topic Re: O/t dealing with anger / jealousy how to stop in Beauty

O/t dealing with anger / jealousy how to stop

Beautiful life — Wed, 02 Oct 2013 19:43:29 GMT

I have a brother that I haven't talked to in years, he is a troublemaker and a con artist. He sues all the time and scams everyone. He now has a large case where mold is in his home ( I wonder how that happened) My mom tells me his stories all the time. I told my mom I don't care to hear his dealings but that goes in one ear and out the other. I can see him now doing the happy dance dreaming of this next big law case. It makes me sick! I just want to let this not bother me but it makes me mad that he get's away with it. Any ideas, thoughts and how to overcome this issue?

Re: O/t dealing with anger / jealousy how to stop

Ranchergal — Sat, 04 Jan 2014 14:45:57 GMT

Ask God for forgiveness for your anger and your jealously before it affects you physically and mentally. Ask for loving thoughts to come to you concerning your brother. You are to hate his actions, not him. In the meantime you can remove him from your life and from your discussions. When we forgive, it's not required that we communicate for hang around with the one forgiven. It's documented that not forgiving can destroy health.

Re: O/t dealing with anger / jealousy how to stop

ladybuglainie — Sat, 04 Jan 2014 15:24:26 GMT

No matter what your Mother says, a Mother KNOWS her children. Do you think the person that brought your brother into this world doesn't know and see how your brother is? Trust me...she does. I think talking to you is her own form of 'dealing with it'. You know in your heart and mind what the truth is....for some, the truth is just too painful and not understandable so we dance around it to live with it in our lives.

Re: O/t dealing with anger / jealousy how to stop

emmysmom — Sat, 04 Jan 2014 15:35:04 GMT

On 10/4/2013 firestripes said: True, I can't change anyone. It is wasteful energy- I wish I didn't care. I am still waiting for him to get his turn. So many stories that no one would believe about this guy. I wished I had brothers that were close to me but that's not the case. I envy brothers/ sisters that are close.

Your mother needs a caregiver, NOT you! Does she have insurance? This is a way you can control how often you see her. I'm caregiver and I have experienced this many times! In my experience the client will talk to me about issues..It isn't personal like it is with you. You don't need to hear about it anymore! Take control of YOUR life and allow another to work with your mom so that you can be free to enjoy your life! No guilt, you have done your best, now its time you allow someone to help. This is what I would do. Life is short, this can cause health issues for you if you continue. Feeling anger and bitterness is like taking poison, it hurts US not the person you're angry with. I have a sister like this! I had to let her go 8 years ago, after a counselor suggested she was toxic and I needed to avoid her. Thank God she lives in Hawaii..the moon would be better! She took most of my mom's inheritance and took things she knew I wanted and had them shipped to Hawaii! Karma..someday..I have forgiven her and given it over to God..He knows what she did and will vindicate me. It says God is our vindicator! Hope this helps. I feel your pain~

Re: O/t dealing with anger / jealousy how to stop

jeanlake — Sat, 04 Jan 2014 17:50:08 GMT

Hello firestripes -- we must be sisters!. Does this brother live in San Diego? Ha. I had a brother who was well educated, former air force and teacher and fits the ethical description of your brother. He had so many opportunities to be personally successful, but he focused on easy money his entire adult life. Treated my dad terribly -- bullied him for money even when dad was on a pension. Claimed my dad's car the day he died. We found out exactly how much money he conned from my dad after we went through dad's meticulous bookkeeping after he passed. Brother wanted 10K to adopt his step son. My elderly dad believed him. Step son never officially adopted. Brother sued for everything. Even former employers. Stopped working at 50 as he tried to get a disability deal. His ethics were so different from the rest of the family and it left us baffled. The stories would make your head spin. For sanity reasons, I had to put emotional distance between my only brother and I. Like a plexi-glass barrier. No one can see it but you know there's a barrier. Install that plexi- glass and focus on detaching yourself from him emotionally. It's amazing how this works. Good luck, and I'm sorry for your disappointment with your brother. No, you cannot change him. You only have the power to protect your heart and mind from your brother's behavior and lifestyle.

Re: O/t dealing with anger / jealousy how to stop

Annabellethecat66 — Sat, 04 Jan 2014 18:23:37 GMT

OK, every family has some of this. My advice is that you learn to accept everyone the way they are. You do that in regular life (with people you work with, etc) so you must do that with family members.

You don't have to be around them all of the time. You wouldn't believe some of the things that has gone on in my family over the many years! Yet when we get together we just accept everyone the way they are. We ignore their imperfections (we all have them).

You aren't going to change anyone. For the sake of my daughters I have learned to accept family members as they are not like the way I want them to be.

Do you think things are going to change? Come on! I've got news....they aren't.

Just accept it for what it is. The pattern has been set and you can't change it.

I don't mean to be mean. I'm just saying that we all deal with this with others you just need to apply it to family members (especially).

The only person who can make changes in their lives are the people who need to make the changes. Leave it at the door. If you can learn to do this you will be a happier person.

If it helps just think of you, yourself as the person who is being the better person. Just remember I'm sure there are things others don't like about you or someone close to you.

None of us is perfect. We all have 'issues'. Just accept these people. Deal with them as little as possible and you will be happier.

Re: O/t dealing with anger / jealousy how to stop

Vamp — Sat, 04 Jan 2014 19:11:12 GMT

On 10/2/2013 EvaP said:
Just my very humble opinion. I think that you should focus on what makes you happy and forget about your estranged brother. As for your mom, respectfully tell her that your brother's life is of no concern to you and that you would prefer not to know anything about him.

I agree with EvaP. If you are unable to stop dwelling on this, find a therapist who can help you get past it. You are doing yourself no favors by feeling angry or jealous. You need to learn to let it go as it is not something you can control. Best of luck to you.

Re: O/t dealing with anger / jealousy how to stop

LBandS — Sun, 05 Jan 2014 08:22:14 GMT

You have taken the first step by being aware you are doing something that causes you pain.

And taken the second step by asking for help, so you are on your way!

If you have a faith tradition or a spiritual practice ask for help from God, the Universe, your higher power, or Infinite Creative Intelligence or however you consider that above you to be, and ask them to take and amplify your willingness to release this behavior, and help you stop.

Ask every day and start a gratitude list, wiring down 5 things you are grateful for each night.If you have made progress in dealing with your brother be sure that is on your list.

Something that helps me deal with a very similar sister, who has stolen a lot of money and property from me, is to remember that anger dissolves the vessel that holds it and not the person to whom it is directed.

And judgement always involves anger.