topic Re: Food vs Coping in Wellness

Food vs Coping

Mistreatedbycs — Tue, 13 Jan 2015 17:37:22 GMT

I lost my mom about a week ago, she couldn't drink or eat the last week of her life which made me very sad. I put an entire hold on my life because I just knew this was the last time I would see her.

I exchanged my coping for food, I believe I haven't consumed that much (maybe I have) but I don't have the motivation to go back to the gym or get into my "skinny thinking". It's been very very hard and I need help.

When I quit smoking going on 2 years the 1st of next month, you were here for me to help me, guide me and motivate me. I didn't think I would need anyone's help but this loss was very painful. it was my mom.

Re: Food vs Coping

Ms X — Tue, 13 Jan 2015 17:59:04 GMT

Nantucket Shore: First, be kind to yourself and take it easy. Take small steps right now until your grief is less. What is causing you to eat too much in terms of the foods you have on hand or your habits? Have you tried stocking up on lower calorie foods you can snack on like low-calorie fruits and vegetables? You could also bring in only small servings of the high-calorie foods that you are prone to overeat. You could start by walking for five or ten minutes while watching T.V. whenever you feel like it. Even small steps can at least halt any weight gain and walking makes you feel better. Over time, you can ramp up your efforts as possible.

Re: Food vs Coping

puglet1 — Tue, 13 Jan 2015 18:11:37 GMT

Nantucket shore, I am so very sorry for your loss. I am sending healing prayers to you.

I am familiar with the overwhelming grief as well as the emotional eating that can happen as a result of the loss of a loved one or other traumatic situations. I have had my own personal slips and slides where emotional eating is concerned, but I think I have finally come to terms with it by telling myself this: While eating more than one would like to or eating the wrong foods during a time of grief will make you feel better (it kind of numbs the pain) for the very short term, it will only make you feel even worse after the comfort wears off. And in the end, the result will make you feel a LOT worse. It becomes a vicious cycle and you just don't want to go there.

Try eating "clean" for breakfast and lunch. Save the comfort food for dinner/dessert. This way, you'll know the comfort is waiting for you at the end of the day. Take one day at a time like this. In between meals, chew sugarless gum and drink cups of hot tea. Try meditation or a relaxation technique every morning and evening. There are simple breathing/relaxation exercises that you can google. This will calm you down a bit and keep you centered.

Re: Food vs Coping

betteb — Tue, 13 Jan 2015 18:33:21 GMT

I'm so sorry you lost your mother. I have been where you are. Please, be kind to yourself and allow yourself to grieve. One week is a very short amount of time.

(((((((((((((((nantucket shore)))))))))))))))))))

Re: Food vs Coping

poshmini — Tue, 13 Jan 2015 18:38:08 GMT

Nantucket Shore, I am sorry for the loss of your dear mother, I truly understand for both my parents have been gone for some time now. I went through what you are going through now. It's not easy to see a parent having to go through pain and suffering, knowing there is very little of what one can do. But know she is in a better place with out pain and full of eternal life. It took me awhile to get back into life. Because you have to for yourself, and or family as well. They would not want to see their children, whom they gave birth to and took care of all their lives, to see us loose the will to carry on, and stay in a grief state of mind. What they would want to see, is us to be happy and live a good life as well, to remember the good times you shared with them and keep them in your heart always. You are stronger than you think and I believe they watch over us, always. Using food or anything else to help you through this time will do you no good and would go against all the love they had for you to see you loose faith and will. If you want to keep their loving memory alive in your heart , then with all do, give yourself respect and kindness to go on living a well life, for yourself as well as for them. I feel this is what they would want for us all. Many blessings to you.

Re: Food vs Coping

YorkieonmyPillow — Tue, 13 Jan 2015 19:16:52 GMT

I'm so sorry you lost your mother.

I think grieving is a job, it's something that must be done and there are no shortcuts and no way around it. It's going to be there, no matter what you do. I am a Christian so I would pour out my heart to G_d, read comforting scriptures. In-between periods of tears, listen to soothing, uplifting music which calms and comforts you. Some people do aromatherapy, take soothing bubble baths, after a few weeks perhaps you will feel well enough to get out and get a manicure or facial, try to take care of yourself at this time. Not sure of your spiritual beliefs but I would be turning to G_d for comfort....if you have a pet, love on it as they love unconditionally........hope this helps. Again, I am very sorry to hear you lost your dear mother.

Re: Food vs Coping

beckyb1012 — Tue, 13 Jan 2015 19:32:16 GMT

I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my Mom in May 2013 and still have such hard days, it is better now. I did the same with the food. I live alone and even though I work out every day and wear a 0-2 I pigged out every night starting with all the sweets and stuff I was sent home with after the service. My Mom's Sunday school class and women's Bible study fixed me up but good, my freezer was full. I gained it quickly but before Labor Day of that summer I had stopped all the eating. I never binged but I was having pies and cakes from the freezer every night with ice cream missing my Mom. I did finish off all of the food just much more slowly than got back to my normal eating routine. Thank goodness I never stopped my exercising or five pounds could have been 20!

I lost the five pounds but did not loose the ache it is just not as intense.

Bless you and the precious memories you have with your Mom. I wish there was a way to get through it but there is not. I still hear a song she loved or see a John Wayne movie on that she loved and break down because like you said "she was my Mom." Prayers to you.

Re: Food vs Coping

millieshops — Tue, 13 Jan 2015 19:56:43 GMT

Nantucket - I am so sorry for your loss. Warm hugs and best wishes for the strength to cope. I think my mom's death led to some of the greatest loneliness ever, just a huge hole to try to fill. It's been nearly 30 years and most of the time now that hole is shallow - I doubt it ever goes away nor do I want it to.

Fill it for a while with food, but if your mother was anything like mine, she'll be sitting on your shoulder telling you you've had enough food pretty soon. You'll still need comfort though. For me, that comfort came from other women, women who had also lots their mothers, women who also treasured the mothers still living, women who cared. They were my help, my solace when food was no longer a good answer. May you find your answer as soon as you're ready for it. Again, my sympathy for your loss.

Re: Food vs Coping

qualitygal — Tue, 13 Jan 2015 20:23:16 GMT

Yes, it was your mom. It will take time to mourn her and if you're able, keep letting it out by crying when you can. It's still very new and painful. But, the next time you go to eat, ask yourself if you're hungry or using the food as a painkiller. You know. There's a reason for the term "comfort food". Then you get to think she's in a better place now. No pain or worries. You can do a scrapbook of her pictures or any other remembrances of her that you have. I won't get into the religious aspect of it since I don't know you, but I do know the pain you are going through. I will always love my mother, you will too.

Give yourself time.

Re: Food vs Coping

HonnyBrown — Tue, 13 Jan 2015 20:49:26 GMT

((( Nan )))

I am so sorry about your loss. You have my condolences and you are in my prayers.

Re: Food vs Coping

Mistreatedbycs — Tue, 13 Jan 2015 20:52:50 GMT

Oh my gosh ladies, I can take something out of each one of your postings while I'm sitting here crying and reading.

Sign me up for the comfort food right now, you are so right, it may feel good while eating it but it doesn't make the pain go away.

Re: Food vs Coping

Tissyanne — Tue, 13 Jan 2015 21:55:59 GMT

nantucket, I am so sorry to read about the loss of your mom. Be easy on yourself as you go through the grieving process. My dad passed away suddenly in August, and I have eaten my way through the sorrow. Sometimes we do what we can to cope. You are a strong lady, and I believe you will come out of this on the other side with your weight loss that you have been working on in tact. Again, I am sorry about the loss of your mom.

Re: Food vs Coping

goodstuff — Tue, 13 Jan 2015 22:05:41 GMT

I lost my dear Mom to Alzheimer's a little over a year ago, and the pain was deep and real. Grieving is hard, slow work, and you'll need to give yourself space and time to do it. Be as kind to yourself as you can. Music, prayer, bubble baths, tears -- there are some wonderful suggestions given in some of the posts above for ways to help yourself to healing. I'd like to add what I think is one of the most important: Don't let yourself get isolated. You may not feel like mingling, and of course you won't be up for big parties or noisy social events. But go to church, have lunch with family or friends, go to your gym and talk with fellow exercisers, take a walk in a park or other place where you'll see people. If you need to, join a grief group. Don't rush the process, but do challenge yourself to do at least some things every week with other people. Don't make the "food thing" your first priority, and certainly don't punish yourself for not eating healthily during such a stressful time. Make small positive changes as you feel motivated. I believe you'll feel more like getting back to good eating as you progress through the healing process.

Blessings to you, and prayers for peace and healing.

Re: Food vs Coping

Still Raining — Wed, 14 Jan 2015 04:09:24 GMT

Sorry to hear about your Mom, it must be so hard to go through each day. Don't beat yourself up about food habits right now, it will sort itself out in due time.

Re: Food vs Coping

kcladyz — Wed, 14 Jan 2015 04:43:55 GMT

I am very overweight. I have over 100 pounds to loose and my eating to cope was and is the problem. I grew up in a home of abuse and food was my only outlet for I had no friends or family to go to. I sympathize. Since its due to the loss of your mom I suspect it will pass in time. If you have family you are close to i would spend more time with them.

Re: Food vs Coping

I am still oxox — Wed, 14 Jan 2015 04:50:27 GMT

I am so sorry I lost my mom about 3 months ago, there are some easy days and some hards days, it will be 3 months next week, but her 91st birthday would of been on the 21st.

I am dealing with similar food issues, add to that on going dental implant surgery and working at home.

I can understand what you are going thru, I have no words of wisdom but will offer you a shoulder to cry on

Re: Food vs Coping

OkeyDokey — Wed, 14 Jan 2015 04:55:47 GMT

I'm so very sorry for your loss. There isn't a another soul on earth like our mothers. Don't be too hard on yourself. You have been through a major loss and there is going to be a transition time while you adjust to the change. You are obviously a very strong person and the fact that you don't want to go to the gym seems completely normal to me. Maybe just try to take a stroll if you feel like it. Sometimes, just a bit of fresh air can help a lot when you are craving food when you aren't physically hungry. And try to keep your food choices more healthful because keeping yourself healthy will help you cope as well. Take it day by day. I'm saying a prayer for you!

Re: Food vs Coping

lucylover64 — Wed, 14 Jan 2015 04:58:29 GMT

nantucket shore--I am so sorry for the loss of your mother. Please know that all of your feelings during the grief process are okay: they sure don't feel okay, but they are okay and being able to feel the REAL feelings are needed in order to process what you are going through. Try to be patient with yourself and give yourself permission to grieve. We all grieve both similarly and differently--yet there is no wrong or right way. Let people support you in the process, as you are doing on these boards! I believe grief and loss are the most difficult experiences in this life and we all need one another. I will be thinking of you, and all of the rest of the posters who have lost loved ones. Wishing you peace and strength--