topic Re: FIRST LOVES ALWAYS REMEMBERED in Community Chat

FIRST LOVES ALWAYS REMEMBERED

Shanus — Sat, 25 Feb 2017 14:39:28 GMT

When I was 16, I went to my first frat party w/ a friend. After being introduced to guys and their dates, I felt a "presence" (no joke) behind me. There he was. The love of my life....at first sight. We immediately clicked, both artists (I was fine arts, he in architecture school), similar backgrounds and same religion which was important to both of us.

So began a 4 year relationship of the deepest, most loving, comfortable, easy to be with/could share anything love of my life.

i went off to school at 18 & we managed to fly to see each other on alternate weekends and school breaks.

Why did it end? I scr*wed it up. I admit it. He was working his way through school and I came from a wealthy family (calm down, Haters). Yes, a little spoiled & high maintenance back then. I offered to pay for some dates, gas for his car, treated for dinner, etc. His parents wanted him to value the dollar although they could afford his expenses (visited his home many times and his Dad was a physician, members of country club set, vacations to exotic locations...).

One summer, his parents, trying to test the sincerity & seriousness of our love, sent him to Europe for the summer. EUROPE? For 4 years, I had paid for any extras he needed because his folks held back fininancial support & now a summer in Europe?

We wrote each other every week. When he got home at the end of August, we continued dating. He was going away to grad school....another long distance 4 years ahead. I ended it.

To this day, I regret that choice. Although I met my future husband about 6 months later & love him dearly, it is not and never was that deep love that First Love brings to our heart. I still think of him often. He'd be about 71 now. Sometimes I wonder if we could have "made" it. I'll never know.

Re: FIRST LOVES ALWAYS REMEMBERED

tends2dogs — Sat, 25 Feb 2017 14:50:58 GMT

@Shanus Now, this is my own personal opinion, but I think this is dangerous ground that you are treading on. It is one thing to think back on your past and smile with sweet memories, but to wonder if you could have made it with someone else. Your statement that the love you have for your husband is not that deep love of your "first love" is sad.

Don't dwell on "what ifs" and instead take a good look at what you have. As I said, this is my opinion. This isn't a slam on you.

Re: FIRST LOVES ALWAYS REMEMBERED

Shanus — Sat, 25 Feb 2017 14:51:05 GMT

Wow. Long OP. Anyone remember their first loves w/ passion and fond memories?

Re: FIRST LOVES ALWAYS REMEMBERED

mac116 — Sat, 25 Feb 2017 14:55:05 GMT

I am in the same boat with the "What ifs?" I too broke off the relationship of 2 years because I was emotionally hurt by something he did. No amount of apologizing would change my mind. I love my husband of over 45 years, but for me there just is something about that FIRST LOVE.

Re: FIRST LOVES ALWAYS REMEMBERED

Shanus — Sat, 25 Feb 2017 14:55:25 GMT

@tends2dogs. We've been married for 47 yrs., 2 children and 2 grandchildren...more than happy and very much in love. My point in OP is that there is an innocence and sweetness of "first love" that is a one time gift. No, if we were to meet, would I leave my life and run into his arms. That doesn't mean I can't reminisce.

Re: FIRST LOVES ALWAYS REMEMBERED

hoosieroriginal — Sat, 25 Feb 2017 14:59:22 GMT

Oh first loves - we're so young and stupid, aren't we? My first love took off with his buddies and traveled the country one summer. His best friend (whose girlfriend was away for the summer at camp) showed up at my house in his Porche and he and I started dating and that was the end of the relationship after word got back to him what had happened.

Re: FIRST LOVES ALWAYS REMEMBERED

Preds — Sat, 25 Feb 2017 15:01:11 GMT

I remember all my past loves with fond memories. There were reasons for them to be a part of my past and if I hadn't loved them, they wouldn't be a part of it. Do I wonder? No. Simply was not meant to be and somehow we knew it. Life moved on and so did we. As far as I know it all worked out well for everyone.

Re: FIRST LOVES ALWAYS REMEMBERED

tends2dogs — Sat, 25 Feb 2017 15:01:52 GMT

@Shanus Sorry if I misunderstood your OP. I took it that you were longing for this guy and apparently you aren't. Sorry. I certainly don't think it is wrong to look back on our lives and remember sweet moments.

BTW Congrats on 47 years! I am coming up on 39 in a few days.

Have a great day!

Re: FIRST LOVES ALWAYS REMEMBERED

dex — Sat, 25 Feb 2017 15:02:00 GMT

@Shanus The way I see it you made the right choice in your situation.He might have felt less respected because you paid his way and were used to more than he could offer.you have a happy marriage but I agree that the first love and it's intensity is a beautiful memory.

Re: FIRST LOVES ALWAYS REMEMBERED

PhilaLady1 — Sat, 25 Feb 2017 15:05:51 GMT

I am so lucky to be married to my first love. Met my husband at 13, we were boyfriend and girlfriend when I was 15, moved in together and "lived in sin" as they called it in those days, when I was 18. Married at 21. I will be 59 next month. We had our rocky years but stayed together and got through it.

Re: FIRST LOVES ALWAYS REMEMBERED

Shanus — Sat, 25 Feb 2017 15:07:32 GMT

@tends2dogs. Easy to misread such a long, rambling post. Tried to make it shorter w/o eliminating important info to the story. These days it seems any anniversaries over 10 are something to celebrate. Younger couples give up too easily & throw in the towel. I believe in commitment.

Re: FIRST LOVES ALWAYS REMEMBERED

cherry — Sat, 25 Feb 2017 15:09:38 GMT

I was young ,and I married my first love. I wasn't stupid, nor was he. We have been married for 52 years. I wouldn't change a thing

Re: FIRST LOVES ALWAYS REMEMBERED

Shanus — Sat, 25 Feb 2017 15:10:53 GMT

@PhilaLady1. Great story & long marriage. Sometimes you just "know"!

Re: FIRST LOVES ALWAYS REMEMBERED

Trinity11 — Sat, 25 Feb 2017 15:11:10 GMT

In the movie "Sabrina" one of her friends said to her "Illusions are dangerous people, they have no flaws." Any time I reminisce about my serious relationship with a man I was to marry but died, it helps to remember not to glorify how different it might have been with him rather than my husband of 40 plus years....

Re: FIRST LOVES ALWAYS REMEMBERED

Shanus — Sat, 25 Feb 2017 15:12:27 GMT

@cherry. You were lucky to know deep, lasting love when you saw it. Congrats!

Re: FIRST LOVES ALWAYS REMEMBERED

Shanus — Sat, 25 Feb 2017 15:15:13 GMT

Great point @Trinity11. Sometimes time glorifies what a relationship actually was like. It doesn't help that at almost 69, the memory isn't as sharp as it was at 20.

Re: FIRST LOVES ALWAYS REMEMBERED

151949 — Sat, 25 Feb 2017 15:23:50 GMT

I think we are very hormonal and emotional when we are young and that makes those early relationships intense. That person may or may not be your one true love, but will always hold that place in your heart.

Re: FIRST LOVES ALWAYS REMEMBERED

LilacTree — Sat, 25 Feb 2017 15:39:31 GMT

I'll never forget my first love. We sat next to each other in class because our last names were one after the other alphabetically. He always sat sideways looking at me. He had dark brown eyes and black hair (very Brando-ish). We would always meet at basketball games and he would saunter in with his "posse" in his red jacket and sit right next to me no matter where I was sitting. Everyone knew we liked each other, but we never got together. We were both very shy, obviously both afraid to make the first move.

He drove me home from school every day, me sitting in the middle right next to him (as cars had one wide seat in the front in those days). His best friend sat on the other side of me. Sometimes he would take the longer ride home. He always played classical music in his streamlined 1956 blue and white Oldsmobile that smelled like pine needles.

OMG, how I loved him. Then graduation came and since he didn't ask me to go to the parties with him, I went straight home on the bus. Suddenly, one of his friends came to our apartment and said "Walter's looking for you," and talked me into going to the party. When I got there, he took my hand and we walked down the street to his car and got in. He kissed me for the very first time and I thought my head was going to explode. There were at least ten kids all jumping up and down outside the car yelling "Finally! Finally!" It was the happiest night of my young life.

It was summer after that, school was done. He took me on a double date to the drive-in once. He tried more than kissing and I was not ready for that. It ended that night, after one date. I saw him with one of the girls from school about a month later. I was standing on a corner of Main Street and they drove by. She was practically sitting in his lap. I stood frozen for many minutes.

I saw him again, 21 years later in 1977, standing outside of his father's gas station when I was in a car with coworkers coming back from lunch. I asked the driver to stop the car for a minute. I got out and by this time he was under a car. I said his name and he pulled out. He had changed a lot. He said calmly "hey, how you doin'," as though it had been just yesterday since school. We talked for a minute or two and then my friend started honking the horn. He asked if he could take me to lunch sometime and I told him that I was moving to South Jersey that coming weekend, which I did.

I did see him one more time. I looked him up online about four years ago and discovered he now owned that gas station with his son, but it was a huge in-state trucking enterprise by then. He came down a couple of weeks later, both of us old now, my hair was white (which he said he liked) and he was still the soft-spoken, laid back guy he always was. We spent about an hour talking about old friends, many of them gone already, and he did mention "my wife," and I knew then and there that this would be it. He took my phone number and asked if he could come down again. I said yes, but we both knew he never would, and he never did.

Do I still think of him? Yes. But we were just never meant to be.

Re: FIRST LOVES ALWAYS REMEMBERED

YorkieonmyPillow — Sat, 25 Feb 2017 15:39:56 GMT

This ties into my Hypothetical Question thread..........

Re: FIRST LOVES ALWAYS REMEMBERED

golding76 — Sat, 25 Feb 2017 16:12:36 GMT

My story is rather odd. When I met my first husband, who was, chronologically, my first love, we were mutually delighted to find what we thought was a kindred spirit. You would have thought we were in another realm, we were so delighted to find one another. In retrospect, areas left unplumbed were our undoing. On only a few, although primary, levels were we similar. Had we known that our value systems and regard for revered institutions, etc., were vastly different, we probably would not have married. The truth is, I had decided at one point that he was not going to get around to marrying me after a 7-year relationship and told him that I was going to go to Italy to live.

To that, he immediately said, "No, let's get married, and we can go all over Europe on our honeymoon." Still not too bright about life -- and ignoring HUGE red lights -- I said yes, and we were off on our journey to great heartache and disaster.

What I am getting at is this: Although he and I have remained lifelong friends, I do not think of him as my first love because the relationship was tragically flawed.

For me, my first love is my late second husband, who had all the attributes, attitude and disposition that I always yearned for in a husband. I am writing this because I am probably in the minority; few people will count their second love as their first love. Am I wrong about this? I'd love some company in this category.

OP, I also believe that we are guided in our choices, however flawed, to find the most compatible match for us. You have probably been living with your best match all these years.

Added because I feel I must, just in case someone is in a bad and dangerous situation: My first husband was an abuser in a time when this sort of thing "did not happen" with folks in a certain socio-economic bracket. Having a father who was kindness itself, I felt I had landed on another planet with my first husband. All I knew was that I felt if I stayed with him, I'd end up crazy or dead. Not liking any of those alternatives, I chose an almost immediate divorce. So, despite a very large ethnic wedding and coming from a background where divorce was a rarity (at least back in the '60s), I got out. He went on to a second and third marriage, where abuse reared its ugly head again -- and even was meted out to his children. If you are with an abuser, please get out in a SAFE way.