topic Re: GROWN KIDS COMING HOME TO ROOST in Community Chat

GROWN KIDS COMING HOME TO ROOST

Shanus — Sat, 04 Mar 2017 05:16:16 GMT

Week one with my 45 yr. old son moving home for 3 months. He'll commute for 3 months until my granddaughters finish the school year & then DIL and kids will move in as well until they find a house.

He has requested "real estate" in the walk in pantry. I moved things around and cleared out 2 deep pull out drawers & 2 shelves for his "eats" and a shelf in the refrigerator.

I stocked his bathroom upstairs w/ toothpaste, kleenex & all essentials & it seems he's set & ready to get started Monday.

House rules? For someone 45? Difficult, but necessary. We talked about it & made very few:

1. I need to know before he leaves for work if he plans to have dinner w/ us so I know how much to prepare.

2. He's responsible to clean up after himself, dishes, laundry, papers lying around, etc. I run a tight ship & hate clutter. 3. Be mindful that he's not a guest, he's our son. Enjoy his privacy and let me enjoy spoiling him until his wife arrives. This is his home...relax. Ask if you need something...gladly make it happen if possible. 4. Gave him internet password, key, and alarm code to come & go.

Any other rules/regulations you'd add to my list?

Re: GROWN KIDS COMING HOME TO ROOST

Shanus — Sat, 04 Mar 2017 05:40:08 GMT

Oh, I also gave him a garage remote. Ours are programmed into our cars.

Re: GROWN KIDS COMING HOME TO ROOST

GCR18 — Sat, 04 Mar 2017 05:54:26 GMT

My sister moved in with our mother when she divorced at 49. I can list the complaints my mother shared.

No rent if help around house = help dwindled as time went on

Kids came for visitation = loud, messy, slept late/had to be quiet

Washing machine/dryer constantly running

Utility bills increased

Phone not put on craddle/couldn't find

Kids didn't have household responsibilities

Kids brought friends over

Dinner time delayed due to sisters hours

Sister redecorated house

Felt constant lack of privacy

Sister drove mother's car/didnt refuel

You sound like you have things under control. My mother didn't really have rules and my sister took over. Mother was miserable, but didn't voice concerns to sister. Sister is moving out soon. She's been there 3 years.

Re: GROWN KIDS COMING HOME TO ROOST

chrystaltree — Sat, 04 Mar 2017 06:04:17 GMT

Ok, that's a solution to his problem but honestly those house rules for middle aged man seem a little strange to me.

Re: GROWN KIDS COMING HOME TO ROOST

libbyannE — Sat, 04 Mar 2017 06:08:55 GMT

You sound organized! I would be more concerned about what happens when his kids move in and really disrupt your organized, clutterfree life. ( Not sure who "DIL" is, but I assume that is an adult friend or partner?) Why will they live with you while house Hunting! Sounds stressful.

Re: GROWN KIDS COMING HOME TO ROOST

JaneMarple — Sat, 04 Mar 2017 06:11:12 GMT

@libbyannE wrote:
You sound organized! I would be more concerned about what happens when his kids move in and really disrupt your organized, clutterfree life. ( Not sure who "DIL" is, but I assume that is an adult friend or partner?) Why will they live with you while house Hunting! Sounds stressful.

@libbyannE, DIL stands for daughter in law.

Re: GROWN KIDS COMING HOME TO ROOST

Irshgrl31201 — Sat, 04 Mar 2017 06:35:34 GMT

@Shanus wrote:
Week one with my 45 yr. old son moving home for 3 months. He'll commute for 3 months until my granddaughters finish the school year & then DIL and kids will move in as well until they find a house.

He has requested "real estate" in the walk in pantry. I moved things around and cleared out 2 deep pull out drawers & 2 shelves for his "eats" and a shelf in the refrigerator.

I stocked his bathroom upstairs w/ toothpaste, kleenex & all essentials & it seems he's set & ready to get started Monday.

House rules? For someone 45? Difficult, but necessary. We talked about it & made very few:

1. I need to know before he leaves for work if he plans to have dinner w/ us so I know how much to prepare.
2. He's responsible to clean up after himself, dishes, laundry, papers lying around, etc. I run a tight ship & hate clutter. 3. Be mindful that he's not a guest, he's our son. Enjoy his privacy and let me enjoy spoiling him until his wife arrives. This is his home...relax. Ask if you need something...gladly make it happen if possible. 4. Gave him internet password, key, and alarm code to come & go.

Any other rules/regulations you'd add to my list?

I think that sounds reasonable and you're the only one who knows if you actually need to add rules or not. For instance if my daughter and her husband were to move in with me I really don't feel I would have to say much to her because when she did live with me she was a good kid and respectful. She knew what I expected and followed it. I think if I had a child that moved back in I would only be laying down the law or a set of rules is if they weren't followed the first time around.

Also and most importantly, I hope you enjoy your time with your son and I hope you thoroughly enjoy spoiling him until his wife and children get there and then enjoy spoiling your grandchildren and DIL when they come. Sounds like fun!!

Re: GROWN KIDS COMING HOME TO ROOST

JaneMarple — Sat, 04 Mar 2017 06:57:31 GMT

I can honestly say that 3 ot of my 4 kids I would gladly let them move back home but there is one that would have me packing up to go to a hotel My ex husband was a very clean and neat person so we always had a pristine home, I swear I don't know where that one child went astray.

Re: GROWN KIDS COMING HOME TO ROOST

Cats3000 — Sat, 04 Mar 2017 11:01:12 GMT

You gotta be kidding!!! Outrageous. Insane.

NO!!! It's NOT his home. It's YOUR HOME. He's an adult with a family of his own. He IS your son. He can fly on his own; he's proven that.

Let him rent a house or condo that'll fit his family until they find something they want to buy.

Re: GROWN KIDS COMING HOME TO ROOST

ID2 — Sat, 04 Mar 2017 11:11:56 GMT

@Cats3000 wrote:
You gotta be kidding!!! Outrageous. Insane.

NO!!! It's NOT his home. It's YOUR HOME. He's an adult with a family of his own. He IS your son. He can fly on his own; he's proven that.

Let him rent a house or condo that'll fit his family until they find something they want to buy.

Oh please, really?? My children would always be welcomed back into my home no matter how old they are. Always.

Re: GROWN KIDS COMING HOME TO ROOST

Cats3000 — Sat, 04 Mar 2017 11:54:17 GMT

Yes, really. There's a quantum-leap difference between "welcome" and "I'm moving in, and oh yes, my family will be here soon, and we're staying until we can find a house (whenever that is").

It just doesn't pass the smell test. I didn't even read that he had offered to pay the expenses of moving back home. She's stocking up and he, and later his family, is moving in. The only thing he "requested" was space in a closet.

At this point, children ought to be visiting their parents to make sure they're ok and that they can continue to maintain themselves in safety and security. Children ought to be giving back to their parents for the years of raising and nurturing that got them to this point. As parents get older, they are more vulnerable to all kinds of issues that children should be eager to help with. Children shouldn't be looking to their parents for cost-free "crash pads" for whatever reason.

Re: GROWN KIDS COMING HOME TO ROOST

Cats3000 — Sat, 04 Mar 2017 12:07:58 GMT

I suspect that your sister probably wouldn't have followed rules, anyway. Letting her come home was mistake #1. Not kicking her out was mistake #2.

Divorced? Unfortunate. Now, move on with your life. Get a job, find a place for you and your kids to live, and start over.

Re: GROWN KIDS COMING HOME TO ROOST

Shanus — Sat, 04 Mar 2017 12:50:49 GMT

@chrystaltree. Would it sound better if rules were changed to "considerations"?

Re: GROWN KIDS COMING HOME TO ROOST

Shanus — Sat, 04 Mar 2017 12:57:28 GMT

@libbyannE. DIL is my daughter in law. My granddaughters have been here for weeks at a time since they were born and "do better" for me than their parents because I don't give 3 or 4 chances or warnings...1 is enough. They know that and don't push back. Parents marvel at skill w/ them.

These are my kids, my family. Clutter can be lived with while they're here. I'm sure they'll be anxious to find a place of their own since all their things will be in storage.

Re: GROWN KIDS COMING HOME TO ROOST

Sweetbay magnolia — Sat, 04 Mar 2017 13:04:46 GMT

It's nice that you can enjoy this time together. Wow, I'd bet he's going to miss his wife and kids!

Quality of life is terribly important, and it sounds like you have that well in hand. You can always amend the "considerations" if situations arise, stemming from the original thought process.

I guess sometimes you can go home again! I assume they'll be in your area when all is said and done? How nice. My immediate family is all over in the West (I'm East Coast). I wish we were closer geographically.

Re: GROWN KIDS COMING HOME TO ROOST

Shanus — Sat, 04 Mar 2017 13:10:36 GMT

@Irshgrl31201 I will definitely enjoy him. He was the easiest & most pleasant to raise. Now if my daughter had to move in...that's a different story. She's 44, very strong willed, contrary & arguementative.

We always have a tough time together if more than visiting for 2 wks. Butt heads. I'm very easy going and low maintenance & she's off getting brows waxed, mani/pedis, fake lashes glued on, facials, massages, acupressure, hair appts., all which could have been taken care of BEFORE we flew out to WA state from NC. Last time rented a car since left home w/ nothing to do. Assumed she had sightseeing arranged like she said before flight.

Re: GROWN KIDS COMING HOME TO ROOST

hoosieroriginal — Sat, 04 Mar 2017 13:17:28 GMT

I'm like my mom was - when you are out, you are out for good, there's no coming back - it never ends well - trust me. Good luck to you!

Re: GROWN KIDS COMING HOME TO ROOST

Shanus — Sat, 04 Mar 2017 13:20:35 GMT

@Cats3000. Really? Home is always home. Our house is 5,000 sq. ft. w/ 5 bedrooms, gym, playroom on 2nd floor balcony, my studio w/ table set up at one end for granddaughters to paint & do projects, huge kitchen & family room and living room, dining room, and other extras. We could all be here and not be in each other's way. WY too big for us an downsizing in next several years.

I would never think of sending family to a condo or hotel. When I get older, what if they felt that way about me?

Re: GROWN KIDS COMING HOME TO ROOST

tends2dogs — Sat, 04 Mar 2017 13:26:15 GMT

@Cats3000 wrote:
You gotta be kidding!!! Outrageous. Insane.

NO!!! It's NOT his home. It's YOUR HOME. He's an adult with a family of his own. He IS your son. He can fly on his own; he's proven that.

Let him rent a house or condo that'll fit his family until they find something they want to buy.

I totally agree!! The OP is a better person than me. I could never do this nor would I. I love my kids, BUT, like @Cats3000 said, he has proven he can fly on his own. I can't believe he would even want to do this, let alone, his wife. If it was to stay (only the son) for a week or two until he could find a rental, I could probably gut that, but move in??? NO WAY!!

Re: GROWN KIDS COMING HOME TO ROOST

Shanus — Sat, 04 Mar 2017 13:29:11 GMT

@Cats3000. I'm really surprised by your attitude. He's starting a new job & his wife is leaving hers behind. Will not be looking for work until Sept. until the Girls start school. They need time to adjust to leaving only place they've lived. Girl Scouts, soccer team, swim team, all their friends left behind.

We don't need to ask them for money to buy their food. Would you also assume I'd label theirs & ours so they wouldn't touch our milk if they ran out?

Bigger question is if you have children & have been treated by them in an unkind way? You sound quite bitter.