topic Re: Trying to Purge and not succeeding in Home

Trying to Purge and not succeeding

drizzellla — Sun, 06 May 2018 03:39:38 GMT

I started today to try and reclaim my dining room. When my parents died, they each had a nursing home room, Mom also had an assisited living apartment (she moved back and forth between the apartment and the nursing home room) and a house.

I did get rid of lots of stuff. But I also have many tubs of stuff that I coudn't get rid of. And most of the tubs found there way into the far corner of my dining room. I started going through some of the stuff. Today it was mostly photos. I have many photos from the early 1900's on. I even have a large leather photo album. I have asked my brothers numerous times if they want anything. And they don't. I gave my cousin photos of her Mom. And she doesn't want anymore. So what do I do with all these photos? Sadly, I don't have address email or otherwise for many of the other relatives. I have the email address for one cousin but she died and I have no idea where her kids are.

I can't bring myself to throw them out. But I know my son doesn't want them. And I know my brothers kids have no interest. What do you do with all these photos?

Also, there is a box of the metals my Dad earned. He was a pilot in WWII. He flew one mission and only 1/3 of the planes made it back. His plane was shot up and several of the crew were injured but he got the plane back. He got one of his Distinguished Flying Crosses for that. Plus a bunch of other metals. I don't want to throw them out but no one wants them. What do you do with them?

I really don't know what to do with all this stuff.

Re: Trying to Purge and not succeeding

jewel3 — Sun, 06 May 2018 03:59:19 GMT

I sympathize with your situation. As for the Flying Crosses, your son and nephews/nieces may not want them now but you might give one to each child by framing it so that it can be hung on the wall. You might glue an envelope to the back of each and include a few very good representative family photos with a label on the back of each photo identifying the people and the year it was taken. Just a few of the best photos that pertain to their immediate relatives, family home, etc.

If you want to look at your dad’s medals, you can pin the medals to a throw pillow for your bed or sofa.

Photographers take many photos that they trash because they are not great. We tend to save all photos just because we put off deleting or trashing the mediocre ones. You might choose the best representative family photos and have them put on a CD (which will also soon be out of date) then make a Shutterfly type book IF you will look at and enjoy it or load the photos on a digital picture frame or your tv so that you can see them and be reminded of happy times your family shared. You could give a photo CD to your son and his cousins but chances are they do not own a CD player. When they are older or marry or have their own children, they might appreciate access to a few of the best family memories.

Re: Trying to Purge and not succeeding

sweetee2 — Sun, 06 May 2018 04:16:55 GMT

drizzella, could you put them in totes that roll under your bed.

Re: Trying to Purge and not succeeding

Mominohio — Sun, 06 May 2018 06:01:29 GMT

Photos (and medals) are hard to simply trash. They are history.

I don't know how many photos you are looking at (a hundred or thousands) but if you think you need/want to do something to preserve at least part of them, sitting down and going through them is the only way to sort out things that are of no importance to you (vacation shots of mountains and lakes that have no one in them and you don't know where they were taken, blurry photos, or photos where there are several shots of the same group/event, when just the best one will do for keeping), from those that are important to keep.

I'm happy that you have looked to extended family and tried to give away photos as well, but I'm disheartened that you have few takers.

One key might be that the oldest photos (say those before 1970) would be the most 'valuable' to keep. I say that because before that time, photos were more rare, more expensive. You and family members may have many many photos of loved ones in more recent decades, but those much older ones will not only show people who have been gone for a long time, but people who you have very few photos of.

What you decide to keep, must be labeled, in my opinion. Saving photos with no names/places/dates/events on them are going to be worthless to the next and future generations. Getting at least full names on them will make them of interest and value to future generations.

And I know many people don't want to hear this, but if you choose to pare them down, document and save some, even though it seems no one wants them now, a future grandchild/great grandchild/ great niece/great nephew etc. several generations down the line will be thrilled the were saved and documented.

That means that in the meantime you might be the one that has to store them and hold on to them, so make it as manageable an amount as you want to deal with.

I'm so grateful that the older generations in my family weren't so selfish as to just trash things like boxes of photos as they cleaned out one parent after another's estate. I was lucky enough to get many going as far back as the late 1800's and was able to spend two years documenting them, and putting them in chronological order in albums. Several generations before me didn't do that much with them, but thankfully held them so that I could make them usable and accessible for future generations to know what their ancestors looked like.

Re: Trying to Purge and not succeeding

QVCkitty1 — Sun, 06 May 2018 06:05:53 GMT

I had a similar problem with photos, no one is interested in having them. I finally went through them all and just kept the most special to me. Yes, I threw away the rest. I put it off for a long time, but it was ok. I cherish the ones I kept.

Re: Trying to Purge and not succeeding

CelticCrafter — Sun, 06 May 2018 10:11:33 GMT

Since no one wants them and you have no way to see that they get to other relatives, you have two choices - you can get rid of them now or your son can do it when you're gone.

When I'm going through stuff I ask myself will my daughter want it. If the answer is no then I either throw it out, give it away or donate it so she doesn't have to do it when the time comes.

Re: Trying to Purge and not succeeding

gidgetgh — Sun, 06 May 2018 11:04:26 GMT

@drizzellla- I'm kind of tough love when it comes to decluttering.

And I really like the Konmari method of decluttering and recommend Marie Kondo's book on it often. It's a quick read and she offers good tips on how to look at your things, decide what gives you joy, how to declutter and then how to keep what you have, storage tips.

One of the best pieces of advice she gives is to declutter by categories. She starts you with clothes and shoes, because they're the least likely to stir much emotion. As you go on, you head to other things, ending with pictures and things like that, the more sentimental things that are more difficult to make clear decisions on.

If you're intent on "reclaiming" your dining room and maybe other areas of your home, why don't you start with things that are more cut and dry than the photos and medals. Save those till the end. Get in a groove with the rest of the decluttering and then see if you're ready to tackle those when you get to them. Don't bog yourself down early on with the emotional things. Tackle the easy things first. Work your way up to the more difficult things.

It's a personal journey, decluttering is. I think you've done a good job reaching out to family members about the pictures and medals. They apparently don't want them. So you pretty much have two choices- keep them or get rid of them.

On the medals, maybe a local VFW would like them to add to items they display???? We had a flag that was given to our family when my grandfather passed away, at his funeral. My sister and I inherited it when my dad passed away. We didn't want it. I didn't want to "just" get rid of it. I called the VFW and they were thrilled to get it. They told me they'd either display it or, have a ceremony and dispose of it. I was totally at peace with that so off it went.

I can only speak for me, but I'm not a big "put them in a tote and shove them in a closet" kind of girl. I like to save what I like to save and what makes sense to keep, but I'm not big on out of sight, out of mind.

But you have to do what makes you comfortable. And my advice, after this long winded post, would be to tackle that dining room and start with the cut and dry, non emotional stuff.

Re: Trying to Purge and not succeeding

151949 — Sun, 06 May 2018 11:11:54 GMT

Photos are easy - you can put hundreds of them on to one CD then toss the originals. Easy to store the CDs. I would put the medals into a pretty box and donate them to a VFW or some similar organization.Before my Dad died he donated his and the VFW has a nice display. Another thing to do is get a case to display the flag from his funeral that has a space to also put his medals. It is a square box that one half is the triangle for the flag and the other half is velvet and you can pin the medals in there.

Re: Trying to Purge and not succeeding

on the bay — Sun, 06 May 2018 11:15:21 GMT

@drizzellla-

I was wondering too, like @gidgetgh suggested, that maybe the Veterans of Foreign Wars might want them.

Re: Trying to Purge and not succeeding

151949 — Sun, 06 May 2018 11:29:57 GMT

People need to understand that stuff is just stuff. It is inanimate. It doesn't feel bad if you throw it away or donate it. I think if no onbe else wants something I am giving away that probably it has no value and why would I want to hold onto it?

My DH has a set of wedding pictures. From the hair and styles I'd say they were WW11 vintage. He has absolutely no idea who the bride or the groom are.But he won't let me throw them away because he says they'd be valuable to the right person. However, we don't know who that person is! The album is taking up space in my home and I'd love to toss it out if he wouldn't have a fit over it.

Re: Trying to Purge and not succeeding

jackthebear — Sun, 06 May 2018 11:39:46 GMT

https://www.google.com/search?newwindow=1&sa=X&rlz=1C1RUCY_enUS754US754&q=disposal%20of%20military%20medals&ved=0ahUKEwjr0LG3__DaAhWFzVkKHSHDAnoQsKwBCDQoATAA&biw=1210&bih=594&dpr=1.25

this link has links to dispose of medal

as for the pictures, I would set a date and email if you have that ability or even old-school letters and say by xx date or I will toss.

you don't need to have this burden of housing these things , as long as they KNOW you are will to do this it's fine by them

Re: Trying to Purge and not succeeding

drizzellla — Sun, 06 May 2018 11:45:23 GMT

I thought about donating my Dad's metals. But wondered, if I go into the local American Legion or VFW, will I insult them? Admitting to them that no one in the family has any interest in the metals a family member earned?

I guess that is why I have not touched the tubs - I knew I didn't know what to do with all the stuff.

Re: Trying to Purge and not succeeding

AngelPuppy1 — Sun, 06 May 2018 11:47:59 GMT

The old saying --- one person's trash is another person's treasure --- is that how that goes?

I know we get so much stuff. And a lot of it is from other people or sources and we just have no use, need or even attach sentimental value to it. In such cases, then I say -- by all means, discard, donate, gift or whatever!

However, I have to say --- I love my stuff! Not to say that I do not need to "rid out" as my dear mother would have said --- but I find comfort in my stuff. It means something to me and I don't care whether it means anything to anyone else or not.

I am a tactile person. Seeing pictures of stuff is not the same as the real stuff. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Re: Trying to Purge and not succeeding

gidgetgh — Sun, 06 May 2018 13:10:30 GMT

@drizzellla wrote:
I thought about donating my Dad's metals. But wondered, if I go into the local American Legion or VFW, will I insult them? Admitting to them that no one in the family has any interest in the metals a family member earned?

I guess that is why I have not touched the tubs - I knew I didn't know what to do with all the stuff.

@drizzellla- why would they be insulted?

Today’s generation doesn’t want a lot of the things that prior generations had. You’re putting so much pressure and guilt on yourself. When I contacted the VFW, they couldn’t have been nicer to me. I got a little choked up when I was talking to the guy and he just couldn’t have been nicer.

For my sister and me, the great memory of our grandfather was that he served in the Army. We didn’t need the flag, with decades of dust on it to remind us of or honor his service. Donating the flag didn’t diminish the importance of that memory.

Re: Trying to Purge and not succeeding

flickerbulb — Sun, 06 May 2018 13:27:22 GMT

@drizzellla

Do you have a picture of your dad in uniform? You could send the medals and his picture and the story of how he earned the medals and donate them to a WW2 museum,

That way, they will be appreciated for years to come.

Road To Victory Military Museum Stuart. FL

Antique dealers often will accept old photos

I have often seen them when out browsing in antique shops.

Museum in Stuart, Florida

Small museum open select days featuring military artifacts & vehicles in a WWII barracks.

Address: 319 E Stypmann Blvd, Stuart, FL 34994

Hours:

Closed ⋅ Opens 10AM Sat

Phone: (772) 334-2990

Re: Trying to Purge and not succeeding

Regal Bee — Sun, 06 May 2018 13:31:38 GMT

@drizzellla My opinion is you should do what is right for you and not what you think you 'should do' to preserve memories. Save the photos that speak to you and toss the others.

I read your post twice and it feels to me that you are bogged down and definitely want to reclaim your space. Do just that. The bins/boxes are not helping anyone and they are draining you out.

We all have to accept that the newer generations, on the whole, are not interested in what we held dear. Life changes.

Much luck to you.

Re: Trying to Purge and not succeeding

software — Sun, 06 May 2018 14:12:19 GMT

Photos can be scanned and burned to a CD or some other device.

Medals can be displayed, check craft stores and photo framing stores to see what they can do with them. They can go on the wall. You can make arrangements to have them donated to a Veteran's organization or local museum.

Lucky for us there is a little museum in our small town and many of our older relatives items were donated, stuff they used on the farm. We didn't have the room or any use for them so it was nice that they will be displayed or archived. We have a joke at family get-togethers. "So what did you do with your inheritance? Well I went to look at it at the Hall of History"

I'm sorry for your loss. Been there done that. For items you should donate, take a picture before they go. Easier to hold on to a photo that stuff you have no use for. It could be a blessing for someone else. Your parents would approve.

Re: Trying to Purge and not succeeding

CelticCrafter — Sun, 06 May 2018 14:17:15 GMT

Reading this made me realize that I have something that was given to my father when he retired and except for one of his brothers, no one else would really "want" them and it would be out of guilt that they kept them.

They are two large elevation drawings (reproductions) of the two lighthouses where my grandfather served as lighthouse keeper.

I've just sent off an email to the curator of a lighthouse museum to see if they would want them as a donation for their collection.

Re: Trying to Purge and not succeeding

Mominohio — Sun, 06 May 2018 14:47:04 GMT

@gidgetgh wrote:
@drizzellla- I'm kind of tough love when it comes to decluttering.

And I really like the Konmari method of decluttering and recommend Marie Kondo's book on it often. It's a quick read and she offers good tips on how to look at your things, decide what gives you joy, how to declutter and then how to keep what you have, storage tips.

One of the best pieces of advice she gives is to declutter by categories. She starts you with clothes and shoes, because they're the least likely to stir much emotion. As you go on, you head to other things, ending with pictures and things like that, the more sentimental things that are more difficult to make clear decisions on.

If you're intent on "reclaiming" your dining room and maybe other areas of your home, why don't you start with things that are more cut and dry than the photos and medals. Save those till the end. Get in a groove with the rest of the decluttering and then see if you're ready to tackle those when you get to them. Don't bog yourself down early on with the emotional things. Tackle the easy things first. Work your way up to the more difficult things.

It's a personal journey, decluttering is. I think you've done a good job reaching out to family members about the pictures and medals. They apparently don't want them. So you pretty much have two choices- keep them or get rid of them.

On the medals, maybe a local VFW would like them to add to items they display???? We had a flag that was given to our family when my grandfather passed away, at his funeral. My sister and I inherited it when my dad passed away. We didn't want it. I didn't want to "just" get rid of it. I called the VFW and they were thrilled to get it. They told me they'd either display it or, have a ceremony and dispose of it. I was totally at peace with that so off it went.

I can only speak for me, but I'm not a big "put them in a tote and shove them in a closet" kind of girl. I like to save what I like to save and what makes sense to keep, but I'm not big on out of sight, out of mind.

But you have to do what makes you comfortable. And my advice, after this long winded post, would be to tackle that dining room and start with the cut and dry, non emotional stuff.

This is excellent advice @gidgetgh.

In the process of purging those 'easy' things, and things without much sentiment, one should start to internally put some things into perspective in relation to what is important and what isn't.

For me, clothing would be easy, I have no attachment to it, mine or anyone else's. I don't enjoy buying it, putting it together, etc. So that is where I'd start.

By the time one reaches the more sentimental things like the pictures, there should be a momentum going by that time, and a lot of uncluttering of the space and mind to really focus on those things that will be a harder call.

And I will say again, somethings in our possession are about more than us and what we want. Pictures and other family documents are some of those things. If we have been chosen for the role of care taker, it does require more thought and effort and declutting one's space and mind before tackling what and how to proceed with those things makes perfect sense.

Re: Trying to Purge and not succeeding

RedTop — Sun, 06 May 2018 16:32:35 GMT

@drizzellla,

My area has a War Museum that accepts donated service related items. They would set up an individual display of your dad’s items, showing his name, rank, and where he served, etc. You don’t have to say no one in the family wanted them, but this way many people have access to view them safely, and recognize your dad for his service to our country.

If your area has a county historical society or a library, I would check into donating those pictures before I would trash them.