topic Re: Pregnancy drama in Community Chat

Pregnancy drama

Abrowneyegirl — Sat, 31 Dec 2016 17:31:28 GMT

Pregnancy drama at work- what to do? here is the back story......(I posted this earlier in the year)

I work with two women who are both of poor health they are amazingly similar in age, symptoms, and issues. They both have rheumatoid arthritis, autoimmune disease, fibromyalgia and the one has lupus.

I finally talked the one into going to work with my dietitian who helped me so much and it's about four months later and she's doing great. We are all so happy for her she is sleeping better, has less pain, more energy, looking better, and her doctors are thrilled - she is even on less medicine. The other woman was astounded with our co-workers improvements so she went to see the same dietitian.

The day after her appointment we asked her how did it go and she replied it was a great appointment and she learned a lot but she doesn't think she's going to follow the advice or the diet given to her as there are too many foods on it that she doesn't want to give up!

I can not understand why someone so sick would be unwilling to do something so simple as change their diet if it could mean dramatic improvement in their health!!!

Well, the one who changed her diet continues to thrive, she looks YEARS younger and is doing so well! Still stays on the diet (I will call her Fran).

The other still wants to whine and complain about her symptoms but gets very little sympathy as it is her choice not help herself (I will call her Anne). People have grown tired of the whole thing.

THE PROBLEM- Fran become pregnant and has not miscarried for the first time ever (they both have suffered miscarriages in the past).

We are over the moon for her and her husband who desperately want a family.

This news is very hard for Anne. Other pregnancies in the office have been 'fine' but Fran becoming pregnant has caused a huge upset.

If anyone mentions it or congratulations Fran, Anne becomes agitated and hostile, especially to Fran.

My heart aches for Fran. Such a happy occasion marred with drama.

Many have suggested we do all baby events and conversations in secret, excluding Anne to avoid this conflict.

For some reason this seems like it will only make things worse (as you know it will leak out). Any thoughts?

PS - I have suggested that people STOP reminding Anne that "maybe she should try changing her diet...."

Signed,

Walking on Egg Shells

Re: Pregnancy drama

MyGirlsMom — Sat, 31 Dec 2016 17:38:11 GMT

Dear Walking on Eggshells,

If you aren't a Doctor or Dietitian, leave the poor woman alone.

Re: Pregnancy drama

cherry — Sat, 31 Dec 2016 17:40:09 GMT

I wouldn't feel obliged to have anything in secret. They both have made their choices, and are living with the results.

If Anne ,had a least ,given it a try, and it didn't work out for her, I would feel differently

Re: Pregnancy drama

raven-blackbird — Sat, 31 Dec 2016 17:45:21 GMT

@Abrowneyegirl

You have done all you can do.........if she won't follow the suggestions, then it's on her..............but I don't think you should hide anything from her..........just like her illness, she'll need to learn to deal with this also......cause that baby ain't going anywhere...............................raven

Re: Pregnancy drama

Meowingkitty — Sat, 31 Dec 2016 17:51:23 GMT

Anne is going to do what she wants to do. If she wants something bad enough she will change. I would carry on and not hide the pregnancy events from her. Why should Fran feel guilty and made to hide just because of Anne. Don't coddle Anne. Hopefully she will get over it.

Re: Pregnancy drama

alicedee — Sat, 31 Dec 2016 17:52:15 GMT

People shouldn't have to walk on eggshells at their jobs. Human Resources should be dealing with Anne if the drama is creating issues at work.

Re: Pregnancy drama

RedTop — Sat, 31 Dec 2016 17:54:50 GMT

I would not deprive Fran of any excitement, joy and happiness from her pregnancy. I think your office should celebrate openly as usual.

Anne made her choice; I would not play into her drama. If Anne continues to be hostile towards Fran, then it needs to be brought to the attention of a supervisor.

Re: Pregnancy drama

KingstonsMom — Sat, 31 Dec 2016 17:54:15 GMT

I agree with @cherry.

It's also not fair to Fran that her joyous event be treated like a deep, dark secret, IMO.

Re: Pregnancy drama

on the bay — Sat, 31 Dec 2016 17:56:28 GMT

Can you give some idea of what the diet was that helped so much? It would be interesting to know,especially since many cannot afford a dietician if their insurance doesn't cover it.

Some diets can help without being so restrictive with just some good changes. I would hope that the dietician could structure a "diet" individual to each person.

Re: Pregnancy drama

software — Sat, 31 Dec 2016 18:09:21 GMT

Not really totally similar but a host on QVC had a miscarriage this year then another host just announced her THIRD pregnancy and it was like 4th of July. No fireworks but there was confetti. I felt like it was over the top and insensitive. An announcement would be fine, but it was ridiculous and on the air.

My opinion is like the others here. You don't have to rub her nose in it but it is cause to celebrate. Just do it. And leave Anne alone-- no more suggestions, no more walking on eggshells. None of anyone's business. Live & let live.

@Abrowneyegirl

Re: Pregnancy drama

GCR18 — Sat, 31 Dec 2016 18:15:04 GMT

I wouldn't hide anything or withhold anything I wanted to say. I also wouldn't bring up the dietitian again, unless asked. If the co-worker wants to be unhappy, let her stew in her own drama. She has the choice to change her situation and doesn't want to or isn't ready to. Carry on as usual and include her as you would have before the other co-workers pregnancy.

Re: Pregnancy drama

FrostyBabe1 — Sat, 31 Dec 2016 18:17:49 GMT

No one should feel like they have to give Anne special treatment at work. If her attitude is affecting her job or creating an uncomfortable environment, her supervisor needs to address it with her privately.

Re: Pregnancy drama

Poodlepet2 — Sat, 31 Dec 2016 18:26:42 GMT

If Anne's attitude affects how she does her job and gets along with others, that's a problem. It's sad. There are no cures for autoimmune disease, but nutrition can really go a very long way in helping: you did your part on that one.

Believe it or not, I think she has a secondary gain in this whole process.-but that is something she needs to seek mental health help for-and unless she is threatening to harm herself or others, there is nothing you can do. I would not even bring this up with her.

Poodlepet2

Re: Pregnancy drama

Abrowneyegirl — Sat, 31 Dec 2016 18:31:33 GMT

@on the bay wrote:
Can you give some idea of what the diet was that helped so much? It would be interesting to know,especially since many cannot afford a dietician if their insurance doesn't cover it.
Some diets can help without being so restrictive with just some good changes. I would hope that the dietician could structure a "diet" individual to each person.

Sorry, I do not know the details, I do remember one interesting point though, their diets were NOT the same! They very very customized and I thought that was interesting because I would have thought with the same symptoms= same diet, but that is not the case. Individual people individual diets.

You are right though, many insurances will not cover nutrition visits, ours does not but it is the best money I ever spent. Actually, I made my money back by not needing my medicine anymore!

Re: Pregnancy drama

Abrowneyegirl — Sat, 31 Dec 2016 18:40:21 GMT

Thank you all for your responses.

As many have said,

She made her choice, she can live with it. In the meantime we should celebrate as normal and NOT play into one persons drama.

I think everyone got caught up in being 'sensitive.'

My rule has always been, "trying to be secret to spare someone's feeling always back fires!"

Re: Pregnancy drama

Desertdi — Sat, 31 Dec 2016 18:49:23 GMT

We had a pregnant "prima donna" in our office........adjusted her chair to a "lounge" position......and would just recline there for 8 hours. One day the manager came in and announced, "Pregnancy is not a disease.....get to work."

Re: Pregnancy drama

Peaches McPhee — Sat, 31 Dec 2016 18:52:04 GMT

Honestly, you sound WAY TOO invested in your co-workers' health. My suggestion is to stay out of everyone's health business, except your own.

Re: Pregnancy drama

Moonchilde — Sat, 31 Dec 2016 20:23:02 GMT

If Ann's behavior is disrupting the office, making Fran upset to a degree that it could affect her pregnancy, and creating a negative atmosphere in the office generally, someone in HR or management should speak to her regarding inappropriate workplace behavior.

If it's not that bad, let Ann be upset and ignore her. Don't hide anything, and don't let her hold anyone hostage to her feelings. It's her problem, not anyone else's.

Re: Pregnancy drama

Catty2 — Sat, 31 Dec 2016 20:38:11 GMT

You can't change a person if they don't want to change. They are the only ones who can decide to change their lifestyle. As far as the way she's handling the coworker's pregnancy, it's pretty nasty. Maybe she should avoid being around the other person. All of you don't need to walk on eggshells just to satisfy her.

Re: Pregnancy drama

chrystaltree — Sat, 31 Dec 2016 20:42:38 GMT

Leave the woman alone. What ignorant person would dare suggest that a woman who has problems getting pregant...change her diet? That's ridiculous and inappropriate. . She's entitled to her feelings. Stop whispering and gossiping and respect that she's going through a challenging time. Plan whatever showers you want, it's up to Anne to decide if she wants to attend or not. As for "pregnancy" talk. You are all at work, so I don't think there is much of that but since you all know it's a sensitive subject for her, again...have some respect for a co-worker and refrain for going overboard with the pregnancy talk when she's around. Don't censor yourselves but don't throw it in her face at every opportunity either.