topic Re: Question about dementia .... in Wellness

Question about dementia ....

sarahpanda — Sat, 13 Dec 2025 16:20:37 GMT

The DH of a friend of mine has dementia....early to mid stages. Over the last few weeks he seems to be in need to be 'right up under her', at the kithen table, in the kitchen, turning his chair around in the living room so as to be able to keep an eye on her. etc. Once, she told me that she was in the bathroom and he was at the door saying ''Are you in there?" If she steps right, he steps right, if she steps left, he steps left..etc.. Has any one else experienced this phase?

Re: Question about dementia ....

Klimt — Sat, 13 Dec 2025 16:31:15 GMT

@sarahpanda wrote:
The DH of a friend of mine has dementia....early to mid stages. Over the last few weeks he seems to be in need to be 'right up under her', at the kithen table, in the kitchen, turning his chair around in the living room so as to be able to keep an eye on her. etc. Once, she told me that she was in the bathroom and he was at the door saying ''Are you in there?" If she steps right, he steps right, if she steps left, he steps left..etc.. Has any one else experienced this phase?

Hopefully, your friend stays in contact with his physician.

Re: Question about dementia ....

shoesnbags — Sat, 13 Dec 2025 16:38:05 GMT

@sarahpanda wrote:
The DH of a friend of mine has dementia....early to mid stages. Over the last few weeks he seems to be in need to be 'right up under her', at the kithen table, in the kitchen, turning his chair around in the living room so as to be able to keep an eye on her. etc. Once, she told me that she was in the bathroom and he was at the door saying ''Are you in there?" If she steps right, he steps right, if she steps left, he steps left..etc.. Has any one else experienced this phase?

@sarahpanda

This is a pretty common thing with dementia patients. It's called "shadowing" I believe. It gives them a sense of security to be near their caregiver/loved one.

Re: Question about dementia ....

haddon9 — Sat, 13 Dec 2025 16:42:54 GMT

I'm so sorry for your friend and her DH. It sounds like he is confused and maybe a bit afraid. I know I would be!

My own DH has a disability and was diagnosed with a severe autoimmune illness back in 2012. In the beginning as he quickly went downhill (he resembled a stroke victim) he was very afraid!

We found an integrative doctor that worked with us and he allowed patients to call him at 7-7:30 am Mon-Fri to chat. That was a huge help to alleviate some of DH's fears. He has now stabilized and can putter around the house by himself, etc.

Re: Question about dementia ....

manny2 — Sat, 13 Dec 2025 18:00:29 GMT

@shoesnbags wrote:
@sarahpanda wrote:
The DH of a friend of mine has dementia....early to mid stages. Over the last few weeks he seems to be in need to be 'right up under her', at the kithen table, in the kitchen, turning his chair around in the living room so as to be able to keep an eye on her. etc. Once, she told me that she was in the bathroom and he was at the door saying ''Are you in there?" If she steps right, he steps right, if she steps left, he steps left..etc.. Has any one else experienced this phase?
@sarahpanda
This is a pretty common thing with dementia patients. It's called "shadowing" I believe. It gives them a sense of security to be near their caregiver/loved one.

Yes, this is correct. It often appears in the middle stages of dementia, when the person becomes anxious, confused, and clings to their caregiver for reassurance.

Re: Question about dementia ....

cindyNC — Sat, 13 Dec 2025 18:22:38 GMT

I'm so sorry your friend is going through this.

Re: Question about dementia ....

rms1954 — Sat, 13 Dec 2025 20:42:40 GMT

My Dad suffered from dementia. But he was always in bed due to other health problems so it's not something our family went through; the constant shadowing. It's a very, very sad thing. I can imagine it would be very frightening. He kept saying to me "I know you, you look very familiar." I cried that first time he said it. I was very close to him and we had a special bond. It's difficult for all.

Re: Question about dementia ....

Jo1313 — Sat, 13 Dec 2025 23:54:30 GMT

@shoesnbags wrote:
@sarahpanda wrote:
The DH of a friend of mine has dementia....early to mid stages. Over the last few weeks he seems to be in need to be 'right up under her', at the kithen table, in the kitchen, turning his chair around in the living room so as to be able to keep an eye on her. etc. Once, she told me that she was in the bathroom and he was at the door saying ''Are you in there?" If she steps right, he steps right, if she steps left, he steps left..etc.. Has any one else experienced this phase?
@sarahpanda
This is a pretty common thing with dementia patients. It's called "shadowing" I believe. It gives them a sense of security to be near their caregiver/loved one.

I'm going through this with DH...He follows me around the house.

Some Dr.s don't believe me when I tell them on rainy dreary days it's worse..Told 1 Dr. to come and live with me for a couple of weeks! He kind of sleep walks..I hide all shoes and keys..We also have "invisivble" people here.

Some of the things sound funny to some..but it's a scary thing when you are in the middle of it...He hides things like the tv remotes so no one will steal them..It's only the 2 of us.

When I fell in the house a while ago.I called an ambulance...He didn't want to let them in. One distracted him and the other 2 EMT's slipped around him.

Re: Question about dementia ....

Roscoe the Rascal — Sun, 14 Dec 2025 12:07:26 GMT

My brother hard Parkinson's and dementia. He passed this year. Very sad to be in these situations. I am so sorry for your struggles.

I remember when he first started out he would call me and said people were there and would I get them out. Asked me to talk to them so I did and then he said they are gone and what did you say. He use to ask me things like that wasn't real was it. I would say no it wasn't. He would say I didn't think so.

He first started in assisted living and eventually short time later was moved to memory care. I went to see him often. He always knew me but could not really carry on a conversation towards the end. I'm sure miss him. Not easy to see a loved one in that situation.

Re: Question about dementia ....

SilleeMee — Sun, 14 Dec 2025 23:18:24 GMT

A very close friend of mine has signs of early dementia. He has missed several important events lately. He blocked my phone number from his cell b/c he said he didn't recognize it. He's known my number for over ten years. He doesn't remember seeing me last week when he helped fix something in my house. I don't know what to say. I'm confused and I want to help but I don't feel I'm in the right position to say anything to him anyways.

Re: Question about dementia ....

Pink123 — Mon, 15 Dec 2025 00:41:21 GMT

This is very scary indeed @SilleeMee , @Jo1313 and all the people we know who are going through this.

I don't know exactly how fast it comes on. My Mom was quite slow I would say. We lived in different towns quite far away and so I did not quite understand it. To keep it short, one night at about 3 a.m.

my stepdad heard a banging at the door sound asleep. (they slept in different rooms by then) He answers and there was my Mom with no clothes on except for bottoms standing at the door with a security guard. They lived in a gated community and she was found wandering and the guard was called apparently and found her.. The back door was smashed by the pool where she got frightened and said people were walking on the roof tryng to kill her. She had cuts. The sliding glass door was smashed where she escaped so it was true what she said. Very far away from my Dad so he did not hear it or was already sleeping soundly. I feel so bad for her but everything just got worse from there. Always people at the door and she sayng terrible things to my stepdad too, just awful which I cannot repeat here. He would take good care of her as well and never stopped until the very end. A very tough six years. She finally had her peace so deserved..

Re: Question about dementia ....

Jo1313 — Mon, 15 Dec 2025 14:35:23 GMT

@Pink123 wrote:
This is very scary indeed @SilleeMee , @Jo1313 and all the people we know who are going through this.

I don't know exactly how fast it comes on. My Mom was quite slow I would say. We lived in different towns quite far away and so I did not quite understand it. To keep it short, one night at about 3 a.m.
my stepdad heard a banging at the door sound asleep. (they slept in different rooms by then) He answers and there was my Mom with no clothes on except for bottoms standing at the door with a security guard. They lived in a gated community and she was found wandering and the guard was called apparently and found her.. The back door was smashed by the pool where she got frightened and said people were walking on the roof tryng to kill her. She had cuts. The sliding glass door was smashed where she escaped so it was true what she said. Very far away from my Dad so he did not hear it or was already sleeping soundly. I feel so bad for her but everything just got worse from there. Always people at the door and she sayng terrible things to my stepdad too, just awful which I cannot repeat here. He would take good care of her as well and never stopped until the very end. A very tough six years. She finally had her peace so deserved..

Sorry you are going through this too..Glad she didn't get hurt with the broken glass and that their was security..We're in the middle of nowhere here. Never thought these things would happen to us.

Wishing you and your family the best.

Re: Question about dementia ....

SilleeMee — Mon, 15 Dec 2025 22:07:29 GMT

My former MIL and I used to go shopping together quite often. One time when we were in a department store together we got separated somehow. My cell phone started ringing and it was her telling me that she was lost in the store and to please come and get her. She used to shop alone all of the time. Makes me wonder how many times she got lost during those lone shopping trips. She never mentioned anything about it to me. I was sort of shocked that day she called me to tell me to come and get her b/c she was lost in the store.