topic "How do I handle being alone since passing of my husband ?" in Q Talk

"How do I handle being alone since passing of my husband ?"

BeccaLou — Fri, 30 Apr 2021 13:31:18 GMT

I need to feel sane again .

Re: "How do I handle being alone since passing of my husband ?"

Anonymous032819 — Fri, 30 Apr 2021 13:43:41 GMT

Get involved with your community

Volunteer

find a hobby

Just getting out of the house helps

Re: "How do I handle being alone since passing of my husband ?"

bad4257 — Fri, 30 Apr 2021 14:15:53 GMT

over 50 years for me and no youll never be normal again......and then just when you think your ok....BAM in my case my daughter was killed in 2017. No matter what you do its always THERE;

Re: "How do I handle being alone since passing of my husband ?"

RetRN — Fri, 30 Apr 2021 18:21:49 GMT

You need to take time to grieve and to heal after such a significant loss.

Establishing a daily routine may be helpful and know that some days will be better than others.

Spendng time with family and friends is helpful for some and for others alone time initially works better.

You may even want to consider a support group if that is an option.

I believe you will know when you are ready for more social activity and don't think you need to push yourself to get out and do things so soon.

Re: "How do I handle being alone since passing of my husband ?"

Foxxee — Fri, 30 Apr 2021 14:32:30 GMT

Have you thought about getting a dog or cat?

Re: "How do I handle being alone since passing of my husband ?"

geezerette — Fri, 30 Apr 2021 14:42:27 GMT

It's tough. And you may very well never feel quite the same again. But there is a life to be lived, but it's a different life now.

You really need to be more specific if you want some suggestions.

And you can come visit the Widows Thread in the Among Friends forum. Lots of kind and helpful ladies there for support. You'll find out you're not alone in your feelings. And what others have done, and are doing, to get through.

My thoughts and prayer are with you. 🙏🕊❤️

Re: "How do I handle being alone since passing of my husband ?"

CANDLEQUEEN — Fri, 30 Apr 2021 14:45:09 GMT

First of all Sorry for your loss. I can't imagine the pain.

Both of my older sisters just went thru losing their husbands.

My sister, who is now 74 lost her husband last Jan. She is still trying to cope. We have advised her to get involved with her community, volunteer, start going back to church, lunch with friends(now that they are vaccinated). It's hard, but slowly you have to get back out there and learn to live again.....

My sister has a dog that she is crazy about, so we suggested that she volunteer at a dog shelter, or Humane Society...

She has been busy this last month with yard work and cleaning out her garage, but she said she just wakes so sad every morning!

I understand that, but I try to encourage to get up and get busy!!!! Also I think some Grief Counseling would benefit her and maybe you as well......It akes time, go slowly! Let us know how you are doing! Take Care....

Re: "How do I handle being alone since passing of my husband ?"

SXMGirl — Fri, 30 Apr 2021 14:55:35 GMT

@BeccaLou I am so sorry for your loss. No matter whether a spouse or a child, it is difficult and you need to take all of the time that you need to grieve. Life goes on but it goes on differently and changes as the years go by.

After grieving, it is time to get out and do things. Travel alone or with a group of women, volunteer (places are begging for volunteers), adopt or foster a pet or two (my preference), take classes. There are so many things that you probably had planned to do and never got to them. Now you can, so do it. The first step is the hardest and then each time becomes easier.

Re: "How do I handle being alone since passing of my husband ?"

henderson — Fri, 30 Apr 2021 15:13:51 GMT

When our 33 yr old son passed away from cancer in 2010 my husband and I went to a grief support group. I would highly recommend that. We went to GriefShare.

Re: "How do I handle being alone since passing of my husband ?"

squeaks — Fri, 30 Apr 2021 15:15:35 GMT

My husband passed away last December from a long illness.We were married 52 years. I remember the good Thanksgiving we had with family. Christmas was difficult. I've had so much paperwork to do. It's seems to never stop. When I think I'm done, here comes something else.

Granddaughter has been doing her school work here. No doubt, this has helped me get through thus difficult time. She would ask, "Grandma, are you going to cry some more."

Last week, I had complete knee replacement. Always something to keep me living and hopeing. My yard work has kept me busy.

Just think of the good times. Life must go on.

Re: "How do I handle being alone since passing of my husband ?"

Imaoldhippie — Fri, 30 Apr 2021 15:25:11 GMT

How long as it been since your husbands passing? I have heard from numerous people that it takes at least a year. One has to go through all the holidays and birthdays and other special events.

Grief is different for everyone. A trip to your doctor might help, he/she can give you an antidepressant to help.

So sorry about your husbands passing.

Re: "How do I handle being alone since passing of my husband ?"

roeroe1005 — Fri, 30 Apr 2021 15:33:49 GMT

I agree with joining a grief support group. You may want to check with your local hospital or funeral home. I joined one after my SO passed from complications of diabetes. I found it very helpful to be around people who were in various stages of their pain, as I was. I remember reading a book called "I'm Grieving as Fast as I Can" and found it helpful.

Volunteering, maybe getting a small part time job, anything to force you to get out of bed would help once you are ready.

Unfortunately you have to create your "new normal".

Re: "How do I handle being alone since passing of my husband ?"

LillyandHobo — Fri, 30 Apr 2021 15:48:31 GMT

I am so sorry for your loss. I can 't imagine your lonliness and possibly fear you might be experiencing. The only thing I can comment on was a major illness I experienced about 7 years ago. I went into cardiac arrest I had the type that not many survive. I became very, very depressed. I was home alone a lot! My husband had to go back to work. No choice. I was alone many, many hours a day I felt isolated, abandoned and helpless at times After 2 years of deep depression my MIL died, 1 yr later my SIL died and then 4 months later my mom died. I needed something to refocus some of my thoughts on. I know it sounds very simplisitic but I got a cat. It gave me something to care for, to be responsible for , something to cuddle with, to sit in my lap and keep me company. It helped me tremendously. I am not sure if you have family close, if a pet would be an option. ...Joining a walking group, an online support group, I know of people that have joined groups for helping with grief. The Pandemic has not helped as far as social interaction. I am very sad for you and I pray you find some hapiness. Please let us all know how you're doing. Blessings~....Sometimes I don't verbalize things well. Please don't think I am comparing myself to your situation or minimalizing your loss. Just trying to help~

Re: "How do I handle being alone since passing of my husband ?"

NicksmomESQ — Fri, 30 Apr 2021 15:59:31 GMT

Losing a loved one is very difficult. You must take the time to grieve at your own pace. Some people rebound slower than others. That's okay. It's your pain & you get to deal with it your way.
If you need to cry then do so. Lean on family & friends who want to help. Your DH will live in your heart forever. Your life will be different. But hopefully, you'll be able to find peace & joy again.
My heart goes out to you💐.

Re: "How do I handle being alone since passing of my husband ?"

ThinkingOutLoud — Fri, 30 Apr 2021 16:04:33 GMT

First, I'm sorry for your loss.

A few suggestions:

~ begin and end your day with gratitude (keep a journal handy and write down anything, big or small)

~ find ways to help others (ie send an email/letter to someone every day and tell them what you like/admire/appreciate about them, paint rocks and leave them around for people to find)

~ work on a hobby that you would give the results of to someone else (ie tie a fleece blanket and give it to a new mom)

~ get into genealogy

~ keep a running list of things to look forward to (ie new tv show, new book being release, purchase arriving in the mail, etc)

{hugs}

Re: "How do I handle being alone since passing of my husband ?"

IamMrsG — Fri, 30 Apr 2021 16:08:30 GMT

@ThinkingOutLoud Your nickname is well chosen.

Re: "How do I handle being alone since passing of my husband ?"

ThinkingOutLoud — Fri, 30 Apr 2021 16:11:53 GMT

Oh, something else - don't underestimate the power of good music. Turn up your favorite tunes.

Re: "How do I handle being alone since passing of my husband ?"

IamMrsG — Fri, 30 Apr 2021 16:56:33 GMT

My DH of 48 years died two years ago. After all the supporting family returned to their own homes and lives, after the noise and chaos settled, I realized for the first time what being alone was going to mean. It means one fork to wash. It means going to bed at night and realizing you haven’t heard a human voice, including your own, all day.

Then the pandemic came. During my DH’s illness, I developed a heart condition. Because of it, my doctors ordered me into my own shutdown–full quarantine. From March 2020 to just this month, I have not had a human touch. Just last week, our 50th Wedding Anniversary came round. Had it not been for the vaccinations, it would have been a Very Bad Day; however, our young granddaughter amazingly chose that very day for her first sleep-over at Grandma’s in more than a year. I do not believe in coincidence.

I tell you this so that you’ll understand that I understand. A loved one just asked me what this past year has been like for me. I had been thinking somewhat along those lines, but more like, “what this last year has done for me.” While there were several bouts of loneliness, overall there has been good come from it. During DH’s illness there was a lot of time on High Alert, so I’ve had time to calm down and settle back into being myself. It’s an ongoing process, but I’m learning to be independent. I’m learning I am able, that I can do for myself.

I am truly sorry for your loss. Grieving takes a lot of time and there is no single right way to do it. If it helps at all, I can offer this small bit of perspective I’m trying to live by: By surviving well, I honor my husband. Fumbling, stumbling, crumbling is not the way for him to rest in peace.

God Bless You, @BeccaLou.

Re: "How do I handle being alone since passing of my husband ?"

Miss Pepsi — Fri, 30 Apr 2021 17:40:04 GMT

First and foremost I am sorry for your loss.

I asked a friend of mine that very question this morning. I lost my husband quiete suddenly last September after 40 years of marriage. We were 16 days shy of retirement.

I am not handling being alone very well, I will tell you that. I do have good friends that call, email, and or text every day. Facebook has been my salvation. I know some would doubt that but I have select groups I belong too and I don't get involved in politics or anything.

I cry every day, sometimes ALL day. People tell me I am strong. I am not, I don't honestly know how people get through this.

I do go for a walk every day. Not far and not fast but I do get outside and walk.

My eyes hurt, my nose hurts and my face hurts from crying and I often wonder if it will ever end.

I find it bizarre what triggers me into being a mess. I hate going to bed alone, I hate waking up alone.

a coworker of my daughters in lieu of flowers paid for the adoption of a kitty. She knew I wanted one. She was good with that as long as I got one from a rescue. I picked what I think is perfect kitty and I love her and at least there is life in the house. She is a snuggler which is nice. I talk to her all the time about my husband.

I have some people that say I should be "Over it" by now. I don't contact them much any more because as you know, unless you have lived this nightmare you don;t totally understand.

I wish I had answers for you, I wish you peace, and I just wanted you to know, you are not alone.

Re: "How do I handle being alone since passing of my husband ?"

mosky — Fri, 30 Apr 2021 17:42:54 GMT

A few years ago,my neighbor lost her husband.I saw her right after,she was numb.About three months later,I saw her in the neighborhood,and we took a walk togetcher. She told me she got up every day and had a place to go or found a way to keep on the move.She asked me if I thought it was wrong to keek so busy.Itold her that I felt,if it helped her get by,it was right.She was so disrought,asking me,and I assured her she was doing the right thing. I never forgot our walk.