topic Re: As we age-funny in Wellness

As we age-funny

Lacey1 — Sun, 28 Aug 2016 21:56:44 GMT

My goal for 2016 was to lose just 10 pounds … only 20 to go.

Ate salad for dinner … Mostly croutons & tomatoes ... Really just one big, round crouton covered with tomato sauce ... And cheese ... FINE, it was a pizza ... I ate a pizza …

How to prepare Tofu:
1. Throw it in the trash.
2. Grill some Meat.

I just did a week's worth of cardio after walking into a spider web...

I don't mean to brag but … I finished my 14-day diet food in 3 hours and 20 minutes ...

A recent study has found women who carry a little extra weight live longer than men who mention it ...

Kids today don't know how easy they have it... when I was young, I had to walk 9 feet through shag carpet to change the TV channel ...

Senility has been a smooth transition for me ...

Remember back when we were kids and every time it was below zero how they closed school? Me neither.

I may not be that funny or athletic or good looking or smart or talented … I forgot where I was going with this ...

I love being older … I learn something new every day … and forget 5 others

A thief broke into my house last night … He started searching for money … so I woke up and searched with him...

My dentist told me I need a crown … I said, “You bet, pour mine over rocks” …

I think I'll just put an "Out of Order" sticker on my forehead and call it a day

"Just remember, once you're over the hill you begin to pick up speed.

Re: As we age-funny

Gram W — Sun, 28 Aug 2016 22:13:01 GMT

Thank you for so eloquently putting into words what so many of us have thought. Hope you don't mind but I am going to share with a friend. It sounds like both of us the past few years. We are 71 and still working on that darn last 10 pounds.

Re: As we age-funny

Mmsfoxxie — Sun, 28 Aug 2016 22:13:18 GMT

lol...these are really funny. And that last line is really true. Time is moving faster now that I'm older. Thanks for the laughs, @Lacey1.

Re: As we age-funny

Mz iMac — Sun, 28 Aug 2016 22:23:56 GMT

"A thief broke into my house last night … He started searching for money … so I woke up and searched with him..."

Re: As we age-funny

Annabellethecat66 — Sun, 28 Aug 2016 22:24:49 GMT

@Lacey1 You rock! I love your sense of humor! If you lived near me we could hang out together....I have a feeling we could get into some trouble (of the good kind...of course...heh! heh!).....

Re: As we age-funny

3suwm5 — Sun, 28 Aug 2016 22:26:18 GMT

TOO FUNNY !!!

Re: As we age-funny

GATORGIRL — Sun, 28 Aug 2016 22:37:58 GMT

@Lacey1, thanks!

Re: As we age-funny

Aviatrix — Sun, 28 Aug 2016 22:47:43 GMT

You really made me laugh. laughter is the best antidote for aging.

Re: As we age-funny

HonnyBrown — Sun, 28 Aug 2016 23:59:43 GMT

I LOVE this! Especially the tofu one.

It really disturbs me when people talk about how much they hate getting old. Don't they know it will end one day?

Thank you for the laugh Lacey!

Re: As we age-funny

on the bay — Mon, 29 Aug 2016 00:15:27 GMT

These are really funny!

tofu-throw it in the trash lol!

Thanks for these

Re: As we age-funny

QVCkitty1 — Mon, 29 Aug 2016 00:50:36 GMT

@Lacey1 Hey, senility has been a smooth transition for me ! 😜

Re: As we age-funny

sweetee2 — Mon, 29 Aug 2016 01:21:41 GMT

Laughter adds years to your life. Thank you.

Re: As we age-funny

Imadickens — Mon, 29 Aug 2016 07:17:23 GMT

Thank you for a much needed chuckle! Unfortunately, much of it is true!🙄😉

Re: As we age-funny

qualitygal — Mon, 29 Aug 2016 18:51:50 GMT

Excellent just excellent and I so relate!!!

Re: As we age-funny

CLEM — Mon, 29 Aug 2016 23:20:56 GMT

I decided to change calling the bathroom from "John" and renamed it the "JIM". I feel so much better when I say. "I went to the "JIM" this morning.

I am not a joiner but last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. Guess what? we haven't had a meeting yet!

I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. Guess what? People now get out of my way much faster.

You know, old age is coming at a really bad time for me. You too?

Why do I have to press one for English when you're just gonna transfer me to someone I can't understand anyway.

At my age "Getting Lucky" means walking into a room and remembering what I went in there for.

Re: As we age-funny

qualitygal — Tue, 30 Aug 2016 08:48:52 GMT

@CLEM wrote:
I decided to change calling the bathroom from "John" and renamed it the "JIM". I feel so much better when I say. "I went to the "JIM" this morning.

I am not a joiner but last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. Guess what? we haven't had a meeting yet!

I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. Guess what? People now get out of my way much faster.

You know, old age is coming at a really bad time for me. You too?

Why do I have to press one for English when you're just gonna transfer me to someone I can't understand anyway.

At my age "Getting Lucky" means walking into a room and remembering what I went in there for.

Amen to this one too.. Why didn't someone tell me getting old was this funny, no wonder my son shakes his head and laughs at us sometimes. @CLEM

Re: As we age-funny

Zefra — Tue, 30 Aug 2016 10:08:35 GMT

Too funny!!! These jokes made my day. Love the spider web joke! I hate spiders and eveytime I walk into a web it looks like I'm trying to put out a fire. Lol! Thank you!

Re: As we age-funny

Zefra — Tue, 30 Aug 2016 10:18:36 GMT

Hehhhhh! These are the best! I especially relate to "Getting Lucky", so sad, but so true. Lol! Wonder where I can buy a car horn that makes gunshot sounds😏

Re: As we age-funny

Caligurll — Tue, 30 Aug 2016 14:46:27 GMT

A recent study has found women who carry a little extra weight live longer than men who mention it ...

This one really rang true for me. Many years ago, in my early 20s, I was at the snack bar in the building where I worked. I was buying a candy bar (or maybe two), and the man in line behind me said to me, Do you really need that? I saw red and picked up another candy bar to add to my stash. I wanted to give him a swift kick somewhere...but I didn't. My (at the time) good manners prevented me from responding. Now I would tell him what he could do with his advice.

All these years later and I still remember that comment.

Re: As we age-funny

qualitygal — Tue, 30 Aug 2016 17:41:18 GMT

@Caligurll wrote:
A recent study has found women who carry a little extra weight live longer than men who mention it ...

This one really rang true for me. Many years ago, in my early 20s, I was at the snack bar in the building where I worked. I was buying a candy bar (or maybe two), and the man in line behind me said to me, Do you really need that? I saw red and picked up another candy bar to add to my stash. I wanted to give him a swift kick somewhere...but I didn't. My (at the time) good manners prevented me from responding. Now I would tell him what he could do with his advice.

All these years later and I still remember that comment.

I read these to my husband and that's the one he really laughed at!!