topic Re: Decluttering Friends ! Need encouragement. in Home

Decluttering Friends ! Need encouragement.

casuallady — Sun, 31 Aug 2014 02:09:30 GMT

I was on a mission this morning to start cleaning my unfinished basement. My hubby was painting cabinets in our garage. They are wooden that he build many years ago, however in nice condition. He painted them a light taupe, and they look nice. I question how well he cleaned out the cabinets, but I am thankful for what he is doing. He is a gem, however very sentimental, and a little of a packrat. I talked him in to throwing a few items away.

I then went to the basement to clean out some similar cabinets and discard a few items. I asked his opinion on many items, since I know he would be angry if I threw away some of his antiques (?) and sentimental items, I cleaned a group of shelves and neatly placed my pizzele iron, extra serving items. I did make a box for flea market, and threw away my window candles. I no longer have time to deal with the bulbs and tipping over,...

I scrubbed the floor with an old fashioned mop, and washed down the stairs. He still wants to keep jars and canning supplies, and I am just worn out. We babysit grandkids and do our own cleaning. I barely made a dent. He has hunting gear, we have Christmas Stuff ( I will do), fishing stuff, that has seeped into my loft, garage, and basement. I explained that most should be in one place. I am ok if he ties flies in the loft. He also has a high table and stool with leather dies, and carving stuff.

Our home is 19 yrs old and our basement walls and floor are in pretty good condition, except around our new Culligan softener, rusty water and floor, there is a drain, but missing it? I mentioned to salesperson and hubby, but didn't get answers. Our water is good.

We also have an antique (?) bike, that hubby wants to sell to possibly Cracker Barrel. I could go on, but I think You get the picture.

He wants to go biking on a rails to trails after church tomorrow, but I just want closure, but even if we stay home, it probably won't happen.

Re: Decluttering Friends ! Need encouragement.

cosmic1 — Sun, 31 Aug 2014 02:18:34 GMT

Casuallady, you can do it. Just keep at it and it will get done. If the whole picture seems too overwhelming, just focus on one small space at a time. Are the grandchildren old enough to help? Maybe with sorting? It is easier to let things go if you can see how much of the same stuff you have. I was organizing and when I found all my sandpaper, I realized that I will never need to buy any again. Lol. I hope this helps. You can do it.

Re: Decluttering Friends ! Need encouragement.

Marsha2003 — Sun, 31 Aug 2014 02:22:37 GMT

Casual Lady, based on your posts, it seems like you've made a great deal of progress towards your de-cluttering goals. Maybe it's time to take a little break, focus on your husband and grandchildren and ignore the rest of projects until the weather cools off a bit.

Re: Decluttering Friends ! Need encouragement.

goodstuff — Sun, 31 Aug 2014 02:44:14 GMT

You won't be able to get it done all at once -- and you won't be able to clear out your husband's clutter until he is ready to part with it and do his cleaning out himself. Sounds to me like you've made quite a bit of progress. I'd suggest you give yourself a break for a couple of weeks and try to sit down with your husband soon to talk out some mutual goals and plans about decluttering. If you and he can agree on some projects to do and break them down into smaller increments, and maybe talk about each of you using less space for storage, maybe you can get him started. Try to write down the plans and goals and maybe a schedule for doing some projects that both of you agree on. Maybe you can plan to grill steaks or cook his favorite dinner or go out somewhere special after you complete each significant cleaning session.

Re: Decluttering Friends ! Need encouragement.

casuallady — Sun, 31 Aug 2014 02:46:29 GMT

I just want to get the decluttering done, and manageable. I agree we have made much progress in most of our home, but just want to get basement and garage manageable. It is easier to work in these areas while the weather is nice and brighter. I took a large bag to Goodwill this morning.

Re: Decluttering Friends ! Need encouragement.

RedTop — Sun, 31 Aug 2014 02:58:33 GMT

I've been following your decluttering journey, and feel you are still on track, and just need to keep baby-stepping until you reach a comfortable point that is satisfactory to you and your husband. You see the great progress you've made in a few short months, and are eager to keep pushing forward, but obviously your husband isn't as enthusiastic about sorting and organizing his stuff. When I started my decluttering 2 years ago, my husband was not enthusiastic about the project, and didn't think he had anything to get rid of. I didn't let his attitude slow me down; I tossed and sorted everything I felt comfortable to let go of. I put the questionable stuff from the basement that belonged to him, in a box, and asked him to go thru it. My husband was far more compliant to go thru a few things in a box, than to spend hours working by my side when I was filling that box. I am still waiting for him to straighten the garage, but consider that to be his space, and have already done my part to limit, and remove the things I had stored there. I sorted and tossed another big item this week, and continue to see things here that we don't need anymore. As long as the main house has been cleared, I feel my efforts have been successful---it will never be perfect, but it is much better than when I started. As long as my husbands stuff is in the garage, and doesn't interfere with my parking space, I'm good.

Re: Decluttering Friends ! Need encouragement.

Mominohio — Sun, 31 Aug 2014 06:08:14 GMT

I will agree with previous posters that you have made so much progress over the months we all have been posting about this topic. I do, however, feel your pain with a spouse that isn't as motivated as you are to get things pared down, as I live with the same.

I have found myself getting rid of perfectly good things that I would probably have kept, because husband won't let go of stuff that is junk. I get so frustrated, but when you post, I know I am not alone in this frustration. I try to sneak out things that I think he won't notice, and that works sometimes. Other times I just say "Oh, I don't know for sure where we put that, but it's around somewhere"!

I think for some of us, there are going to be some areas like the garage or basement or attic that we can't get under control because of a spouse that won't let go, so we'll have to take our victories where we can get them and move on. Just keep focused on what you can control, and hope he catches the fever as he sees the progress.

Re: Decluttering Friends ! Need encouragement.

ptagirl — Sun, 31 Aug 2014 12:34:01 GMT

I, too, have been de-cluttering for months , as we plan on moving within the next year (I hope).. It has been very frustrating trying to get my husband to get rid of stuff, especially in the garage.. I've also been trying to spruce up the place by painting the basement floor, etc.. Regarding the garage, he continues to state "It's just a garage, who cares if it's clean?" (What??)... I want it to look presentable when we put the house on the market. So far I've pretty much been on my own ... I can't win .. TOTALLY FRUSTRATING!! I know EXACTLY what you mean...

Re: Decluttering Friends ! Need encouragement.

151949 — Sun, 31 Aug 2014 15:28:03 GMT

When we lived in Pa we had a split entry home with a very very large basement. My DH is also a packrat so he placed shelves all the way around all 4 walls in the basement. We were able to store everything up off the floor and at least somewhat organized. I highly recommend shelves.

When we moved to Fl - no more basement. It took DH 3 months to get his garage and basement cleaned out and packed up to go to Fl. Fortunately - he learned a lesson from that experience and keeps much less stuff now. He has lined the garage walls with shelves in the new house, sigh, but there is actually some empty space on them, so he is improving.This winter he has a plan to move everything out of the garage to do a second coat on the floor paint - if he does that I will encourage him to declutter in there at that time.

Re: Decluttering Friends ! Need encouragement.

151949 — Sun, 31 Aug 2014 15:28:59 GMT

On 8/31/2014 ptagirl said:
I, too, have been de-cluttering for months , as we plan on moving within the next year (I hope).. It has been very frustrating trying to get my husband to get rid of stuff, especially in the garage.. I've also been trying to spruce up the place by painting the basement floor, etc.. Regarding the garage, he continues to state "It's just a garage, who cares if it's clean?" (What??)... I want it to look presentable when we put the house on the market. So far I've pretty much been on my own ... I can't win .. TOTALLY FRUSTRATING!! I know EXACTLY what you mean...

Our house sold despite a messy and cluttered garage.

Re: Decluttering Friends ! Need encouragement.

Sooner — Sun, 31 Aug 2014 15:33:50 GMT

Get rid of FIVE things a day! It works!

Re: Decluttering Friends ! Need encouragement.

Sweetbay magnolia — Sun, 31 Aug 2014 16:47:15 GMT

It's liberating to declutter! Maybe that's why men don't understand. We've recently moved and oh boy I cracked the whip to get him to get rid of stuff (and we didn't have much to begin with because that is part of my philosophy).

So yes, sometimes I wish I had kept something, but really, the things I keep are important and I have them where I can see them. That includes the garage. We don't have a basement, nor did we want one - though the crawl space is something I avoid!

Now I am having fun making new spaces with the things I love, local consignment shop stuff, and, oh heavens! some Temp-tations ware.

I hope you have a wonderful day, all.

Re: Decluttering Friends ! Need encouragement.

Sunnyfield — Sun, 31 Aug 2014 16:55:40 GMT

I can sympathize! DH is definitely a packrat (old church bulletins stacked up, for example!! and college textbooks ....the man is 67!!)

Anyway - I admit I have gotten rid of things and not told him...mostly he never asks about them either...the worst is several boxes of color slides (I'm talking packing boxes from moving) that he won't get rid of and won't throw away - I just leave them alone and we move them from place to place!!

Garage cleaning is on my agenda for tomorrow!!!

Re: Decluttering Friends ! Need encouragement.

casuallady — Sun, 31 Aug 2014 18:55:34 GMT

On 8/31/2014 ckr1147 said:
I can sympathize! DH is definitely a packrat (old church bulletins stacked up, for example!! and college textbooks ....the man is 67!!)

Anyway - I admit I have gotten rid of things and not told him...mostly he never asks about them either...the worst is several boxes of color slides (I'm talking packing boxes from moving) that he won't get rid of and won't throw away - I just leave them alone and we move them from place to place!!

Garage cleaning is on my agenda for tomorrow!!!

I am laughing as I read these posts. I can relate to all of them. The college textbooks and slides, and yes scorebooks from his coaching days. He was a middleschool teacher and a baseball coach.

Re: Decluttering Friends ! Need encouragement.

casuallady — Thu, 04 Sep 2014 19:24:25 GMT

Thanks for all the encouragement, and yes we have made progress in decluttering.

I am really proud of my husband redoing our garage. He is decluttering, and also painted the cabinets a light taupe, and also painted a metal cabinet. It looks new. There is still more there, and then back to the basement. We are probably going to discard an old headboard, pool table, and door. Want to sell an antique bike.

Re: Decluttering Friends ! Need encouragement.

debcakes — Fri, 05 Sep 2014 02:33:56 GMT

Go biking. Summer is almost over. Have fun!

Re: Decluttering Friends ! Need encouragement.

Mominohio — Fri, 05 Sep 2014 17:20:44 GMT

Why is it that some people think that hard work, that produces much desired results isn't fun? Also, just because someone is working (and worrying) through a big project, doesn't mean they aren't taking time to enjoy the moment as well. Whenever someone posts something like this, even though they don't mean to be, they come off sounding condescending to me.

edited for spelling

Re: Decluttering Friends ! Need encouragement.

Mindy D — Fri, 05 Sep 2014 20:32:15 GMT

I FOUND THAT THE LONGER YOU WORK ON GETTING RID OF STUFF, THE MORE YOU BECOME WILLING TO TOSS. IN OUR NEIGHBORHOOD-GATED, PEOPLE JUST SET STUFF OUTSIDE ON A TABLE, WITH A SIGN THAT SAYS "FREE". NEIGHBORS HELP THEMSELVES. CAUTION WITH ITEMS THAT COULD HURT KIDS. THE WINDOW CANDLES, WITH BULBS, ARE THE PERFECT THING FOR THIS.

I HAVE ALSO SET UP A TABLE IN MY HOUSE WITH STUFF, AND WHEN FRIENDS COME BY, THEY JUST PICK AND TAKE HOME. YEARS BACK, I DID THIS AND HAD PRICES ON STUFF. THEY BOUGHT STUFF. NOW, I WOULD NOT CHARGE THEM.

YOU ARE MAKING HEADWAY.

Re: Decluttering Friends ! Need encouragement.

JamicaJammer — Fri, 05 Sep 2014 21:09:40 GMT

Please just worry about purging and pitching YOUR stuff. It's his home, too, right? If he wants to keep his stuff, please, let him.

Re: Decluttering Friends ! Need encouragement.

Mominohio — Sat, 06 Sep 2014 14:03:57 GMT

On 9/5/2014 JamicaJammer said:
Please just worry about purging and pitching YOUR stuff. It's his home, too, right? If he wants to keep his stuff, please, let him.

I certainly have never been to OP's house, and don't know the specifics of her situation, but based on previous postings on this topic, I get a sense that she deals with something similar to what I have experienced with my husband.

Everyone has things that their spouse (or kids or parents) don't think they need to hang on to. They think you never use it, or it holds no value. But to you it does, or you enjoy it. As long as that "stuff" is kept organized, clean, stored or displayed in an acceptable manner then we have to make a place in our lives for the things our housemates consider valuable, even if we don't see it that way.

If those things get out of control, make rooms impossible to get through, spill over into the yard and driveway, make closets, drawers, and storage areas like garages, basements attics unusable for their original purpose (like parking a car in the garage, or so much stuff in the kitchen cabinets there is no room for dishes or food storage), then we that declutter start to have a problem. It is more than "their" stuff now. It is becoming a real problem. There is often a fine line between allowing someone to "keep his stuff" and it being a chronic problem that borders hording.

I'm not saying OP has a hording husband!!! I'm just saying that when people make blanket statements about letting the other person in your life alone with their stuff, the situation MAY be more involved that just a picky wife wanting to get rid of all hubby's fishing gear.