topic Re: Silver Sadness in Home

Silver Sadness

Mominohio — Tue, 31 Oct 2017 03:47:27 GMT

My husband goes to a lot of estate auctions, and buys scrap metal for recycling. In doing so, he comes across silver plated flatware quite often. Sometimes whole sets, sometimes just individual pieces.

He brought home a box this weekend, and I went through it, as I usually do, look up the patterns, and see if any of it might bring some money on ebay.

The results are usually the same, pretty flatware, in elegant and dainty old patterns worth relatively nothing for all it's years of service and enjoyment.

I know it is stated on these forums all the time, that today's younger generations want little to none of this, and so be it. But I still find in incredibly sad that we may have a generation (or more) grow up with never experiencing having a formal family dining experience, with the best tablecloth mom or grandma has, the best dishes, the pretty silver, much of it passed down from one generation to the next, often with a sweet story of how it was gifted, or how long a couple saved to be able to afford it.

To me, it is more than just flatware. It is tradition, it is elegance, it is beauty, it is history. It is a part of the experience of gathering together multiple generations to break bread, experience fellowship, share love, and pass on their traditions.

Is it the biggest sadness in today's world? Certainly not, but I do get sad seeing things with such history not only no longer finding a place in the family that enjoyed it for so long, but rarely anyone excited to give it a new home and start their traditions with it.

Re: Silver Sadness

culebra — Tue, 31 Oct 2017 03:51:45 GMT

@Mominohio

I agree with you. A lot of young people when they marry do not even bother to register for nice china, crystal. I always think - they do not know where life will take them. Granted I do not use mine often, but I like when necessary, to be able to set a grand table for dinner parties.

Re: Silver Sadness

jewel3 — Tue, 31 Oct 2017 04:08:34 GMT

My daughter did not register for china, crystal or silver flatware. I am so over dinner parties and now much prefer smaller, slow, casual dinners with a few friends and good wine. I gave her my china for Christmas 10 years into her marriage when they were settled into their larger permanent home and her children are old enough so that she can enjoy her own dinner parties. She is delighted and uses it with her beautiful contemporary stainless. I do still use my sterling flatware and she is far too busy to keep it polished but maybe in a few years she will want it and it can move from my home to hers. Her everyday dishes are lovely simple porcelain that would be beautiful with sterling flatware.

Perhaps that lovely old silverplate, if it is in good condition, could find a loving new home via eBay.

Re: Silver Sadness

stevieb — Tue, 31 Oct 2017 04:37:27 GMT

@Mominohio wrote:
My husband goes to a lot of estate auctions, and buys scrap metal for recycling. In doing so, he comes across silver plated flatware quite often. Sometimes whole sets, sometimes just individual pieces.

He brought home a box this weekend, and I went through it, as I usually do, look up the patterns, and see if any of it might bring some money on ebay.

The results are usually the same, pretty flatware, in elegant and dainty old patterns worth relatively nothing for all it's years of service and enjoyment.

I know it is stated on these forums all the time, that today's younger generations want little to none of this, and so be it. But I still find in incredibly sad that we may have a generation (or more) grow up with never experiencing having a formal family dining experience, with the best tablecloth mom or grandma has, the best dishes, the pretty silver, much of it passed down from one generation to the next, often with a sweet story of how it was gifted, or how long a couple saved to be able to afford it.

To me, it is more than just flatware. It is tradition, it is elegance, it is beauty, it is history. It is a part of the experience of gathering together multiple generations to break bread, experience fellowship, share love, and pass on their traditions.

Is it the biggest sadness in today's world? Certainly not, but I do get sad seeing things with such history not only no longer finding a place in the family that enjoyed it for so long, but rarely anyone excited to give it a new home and start their traditions with it.

I agree, it's truly a shame to see so many traditions fall by the wayside in favor of expedience, practicality and people simply being uninterested in what came before... You wonder if down the road anyone will even know what used to be and what was left behind without giving it a single thought... They'll be able to see it in a museum, but won't be able to experience it and one wonders if they'll care...

Re: Silver Sadness

Kachina624 — Tue, 31 Oct 2017 04:37:39 GMT

@MominohioI have two nieces, both educated professionals, who have absolutely no interest in serving formal family meals on holidays and special occasions. From what I've seen, they wouldn't have a clue how to do it and they're unaware of how their holiday meals look more like a picnic.

When my dad and I were disassembling his house after mom died, we had her Rogers Bros. 1847 silver plate flatware and couldn't find a single person who wanted it. My sister and I have our own and nieces weren't interested. When moving time was immenient and we still hadn't found a home for it, dad put it in its handsome wooden box out on the curb with some other things and a sign, "Free, Help Yourself". Talk about sad...mom's treasured flatware at the curb; dad and I both wanted to cry. It disappeared so I hope somebody is loving it.

Re: Silver Sadness

Marsha2003 — Tue, 31 Oct 2017 04:39:10 GMT

@Mominohio I keep thinking that someday the 20-somethings and 30-somethings will want beautifully crafted items from yesteryear like sterling flatware. There are some who appreciate it and love it, but so many give it no value. Considering the focus on recycling, you would think there would be more call for reusing existing dinnerware. No new resources are needed to make it and in general, it's much more durable than most things made today.

Re: Silver Sadness

kitcat51 — Tue, 31 Oct 2017 07:59:50 GMT

I collect antiques & primitives, always excited when I find a coin silver spoon to add to my glass spooner. I don't have a dining room so dinners at my house are informal, sold & gave away all my fancy china, glassware & linens as I continue to downsize. I understand only having what you want to use but it does pull at my heartstrings to see grand family framed photos, handmade quilts & Bible's with loads of family history being sold in shops or just thrown away. Tastes change & time moves on so it is what it is.

Re: Silver Sadness

Pook — Tue, 31 Oct 2017 10:37:36 GMT

I'm 65 and have never wanted nor did I feel the need to have fine china and flatware! When we have family gatherings, we are informal (no matter whose house we go to) and have so much fun. No need to worry about anything breaking and the atmosphere is just way too stuffy anyway. Who cares if we use melamine, mismatched cheap plates or even paper plates and the flatware doesn't match? No one is trying to impress and seeing people who don't often have a chance to see each other is the important part anyway! I think so many are realizing that now and can't see anyone changing their minds about it. Fancy things are just unnecessary stuff to store or carry around when moving.

Re: Silver Sadness

Sooner — Tue, 31 Oct 2017 11:32:57 GMT

I think it is tied in with a loss of respect for others. It's about not wanting to bring out pretty things that people would enjoy. It's like wearing jeans to a funeral or to church.

Wanting to please others, wanting to dress to be respected, it's all becoming a thing of the past. It's a me me me world today and to heck with what you think or think about me.

Doesn't that sort of sum it up? People don't care if they make a good impression or not now. They just don't give a flip about what the world thinks of them. Well, maybe on facebook but not in real life.

Re: Silver Sadness

DREAMON — Tue, 31 Oct 2017 12:50:07 GMT

Unfortunately with parents working (some more than 1 job), kids in daycare, etc. most have no time to be polishing silver.

I remember polishing silver with my Mom, getting her China ready for a special dinner, setting the table, ....it was a tradition and one I will never forget.

My DD has my Moms China ( I recently passed it down to her) and she just said a few weeks ago that she can't wait to use it for a special dinner... I am looking forward to seeing it displayed on her table.

Re: Silver Sadness

Patriot3 — Tue, 31 Oct 2017 13:01:19 GMT

@Kachina624 wrote:
@MominohioI have two nieces, both educated professionals, who have absolutely no interest in serving formal family meals on holidays and special occasions. From what I've seen, they wouldn't have a clue how to do it and they're unaware of how their holiday meals look more like a picnic.

When my dad and I were disassembling his house after mom died, we had her Rogers Bros. 1847 silver plate flatware and couldn't find a single person who wanted it. My sister and I have our own and nieces weren't interested. When moving time was immenient and we still hadn't found a home for it, dad put it in its handsome wooden box out on the curb with some other things and a sign, "Free, Help Yourself". Talk about sad...mom's treasured flatware at the curb; dad and I both wanted to cry. It disappeared so I hope somebody is loving it.

Oh, my gosh, I think I would have buried it rather than give it away! That is so sad!

Re: Silver Sadness

mac116 — Tue, 31 Oct 2017 13:57:47 GMT

I am 65+ and have beautiful china, crystal, and sterling silver flatware. I have not used any of it in 25 years. Our gatherings are fun and casual, and no one wants to wash dishes anymore. Including me! Neither of my DIL are interested in ANY of it. I will probably try to sell it before long.

Re: Silver Sadness

Mominohio — Tue, 31 Oct 2017 14:20:13 GMT

@Kachina624 wrote:
@MominohioI have two nieces, both educated professionals, who have absolutely no interest in serving formal family meals on holidays and special occasions. From what I've seen, they wouldn't have a clue how to do it and they're unaware of how their holiday meals look more like a picnic.

When my dad and I were disassembling his house after mom died, we had her Rogers Bros. 1847 silver plate flatware and couldn't find a single person who wanted it. My sister and I have our own and nieces weren't interested. When moving time was immenient and we still hadn't found a home for it, dad put it in its handsome wooden box out on the curb with some other things and a sign, "Free, Help Yourself". Talk about sad...mom's treasured flatware at the curb; dad and I both wanted to cry. It disappeared so I hope somebody is loving it.

@Kachina624

I could cry right with you and your dad.

People will scold, that they are only things, and things aren't important, people and experiences and memories are.

But so many memories are built around 'things' especially when you connect those things to food/meals/events in our lives.

Every social situation (weddings, funerals, birthdays, holidays by the score, graduations, reunions....) center around food and it used to be, the presentation of that food.

When people sit at more formal settings they tend to slow down, connect, enjoy and embrace not only each other but the setting as well.

I love the picnic style, paper plate get together, where everyone mingles inside and out, balancing food on their knee or sitting where ever they can find a spot, as much as anyone else does, getting to visit and move around to different conversations, and be more informal. I love all the pretty paper plates and accessories for every season, and they have their place.

But just once or twice a year at the very least (I personally do it more often), I want to bring out things with a history, with a tradition in our family. Things that when others look at, handle and touch, remind them of past events, past people in our lives, strikes up conversations about those people and those times.

And yes, it is about me. It is about what I want to remember and cherish. It is about what I find beautiful and meaningful. It is about one way I attempt to relive and revive those experiences and feelings from the past, and not only for myself, but to do my part in passing down the legacy, the history, and the connectedness that each new generation deserves to get from their family and that each older generation has some responsibility to impart.

Does it have to be done with family heirloom silver or china? No, it doesn't. But what a beautiful way to enhance the transferring of knowledge, love and history.

I can only hope someone picked up your mother's silver, and took it home and started new traditions with it. I don't think I could have done what you did, it would have broken my heart, if my mother had treasured the silver. I would probably be tripping over that box for the rest of my life, even if I didn't want or need it.

My mom is 81 and I ponder sometimes what I have ahead of me in cleaning out her home should something happen. There is so much there that goes back my entire life, and many memories attached to those things. But I, like you, will have to pick and choose which memories mean the most and what things hold those memories. It is hard to process in times of transition and one thing I think helps is if people try to pass on some of their special things while they are still living.

I had a great aunt that did this to some extent, and my mom has done some of it as well. I have had my mom's silver plate flatware for many years now, and I use it several times a year. I would get it out more often, but where I store it is slightly inconvenient.

One of my goals this winter with my annual clean out, is to make space for it in a place that it is as easily accessed as my every day flatware. I not only want to have things like this, I want to use them more often, and make using them easy. I think one reason people don't use some of their nicer things from the past is that they simply aren't easy to get to. They can be boxed up in the basement, attic or garage, or they can be at the bottom of a closet and require too much time, mess, and effort to get to and to put back.

Re: Silver Sadness

Mominohio — Tue, 31 Oct 2017 14:28:05 GMT

@Marsha2003 wrote:
@Mominohio I keep thinking that someday the 20-somethings and 30-somethings will want beautifully crafted items from yesteryear like sterling flatware. There are some who appreciate it and love it, but so many give it no value. Considering the focus on recycling, you would think there would be more call for reusing existing dinnerware. No new resources are needed to make it and in general, it's much more durable than most things made today.

@Marsha2003

You are so right! Many of today's young people are all about the state of the planet. And you don't get any more green than using what is already here and available.

While crystal, china, silver and the finer elements of dining are not popular today, there is definitely a resurgence in every day kitchen wares from the middle of the last century.

So many 20 somethings are doing their entire kitchen with decor, dishes, fabrics, and cookware from the 1950's through the 1970's.

They spend an incredible amount of money to pick up everything kitchen related from that era including tables and chairs, Pyrex, Corningware, Tupperware various cookware like Revere, Farberware, Club Aluminum, all the pitches and glasses from the era by the great domestic manufactures of the day, and so much more.

My guess is that some day the finer side of that nostalgia will resurface. I certainly hope it does, anyway.

Re: Silver Sadness

ID2 — Tue, 31 Oct 2017 14:44:37 GMT

Nope not for me. I registered for fine china, fine stemware, fine flatware 40 years ago when I got married. What a waste wanting these items! I've never really used any ot them. Lots are still wrapped in the same tissue paper/box that I got them in. The young girls nowadays are much more practical!!

Re: Silver Sadness

Mominohio — Tue, 31 Oct 2017 14:44:49 GMT

@DREAMON wrote:
Unfortunately with parents working (some more than 1 job), kids in daycare, etc. most have no time to be polishing silver.
I remember polishing silver with my Mom, getting her China ready for a special dinner, setting the table, ....it was a tradition and one I will never forget.
My DD has my Moms China ( I recently passed it down to her) and she just said a few weeks ago that she can't wait to use it for a special dinner... I am looking forward to seeing it displayed on her table.

@DREAMON

You hit the nail on the head. People are too busy.

And that is a shame. It's a shame that mothers and daughters, or mothers and sons in my case, no longer have some bonding time over simple things like polishing silver for a holiday meal. And I don't know how hard that was back in the day, but there are great pastes now that take just a half hour and very little elbow grease to make an entire set sparkle and glow.

And we all go through phases in life, where we are really into doing something (like setting a nice and fancy table) and then seasons change and it is time to pass it down to another generation.

It makes my heart happy to know that you have a younger generation that carries on the tradition. And the only way she knows to do so, is because it was done for her. Bless you.

The ritual of silver or china or crystal doesn't have to be for everyone, but I do feel bad for people who never experience even just a part of it. We never had (still don't) actual china in my family or any crystal either. The most elegant thing we have is my mom's silver plated flatware. It is very small by today's standards, and not very fancy, but it was our little bit of elegance and beauty on a specially set table for any number of functions.

I've said it before, but when I bring out certain dishes or this flatware, I see the five generations that at one time or another have gathered with those things for food and fellowship, and it makes me feel even more connected to those that have gone on, and more determined to pass on the legacy of those that gathered, to those that never knew them.

Re: Silver Sadness

software — Tue, 31 Oct 2017 14:46:22 GMT

I mourn the loss of traditions, like good manners.

"Things" I do not.

I came from very meager means, never accumulated "things" but I do miss the old traditions and the good manners that went with them.

I go to estate sales sometimes and it amazes me the stuff people accumulate.

Do they think they can take it with them?

Re: Silver Sadness

SunValley — Tue, 31 Oct 2017 14:49:16 GMT

For all the popularity of cooking shows, I know only a few people who routinely cook multi-dish, sit-down meals or feel confident enough to ever cook for a home dinner party. In many cases, If it can’t go in the dishwasher or garbage can, it doesn’t get set on the table. I have a sibling whose family eats exclusively using paper plates. Many children have never had the experience of actually setting a table. They have no idea where the individual pieces should be placed. Today’s eating habits and lifestyles rarely encourage silver and china sit-down meals. How does one fit that in with school pickups, soccer practice, scouts, and homework.

I always have a meal using china, stemware, and nice flatware at least a few times a year, and my family appreciates it, but this is a paltry offering compared to the more formal dining I experienced routinely as a child.

Re: Silver Sadness

Mominohio — Tue, 31 Oct 2017 15:07:02 GMT

@software wrote:
I mourn the loss of traditions, like good manners.
"Things" I do not.

I came from very meager means, never accumulated "things" but I do miss the old traditions and the good manners that went with them.

I go to estate sales sometimes and it amazes me the stuff people accumulate.
Do they think they can take it with them?

Yep, there is stuff, then there are things that connect to special memories.

I'm as bad as the next guy for having too much 'stuff'. But I can go through my home, and tell you exactly what is just here because I wanted to create a look or a feel in a room, and what is here because it evokes rich memories and valuable (to me) history.

Those things will be different for everyone. For some it is a set of silver flatware, for some it will be a box with pictures and letters, for others it will be some obscure odd thing that only has meaning to them because of it's connection to someone or some place in their past.

And I never kept those few special things from the past with the intent that I could take it with me, but with the love of the memories and the comfort seeing and using them give me. I enjoy most of those kinds of things on a daily basis, many are practical (furniture, a few kitchen utensils that belonged to my great grandmother, grandmother, and mother that I still use today), and not just stored away, or taking up space and collecting dust.

I agree, I mourn the loss of traditions as well. Manners, respect, etc. But sometimes I think that when we continually make everything more casual (and don't get me wrong, I love casual) those traditions get lost with it.

Some traditions, like sitting down to a formal dinner on a holiday or special occasion, were intricately tied to things like manners and respect. Those things were practiced at the table, and demonstrated to the younger generations. All eyes and attentions were focused together there, and those practices used.

One just doesn't get the same experience or learn the same graces in a setting where people go through a buffet line and sit all over the house and yard to eat. Not that there is anything wrong with it, we do it here especially in the summer for certain gatherings, but it just doesn't pass down some of those traditions in the same way a more formal setting does.

I think we do our kids a real disservice if we don't teach them to sit at a table and use good manners and learn how to interact over a meal. The table can be set with Corelle and flatware from the dollar store, it isn't about the expense of the setting. It seems more and more people don't eat meals at a table, with the entire family, practicing good manners, communication, sharing and interacting. It isn't realistic for many families to do it three times a day, every day, but is really important to make happen as often as possible.

Re: Silver Sadness

Mominohio — Tue, 31 Oct 2017 15:16:08 GMT

@kitcat51 wrote:
I collect antiques & primitives, always excited when I find a coin silver spoon to add to my glass spooner. I don't have a dining room so dinners at my house are informal, sold & gave away all my fancy china, glassware & linens as I continue to downsize. I understand only having what you want to use but it does pull at my heartstrings to see grand family framed photos, handmade quilts & Bible's with loads of family history being sold in shops or just thrown away. Tastes change & time moves on so it is what it is.

@kitcat51

I worked for many years in retail and production management for Goodwill Industries and Volunteers of America, and I saw so much of what you describe.

It used to break my heart to see what was obviously a clean out of someone's home after their passing or moving to a care facility, including boxes or albums of many generations of photos, Bibles with family histories documented, little collections of things that you could tell by they way they were kept, were special to that person (sometimes beautiful old hankies, all pristine and starched, sometimes a shoe box of letters and greeting cards from many many decades ago), not to mention complete sets of silver, china or crystal, lovingly wrapped and kept over the years.

Many people see it as foolish to keep things like this, but people like you and I are grateful for those that did squirrel away such lovely treasure for generations. We are more than happy to pick up a piece here or there and give it new life and new tradition!