topic Re: Question for those who may know in Wellness

Question for those who may know

Puzzle Piece — Sun, 02 Feb 2014 18:03:50 GMT

I have recently become acquainted with a gal through my volunteer work. She is 55. When she opens her mouth to speak, it's an extremely loud booming voice that irritates those that hear her - which is just about everyone. It is abnormal. She can lower her voice but she won't. She has been spoken to on this matter as well. Others shun her and move away and don't want anything to do with her as whatever she speaks about is heard almost 'round the world'. Is this a disorder? Can it be medicated? Or is some type of device to be worn by her? Would a minor surgery help her? It's become an issue for me now as she views me as a friend - being that no one has anything to do with her because of her loud voice.

Re: Question for those who may know

Yardlie — Sun, 02 Feb 2014 18:09:46 GMT

I know someone like that. In her case, she is just an angry, controlling individual who likes to try to intimidate people. When she finds out it won't work, she lowers her voice.

I'm not sure what the situation is in your case. I doubt there is any surgery or medication that will help. Maybe she has hearing problems???

Re: Question for those who may know

chickadee — Sun, 02 Feb 2014 18:10:27 GMT

Does she live with someone who is hard of hearing. Or is she hard of hearing herself? I know someone who talks very loud, but her husband is almost deaf. She is so used to shouting at him that she doesn't realize that she is shouting when the talks to everyone else.

Re: Question for those who may know

lovesrecess — Sun, 02 Feb 2014 18:12:24 GMT

She does sound like she could have a hearing issue....if there is a way to tactfully suggest she have a hearing test that might help.

Re: Question for those who may know

Puzzle Piece — Sun, 02 Feb 2014 18:13:13 GMT

This gal is not hard of hearing, nor is she angry. Because of her disorder she comes across as controlling, pushy and a bully. However, you can just tell her 'NO' or to 'Stop' and she does. Trouble is, you have to shout louder than her. It's very unusual.

Re: Question for those who may know

Puzzle Piece — Mon, 03 Mar 2014 14:57:28 GMT

Why won't this situation just go away. I have been approached by some others to 'talk with this gal'. Others avoid her like the plague and just find her repulsive. She is obese, sloppy, and careless in her appearance as well. Her application of make-up is a fright. Men have just openly said to her she is a bossy, pushy, loud person and that's why she doesn't attract friends or male companions. She is completely lacking in social skills. She has bored so many with her loud outspoken interests that others just rudely walk away and ignore her (if they can). What to do. What to do.

Re: Question for those who may know

151949 — Mon, 03 Mar 2014 16:30:25 GMT

On 3/3/2014 Love Roses said:
Why won't this situation just go away. I have been approached by some others to 'talk with this gal'. Others avoid her like the plague and just find her repulsive. She is obese, sloppy, and careless in her appearance as well. Her application of make-up is a fright. Men have just openly said to her she is a bossy, pushy, loud person and that's why she doesn't attract friends or male companions. She is completely lacking in social skills. She has bored so many with her loud outspoken interests that others just rudely walk away and ignore her (if they can). What to do. What to do.

This seems like she has a personality disorder and needs a therapist.

Re: Question for those who may know

Sooner — Mon, 03 Mar 2014 17:29:12 GMT

On 3/3/2014 Love Roses said:
Why won't this situation just go away. I have been approached by some others to 'talk with this gal'. Others avoid her like the plague and just find her repulsive. She is obese, sloppy, and careless in her appearance as well. Her application of make-up is a fright. Men have just openly said to her she is a bossy, pushy, loud person and that's why she doesn't attract friends or male companions. She is completely lacking in social skills. She has bored so many with her loud outspoken interests that others just rudely walk away and ignore her (if they can). What to do. What to do.

As others do, you need to rudely walk away and ignore her. Sometimes others have issues we simply aren't equipped to deal with, and have to refuse to let it become us being victimized.

I spent most of my life being sweet to the person nobody else would talk to and finally decided I don't have to do this. Most of these people are so self absorbed that don't know you exist anyway. They will hang on to you and run you nuts.

Re: Question for those who may know

poppinfresh — Mon, 03 Mar 2014 17:59:59 GMT

jam4truth has a valid point. Perhaps this woman is living with or caring for someone who is hard of hearing. My dad is very hard of hearing and he is around us alot. Because of his hearing loss and refusal to wear hearing aids, my husband and I tend to really talk loudly when he is around and unfortunatly this has carried through to our regular lives. We so appreciate it when someone mentions it to us .

Re: Question for those who may know

chickenbutt — Tue, 04 Mar 2014 02:21:17 GMT

That's a tough situation! I'm extremely sensory-sensitive so I'd just have to stay far away. I have extreme tinnitus and, while I cannot hear if people speak too low, if people are loud-talkers, or have a shrill voice, it's like a physical attack on my ears and I cannot handle it.

My husband has a rather booming voice and sometimes, especially on the phone, he yells. He doesn't realize it unless I say something. It's tough because you don't want to be rude (even if the loud-talker is being rude, no sense in stooping) but when people don't have an 'indoors voice' it's too much to be around.

I don't see how it can be a 'condition'. If she's not hard of hearing, or having to yell because of wearing a headset or something (like working in a super loud environment), it just seems like she's making the choice to yell.

There is this young lady at our vet's office and, while she isn't a loud-talker, she has THE most shrill voice I've ever heard. She is just so nice but when she starts to talk it almost blows me across the room. I had to learn to anchor myself after the first time.

Re: Question for those who may know

Puzzle Piece — Tue, 04 Mar 2014 07:18:56 GMT

Thanks HappyHousewife and Sooner - others as well. She seriously does need a therapist. I will have to just walk away like the others and ignore her - even rudely if need be. I am not 18 with years ahead of me and I can't spend the years I do have putting up with this kind of behavior.

PoppinFresh/ChickenButt - NO, she is not hard of hearing - just a freakish extremely loud projector. She can and is able to tone it down. There's also weight watchers and therapists galore to help with her complete lack of social skills. I am more than confident she has had this explained to her many times.

Re: Question for those who may know

mistriTsquirrel — Tue, 04 Mar 2014 10:06:46 GMT

On 3/3/2014 happy housewife said:
On 3/3/2014 Love Roses said:
Why won't this situation just go away. I have been approached by some others to 'talk with this gal'. Others avoid her like the plague and just find her repulsive. She is obese, sloppy, and careless in her appearance as well. Her application of make-up is a fright. Men have just openly said to her she is a bossy, pushy, loud person and that's why she doesn't attract friends or male companions. She is completely lacking in social skills. She has bored so many with her loud outspoken interests that others just rudely walk away and ignore her (if they can). What to do. What to do.

This seems like she has a personality disorder and needs a therapist.

I agree that this may be the problem.

Or she may also have some sort of brain damage or brain disorder that causes her behavior to be erratic and strange.

People can have brain damage for different reasons...accidents, high fever, genetic disorders...not to mention accidental/environmental poisoning, abuse, infections of various types, etc.

It sounds like she needs to see some specialists who can make sense of what is going on with her. If she hasn't already had a routine physical in the past 5 years, that would be a good place to start.

Re: Question for those who may know

Sooner — Tue, 04 Mar 2014 14:33:00 GMT

I spent many many family dinners seated/trapped next to a SIL who prattled the entire dinner. Non stop! Yap yap yap. She was saying nothing just commenting on this and that. I guess she ate something I don't remember. I just remember being so miserable listening to this low voice constantly talking to me, leaning over to me, while everyone else at the table was engaged in conversation having fun.

One day it struck me that I was ALWAYS the one stuck next the the known bore at dinners we went to and I decided to do something about it! Haven't looked back since.

Re: Question for those who may know

Puzzle Piece — Tue, 04 Mar 2014 17:44:39 GMT

On 3/4/2014 mistriTsquirrel said:
On 3/3/2014 happy housewife said:
On 3/3/2014 Love Roses said:
Why won't this situation just go away. I have been approached by some others to 'talk with this gal'. Others avoid her like the plague and just find her repulsive. She is obese, sloppy, and careless in her appearance as well. Her application of make-up is a fright. Men have just openly said to her she is a bossy, pushy, loud person and that's why she doesn't attract friends or male companions. She is completely lacking in social skills. She has bored so many with her loud outspoken interests that others just rudely walk away and ignore her (if they can). What to do. What to do.

This seems like she has a personality disorder and needs a therapist.

I agree that this may be the problem.

Or she may also have some sort of brain damage or brain disorder that causes her behavior to be erratic and strange.

People can have brain damage for different reasons...accidents, high fever, genetic disorders...not to mention accidental/environmental poisoning, abuse, infections of various types, etc.

It sounds like she needs to see some specialists who can make sense of what is going on with her. If she hasn't already had a routine physical in the past 5 years, that would be a good place to start.

She is afraid to go to a doctor for anything. She fears getting a mammogram and won't go and I just KNOW an MD would tell her to loose the weight and exercise for her health. A dentist would do her some good as well. She does need to see specialists. In the meantime, we all suffer. My co-workers are former attorney's, judges, CPA's and professors with several engineers thrown in. They remove themselves from her presence and dread her being around.

Sorry for your experience Sooner.

Re: Question for those who may know

hckynut — Tue, 04 Mar 2014 23:21:11 GMT

On 2/2/2014 Love Roses said:
I have recently become acquainted with a gal through my volunteer work. She is 55. When she opens her mouth to speak, it's an extremely loud booming voice that irritates those that hear her - which is just about everyone. It is abnormal. She can lower her voice but she won't. She has been spoken to on this matter as well. Others shun her and move away and don't want anything to do with her as whatever she speaks about is heard almost 'round the world'. Is this a disorder? Can it be medicated? Or is some type of device to be worn by her? Would a minor surgery help her? It's become an issue for me now as she views me as a friend - being that no one has anything to do with her because of her loud voice.

Might be her hearing. I worked for almost 3 decades in a manufacturing plant that had decibel numbers higher than standing next to a jet engine. We work ear protection and it did help. All of the guys that worked around this "yelled" when outside or far away from the machines. Why? Because we had to communicate at the job to each other and to hear each other be had to "yell".

That carried over to our outside lives and sometimes we needed to be told "you are talking too loud".

Could be a physical thing but having been one that went through hearing issues during my late elementary school years? I could not hear people unless they talked very loud and back "in the day" there was no ENT Specialist doctors. Our GP finally figured out that I had some type of fluid in or around my inner ear(can't remember the exact wording of it).

He proceeded to use something resembling a vacuum that he put in my ear to extract some nasty looking stuff. From that point on I could hear once again and even after all my years of working around the high decibel noise levels, my hearing was effected very little. Now if you were to ask my wife?

Something this lady or you might want to give some thought.

Re: Question for those who may know

jeanlake — Wed, 05 Mar 2014 04:13:04 GMT

Interesting. I'm not sure why some people are unable to modulate or control the force of their language. My MIL has always had a shrill voice and some hearing loss. I have the hearing of a canine. I physically brace myself before my MIL speaks. It hurts my ears. I ask my husband to speak to her, but he says it doesn't do any good. Both her sons have discussed it with her and she looks at them like she doesn't have a clue what they are talking about. She isn't senile, but she insists on continuing to speak with a loud volume. I won't go to a restaurant with her anymore. People just stare at her as if they'd like to tell her to shut up. She keeps talking like this even when we ask her to lower her voice. She screams on the phone. Either she can't modulate or control it or she resents being asks to be quiet. It's one of our family mysteries.

Re: Question for those who may know

Puzzle Piece — Wed, 05 Mar 2014 04:21:08 GMT

HockeyNut - I understand what you write but it's not anything like what you have shared. She's a PhD who just never learned any social skills. Like she was a backwoods hillbilly or raised in a barn. Her hearing is fine. My husband has also talked to her - no effect. He is now positioned to tell her to never consort or speak to me, call the house or e-mail. She has affected my health with her ways.

Ury - Sorry for you. I don't know what folks won't understand to get them to 'control themselves'. We all suffer.

Re: Question for those who may know

qualitygal — Wed, 05 Mar 2014 12:12:19 GMT

On 3/3/2014 happy housewife said:
On 3/3/2014 Love Roses said:
Why won't this situation just go away. I have been approached by some others to 'talk with this gal'. Others avoid her like the plague and just find her repulsive. She is obese, sloppy, and careless in her appearance as well. Her application of make-up is a fright. Men have just openly said to her she is a bossy, pushy, loud person and that's why she doesn't attract friends or male companions. She is completely lacking in social skills. She has bored so many with her loud outspoken interests that others just rudely walk away and ignore her (if they can). What to do. What to do.

This seems like she has a personality disorder and needs a therapist.

That's what I was thinking too.

Re: Question for those who may know

Mj12 — Wed, 05 Mar 2014 17:33:24 GMT

On 3/4/2014 Love Roses said:
HockeyNut - I understand what you write but it's not anything like what you have shared. She's a PhD who just never learned any social skills. Like she was a backwoods hillbilly or raised in a barn. Her hearing is fine. My husband has also talked to her - no effect. He is now positioned to tell her to never consort or speak to me, call the house or e-mail. She has affected my health with her ways.

Her "ways" have affected your health? Also, if I had an issue with someone I had to deal with, I would deal with him or her directly. I wouldn't dispatch my husband or anyone else to talk to him or her. That's just me.

Re: Question for those who may know

depglass — Wed, 05 Mar 2014 17:41:15 GMT

You obviously don't like this woman and I don't think the voice is the entire reason. The word "repulsive" gives me my first clue. Avoid her, its not your job to change her. But a little compassion might be in order.