topic Re: Struggling in Wellness

Struggling

OkeyDokey — Mon, 01 Oct 2018 23:49:27 GMT

Having gone through a recent separation and divorce, I'm struggling with having been deceived by someone I care about. My ex husband didn't treat me like a wife, but he didn't ever purposefully try to mislead me. I've been deceived by someone I foolishly allowed myself to have feelings for. Can any of you give me pointers on how to move on? My heart is really heavy and I'm tired of crying about it. Staying active at work and taking care of myself. Trying to shed some extra pounds that are just in the way and working out. Doing all the things a person is supposed to do when facing these sorts of things. I'm just freaking sick of feeling sadness over this. What do I do? Thank you all for taking the time to read this whiny post.

Re: Struggling

Misplaced Parisian — Mon, 01 Oct 2018 23:57:40 GMT

@OkeyDokey

I don't have any magical words to offer. Be gentle wiith yourself. You are doing fanstic by focusing on you. I did not find your post to be whiny. I found it honest and I hope you find peace soon. I'm betting you do. GIve yourself kudos for being open enough to give someone your heart, feelings. That's huge. A lot of people won't even take that risk. I'm cheering for you. You can do this.

Re: Struggling

colleena — Tue, 02 Oct 2018 00:00:29 GMT

OkeyDokey: You are absolutely amazing - don't you ever forget that. Just keep doing what you are doing. I always remember to count my blessings as when I do that I realize that I am pretty darn blessed. Take care & be well.

Re: Struggling

queendiva — Tue, 02 Oct 2018 00:06:05 GMT

I understand your struggle. Been there. My best advice would include adopt a dog in need of a home. Unconditional love. Be sure the breed 's activity level matches yours and your lifestyle.

In addition- join a group and focus on something other than your sadness. Enjoy spending quality time with your own company and build a support group of friends. Give it time and hang in there. If you do you will have a life you want, peace and happiness. I also strongly recommend a really good therapist. Find one who is a good match for you. One size does not fit all.

Re: Struggling

gizmogal — Tue, 02 Oct 2018 00:06:16 GMT

Go see a mental health professional to talk out your feelings of loss, surprise, deception and betrayal. You will gain insight, find your center, and achieve momentum.

No one in a shopping channel forum can give “pointers” on moving on, because your feelings are common enough in context of separation and divorce and relationship adjustments, but ultimately personal. You need to know yourself better to help yourself. My pointers might be useless for you. If I felt like you describe younare feeling and you suggested losing weight as a way to manage my broken heart, I’d hardly be comforted. Yet, it seems to be one way you’ve chosen that you hope will pick you up effectively. There is no formula. Buy new clothes? Learn a new recipe? Take a trip ? Pray? Your emotional pain gets better with time and with supportive personal talking and guidance.

To best find out how you can help yourself, get help. It doesn’t have to be therapy for years, but some sessions expressing yourself and getting professional insights and support will be remarkably beneficial.

I wish you peace of mind very soon. Keep in mind, all bad things come to an end. It gets better.

Re: Struggling

GCR18 — Tue, 02 Oct 2018 00:19:48 GMT

Keep yourself busy. I know when I don't have much going on, I have more time to think. Can you put your focus into your work. With holiday season coming, look for volunteer opportunities.

Re: Struggling

dex — Tue, 02 Oct 2018 00:33:38 GMT

@OkeyDokeyyou know the old saying about time healing all wounds....just give it some time.Get involved in Helping others if you can and remember that you are special.Treat yourself well and do special things that make you happy...join a gym and feel good about yourself while you work to better health and make some new friends.

Re: Struggling

RedTop — Tue, 02 Oct 2018 00:48:41 GMT

Your story sounds a bit familiar, so I will tell you exactly what I said to my friend about 4 years ago.

Make peace with where you are. Recognize where you want to go, then pull up your big girl panties and make it happen! And my friend did exactly that; she “found herself”, changed her attitude, stepped up her performance at work, got a promotion, and now says she is exactly who she wanted to be when she grew up!

My very best wishes to you!

Re: Struggling

blackhole99 — Tue, 02 Oct 2018 00:57:22 GMT

@OkeyDokey please do not take on a dog if you are fragile at this time, dogs are so needy. Dogs are for healthy, happy people IMO. That being said, getting physically healthy is a great start and will help how you feel about yourself in general. I would suggest taking a Yoga class for beginners if you have not practiced Yoga before. Most classes also offer some kind of meditation which really helps people to relax and look inward. IMO men are worthless unless they are sensitive, considerate partners. When I was young and dating, I could spot a loser a mile away. I hit the jackpot when I met my husband, we have been married 44 years and he's still the same, thoughtful, sensitive, considerate guy I married. Please don't you settle for anything less.

Re: Struggling

AuntG — Tue, 02 Oct 2018 01:01:25 GMT

Wish I had some words of wisdom. Just thinking ahead two months, I'd tell you to prepare yourself for a totally different holiday season. Maybe do some volunteering and don't jump into any relationships.

Re: Struggling

Zhills — Tue, 02 Oct 2018 01:05:29 GMT

Give yourself time! It happens slower than you would like, but it does happen!

Grief happens when someone or something dies!

You lost a dream and you lost the future (as it looked then) and loss is difficult. Accept the grieving process and go with it. Grieving has a process (on the internet) and you have to go through all of them. You hurt, you cry, you get angry, you want revenge, you bleed but you will emerge victoriously a new YOU.

Re: Struggling

Snowpuppy — Tue, 02 Oct 2018 01:11:41 GMT

You might try getting a small notebook or journal and write. If that's too difficult, get a vision board or mood board going.

While I'm terrible at journaling I do write notes, motivational words and post pics on my vision board in my bedroom. This isn't about past drama but about what you want to be, have do and achieve in this life.

I was so very, very lost when I split with the ex I had no idea who I was and had forgotten what I wanted. It took time but it was healing to recall my own desires and vision for the future. From taking a class to buying a daring pair of heels or planning a vacation, it's both healing and motivating to rediscover yourself.

P.S. Good girls go to heaven. Bad girls go everywhere. Mae West 😘

Re: Struggling

phoenixbrd — Tue, 02 Oct 2018 01:28:06 GMT

@OkeyDokey You have received a lot of excellent suggestions. I understand your pain and sadness. Betrayal is difficult and it is easy to turn it inward on ourselves. You are experiencing and acknowledging the pain. I applaud you for continuing to take care of yourself physically during this challenging time. You know what you need to do....it is one of those "the only way out is through" situations in life. You are receiving a lot of support here, and many of us have had similar situations. Keep loving and believing in yourself. Move slowly and breathe deeply. Much love.

Re: Struggling

CAcableGirl2 — Tue, 02 Oct 2018 01:51:46 GMT

@phoenixbrd is right, you know what you need to do.

@OkeyDokey The only advice I can give you is that his betrayal is NOT YOUR FAULT. You loved a person who did not deserve your love and trust. This is about what he did, and not about anything that you did.

Don't jump into another relationship right away - it seems that losers can spot vulnerable women a mile away and swoop in to take advantage.

Get your life and finances in order - as the old saying goes, "knowledge is power", and learn from your bad experience, learn about your finances (this will help to make you feel secure about the future) and how to protect yourself and any assets you have, and take this time for you and making you happy.

You will get through this temporary situation, a much happier and confident person. Just remember it doesn't happen overnight and try to keep busy with work, friends, volunteering, working out, cooking, or any other hobbies you may have.

Reach out to us anytime for support - there is a lot of good advice that is offered along with support and love.

Re: Struggling

lovesrecess — Tue, 02 Oct 2018 02:51:45 GMT

Your post is not whining; you have been hurt....it takes time to come back from that. You are focusing on yourself, which is good...but sounds like you are just going through the motions. Remember that you are as wonderful and worthy as you have always been...and it really is the other person's loss, not yours.

Re: Struggling

jeanlake — Tue, 02 Oct 2018 04:13:05 GMT

You've been given good advice. As someone said, make peace with where you are -- Change the things you can and accept what you cannot.

Know your five, universal stages of grief - most helpful.The 5 stages of grief and loss are: 1. Denial and isolation; 2. Anger; 3. Bargaining; 4. Depression; 5. Acceptance. People who are grieving do not necessarily go through the stages in the same order or experience all of them.

Re: Struggling

jeanlake — Tue, 02 Oct 2018 04:15:15 GMT

You've been given good advice. As someone said, make peace with where you are -- Change the things you can and accept what you cannot change.

Know your five, universal stages of grief - most helpful.The 5 stages of grief and loss are:

DENIAL AND ISOLATION / ANGER / BARGAINING / DEPRESSION / ACCEPTANCE.

Re: Struggling

Catty2 — Tue, 02 Oct 2018 04:32:47 GMT

You have been doing a lot of good, positive things. I like the idea of adopting a dog (or cat) if that would fit with your lifestyle. I would also recommend seeing a counselor who can help you work through these feelings. Take care.

Re: Struggling

Venezia — Tue, 02 Oct 2018 04:43:59 GMT

@OkeyDokey- Everyone else has given you good advice. These things just take time and there's no way around that. I found that I had to learn to be by myself before I could get past the hurt of a divorce; and most definitely before I moved on to another relationship.

You don't say how "recent" is recent. But I promise you, things will get better. The second time around, I knew what I did and (more importantly) did not want in a relationship.

Also, remember this sage advice: "Time wounds all heels".

Re: Struggling

stargazergal — Tue, 02 Oct 2018 04:59:54 GMT

Just wanted to say so sorry things did not work out the way you had hoped. All the feelings you are feeling of course are to be expected. I would not rule out going on an antidepressant just to get you through this hump. It could be very helpful. You have every right to feel all the feelings . I am sending you well wishes. Do something that will make you happy... Plan a trip with a friend perhaps it go visit family time will help heal this hurt after the rain... The rainbow