topic Re: Update On My Mother in Wellness

Update On My Mother

jubilant — Tue, 02 Nov 2021 12:40:24 GMT

We were so exicited last time I posted but, sadlly, that room at the nursing home and rehab we wanted to get Mom to didn't work out. Someone made a mistake and there wasn't really a room available like we were originally told.

That only left one other place to choose from as it was the only one our social worker at the hospital could find with an opening. I researched it online and it had great reviews and the social worker agreed that her feedback on it was good . When the nursing home van came to pick mom up from the hospital and took her to their facility, my sister and mother took one look at it and walked out. My sister called me at home and said the place was nothing like they expected and informed me that she was on her way back to the hospital with mom in the car to try to get all the meds that were prescribed for her that were obviously much needed (meds like Plavix, Heprin, Lassix...you probably get the picture). DH and I jumped in our suv to meet them outside the hospital parking lot at the hospital she was just dismissed from. We took mom straight home and settled her in. She was so happy.

It took my sister awhile. She went up to the heart floor and told them what happened. They got a hold of all Mom's doctors and prescriptions were sent to her drugstore. They were important prescriptions that she cannot be without right now (Plavix, Heprin, Lassix)...you probably get the picture.

Anyway, Mom is home and, while weak, she is walking pretty good. We are now looking for "in home rehab". She is very old and according to what we have heard and read, she probably only has a year (probably less than that) unless God deems it otherwise. She accepts that.

Oh, and one other thing.... we were only going to get to see her (at this facility) by appointment. We would never be able to go to her room. They would bring her to us in a family room at their facility. We would not be able to observe her care. That was something none of us felt we could live with! We understand that they are doing this to protect patients from Covid. If we would have been told (ahead of time) we would just have taken her home. I guess we should have known to ask but our minds are a little weary right now. What a day? We are all exhausted but mom will have her meds this morning so we are happy about that and happy that she is happy. Her mind is sharp and she is an easy going person so she deserves better than what she was going to get. My heart is at peace.

Thanks once again for all your support.

Re: Update On My Mother

itsmagic — Tue, 02 Nov 2021 12:41:32 GMT

@jubilant You and your sister are such great daughters looking out for your mom!

Re: Update On My Mother

jubilant — Tue, 02 Nov 2021 12:45:25 GMT

@itsmagic Oh, thank you! She is easy to love and has always wanted what was best for us. We just want what's best for her.

Re: Update On My Mother

millieshops — Tue, 02 Nov 2021 12:45:51 GMT

@jubilant your mom and all your family are so fortunate you have found a way to try to care for her (perhaps) final months in a home setting. I sincerely hope you all are able to see the advantages you already have described fo us continue for a long time.

Re: Update On My Mother

Vivian — Tue, 02 Nov 2021 12:53:16 GMT

What a time you've had. As Bette Davis said, "Getting old is not for sissies." It's so hard to deal with the myriad of problems of aging and caregiving. Sorry to say, we Americans are not #1 in that department. My 99 year old mother is depleting her savings because she has a 24/7 aide at home...but at least she's home. I'm going in the same direction with my husband, who has Alzheimer's. We also have a 24/7 aide plus a cleaning woman, who has taken over my responsibilities because of a worsening of my asthma. I have mold specialists coming in because I just discovered what may well be the cause of my breathing troubles. Here comes another cashectomy.

Re: Update On My Mother

CAcableGirl2 — Tue, 02 Nov 2021 13:22:55 GMT

@jubilant Your mom has two fabulous daughters.

I was speaking with a co-worker yesterday and it's shocking that some families have such low regard for their close family members and their suffering, and aren't willing to "inconvenience" themselves in order to help and support their family in their time of need.

So glad it worked out for your mom, she has found the best place for her to stay with people that love her and will take wonderful care of her.

Re: Update On My Mother

LindaSal — Tue, 02 Nov 2021 14:06:21 GMT

For some people it is way more than an inconvenience. Some people have very eldery parents as does my DH (89 yr old mother) he is 69 and has a heart condition. I am more concerned with his health with the demands and stress of caring for his mother. We are doing the best we can but we are no spring chickens either.

I am glad it turned out well for your mom. We all have different situations in life. As I stated before, just be aware of your own health and your sisters.

Re: Update On My Mother

KCDiva — Tue, 02 Nov 2021 14:14:02 GMT

@jubilant My heart goes out to you and your sister. You are wonderful daughters to your mother. I know what you are going through. My mother was in nursing home for 6 months before she passed and we could not visit due to Covid. I think it's a regret we will always live with. I pray you will be able to keep her at home with you so you can enjoy this time with her. I am keeping your family in my prayers.

Re: Update On My Mother

Sooner — Tue, 02 Nov 2021 14:20:41 GMT

The scheduling of visits and no in-room visits is often a state mandate during Covid times. Many times nursing homes have been shut down entirely. Many close for days until all workers and residents are tested.

Also, if you live away, you don't feel like you can travel at times. I know several who haven't seen people in nursing homes for a very long time. It is what it is in this day and age, and you don't get a choice.

You are blessed that you are able to say no and do otherwise. My heart goes out to all in that situation. May you be blessed during this journey any of you now face.

Re: Update On My Mother

jubilant — Tue, 02 Nov 2021 14:50:21 GMT

@LindaSal wrote:
For some people it is way more than an inconvenience. Some people have very eldery parents as does my DH (89 yr old mother) he is 69 and has a heart condition. I am more concerned with his health with the demands and stress of caring for his mother. We are doing the best we can but we are no spring chickens either.

I am glad it turned out well for your mom. We all have different situations in life. As I stated before, just be aware of your own health and your sisters.

@LindaSal I totally understand where you are coming from. It was different with my Dad. He had some mental issues plus many physical issues. He would often not cooperate with mom. She is tiny woman. He weighed 195 lbs. and when he wouldn't listen to her...she couldn't physically handle him. We kept him at home for years but finally we could see it was killing mom so we found a nursing home not far away and between the 3 of us kids and mom, we visited him at least 4 or 5 days a week and spent time with him and enjoyed joining him for many of the senior functions. They had a room where we could have a family Christmas, concerts, outdoor barbecues, etc. so we joined in on most of those. We were able to do that because we all lived close. Not everyone has that, I know. Sadly he passed away at almost 89 yrs. old 4 yrs. ago but we felt we did our best by him even though it broke our hearts to put him in.

I do have a heart conditon and some other problems as does DH. My sister understands that and she doesn't have a husband so she knows the burden will be greater on her. I do have to think of DH, too. My brother, sister, and I don't agree on everything, and we each can drive each other a little crazy at times but somehow we work it out and can still part with a hug and an "I love you". I realize that every family is different and it's oh so complicated for us all. As you said, we all have different situations. I truly understand that.

Re: Update On My Mother

Mistreatedbycs — Tue, 02 Nov 2021 14:57:13 GMT

@jubilant

You are lucky to have help, your sister. Mine only "directed" didn't do a darn thing.

I was hoping others would of read this earlier what I posted....

1. Social workers have one job, get you out of the hospital.

1a, You can delay the release from the hospital if you want to visit

the places available. You must insist and tell them "no".

1b. They want you out of the hospital just due to Medicare guidelines

2. Yes, go to the facility first, walk thru, and also look for the violations online, not the reviews but the violations, that info is posted and from State Inspectors.

3. In home rehab. Sorry, but most of these people come in and plop themselves down at the table, open the laptop, start asking a hundred and one questions that if no one is there, the patient cannot answer. Someone needs to be there to supervise, even if it's a friend/neighbor.

4. After the laptop "paperwork is done 30 minutes maybe more, a small amount of rehab is done. The patient is probably tired by now anyway.

Your mother is so lucky to have 2 of you. She may walk fine but remember falls are common in the elderly. Please don't say a year that she will stay alive, take everyday and thank the Lord for her. I wouldn't take any of my time back that I chased around, made calls, looked at facilities and overall all the time I closed my business to look after her. It was worth every minute and I wish I could do it again.

Re: Update On My Mother

Sooner — Tue, 02 Nov 2021 15:33:57 GMT

@LindaSal wrote:
For some people it is way more than an inconvenience. Some people have very eldery parents as does my DH (89 yr old mother) he is 69 and has a heart condition. I am more concerned with his health with the demands and stress of caring for his mother. We are doing the best we can but we are no spring chickens either.

I am glad it turned out well for your mom. We all have different situations in life. As I stated before, just be aware of your own health and your sisters.

@LindaSal I know what you are talking about and we are in the same boat. People forget when someone lives to be in their 90's or 100's their kid may need care as well, or be in no shape to deal with things.

Re: Update On My Mother

Love my grandkids — Tue, 02 Nov 2021 15:47:52 GMT

@jubilant I will only add that a HUGE red flag for me would be not being able to see my loved one when I wanted to.

They may have "good' reasons for needing it by appointment but for me that 's a big NO. I'm always suspicious of stuff like that.

Re: Update On My Mother

qbetzforreal — Tue, 02 Nov 2021 16:46:21 GMT

@jubilant-again,the best to you and your mother.

Re: Update On My Mother

Drythe — Tue, 02 Nov 2021 19:11:54 GMT

@Sooner wrote:
@LindaSal wrote:
For some people it is way more than an inconvenience. Some people have very eldery parents as does my DH (89 yr old mother) he is 69 and has a heart condition. I am more concerned with his health with the demands and stress of caring for his mother. We are doing the best we can but we are no spring chickens either.

I am glad it turned out well for your mom. We all have different situations in life. As I stated before, just be aware of your own health and your sisters.
@LindaSal I know what you are talking about and we are in the same boat. People forget when someone lives to be in their 90's or 100's their kid may need care as well, or be in no shape to deal with things.

@Sooner @LindaSal

I can very much relate to that.

Also, some of us have no siblings, or children to lend a hand. Both DH and I fall into that category, and it is hard.

Re: Update On My Mother

jubilant — Tue, 02 Nov 2021 19:15:50 GMT

@Mistreatedbycs wrote:
@jubilant

You are lucky to have help, your sister. Mine only "directed" didn't do a darn thing.

I was hoping others would of read this earlier what I posted....

1. Social workers have one job, get you out of the hospital.
1a, You can delay the release from the hospital if you want to visit
the places available. You must insist and tell them "no".
1b. They want you out of the hospital just due to Medicare guidelines
2. Yes, go to the facility first, walk thru, and also look for the violations online, not the reviews but the violations, that info is posted and from State Inspectors.
3. In home rehab. Sorry, but most of these people come in and plop themselves down at the table, open the laptop, start asking a hundred and one questions that if no one is there, the patient cannot answer. Someone needs to be there to supervise, even if it's a friend/neighbor.
4. After the laptop "paperwork is done 30 minutes maybe more, a small amount of rehab is done. The patient is probably tired by now anyway.

Your mother is so lucky to have 2 of you. She may walk fine but remember falls are common in the elderly. Please don't say a year that she will stay alive, take everyday and thank the Lord for her. I wouldn't take any of my time back that I chased around, made calls, looked at facilities and overall all the time I closed my business to look after her. It was worth every minute and I wish I could do it again.

@Mistreatedbycs When I said what I did about "a year" I was really just talking about medical statistics. I don't always go by them as both I and my mother believe when it's your time, it's your time and that is totally in God's hands. Actually, I had just read an article when I said that. It said, "90% of people, that elderly and with her problems only live about one year (at the most) with this diagnosis. We know God can over ride that if He wants to. With 5 blocked arteries and blocked vessels in both arms and no surgery to correct it, and being 92 and frail, I just think it's unlikely. I do believe in miracles so if God decides to give us one....we'll take it!!! You gave a lot of good advice. Thank you! I'm always learning something new from the posters here.

Re: Update On My Mother

vsm — Tue, 02 Nov 2021 19:35:16 GMT

@jubilant wrote:
@LindaSal wrote:
For some people it is way more than an inconvenience. Some people have very eldery parents as does my DH (89 yr old mother) he is 69 and has a heart condition. I am more concerned with his health with the demands and stress of caring for his mother. We are doing the best we can but we are no spring chickens either.

I am glad it turned out well for your mom. We all have different situations in life. As I stated before, just be aware of your own health and your sisters.
@LindaSal I totally understand where you are coming from. It was different with my Dad. He had some mental issues plus many physical issues. He would often not cooperate with mom. She is tiny woman. He weighed 195 lbs. and when he wouldn't listen to her...she couldn't physically handle him. We kept him at home for years but finally we could see it was killing mom so we found a nursing home not far away and between the 3 of us kids and mom, we visited him at least 4 or 5 days a week and spent time with him and enjoyed joining him for many of the senior functions. They had a room where we could have a family Christmas, concerts, outdoor barbecues, etc. so we joined in on most of those. We were able to do that because we all lived close. Not everyone has that, I know. Sadly he passed away at almost 89 yrs. old 4 yrs. ago but we felt we did our best by him even though it broke our hearts to put him in.
I do have a heart conditon and some other problems as does DH. My sister understands that and she doesn't have a husband so she knows the burden will be greater on her. I do have to think of DH, too. My brother, sister, and I don't agree on everything, and we each can drive each other a little crazy at times but somehow we work it out and can still part with a hug and an "I love you". I realize that every family is different and it's oh so complicated for us all. As you said, we all have different situations. I truly understand that.

You are without question, @jubilant , a fine wife, daughter, and sister -- doing your best in such difficult circumstances. It is very difficult taking care of elderly parents, and you are an inspiration to me.

Re: Update On My Mother

Sooner — Tue, 02 Nov 2021 19:38:59 GMT

@Love my grandkids wrote:
@jubilant I will only add that a HUGE red flag for me would be not being able to see my loved one when I wanted to.

They may have "good' reasons for needing it by appointment but for me that 's a big NO. I'm always suspicious of stuff like that.

@Love my grandkids It is because of COVID and also because they are short staffed. We've had this too since the virus and it is what it is and mostly is law driven.

They have to control visitors and access or like one place near us, when this first started, most of the residents died in like 2 weeks. They learned how to deal with it better as time wore on.

Re: Update On My Mother

jubilant — Tue, 02 Nov 2021 19:40:53 GMT

@Vivian wrote:
What a time you've had. As Bette Davis said, "Getting old is not for sissies." It's so hard to deal with the myriad of problems of aging and caregiving. Sorry to say, we Americans are not #1 in that department. My 99 year old mother is depleting her savings because she has a 24/7 aide at home...but at least she's home. I'm going in the same direction with my husband, who has Alzheimer's. We also have a 24/7 aide plus a cleaning woman, who has taken over my responsibilities because of a worsening of my asthma. I have mold specialists coming in because I just discovered what may well be the cause of my breathing troubles. Here comes another cashectomy.

@Vivian Yes, medical bills for my Dad ate up much of their income.

We have a deep crawl space. DH went down in it last week and found some mold on some pipes. Thankfully he didn't find a lot and every year he goes down and checks it out and get's rid of it. This year, however, he could hardly climb out of the opening to under the house. I think next year we will maybe send a grandson down there. It is fairly deep and you can walk through it. Actually, it looked pretty dry, he said. The mold was just on the pipes. We know a couple that were having allergy problems and when they had their air vents cleaned their allergies disappeared....just a thought.

It sounds like you really have a lot on your plate. I said a prayer for you. This is not easy, is it?

Re: Update On My Mother

juanitalinda — Tue, 02 Nov 2021 19:54:54 GMT

@Mistreatedbycs wrote:
@jubilant

You are lucky to have help, your sister. Mine only "directed" didn't do a darn thing.

I was hoping others would of read this earlier what I posted....

1. Social workers have one job, get you out of the hospital.
1a, You can delay the release from the hospital if you want to visit
the places available. You must insist and tell them "no".
1b. They want you out of the hospital just due to Medicare guidelines
2. Yes, go to the facility first, walk thru, and also look for the violations online, not the reviews but the violations, that info is posted and from State Inspectors.
3. In home rehab. Sorry, but most of these people come in and plop themselves down at the table, open the laptop, start asking a hundred and one questions that if no one is there, the patient cannot answer. Someone needs to be there to supervise, even if it's a friend/neighbor.
4. After the laptop "paperwork is done 30 minutes maybe more, a small amount of rehab is done. The patient is probably tired by now anyway.

Your mother is so lucky to have 2 of you. She may walk fine but remember falls are common in the elderly. Please don't say a year that she will stay alive, take everyday and thank the Lord for her. I wouldn't take any of my time back that I chased around, made calls, looked at facilities and overall all the time I closed my business to look after her. It was worth every minute and I wish I could do it again.

Boy, have we had that experience with the home rehab people. What a waste of time. That is one of the reasons we put my mother in a skilled nursing facility this time instead of being at home like she wanted.

I also strongly disagree that taking care of a parent at home is just an 'inconvenience.' Sometimes it can be dangerous.

As others have stated, it truly depends on the mental health of the relative as well as their physical health. Some parents have types of dementia that cause them to be verbally and physically abusive to their caregivers. Nursing homes can be a blessing in those cases. I speak from experience ... the elder abuse going on in our home was not directed towards the elderly patient, but towards the caregivers. At least in the nursing home no one person received the abuse 24/7.