topic Re: Isolation & Dementia in Wellness

Isolation & Dementia

granddi — Sat, 08 Jan 2022 18:44:02 GMT

We have been told about the importance of socialization for maintaining strong mental health. I think I am seeing this played out with a couple in assisted living.

He is an 80 extrovert, retired professional who moved to assisted living due to his 75 yo wife needing help due to advanced medical issues. About 2 years ago Carol (made up names) told me that she suspected Jack having memory issues. During the last 18 months they have been "on lock down" for weeks at a time due to covid outbreak concerns. His condition has worsened very quickly. Carol said the lock downs have caused her husband serious mental harm.

Jack stays in bed well into the afternoon, angers easily and complains about living in a prision. His condition is depressing to his wife and this and the revolving lock downs are taking a toll. During lock downs they are confined to their apartments with meals and services in the private living spaces. The common areas are not accessible.

I have contacted several old friends to remind them to call and say Hi and just keep in touch. Please remember friends and loved ones who might be in similar situations.

Re: Isolation & Dementia

on the bay — Sat, 08 Jan 2022 18:54:24 GMT

This is so sad and yes depressing.

I do think there are things the place can do to ease this.

When my mother was in lock down in her facility, I got permission to stay with her when she had covd. We had to stay in her room, but we were together.

Later when the whole facility locked down, they would have the residents sit in a chair right outside their door and they could still play bingo as a caretaker called out the letters from the hall. They were all wearing masks and more than 6 feet apart.

They could also do exercises this way.

It takes a lot of creativity to come up with things.

They also instigated zooms in the residents room. The family wold sign up for a day and time and the creative director would go to their room and work the zoom for the resident.

Things like that. It helped a lot.

Re: Isolation & Dementia

manny2 — Sat, 08 Jan 2022 20:05:09 GMT

Covid has redefined how we live. Isolation is not good for mental health. I do think your friends memory problems have probably escalated because of a dementia. This is a very hard diagnosis to deal with.

I worked with dementia patients for over 20 years, and I saw how incredibly difficult it was on both patient and family.

Re: Isolation & Dementia

Kachina624 — Sat, 08 Jan 2022 20:11:55 GMT

While these people in facilities may be isolated, think about the millions of us who have been prisioners in our own homes with no social contact at all for almost two years. We don't have caretakers and, since many of us are single, see no human at all. Thank God for pets. Why do you think so many of us come to this board so often or stay so long? You can talk to the same few people on the phone only so much. Many of us have small families and friends who have died or are gone from our lives. The only person who has been in my home during the pandemic is the AC repair guy. My closest relative is almost 2,000 miles away. There is no "place" or any person concerned about our welfare. Yes, it's darned depressing to have to live like this.

Re: Isolation & Dementia

CelticCrafter — Sat, 08 Jan 2022 20:15:18 GMT

My in-laws live in an (independent?) assisted living facility, their meals and housekeeping are provided but they have to be able to take care of themselves. Should the time come when they are not able to care for themselves they would need to move out.

Having said that, they do treat them like they are nursing home residents.

If anyone went out for Christmas Eve and Day, NY Eve and Day, they couldn't leave their living space for 3 days.

Everyone has to be tested once a week.

The only daily activities are boring - cards, bingo and book club with an occasional very child like arts and crafts project thrown in.

They pay almost $6,000 a month for this.

I used to tell my daughter, don't feel guilty and do not put her life on hold to take care of one or both of us. I'm starting to rethink that.

Re: Isolation & Dementia

teganslaw — Sat, 08 Jan 2022 20:52:02 GMT

The whole situation is bad.

Kachina, I read about your state's restrictions being extended. I have a feeling the emotional issues coming out of these mandates will be just as bad (or worse) than the virus itself.

Re: Isolation & Dementia

granddi — Sat, 08 Jan 2022 22:09:15 GMT

@CelticCrafter wrote:
My in-laws live in an (independent?) assisted living facility, their meals and housekeeping are provided but they have to be able to take care of themselves. Should the time come when they are not able to care for themselves they would need to move out.

Having said that, they do treat them like they are nursing home residents.

If anyone went out for Christmas Eve and Day, NY Eve and Day, they couldn't leave their living space for 3 days.

Everyone has to be tested once a week.

The only daily activities are boring - cards, bingo and book club with an occasional very child like arts and crafts project thrown in.

They pay almost $6,000 a month for this.

I used to tell my daughter, don't feel guilty and do not put her life on hold to take care of one or both of us. I'm starting to rethink that.

I wonder if a senior independent living apartment actually exists? There are 55+ apartments but really not for 75 yo.

Our friends live in an urban upscale facility. It is expensive-first class- but lacks important outdoor space. Several years they remarked that they don't keep jewelry, cash in the apartment and chuckled that "they" don't steal much but just being careful! How terrible is this!

Re: Isolation & Dementia

on the bay — Sat, 08 Jan 2022 22:23:59 GMT

@CelticCrafter,

I felt the same about several of the places my mother was in mostly independent, and later assisted.

Each of us and her nieces and sisters, grandkids, children all wanted her to live with us/them but changing states and moving was all so overwhelming for her she just wouldn't.

My conclusion when I would stay with her was that these places present themselves as such wonderful places but to me and also to her a lot,

they can be like prisons with lots of things, activities, food, caretakers that aren't always so great.

Or just overpriced rooms that offer things you can get for free with all or more amenities at regular apartments.

There may not be the 3 meals a day at an apt (which you don't always like anyway),

but sometimes so much nicer than some of these, if not needing a lot of assistance.

My mother stopped the housecleaning at the facility because the woman never even got the crumbs up on the kitchen floor and they weren't allowed to dust by mngmt.

I guess also knowing this could be the last place they live when they don't like it and are paying $5-6,000/mo, can be very depressing. They may try to make the best of it

but its a daily struggle and that wears on anyone.

But yes again there are many with no one. I'm lucky I have and help half of my children and grandchildren but I also try to "commune" with lots of animal friends wild and domestic.

And when often quarantining, for the first time in my life, I could get lonely too. That is why I like the idea of an apt for me anyway, not a house with no one around or a neighbor or 2 if you like them and all the responsibility and uncertainty of what could go wrong next in a house esp if you live alone.

It is a very different road for all of us.

Re: Isolation & Dementia

phoenixbrd — Sat, 08 Jan 2022 23:46:00 GMT

I think many resonate with Jack's condition given our current state of affairs...not necessarily suffering from dementia but doing their best not to be depressed by the isolation, inflation, crime, etc. I have respect for those who refuse to give in to fear and commit to developing, growing, and giving in spite of our current environment.

Re: Isolation & Dementia

Sooner — Sun, 09 Jan 2022 00:12:50 GMT

@CelticCrafter wrote:
My in-laws live in an (independent?) assisted living facility, their meals and housekeeping are provided but they have to be able to take care of themselves. Should the time come when they are not able to care for themselves they would need to move out.

Having said that, they do treat them like they are nursing home residents.

If anyone went out for Christmas Eve and Day, NY Eve and Day, they couldn't leave their living space for 3 days.

Everyone has to be tested once a week.

The only daily activities are boring - cards, bingo and book club with an occasional very child like arts and crafts project thrown in.

They pay almost $6,000 a month for this.

I used to tell my daughter, don't feel guilty and do not put her life on hold to take care of one or both of us. I'm starting to rethink that.

@CelticCrafter Don't rethink it. Your daughter deserves a life.

Re: Isolation & Dementia

BlueFinch — Sun, 09 Jan 2022 00:26:00 GMT

Jack may not be getting dementia, he may have an agitated, situational depression, with growing vegetative symptoms, including escaping his thoughts and situation by staying in bed.

Moving into assisted living may have been tolerable initially, but increasing restrictions for his extrovert personality has affected his mental health. This could manifest in many negative ways, including forgetfulness, or dementia onset, but not necessarily so.

And, as much as he may love his wife, perhaps he resents having to change his life so dramatically because of her medical issues. He's likely doing life reviews at his age, reminiscing about the past, but incapable of changing his current situation. There are too many possibilities to do anything but second guess without medical assessment, but the most obvious symptom is depression and hopelessness.

After two years, I know I feel dumbed down and have unpleasant brain fog at times, simply because I miss people and activities that used to keep my mind stimulated and continually learning. There's truth to use it, or lose it. Our brains need exercise, too.

It's a given that confinement is detrimental to health. Far too many, young and old, will carry emotional scars from the social isolation most of us have been experiencing. Particularly when we're continually flooded with news of terrible life events and disasters. If our brains aren't screaming for relief by now, someone needs to call a Code -- stat.

Re: Isolation & Dementia

hckynutjohn — Sun, 09 Jan 2022 00:31:41 GMT

@Kachina624 wrote:
While these people in facilities may be isolated, think about the millions of us who have been prisioners in our own homes with no social contact at all for almost two years. We don't have caretakers and, since many of us are single, see no human at all. Thank God for pets. Why do you think so many of us come to this board so often or stay so long? You can talk to the same few people on the phone only so much. Many of us have small families and friends who have died or are gone from our lives. The only person who has been in my home during the pandemic is the AC repair guy. My closest relative is almost 2,000 miles away. There is no "place" or any person concerned about our welfare. Yes, it's darned depressing to have to live like this.

@Kachina624

Can't speak to "being a prisoner in my own home". While I understand how many look at life, and illnesses, differently than I do! Sure, there are times I have stayed in our home for weeks, all by choice, but a prisoner? Uh uh!

Like many others, my family is very small. I do have a few I consider good friends, and many I see as acquaintances. I can go anywhere in our City any time I please, but I prefer our home and our remaining pets, over the -° weather, that has been around for days.

Can only speak for myself, but no circumstances are going to force me to feel like a prisoner, regardless of who is saying what about my risks. It will be me that does that deciding.

Like to see your posts here and wish you nothing but the best.

hckynut

Re: Isolation & Dementia

granddi — Sun, 09 Jan 2022 00:59:02 GMT

@BlueFinch wrote:
Jack may not be getting dementia, he may have an agitated, situational depression, with growing vegetative symptoms, including escaping his thoughts and situation by staying in bed.

Moving into assisted living may have been tolerable initially, but increasing restrictions for his extrovert personality has affected his mental health. This could manifest in many negative ways, including forgetfulness, or dementia onset, but not necessarily so.

And, as much as he may love his wife, perhaps he resents having to change his life so dramatically because of her medical issues. He's likely doing life reviews at his age, reminiscing about the past, but incapable of changing his current situation. There are too many possibilities to do anything but second guess without medical assessment, but the most obvious symptom is depression and hopelessness.

After two years, I know I feel dumbed down and have unpleasant brain fog at times, simply because I miss people and activities that used to keep my mind stimulated and continually learning. There's truth to use it, or lose it. Our brains need exercise, too.

It's a given that confinement is detrimental to health. Far too many, young and old, will carry emotional scars from the social isolation most of us have been experiencing. Particularly when we're continually flooded with news of terrible life events and disasters. If our brains aren't screaming for relief by now, someone needs to call a Code -- stat.

@BlueFinch I would give you a big hug if I could. I'm contacting their son and daughter ASAP. Their story has more depressing elements than just covid. I believe they can both be helped. Thank you from the bottom my heart for taking the time to share your knowledge.

Re: Isolation & Dementia

Leggett28 — Sun, 09 Jan 2022 02:29:02 GMT

My husband and I have decided as long as we can manage for our selves we will never go into assistance living. We know an older couple that we visited in assisted living (this was friends of my husband's parents) and all they talked about was who died. In these facilities you don't see young people and children, I want to see children.

Re: Isolation & Dementia

Kachina624 — Sun, 09 Jan 2022 05:32:31 GMT

@teganslaw wrote:
The whole situation is bad.

Kachina, I read about your state's restrictions being extended. I have a feeling the emotional issues coming out of these mandates will be just as bad (or worse) than the virus itself.

@teganslaw Late last summer, my community cut the ribbon on a beautiful, ultra modern, brand new senior center. So far, not a single senior has been allowed to cross the threshold. I keep calling hoping they're open with some activities and the chance to make some new friends.

Re: Isolation & Dementia

LindaSal — Sun, 09 Jan 2022 15:40:30 GMT

These are very sad situations. Most of us will likely end up in one of these places someday, yikes. My 89 year old MIL is in an assisted living apartment and she doesn't like it at all.

That being said she is not the easiest person to get along with. She is a chronic complainer and is never happy regardless. I know it must be difficult for her as not even 3 years ago she was still independant and still driving. She actually got quite sick with what they had diagnosed as food poisoning and was hospitalized, then in the nursing home and from there had to give up her small apartment and go into assisted living.

I know it's been tough on her with lockdowns and changing her way of life, however, she needs to realize that at least she is safe, being fed and gets basic care with bathing and such. She suffers from spinal stenosis and cannot walk without a walker and is incontinant, so frankly just being realistic she really should not be going out very much anyway! But she just refuses to accept where she is in life..........and as far as my kids, I tell them I never want to be a burden on them as I am living it myself and it's not easy nor fun.

Re: Isolation & Dementia

Sooner — Sun, 09 Jan 2022 16:05:15 GMT

All of us have a path to trod and many of us have no choices about it. Many don't have families, some of us are supporting elderly people financially and sometimes at great cost to ourselves mentally and financially, and some don't have a social net or access to one.

Some times you don't have a choice about things, but you have a choice about how you live and sometimes you just to face it, and I can say my faith is all that keeps me going sometimes. Without it, I don't think I could make it day to day.

And don't tell me to go talk to someone because there is nothing talking would change except dwelling on it more. It is what it is. I pray about it and go on. And count the many blessings I have and have had in my life and focus on that.

Re: Isolation & Dementia

RedTop — Sun, 09 Jan 2022 18:15:32 GMT

@Sooner

Amen to your last post, which also describes my life to a T. It is what it is, and I pray daily for the strength to deal with it.

Re: Isolation & Dementia

Sooner — Sun, 09 Jan 2022 18:25:09 GMT

@RedTop I also often read your posts and identify with what you are saying! It's a "carry-on: world!!!!

Re: Isolation & Dementia

KayinMN — Sun, 09 Jan 2022 18:29:30 GMT

To the lady that said she has been a prisoner for 2 years....why? You can go to any store, a park, for a walk, to church, you can talk to your neighbors unless they are scared to come out? What you describe is not a life. Pray that God would keep you healthy and go live your life before it’s over. Don’t always believe what the news tells you, unless your mind is impared, you need to think for yourself like you have done your entire life.