topic Re: Mid Life Crisis in Wellness

Mid Life Crisis

three4me — Wed, 17 Aug 2016 00:49:58 GMT

I was wondering if anyone feels they have gone through a mid life crisis of sorts as their children get older and their spouses seem busy. I am struggling a bit and don't know what is going on with me but I a have become sensitive, needy and feel lonely. I don't know if I need an antidepressant but I am exploring that with my therapist. I am not looking for answers here just opinions so I can ask the right questions to myself and the professionals that I see. I am in my later forties and I just started feeling it in the past 2-3 years and it's getting worse. Thanks to anyone that can offer an opinion.

Re: Mid Life Crisis

libbyannE — Wed, 17 Aug 2016 01:23:05 GMT

You've probably done a wonderful and selfless job of being a mom and now you are feeling a bit empty and lost. You probably have not had much time while raising your family to think about yourself and your own interests. You may even have felt guilty thinking of yourself. But now it's time! What are you interested in? Maybe you want to read, take a night class, learn to paint? Are you the type of person who gains energy by yourself or with others? Some of us relish having tone alone for reading, music, or whatever, while some of us need to get out to see people, volunteer, join a book club, take on a part time job. I apologize that these are obvious ideas, but on my first day after taking early retirement, I remember getting up in anticipitation and then thinking, "Now what?" You're at a kind of "Now what?" stage of life. You are wise to talk about this with your therapist and you are simply human to feel a bit needy and lost. Don't panic. Your feelings are ok and quite logical! You have an opportunity to explore. And as a mom, you will still be teaching your kids some wonderful lessons about moving on in life. They are watching you and learning from your example, whether you realize it or not. Use that as motivation to teach them about moving through the stages of life. When my aunt as widowed years ago at about age 60, she began traveling after she found her footing. In retirement, I have indulged my passion for books, history, and my piano and our cats. That's just me. You may be more of an extrovert than I and need to be out with people more than I do. Chat about it with your therapist and have hIm/her give you a basic personality test which will guide you a bit. See what you discover about what's inside you! Take your time, try new things, think, dream a little, and keep talking it out as you go. I am excited for you.

Re: Mid Life Crisis

Snowpuppy — Wed, 17 Aug 2016 01:47:57 GMT

Meh, you don't need to get a script & run to Walgreens.

Get yourself a Mustang 5.0 ltr engine, a BF at least 10 yrs younger with swag & a bottle of bubbly.

You'll feel like a new woman in no time.

Re: Mid Life Crisis

Wayne-QVC — Wed, 17 Aug 2016 02:03:18 GMT

This post has been removed by QVC because a link to join was added.

Re: Mid Life Crisis

SANNA — Wed, 17 Aug 2016 02:52:54 GMT

@three4me wrote:
I was wondering if anyone feels they have gone through a mid life crisis of sorts as their children get older and their spouses seem busy. I am struggling a bit and don't know what is going on with me but I a have become sensitive, needy and feel lonely. I don't know if I need an antidepressant but I am exploring that with my therapist. I am not looking for answers here just opinions so I can ask the right questions to myself and the professionals that I see. I am in my later forties and I just started feeling it in the past 2-3 years and it's getting worse. Thanks to anyone that can offer an opinion.

You are probably starting your peri menopausal time. It is difficult....

That is why women in their mid forties find themselves drinking every day or getting addicted on whatever meds.

i have been through what you describe, I am 54 now and much better. Walking, yoga, Pilates ,dancing and daily glass of wine helped. Also I upped my Magnesium, Vit D3, calcium. Massages help tremendously.

Feel better! You are not alone, cheers! 🍷🍷🍷🍷🍷🍷🍷🍷

Re: Mid Life Crisis

Sooner — Wed, 17 Aug 2016 04:13:56 GMT

Change, whether good or bad, is very stressful for all of us. And at different times of life life itself brings challenges as well as external factors and stresses from friends and family.

Humans are adaptible however, and most often we learn to cope and weave into our lives things that may seem unbearable at first.

No widsom for you I am sorry to say, but good wishes and remember there is HOPE!!!

Re: Mid Life Crisis

dex — Wed, 17 Aug 2016 04:25:35 GMT

@three4me I think that you were so busy raising your family that you forgot about you and now that it is all about you...you just don't know what to do about it.I think that as someone else suggested joining a gym is a great way to beat the blues and if you take some of the classes you will meet many new people.I go to the morning sessions at my gym and have met the greatest people and some of them are now special friends, I have become so busy that I am finding it hard to get stuff done around the house and yet a couple of years ago I could have written exactly what you did.

Re: Mid Life Crisis

KaySD — Wed, 17 Aug 2016 04:35:57 GMT

Yes, I have felt like that. Probably we all have. And we all find our way past it, if we want to, and it all works out, and it will for you!

The great thing is, we get to choose. What makes sense to me is that in every single minute (if I can remember!), I can reach inside myself for the next best feeling from wherever I am at the moment. Yep, I do mean that you can choose how to feel, even if it doesn't seem like it. It's kind of a habit, reaching for the next best feeling. You can get it with practice.

And yes, by all means do what strongly appeals to you as a positive step to take. For me, I never wanted meds, even when they were offered. It sounded sensible, but felt icky. But it might be just the thing for you, to interrupt the habit you have of spirialing downward. Nothing wrong with temporary relief! Do anything that feels better! Do everything that feels better! How do YOU feel about it? Does it feel good to think about doing it? Or not so good? Seems to me that's the only thing that matters!

Re: Mid Life Crisis

OnlyShopsOnline — Wed, 17 Aug 2016 07:44:33 GMT

Yup, I've been there. I was dissatisfied with everything. I wanted to move and wanted to totally shake up my life. I just couldn't find peace and was very restless. it was during the last few years of peri-menopause/early menopause. I'm 58 and it's just about gone. Not sure even when it actually left, lol.

I have a very wise doctor who told me to hang on. That it was a mid-life crisis and it would resolve. And it did.

Am I still a little dissatisfied with some things. Sure. I don't think anyone wouldn't like to make some changes. But, I'm not obsessed about them anymore. I'm finding more and more peace and satisfaction in my life.

I've also made some new friends over the past couple of years, and found some long lost friends and family members. We stay in touch and get together. This was probably the biggest thing that helped me through, at the end.

My husband was just confused LOL!

Re: Mid Life Crisis

Hayfield — Wed, 17 Aug 2016 11:34:17 GMT

Yes, I've been there and it is difficult. You're raising your chidren for so many years and barely have time to sit down and then all of a sudden you have all this time on your hands. People have shared some very good ideas. I got a part time job and made some new friends, something I didn't think would happen. I also work out at the gym and talk long walks when the weather is good. It still a little difficult since DH is about to retire and we'll be going through another change and will have to make some decisions. Maybe, for me, life was easier when I knew what I had to do or needed to do and I just did it. Now we have to make decisions and the decisions we make can affect the future and I don't want to make any mistakes. I do feel blessed as we're in a good place and our children are on their own. As my husband has said no a bad problem to have! Good Luck!

Re: Mid Life Crisis

PINKdogWOOD — Wed, 17 Aug 2016 11:51:00 GMT

I hear that vroom vroom under the hood of your midlife crisis @Snowpuppy Ms Snowpuppy! Your's is called a beautiful Mustang.

Mine was a Honda S2000 ragtop some years ago. Silverstone was the color, black leather interior - s very sweet ride. Yeah I got the whistles. Just slide right in to that bucket seat and press that button that begs you to 'start the engine'. OOO LA LA what a sound...

Re: Mid Life Crisis

SilleeMee — Wed, 17 Aug 2016 11:55:10 GMT

I'm 61 and post-meno. I found that changing up your diet can help considerably, especially decreasing carb intake because older people do not require as much. The older you get, the more protein-dense food is a good thing. So consider this, too. Changing your eating habits at this stage in your life is important and many find it hard to do. I believe ignoring dietary changes at mid-life is the reason for the expanding waistlines many of us experience during our "change".

Exercise is always a good way to boost mood.

The last thing I would do is take drugs and/or hormone replacement. Only if all else fails would I consider these options.

Re: Mid Life Crisis

drizzellla — Wed, 17 Aug 2016 12:31:18 GMT

I am glad you have a therapist to share your concerns. I clearly am no professional. But I would like to share an experience in my own life. We got a dog about 3 years ago. And he likes to be walked. Well, as a result I have met and talked to neighbors I never even saw before. But until DOG came into our lives we did not spend our days walking up and down the street or in local parks. It really is enjoyable. To talk to our neighbors, get some exercise (the dog likes to sprint home) and get out in the sun and beautiful surroundings.

We got the DOG from a rescue group. So we also volunteer for the group and attend numerous events.

It is enjoyable on several levels. And the DOG is one happy camper too.

Re: Mid Life Crisis

three4me — Wed, 17 Aug 2016 13:24:42 GMT

Thank you all for the great suggestions and support you certainly gave me a lot to think about as I try and move forward. I will tell you my husband is busy at work, youngest is last year of middle school so doesn't really need me and my middle child is a senior in high school this year. She has always had special needs and i sitll worry about her future but even she is not as needy for me anymore. This concern may even hold me back a bit and add a level of anxiety for me as she has to make her way in the world too. My older son is in college and is very independent. My husband thinks I should enjoy this time but he is motoring along at his work and too tired for me when he gets home. I am so lonely but I know alot is in my head and I want to cry alot. That was the reason I originally mentioned antidperessants. I will entertain that Thursday with my therapist. What was the name of that support group someone was king enough to post above but links are not allowed on here so i will try to find it? I am trying to find the positive in every day but then sadness sinks in and I am restless. I may look for a part time job but I can't shake the sadness and neglect I feel. I probably could use a good dose of self confidence too. I just don't want to become a needy burden to my husband and kids and I feel like that is where I am going. Thank you ladies again, I feel such wonderful support from folks who understad. I am menopausal ( went early) so that is probably not helping. Please keep the suggestions coming, I really appreciate them. Thank you.

Re: Mid Life Crisis

NeNe1010 — Wed, 17 Aug 2016 13:49:20 GMT

Yep, I remember when my last child moved out. I went to the grocery store to buy groceries and started crying and thought what is the point of buying groceries? It is just a new normal and you will adjust. Start thinking more about yourself and what you want. a new hobby maybe. A road trip with a friend? I hope you feel better soon.

Re: Mid Life Crisis

ms traditional — Wed, 17 Aug 2016 13:52:12 GMT

i would definitely check out possible hormonal changes. when i got to your age i found that i saw dark when there was light - and it was all because my body was entering menopause, not that i was losing my grip. wishing you well.

Re: Mid Life Crisis

qualitygal — Thu, 18 Aug 2016 09:57:55 GMT

My thought, have you been through menopause? It feels a lot like your description. You may want to visit the doctor to just check it out.

Re: Mid Life Crisis

SaRina — Thu, 18 Aug 2016 13:50:18 GMT

I can only offer the tried and true (almost) cliches. If you're feeling unneeded, useless, pointless, lonely....

-Volunteer at a hospital, nursing home, etc..

-Loving a pet changes one's life tremendously, whether dog or cat.

-Learn a meditation technique. This will help you look inward, focus, clear your mind of unwanted thoughts, and to relax.

-Physcial exercise, of course.

-Gratitude journal or daily affirmations. Either write 5 things you are grateful for in your life each day when you awaken or stand in front of the mirror and speak to yourself, "I am grateful for...", "I am strong..." , "I am happy..." , "I can weather this storm..." , etc. This type of practice has been proven to help, over time.

Personally, I would try any/all of the above before taking the easy way out and popping a pill, but that's me.

I hope you feel better soon!