into trying to force a relationship when there isn't one there. I always say you can only have the relationship with someone that they will allow you to have.