topic Be honest, would this bother you? in Kitchen

Be honest, would this bother you?

house_cat — Tue, 07 Nov 2023 03:20:58 GMT

Many years ago, my family was invited to my dad's sister's house for dinner. I was only a kid, but I remember the awkwardness when my dad brought an egglplant dish expecting that my aunt would be happy about his contribution.

She wasn't.

Mom and Dad were discussing her reaction on the way home and he couldn't understand why she was upset that he had brought something. Even as a child it seemed clear to me that he should not have brought food without being asked.

I'm not sure why this memory came to me recently, but I'm just wondering how other's would feel in that situation.

Would it bother you if you prepared dinner for guests and one of them showed up with an extra entree, side dish or dessert?

Re: Be honest, would this bother you?

Tori3569 — Tue, 07 Nov 2023 03:21:10 GMT

Not at all and in my family everyone shows up with something even if you tell them not to bother.

Re: Be honest, would this bother you?

Goldengate8361 — Tue, 07 Nov 2023 03:24:36 GMT

Of course it would NOT bother me. Your dad was being very nice. And, for goodness sakes....they were siblings! That was rude of your aunt to be displeased.

Re: Be honest, would this bother you?

AZfem — Tue, 07 Nov 2023 03:25:04 GMT

Not at all. Most people bring something when invited to dinner at someone's home. Only common courtesy.

Re: Be honest, would this bother you?

Ronettes — Tue, 07 Nov 2023 03:27:12 GMT

It wouldn't bother me at all - on the contrary, I would be thrilled if someone brought another entree!

Re: Be honest, would this bother you?

mspatmac — Tue, 07 Nov 2023 03:33:16 GMT

Yes it would, especially if it was eggplant! Seriously, if I went to the trouble to prepare a nice meal I would be annoyed but not show it. If one feels the need to bring something, make it flowers.

Re: Be honest, would this bother you?

Desertdi — Tue, 07 Nov 2023 03:30:59 GMT

Depends. If the guest is a vegetarian, has religious or medical restrictions, they could bring something they were comfortable eating.

Re: Be honest, would this bother you?

Sooner — Tue, 07 Nov 2023 03:35:07 GMT

If you are invited somewhere ask before you bring something. If they say no, then don't.

I HATE when people bring something without asking. It is rude, upsets a planned meal, has to be made room for and put somewhere, serving pieces found for it, etc.

And either it doesn't fit with what is being served, is awful, or competes with what the hosts are serving.

It is a rude thing to do and an attention grab.

Re: Be honest, would this bother you?

sunshine45 — Tue, 07 Nov 2023 03:35:31 GMT

dessert?......no

extra side dish or entree?......possibly, especially if it had to stay warm prior to eating.

usually i ask first if the host would like me to bring something and i would ask them what they would prefer if they said yes.

just from reading here for many years, i know that there are quite a few people who dont like eating or serving items that OTHERS have made. some people even throw them right into the trash once their guest leaves.

Re: Be honest, would this bother you?

Queen of shop — Tue, 07 Nov 2023 03:43:27 GMT

@house_cat No, it wouldn't bother me at all. The more food the merrier. Having said that, in my Italian half of the family no one comes empty handed. It's just the way it is.

Re: Be honest, would this bother you?

smoochy — Tue, 07 Nov 2023 03:46:10 GMT

@Sooner wrote:
If you are invited somewhere ask before you bring something. If they say no, then don't.

I HATE when people bring something without asking. It is rude, upsets a planned meal, has to be made room for and put somewhere, serving pieces found for it, etc.

And either it doesn't fit with what is being served, is awful, or competes with what the hosts are serving.

It is a rude thing to do and an attention grab.

exactly my thoughts also. We go to my cousin's for thanksgiving and she has the meal planned down to the last detail. She wants to be asked if we can bring something. And she will tell us what she would like. She likes being in control and would be very p*ssed if I showed up with some random unplanned for item. My mother was the same way.

Re: Be honest, would this bother you?

Etoile308 — Tue, 07 Nov 2023 03:56:49 GMT

Why be upset over something so minor?

The gracious thing would be to accept the item with a thank you. Then ask if the food was brought to be included in the dinner, or for them to enjoy the next day?

Life is too short to be upset over an act of kindness.

Re: Be honest, would this bother you?

Shihtzursqmom — Tue, 07 Nov 2023 03:58:19 GMT

I agree with everything Sooner said I would serve the food but not be pleased about it I wouldn’t cause a scene because it’s just not worth the bother ruining the whole meal and making thibgs uncomfortable for everyone over a dish someone brought

Re: Be honest, would this bother you?

AZfem — Tue, 07 Nov 2023 04:03:40 GMT

Now with all the different eating styles, its almost impossible to accommodate everyone. Keto, vegan, vegetarian, people with celiac who can't eat gluten, those with food allergies.

I am a vegetarian & we went to friends for Christmas Eve. All they made was some Scandinavian meal of meat & fish. No sides, snacks, pretzeks, cheese laying around. I had nothing to eat. Next year, I brought artichoke dip so I had something to eat. Third year someone clued her in that I was a vegetarian & she made potatoes.

Have a friend who has celiac & won't go to friends houses over holidays (she lives alone far from me) because she's so afraid something will trigger her illness so she stays hone alone.

Re: Be honest, would this bother you?

Goodie2shoes — Tue, 07 Nov 2023 04:04:25 GMT

Re: Be honest, would this bother you?

pugvette74 — Tue, 07 Nov 2023 04:08:42 GMT

I think with family that isn't a "rude" thing to do. If it's a friend, then I would ask first.

I love eggplant. Bring it anytime to my house. Especially if it's sliced thin, breaded and fried in olive oil. Yum.

Re: Be honest, would this bother you?

Kachina624 — Tue, 07 Nov 2023 04:18:02 GMT

The hostess probably carefully planned the menu. I wouldn't think of bringing something without first checking with her. She gets to decide if it's appropriate and blends with her plans. If she say, "no", I'd understand and wouldn't be offended.

Re: Be honest, would this bother you?

QVCkitty1 — Tue, 07 Nov 2023 04:24:58 GMT

You said be honest, so I'll admit that I wouldn't be pleased by the extra dish. However, I always want my guests to be comfortable and feel welcome, so I would keep my feelings to myself. I know it isn't for everyone but If a guest wants to bring something I would appreciate a bottle of wine. But really it is not necessary, if you are my guests all I require is your presence.

Re: Be honest, would this bother you?

LdyBugz — Tue, 07 Nov 2023 04:25:20 GMT

For an informaI, family dinner? It wouldn't bother me at all. What's one more dish to pass around? Even if I was hosting a big, formal dinner party it wouldn't bother me. I would just be a good hostess, roll with the punches, appreciate the gesture, and serve the dish with my planned menu. No big deal and no need to be so rigid.

Re: Be honest, would this bother you?

Sooner — Tue, 07 Nov 2023 04:34:07 GMT

@LdyBugz wrote:@For an informaI, family dinner? It wouldn't bother me at all. What's one more dish to pass around? Even if I was hosting a big, formal dinner party it wouldn't bother me. I would just be a good hostess, roll with the punches, appreciate the gesture, and serve the dish with my planned menu. No big deal and no need to be so rigid.

@LdyBugz I don't see it as rigid. I see it as I went to a lot of trouble to plan a meal for guests, make dishes that go well together, see that I went to the expense and trouble to make more than enough for the guests.

I planned a table setting with space for serving dishes, glasses, and the place settings to serve what I made. Maybe I don't have more room on the table. Maybe I don't have spoons for the soup someone might bring or bowls, or whatever else is a surprise.

I don't see it as about control, I see it as I worked hard to plan, cook and serve a meal then gets thrown a curve ball to deal with when having the meal in the first place is stressful enough.

And really, it says someone feels like they have to bring something because I won't have enough or it won't be good enough. Theirs will be better! Wink wink!