topic Re: WhWhat it's like to live with someone with early stages of dementia in Wellness

WhWhat it's like to live with someone with early stages of dementia

151949 — Wed, 10 Aug 2016 17:20:54 GMT

I go into the bathroom to clean and find both toothbrushes are exactly the same and both are green. I ask DH how we come to both have the exact same toothbrush and he said he got them from the dentist yesterday. I sigh. I throw them both in the trash and go to the drugstore and buy 2 identical toothbrushes only one is pink and one is blue. When i come home I explain to him that his new toothbrush is blue and he should always use the BLUE toothbrush. He wants the green one from the dentist. I explain that I could not tell them apart so I had to throw them away and buy the new ones, and his is blue.He says he wants the same exact one as me - I show him that they are exactly the same except the color so we can tell which one is which. He is still not satisfied. We had to drive all the way to the dentist ofice to get new ones from there - his is green and mine is pink , but I decided to be safe I put mine in a case and in a drawer instead of the holder in the BR. When he is having good days - most of the time - no problems at all but when he isn't - oh my - it is really a challenge.

Re: WhWhat it's like to live with someone with early stages of dementia

millieshops — Wed, 10 Aug 2016 17:34:08 GMT

@151949And that's just one of the hundreds of little ways his life and yours are fraying. It's frightening and exhausting. I wish you strength as you go forward with your DH. It's a time of life that teaches us lessons we never wanted to learn.

Re: WhWhat it's like to live with someone with early stages of dementia

151949 — Wed, 10 Aug 2016 17:35:45 GMT

@millieshops Boy you hit the nail on the head. I was so tired and depressed after the toothbrush incident I just cried.

Re: WhWhat it's like to live with someone with early stages of dementia

SahmIam — Wed, 10 Aug 2016 17:35:53 GMT

Hugs to you. It's a hard and difficult path and one you usually wind up walking alone.

I understand and can commiserate. Again, hugs.

Re: WhWhat it's like to live with someone with early stages of dementia

goldensrbest — Wed, 10 Aug 2016 17:38:02 GMT

Do you know for sure he has dementia?

Re: WhWhat it's like to live with someone with early stages of dementia

ID2 — Wed, 10 Aug 2016 17:43:38 GMT

Oh I know exactly what its like to live with someone with Dimentia. I was my dads caregiver. Wow very, very challenging. I did hire a paid caregiver that was a god send for me. My brother would come to town about once a month to relieve me on the weekends. Its a long, difficult road ahead. My best to you.

Re: WhWhat it's like to live with someone with early stages of dementia

SeaMaiden — Wed, 10 Aug 2016 17:46:05 GMT

Blessings to you @151949. It must be so hard to watch someone you love struggle so. It must be a real challenge for you.

Re: WhWhat it's like to live with someone with early stages of dementia

SXMGirl — Wed, 10 Aug 2016 17:46:43 GMT

My sincerest thoughts are with you and I hope that you have some help because this can be overwhelming. You need to get away for an hour or two at least several times a week just for your sanity.

Hopefully, he is on meds and that should help. In the meantime, what I would do is get him a green toothbrush (maybe more) and keep one out for you so that he sees two. However, the one that I would personally use would be put away after each use.

Re: WhWhat it's like to live with someone with early stages of dementia

willdob3 — Wed, 10 Aug 2016 17:47:16 GMT

I can't imagine it 24/7. I'd call it more than a challenge.

My mom has been diagnosed & it is extremely difficult for me even though I don't live with her. She is in assisted living but I am the one taking her to Doctor appts, shopping, etc. All conversations are hard every single day.

Re: WhWhat it's like to live with someone with early stages of dementia

Vivian — Wed, 10 Aug 2016 17:49:37 GMT

My husband was diagnosed with mild cognitive impairment this year. I know what may well lie ahead. We took my granddaughter out to dinner at an Asian restaurant last week and my husband asked us innumerable times if we had ordered tea. My granddaughter looked at me with fear in her eyes. It was the first time she had seen her grandfather's cognitive change.

Re: WhWhat it's like to live with someone with early stages of dementia

QVCkitty1 — Wed, 10 Aug 2016 17:49:54 GMT

I have an idea what you are going through, I was my dad's caregiver after my mom died. I wish you the best on this journey.

Re: WhWhat it's like to live with someone with early stages of dementia

panda1234 — Wed, 10 Aug 2016 18:07:41 GMT

@151949 my heart goes out to you. You do have to be good to yourself when you are able.....it is the only way you can keep going.

Re: WhWhat it's like to live with someone with early stages of dementia

Mj12 — Wed, 10 Aug 2016 18:50:06 GMT

@goldensrbest wrote:
Do you know for sure he has dementia?

Yes my question as well - do you know for certain?

ETA - if he was diagnosed, I am sorry. It is a very hard road.

Re: WhWhat it's like to live with someone with early stages of dementia

tansy — Wed, 10 Aug 2016 18:36:25 GMT

Was your husband officially diagnosed with early dementia, @151949? If so, would you tell me how that was done?

The toothbrush thing would be frustrating:/

Re: WhWhat it's like to live with someone with early stages of dementia

lulu2 — Wed, 10 Aug 2016 19:10:59 GMT

@151949

My heart goes out to you.

My stepmother suffers from dementia and when he was alive I helped my father care for her. I attended a number of classes and was taught, you need to choose your battles. In the case of the toothbrushes if someone cared that much about having a green toothbrush, it would have been easier to allow him/her keep both green toothbrushes and keep your toothbrush elsewhere. If you worry about germs and not knowing if he was using his toothbrush, simply buy 2 new green ones.

You mentioned your husband drove to the dentist's office. Have you considered taking your husband's license before he either gets lost or causes an accident?

edit

I reread, you said WE drove. I hope it meant, you are doing the driving. The trip back to Florida will be a long for you. Take your time and be safe.

Re: WhWhat it's like to live with someone with early stages of dementia

hckynut — Wed, 10 Aug 2016 18:52:58 GMT

"We had to drive to drive all the way to the dentist"? Maybe i am not familiar with his physical or mental health, thus you do the driving.

Gotta be something i am missing here.

ETA: Sorry, i didn't read the total topic of your thread. Did not know about the dementia.

Re: WhWhat it's like to live with someone with early stages of dementia

Sunnycorle — Wed, 10 Aug 2016 18:49:15 GMT

My heart goes out to you. I lost my mother to dementia 4 years ago and I wish I would have been more patient and embraced her illness. She had a hard time embracing it herself so I think that is why I had a hard time of it. My advise is take it one day at a time and ride the ride. It will be a ride but find some lightness in it all. Love yourself and love him. Take walks when you can.

Re: WhWhat it's like to live with someone with early stages of dementia

lilac lover — Wed, 10 Aug 2016 18:54:04 GMT

@lulu2 wrote:
@151949
My heart goes out to you.

My stepmother suffers from dementia and when he was alive I helped my father care for her. I attended a number of classes and was taught, you need to choose your battles. In the case of the toothbrushes if someone cared that much about having a green toothbrush, it would have been easier to allow him/her keep both green toothbrushes and keep your toothbrush elsewhere. If you worry about germs and not knowing if he was using his toothbrush, simply buy 2 new green ones.

You mentioned your husband drove to the dentist's office. Have you considered taking your husband's license before he either gets lost or causes an accident?

My mother had dementia and I totally agree with everything you said. Picking your battles is very important. Keep the 2 green toothbrushes in the holder and put the one you will actually use in a drawer or somewhere where he won't notice it. Don't make a big deal out of it and go on with your normal routine. Actually, this will be a very minor occurance as you go down this road. Some things aren't that important and you can find little ways around them but don't rehash them in your mind...just smile and go on.

Re: WhWhat it's like to live with someone with early stages of dementia

IMW — Wed, 10 Aug 2016 19:19:35 GMT

I am so very sorry for what you are living through. Hope you have a support network, and take the necessary time to care for yourself.

Re: WhWhat it's like to live with someone with early stages of dementia

nagrom — Wed, 10 Aug 2016 19:50:22 GMT

I feel for you. Is there any way that you can have someone come in to give you a break so that you can get away for a while? It is so hard to see and live with. Hope you find support that will help you live through this. Not the path we would ever imagine our life would take. Sending blessings.

I'd like to.share a little bit of my dad's story.

My dad had dementia. Mom broke her leg and was hospitalized. I came on weekends to care for him. He would go into the bathroom to shave and turn on the water. Five minutes later he would come out and say how scruffy he felt and go to shave again.

He would ask where mom was and after telling him his jaw would tremble and he would flop down on the couch only to repeat this every few minutes.

August 16th marks ten years of his passing. Mom passed on May 16 ten years ago too. I still miss them and wish I had more time.