topic Re: Sadness abounds in Wellness

Sadness abounds

I am still oxox — Sat, 03 Jun 2017 19:50:22 GMT

I am feeling very out of sorts at the moment, a little background I have Firbomyaliga and other muscular issues as well as A fib, my husband had hip replacement in March and a fractured his femur on week post op, I also shop for and make dinner for my 94 year old day every other night, I do not drive.

Hubby had surgery this past Tuesday to correct the issue with the femur, he was in the hospital one night.. Since he has been home I have been taking care of him basically waiting on him hand and foot.

I am physically and mentally exhausted, as far as I know there are limited resources of help in this area. I was in therapy for a few years and it did nothing to help me deal with these situations.

We had a shouting match earlier today regarding putting together a shower chair.

I am weak and weary and not sure I can deal with him any longer

Rehab is out of the question since it is very costly and not sure it is covered by insurance.

He and I are both sad and annoyed with each other.

He is not allowed to drive for at least 4 weeks and most likely will be home until the end of August.

Re: Sadness abounds

esmerelda — Sat, 03 Jun 2017 19:57:35 GMT

Yeah, you ned some help. Try to remember this won't last forever, even if it feels now like it will.

Do you have any family or friends who can help?

Re: Sadness abounds

CareBears — Sat, 03 Jun 2017 20:00:31 GMT

@I am still oxox I feel your pain, I am so sorry that you both are feeling this way!

I too have my share of physical and mental ailments that prevent me from leaving the house for weeks at a time, and last night I was looking forward to just running to the Dollar Tree so I could be out among people and not stuck inside the house lonely and depressed, and then my husband called and told me he was going to be late getting home because of work, my heart sank!

Today I am just exhausted physically and mentally, and have no way out of our situation either due to insurance limitations and lack of family.

I wish we lived closer to one another so we could have each other to lean on for support, I find when my husband and I spend too much time together (never leaving the home) we tend to get on each other's nerves when there seems to be no escape.

Hang in there, you are not alone, and please know that I care if that helps any?

Re: Sadness abounds

Lilysmom — Sat, 03 Jun 2017 20:01:04 GMT

@I am still oxox, it seems like you have a lot on your plate. I am sorry you are having such a hard time. Is there anyone who could give you a hand? I hope your DH has a good recuperation. Try to take it one day at a time and do the best you can. LM

Re: Sadness abounds

Mz iMac — Sat, 03 Jun 2017 20:08:58 GMT

"not sure it is covered by insurance."

Why haven't called your ins co & asked? Or get a friend or family member to do so for you?

"as far as I know there are limited resources of help in this area."

Call your local Social Service Department or get a friend or family member to do it. If you and/or hubby are seniors call your local Senior Citizen Services.

You should consider "Meals On Wheels" for your aging parent.

Re: Sadness abounds

tucsongal — Sat, 03 Jun 2017 20:10:04 GMT

Were home health care services offered before he came home? They certainly should have been. All you need is a referral from your doctor and he can have skilled nursing if indicated, physical therapy and occupational therapy(they will evaluate for needs) Also bathing assistance as long as the other disciplines are coming.

These are covered services under Medicare.

Re: Sadness abounds

I am still oxox — Sat, 03 Jun 2017 20:09:47 GMT

My Dad would never eat meals on wheels he has a very limited diet and that would still not change my shopping for him and visiting him

Re: Sadness abounds

I am still oxox — Sat, 03 Jun 2017 20:10:33 GMT

We have no friends and everyone here is a busy body but never offeres to help.

@Lilysmom wrote:
@I am still oxox, it seems like you have a lot on your plate. I am sorry you are having such a hard time. Is there anyone who could give you a hand? I hope your DH has a good recuperation. Try to take it one day at a time and do the best you can. LM

Re: Sadness abounds

hoosieroriginal — Sat, 03 Jun 2017 20:16:44 GMT

All it takes is a phone call to your insurance company - maybe there is some in-home coverage if you are on Medicare - you won't lose anything making the call. Sorry you are going through so much, sometimes it feels good just to vent.

Re: Sadness abounds

noodleann — Sat, 03 Jun 2017 20:18:42 GMT

@I am still oxox wrote:
I am feeling very out of sorts at the moment, a little background I have Firbomyaliga and other muscular issues as well as A fib, my husband had hip replacement in March and a fractured his femur on week post op, I also shop for and make dinner for my 94 year old day every other night, I do not drive.
Hubby had surgery this past Tuesday to correct the issue with the femur, he was in the hospital one night.. Since he has been home I have been taking care of him basically waiting on him hand and foot.
I am physically and mentally exhausted, as far as I know there are limited resources of help in this area. I was in therapy for a few years and it did nothing to help me deal with these situations.
We had a shouting match earlier today regarding putting together a shower chair.
I am weak and weary and not sure I can deal with him any longer
Rehab is out of the question since it is very costly and not sure it is covered by insurance.

He and I are both sad and annoyed with each other.

He is not allowed to drive for at least 4 weeks and most likely will be home until the end of August.

If you're a member of a church, they may have a committee that helps in just these circumstances, for instance, bringing over cooked meals a few times a week.

A neighbor could help with things like assembling a shower chair. Having a "shouting match" over something like this isn't good for your or your husband, who is the patient here. You're both dealing with a lot, but you need to back out of altercations and keep them from escalating. I am assuming he's pretty stationary at this point, either bedridden or has limited movement, but you can put a couple of doors between you.

I'm not clear on the "94 year old day" and the meals, but apparently someone else is covering half of them. See if they can cover more. Insist on it.

You say "as far as I know there are limited resources," etc. So you don't know. Find out. Make a list of places to call on Monday, starting with the hospital and local office of the department of aging. Recognize that you can't handle this job of caring for DH by yourself, that you need support and breathers, and you have the right to seek them.

Don't be afraid to ask for favors of people, but be specific. "Can you come over and help me assemble this shower chair?" is an example. "I need suppers for 2 people 3 nights a week, delivered between 6 and 7 p.m. We prefer X menu and are allergic to/don't like X foods." If this is hard to do, pretend you're doing it for someone else who really needs this help. If you get "no," ask for suggestions. Ask what others in your circumstances have done. Those questions can lead to helpful ideas.

This is not forever! Even when there are complications, healing is happening. Focus on getting the help you need and changing the terms of volunteering you were doing for others. Best wishes to you during this very hard time.

Re: Sadness abounds

SeaMaiden — Sat, 03 Jun 2017 20:19:13 GMT

If you really want help, you have to see what is out there...does insurance cover rehab? Ask, find out, don't just assume it may not. You have to be willing to bend a bit and accept help to get help. It is not always going to be perfect, but if it takes some of the burdens off your shoulders then it is worth it. As the saying goes.....Keep doing the same thing.....you get the same thing. If you want change then do something.

Re: Sadness abounds

goldensrbest — Sat, 03 Jun 2017 20:24:10 GMT

When a person is the caregiver, and they have no help it is really too much , you must look into getting some help,what about visiting nurses?

Re: Sadness abounds

I am still oxox — Sat, 03 Jun 2017 20:25:00 GMT

As I said before we do not belong to a church and we have no friends

@noodleann wrote:
@I am still oxox wrote:
I am feeling very out of sorts at the moment, a little background I have Firbomyaliga and other muscular issues as well as A fib, my husband had hip replacement in March and a fractured his femur on week post op, I also shop for and make dinner for my 94 year old day every other night, I do not drive.
Hubby had surgery this past Tuesday to correct the issue with the femur, he was in the hospital one night.. Since he has been home I have been taking care of him basically waiting on him hand and foot.
I am physically and mentally exhausted, as far as I know there are limited resources of help in this area. I was in therapy for a few years and it did nothing to help me deal with these situations.
We had a shouting match earlier today regarding putting together a shower chair.
I am weak and weary and not sure I can deal with him any longer
Rehab is out of the question since it is very costly and not sure it is covered by insurance.

He and I are both sad and annoyed with each other.

He is not allowed to drive for at least 4 weeks and most likely will be home until the end of August.
If you're a member of a church, they may have a committee that helps in just these circumstances, for instance, bringing over cooked meals a few times a week.

A neighbor could help with things like assembling a shower chair. Having a "shouting match" over something like this isn't good for your or your husband, who is the patient here. You're both dealing with a lot, but you need to back out of altercations and keep them from escalating. I am assuming he's pretty stationary at this point, either bedridden or has limited movement, but you can put a couple of doors between you.

I'm not clear on the "94 year old day" and the meals, but apparently someone else is covering half of them. See if they can cover more. Insist on it.

You say "as far as I know there are limited resources," etc. So you don't know. Find out. Make a list of places to call on Monday, starting with the hospital and local office of the department of aging. Recognize that you can't handle this job of caring for DH by yourself, that you need support and breathers, and you have the right to seek them.

Don't be afraid to ask for favors of people, but be specific. "Can you come over and help me assemble this shower chair?" is an example. "I need suppers for 2 people 3 nights a week, delivered between 6 and 7 p.m. We prefer X menu and are allergic to/don't like X foods." If this is hard to do, pretend you're doing it for someone else who really needs this help. If you get "no," ask for suggestions. Ask what others in your circumstances have done. Those questions can lead to helpful ideas.

This is not forever! Even when there are complications, healing is happening. Focus on getting the help you need and changing the terms of volunteering you were doing for others. Best wishes to you during this very hard time.

Re: Sadness abounds

tucsongal — Sat, 03 Jun 2017 20:28:06 GMT

In addition to home health services that I mentioned above, if your husband truly is unable to be safe at home or is declining, he should be eligible for direct admission to a rehab or skilled nursing facility. Were options/needs discussed at all before he came home? Again, these are covered services by Medicare.

Re: Sadness abounds

Oznell — Sat, 03 Jun 2017 20:26:18 GMT

I am still oxox, hugs. I know when depression sets in, everything can seem overwhelming. You have gotten such good feedback from these caring posters-- try to tackle one of the positive suggestions, that make sense to you, one at a time, until there is some improvement in your situation...

Thinking of you and sending prayers...

Re: Sadness abounds

I am still oxox — Sat, 03 Jun 2017 20:26:24 GMT

VNS was here on Thursday all they do is take his vitals etc

@goldensrbest wrote:
When a person is the caregiver, and they have no help it is really too much , you must look into getting some help,what about visiting nurses?

Re: Sadness abounds

kitcat51 — Sat, 03 Jun 2017 20:26:46 GMT

Please call your insurance company & explain your situation, they can check your coverage along with any low cost services that are locally available. Call your doctor's office as well & speak to the nurse, they may know of volunteers in the area that help with home care. The Health Dept in your county may have resources as well. You can't get help if you don't speak up & if you're anything like me that is difficult to do. I wish you & your loved ones all the best. Take care of yourself. Hugs.

Re: Sadness abounds

hoosieroriginal — Sat, 03 Jun 2017 20:28:18 GMT

I think some of us think our lives are tough until we realize what other people are going through on a daily basis. Our area has a 211 phone number that you can call for seniors or people in need. Check with your local hospital or fire department to see if there is help in your area. Take a deep breath, go in another room and get away from it for awhile. Just tell your husband you need a break. I'm sure he's just as frustrated with his situation. Dealing with an injury or recouperating from a surgery like that can be depressing.

Re: Sadness abounds

I am still oxox — Sat, 03 Jun 2017 20:28:29 GMT

Never said I was on Medicare, we are 62 and not on it

@tucsongal wrote:
Were home health care services offered before he came home? They certainly should have been. All you need is a referral from your doctor and he can have skilled nursing if indicated, physical therapy and occupational therapy(they will evaluate for needs) Also bathing assistance as long as the other disciplines are coming.

These are covered services under Medicare.

Re: Sadness abounds

tucsongal — Sat, 03 Jun 2017 20:33:06 GMT

@I am still oxox wrote:
Never said I was on Medicare, we are 62 and not on it

@tucsongal wrote:
Were home health care services offered before he came home? They certainly should have been. All you need is a referral from your doctor and he can have skilled nursing if indicated, physical therapy and occupational therapy(they will evaluate for needs) Also bathing assistance as long as the other disciplines are coming.

These are covered services under Medicare.

------------

You did not, my apologies. At any rate, if you have medical insurance, chances are they cover home health. It sounds like a nurse may have come out and initiated care? If so, I would think that therapy would also be ordered. Most home health services also have a social worker who could come out and talk to you about community resources. Again, sorry for my assumption.