Wellness

[Mom2Dogs]

@mistriTsquirrel...one more thing....in a town near me there is a mental health facility...I know a few people that have checked themselves in....is there something similar in your area?  I find it hard to believe that you would be turned away.  Don't look to far ahead, it will be overwhelming...

[dooBdoo]

          My dear (((@mistriTsquirrel))).   I'm so worried about you.   Although not exactly in your shoes, I know what it's like to feel overwhelmed, anxious, depressed, and suicidal.   I've moved to new locations alone, gone from one church to another to seek out a community I "fit into," changed therapists, taken classes, and I know how hard it is when there's not someone there -- family or very close friends -- to help out.    It's very hard to stop the downward spiral, to avoid catastrophizing, and to start thinking clearly and systematically.    One thing that helps me is to list the problems, then write the worst that could happen, then write (or research) what I can do if each worst-case happens.    It's much like drawing a picture of the problem, and it helps to lay it all out, make order of it, and attack it piece by piece, step by step.   

          I hope you won't stop asking, locally, because not everyone will let you down and not everyone feels you'll owe them something if they offer assistance.   There's wonderful advice on this thread, and I hope you know how much we all care about your well-being and wish we could be there to do something to help.    Try not to think too far ahead, and do try to think one hour at a time, or even one minute at a time.    I understand how hard it is when you feel alone...  I've always been a person of faith, believing in a higher power, but even when you don't hold that belief you truly never are alone.    In any community you should be able to find secular support if you don't feel comfortable calling on any of the faith-based groups.   Or perhaps try contacting a local Unitarian community, or something similar.    Remember, you are valuable.   Unique and special in all the world.   You're so gifted, talented, bright, witty, compassionate, passionate, and dear.   You've made our lives richer by sharing yourself here, in this limited contact we have, over the years...  so I know in the "real world" you have so much to give, and it will come back to you a hundredfold.    No one else is exactly like you, and you are here for a reason.    My heart hurts to know you continue to feel so much pain.    Please...  keep asking for answers, be willing to make changes even if they feel uncomfortable, because it's really true if we continue doing the same things we're going to get the same results.   Please, keep looking for the light and you will find it.❤️

[dooBdoo]

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becca lou wrote:

@mistriTsquirrel I am wondering how many of us women left our selfs behind to take on the role of Wife and Mother and now as we get older we don't know  to find a life for ourselves. My husband doesn't believe how difficult it is to have friends being a women. Most men I find don't allow their Wifes time for themselves. And he happens to be one of them. Years ago when my sister moved close by after a long time away in another State, my Mother and Sister would come by and ask me out for lunch, He had a pouting party if I wasn't waitng at the door like a Puppy felching the Masters Slippers. So as he did this they quit coming around. Now my Sister got divorced and remarried and My Mother died, I relized how I was excluded from family because of Him. And every function I have ever been in, Husbands did'nt look kindly on them having space. The only friends that I made in the last 10 years was Widows. And they have since passed away. And I joined a Church with Him , What a mistake. He never liked it if they spoke to me after church. So that wasn't comfortable for me. I was treated so badly by this church, but he continues to attend regardless. So I think we as women have to make Live good for us. I am feeling A anxiety over this and I don't know what way to go. He might just check out on me if I do start to go anywhere alone. But starting next week I may take a Job outside and feel this to get away. Or go read  a book somewhere. I Need prayers. And I will Pray for You also.

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          (((@BeccaLou))), my heart goes out to you.    I will pray for you and I hope you'll post here if you feel comfortable doing so.   I think much of the advice on the thread could be helpful, so maybe you can read back through it and see if anything speaks to you.   If you haven't already done so, please talk with a trusted physician who can help you determine what steps might be helpful.  Take good care of yourself, you are special and you deserve good things.❤️

[dooBdoo]

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becca lou wrote:

@dooBdooI don't know what that meant to talk to a trusted physian? 

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          Hi, @BeccaLou!   I was responding to your comments about being anxious and not knowing where to go...   since you said you weren't happy with the church that probably won't be the place you seek counseling, but I've found that my family doctor was a great source of help when I needed to work on my anxiety and depression.    Not only does your physician know you personally, so s/he has a good idea of your history and maybe even your family, s/he can either offer you help or recommend someone who can.   You shouldn't have to live in a world of unhappiness or anxiety.   My heart goes out to you.   (((hugs))).   Please take good care of yourself.  I wish you well.❤️

[reena22]

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@BeccaLou & @mistrisquirrel  Take care of (((((((you)))))))! ❤

[violann]

Hi Mistrisquirrel!!!! I've been thinking of you so often recently and hadn't seen you here, so I'm especially glad to have chanced upon this thread.

Please count me as another of your faithful cyber rooters!

DON'T GIVE UP! YOU ARE A VALUABLE PERSON!

When you go to get your food stamps, see if there are any other potential connections that can be made through that office.

I think someone has told you to journal every day. You write so well!! 

Please keep posting when you can!

V

[mistriTsquirrel]

Hi guys.  Things have been hard.

My mother has let me stick around for awhile, because I was able to convince her that I have a serious problem that I need help for.  I told her I need a hospitalization.  She agreed to let me pursue that, but things have gotten in the way.  I got a jury summons and wasn't able to get out of that, and now I have tax problems I have to sort out by tax day.  It's a mess, and it's a long story.

So she was screaming at me about that today.  I tried to explain to her that I'm not able to function, and that's why I need the hospitalization.  She doesn't seem to understand that.  She expects me to just weed through tax b.s. easily like someone who can concentrate would be able to.

It's hard for me to get out of bed.  It's hard for me to shower and brush my teeth.  I rarely leave the house.  I'm not doing well, and she doesn't understand why things are hard for me.  It's called depression...severe depression.

My sister and I aren't speaking anymore.  Apparently I'm too much of a burden on Mom, I'm lazy and since I stuck up for Dad when he was sick and it embarrassed her, she is holding a grudge about that from three years ago...while telling me to "get over" the mean things our mother has done to me and continues to do to me now.  In case I didn't clarify earlier in the thread, my sister was my brother.  She is transgender and is now living as female full-time.  So any past posts about my brother are about her.

I've been relying on a mental health forum for support.  I got a warning for saying a "bad word" in their chat room (a word I was taught in my 5th grade health class).  That was a while ago.  I took a break from there for awhile after that.  Recently I've been unable to post because I've been punished.  Partly because I asked a moderator why he was allowing another member to post abusive posts towards me, and partly because a former moderator and I had a disagreement.   I was trying to be supportive to her, and she called part of my post "juvenile."  I told her it hurt me.  Several times during the conversation, I said things like, "well this is just my opinion based on my experiences," "I guess we don't have to talk about it" and "I guess we're just going to have to agree to disagree."  She was someone who I considered a friend, so I wanted to work things out.  She told me I was attacking her, which really floored me.  So I finally stuck up for myself and said that no, she was attacking me, that she insulted me with her comment, etc.  And I got punished for being "abusive."  I believe it's because she's a former mod.  The mods there are always on the right side of any argument, even if they're wrong.  I asked the mod team to look back over the entire exchange.  They will not.  I can't post there anymore, because all of my posts have to be okayed by a mod before they can be seen.  I tried to post some posts, and they were harmless, but not allowed anyway.  So I left.  I used to love going there, because there were like-minded people to talk to, but I cannot do that anymore.  It's just one more part of my life down the toilet.  

Today I'm feeling like cr**.  It's getting harder and harder to see a future for myself.  My life is just ****, and I can't get to where I need to be right now (the hospital).  Not only that, but I never know when my mother and I are going to get into another argument, and she's going to tell me to leave again.  I try not to speak to her at all, but some communication is necessary at this point.  I'm tired of everything being so difficult.  I just want to do this hospitalization.  I hope it will help me.  If it doesn't, I'll be one of the mentally-ill homeless that nobody seems to give a **** about.

[cherry]

Many people here care about you. Find a different forum  about mental illness . Surely, that can't be the only one on the net

You might like it better than the old one

[Mom2Dogs]

@mistriTsquirrel...this might sound silly but can you call a taxi and have them take you to the ER and you could get some help?  There should be a social services department that can assist you with some mental health therapy.

[mistriTsquirrel]

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@Mom2Dogs wrote:

@mistriTsquirrel...this might sound silly but can you call a taxi and have them take you to the ER and you could get some help?  There should be a social services department that can assist you with some mental health therapy.

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@Mom2Dogs

No, it doesn't sound silly.  I'm just wondering if I'll have a home when I get out if I do that.  I guess I'm just trying to figure out if there's a way to navigate this that won't anger my mother, who is letting me stay here.  She thinks things have to be done in a certain way within a certain time period.  However, she often comes up with these ideas last minute or changes her mind about how things should be done.  I'd like to come up with some sort of way to get there and still feel relatively confident that I'll have a place to live when I get out, and access to my belongings.  Going in and then coming out to find that I have no home and no access to my belongings would be a huge problem.

I think what I may do is see if I can get an extension for filing my taxes and set up a hospitalization without telling her in advance.  Then when she says I can't go in because I have to deal with taxes, I can tell her I've already taken care of it for the time being, and that I already have a hospitalization set up.  That way she can't sabotage me anymore (hopefully).  My only worry is that when I take her control away she will freak out, throw me out and change the locks so I can't get to my stuff.  I don't know if the hospital will allow me to leave my car parked there during my stay either.  So I have some things to figure out in order to protect myself.  Each time I think I have things figured out, something else comes up.  My mother acts frustrated with me, but I honestly don't think she wants me to get well, because that would take her control away.