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@mistriTsquirrel wrote:
@fortune wrote:
@mistriTsquirrel wrote:
@fortune wrote:
@mistriTsquirrel wrote:
Jasper is such a cutie!!!
What I meant about going back to where I was when I was in high school is that I'll be living at my mom's for awhile. I hate that fact, but that's where I'm going. After that, I don't know.
For some reason, I'm feeling very very down today. I thought about going for a walk, but the streets are icy, and I don't need to fall and have another physical ailment to deal with.
I don't feel optimistic today.
I feel broken.
Are any of your high school classmates still around? I think there is an online site where you can trace former classmates. As for me, I'm so old that a lot of my high school buddies are either dead, in an old folks home, or old and mean and don't want to socialize!! One of the many fun things about getting old! Ha!
You know some people are really good at compartmentalizing. I try to work on that sometimes. If you can keep your thoughts and feelings about your Mom in a compartment in your mind and avoid going there, it really makes it easier!
Has she decided to stay in her home for a while now, or is she still all over the block about moving to be near your brother?
Jasper and I are thinking about you and your guinea pig--what is his or her name? I wonder if he and Jasper would be friends??? Jasper has been trying to hook up with a rat he spotted at my bird feeder. He's not much of a hunter, and the squirrels just sit around and laugh at him!
My son is going to his office party tonight. He's an architect. I'm dog sitting with Jasper, who doesn't like to be left alone. He thinks he's a person not a doggie, and cries if he doesn't go everywhere his dad does. I hate to say this, but Jasper is smarter than some people I know!! And, I really mean this, too!!!
HUGS and KISSES from both Jasper and me, Mistri!!!
Things have changed since I last wrote.
I've been staying at my mother's, but she told me I have to be out about a week from now. I have no place to stay. I'm afraid I will lose Milo (the guinea pig), because I don't know if I can keep him while living in my car.
I don't know what to do. I've been thinking a lot about locking myself in the garage with my car running.
I'm so tired of hearing people say "just try; you just have to try harder." I'm trying as hard as I can. There just doesn't seem to be any end to this misery.
Somehow, I have to find a way to get rid of the majority of my belongings by next weekend. My birthday is next weekend. (That was a nice touch.)
I feel like I should be checking myself into the hospital, but there will be no way to get everything done if I do that.
At this point, I'm really fighting the urge to put myself out of my own misery.
Oh my gosh, Mistri! Why is your Mom giving you the ultimatum to be out of your house? Is she moving to be closer to your brother? Can you make a list of the most important things you need to do right away? Do you have access to any money from your Mom or anybody else? Where can you live? I'd contact my relatives first to see if they can either loan you money or let you stay with them for a while.
Do you have any more visits with your shrink left? Can you call your county to get a referral for some help? Is there a church near you where you can go and talk to the pastor?
Is your physical condition keeping you from going back to work or the depression or both?
You are pretty much on your own, it seems. You CAN handle whatever you need to do to take care of yourself. You are smart, resourceful, talented, and mature. Think of yourself as your child. You would take care of this child with your very best efforts.
Please call the pastor at your neighborhood church ASAP to set up a visit. Tell him or her that you are despondent and considering suicide.
HUGS, Mistri. Keep us posted about your progress!
I don't know if I can answer all of those questions right now..
My mother asked me to read a letter she wrote, and to let her know what I thought about it. She didn't really want to know. We wound up getting into a huge fight. She thinks I'm lazy (she hasn't held a job in decades, mind you). I told her when she evicted me from the house I was originally staying in that it was really bad timing, since I was dealing with health problems. She told me she can't worry about that, that she has to put herself first (as usual). Since I've been here, my depression and anxiety have become much worse. I talked to my psychiatrist, and that was a waste of time. I belong to an online support group, but there's only so much help they can give me.
I spoke to an aunt about letting me stay with her. She said yes. Then--when she called back later--she told me that social services may be making a visit to her home because of the custody battle my cousin is going through. My cousin's little boy stays at her house regularly, and they want to see the room that she's providing for him. That would be the room I'd be staying in. She didn't exactly say I couldn't stay there, but she kind of did...so I can't go there.
The only money I can get is whatever I can make selling my stuff over the next week. I will have to sell just about everything I own. If/when I get a place again, I will have nothing.
I'm so tired of making any sort of gains and then having them ripped away from me. I can't keep doing this.
I know that you're not into religion, and I understand. However, pastors receive training in helping others and I look at them as professionals, not just religious leaders. Please consider calling one and talking to them as soon as possible. They also know all the agencies and support organizations available in your area. If nothing else, you might be able to get a referral for your housing needs, etc.
@fortune wrote:
@mistriTsquirrel wrote:
@fortune wrote:
@mistriTsquirrel wrote:
@fortune wrote:
@mistriTsquirrel wrote:
Jasper is such a cutie!!!
What I meant about going back to where I was when I was in high school is that I'll be living at my mom's for awhile. I hate that fact, but that's where I'm going. After that, I don't know.
For some reason, I'm feeling very very down today. I thought about going for a walk, but the streets are icy, and I don't need to fall and have another physical ailment to deal with.
I don't feel optimistic today.
I feel broken.
Are any of your high school classmates still around? I think there is an online site where you can trace former classmates. As for me, I'm so old that a lot of my high school buddies are either dead, in an old folks home, or old and mean and don't want to socialize!! One of the many fun things about getting old! Ha!
You know some people are really good at compartmentalizing. I try to work on that sometimes. If you can keep your thoughts and feelings about your Mom in a compartment in your mind and avoid going there, it really makes it easier!
Has she decided to stay in her home for a while now, or is she still all over the block about moving to be near your brother?
Jasper and I are thinking about you and your guinea pig--what is his or her name? I wonder if he and Jasper would be friends??? Jasper has been trying to hook up with a rat he spotted at my bird feeder. He's not much of a hunter, and the squirrels just sit around and laugh at him!
My son is going to his office party tonight. He's an architect. I'm dog sitting with Jasper, who doesn't like to be left alone. He thinks he's a person not a doggie, and cries if he doesn't go everywhere his dad does. I hate to say this, but Jasper is smarter than some people I know!! And, I really mean this, too!!!
HUGS and KISSES from both Jasper and me, Mistri!!!
Things have changed since I last wrote.
I've been staying at my mother's, but she told me I have to be out about a week from now. I have no place to stay. I'm afraid I will lose Milo (the guinea pig), because I don't know if I can keep him while living in my car.
I don't know what to do. I've been thinking a lot about locking myself in the garage with my car running.
I'm so tired of hearing people say "just try; you just have to try harder." I'm trying as hard as I can. There just doesn't seem to be any end to this misery.
Somehow, I have to find a way to get rid of the majority of my belongings by next weekend. My birthday is next weekend. (That was a nice touch.)
I feel like I should be checking myself into the hospital, but there will be no way to get everything done if I do that.
At this point, I'm really fighting the urge to put myself out of my own misery.
Oh my gosh, Mistri! Why is your Mom giving you the ultimatum to be out of your house? Is she moving to be closer to your brother? Can you make a list of the most important things you need to do right away? Do you have access to any money from your Mom or anybody else? Where can you live? I'd contact my relatives first to see if they can either loan you money or let you stay with them for a while.
Do you have any more visits with your shrink left? Can you call your county to get a referral for some help? Is there a church near you where you can go and talk to the pastor?
Is your physical condition keeping you from going back to work or the depression or both?
You are pretty much on your own, it seems. You CAN handle whatever you need to do to take care of yourself. You are smart, resourceful, talented, and mature. Think of yourself as your child. You would take care of this child with your very best efforts.
Please call the pastor at your neighborhood church ASAP to set up a visit. Tell him or her that you are despondent and considering suicide.
HUGS, Mistri. Keep us posted about your progress!
I don't know if I can answer all of those questions right now..
My mother asked me to read a letter she wrote, and to let her know what I thought about it. She didn't really want to know. We wound up getting into a huge fight. She thinks I'm lazy (she hasn't held a job in decades, mind you). I told her when she evicted me from the house I was originally staying in that it was really bad timing, since I was dealing with health problems. She told me she can't worry about that, that she has to put herself first (as usual). Since I've been here, my depression and anxiety have become much worse. I talked to my psychiatrist, and that was a waste of time. I belong to an online support group, but there's only so much help they can give me.
I spoke to an aunt about letting me stay with her. She said yes. Then--when she called back later--she told me that social services may be making a visit to her home because of the custody battle my cousin is going through. My cousin's little boy stays at her house regularly, and they want to see the room that she's providing for him. That would be the room I'd be staying in. She didn't exactly say I couldn't stay there, but she kind of did...so I can't go there.
The only money I can get is whatever I can make selling my stuff over the next week. I will have to sell just about everything I own. If/when I get a place again, I will have nothing.
I'm so tired of making any sort of gains and then having them ripped away from me. I can't keep doing this.
I know that you're not into religion, and I understand. However, pastors receive training in helping others and I look at them as professionals, not just religious leaders. Please consider calling one and talking to them as soon as possible. They also know all the agencies and support organizations available in your area. If nothing else, you might be able to get a referral for your housing needs, etc.
I have a doctor's appointment this afternoon, but will be back by 4 p.m. I'll check in when I get home!
@fortune wrote:
@fortune wrote:
@mistriTsquirrel wrote:
@fortune wrote:
@mistriTsquirrel wrote:
@fortune wrote:
@mistriTsquirrel wrote:
Jasper is such a cutie!!!
What I meant about going back to where I was when I was in high school is that I'll be living at my mom's for awhile. I hate that fact, but that's where I'm going. After that, I don't know.
For some reason, I'm feeling very very down today. I thought about going for a walk, but the streets are icy, and I don't need to fall and have another physical ailment to deal with.
I don't feel optimistic today.
I feel broken.
Are any of your high school classmates still around? I think there is an online site where you can trace former classmates. As for me, I'm so old that a lot of my high school buddies are either dead, in an old folks home, or old and mean and don't want to socialize!! One of the many fun things about getting old! Ha!
You know some people are really good at compartmentalizing. I try to work on that sometimes. If you can keep your thoughts and feelings about your Mom in a compartment in your mind and avoid going there, it really makes it easier!
Has she decided to stay in her home for a while now, or is she still all over the block about moving to be near your brother?
Jasper and I are thinking about you and your guinea pig--what is his or her name? I wonder if he and Jasper would be friends??? Jasper has been trying to hook up with a rat he spotted at my bird feeder. He's not much of a hunter, and the squirrels just sit around and laugh at him!
My son is going to his office party tonight. He's an architect. I'm dog sitting with Jasper, who doesn't like to be left alone. He thinks he's a person not a doggie, and cries if he doesn't go everywhere his dad does. I hate to say this, but Jasper is smarter than some people I know!! And, I really mean this, too!!!
HUGS and KISSES from both Jasper and me, Mistri!!!
Things have changed since I last wrote.
I've been staying at my mother's, but she told me I have to be out about a week from now. I have no place to stay. I'm afraid I will lose Milo (the guinea pig), because I don't know if I can keep him while living in my car.
I don't know what to do. I've been thinking a lot about locking myself in the garage with my car running.
I'm so tired of hearing people say "just try; you just have to try harder." I'm trying as hard as I can. There just doesn't seem to be any end to this misery.
Somehow, I have to find a way to get rid of the majority of my belongings by next weekend. My birthday is next weekend. (That was a nice touch.)
I feel like I should be checking myself into the hospital, but there will be no way to get everything done if I do that.
At this point, I'm really fighting the urge to put myself out of my own misery.
Oh my gosh, Mistri! Why is your Mom giving you the ultimatum to be out of your house? Is she moving to be closer to your brother? Can you make a list of the most important things you need to do right away? Do you have access to any money from your Mom or anybody else? Where can you live? I'd contact my relatives first to see if they can either loan you money or let you stay with them for a while.
Do you have any more visits with your shrink left? Can you call your county to get a referral for some help? Is there a church near you where you can go and talk to the pastor?
Is your physical condition keeping you from going back to work or the depression or both?
You are pretty much on your own, it seems. You CAN handle whatever you need to do to take care of yourself. You are smart, resourceful, talented, and mature. Think of yourself as your child. You would take care of this child with your very best efforts.
Please call the pastor at your neighborhood church ASAP to set up a visit. Tell him or her that you are despondent and considering suicide.
HUGS, Mistri. Keep us posted about your progress!
I don't know if I can answer all of those questions right now..
My mother asked me to read a letter she wrote, and to let her know what I thought about it. She didn't really want to know. We wound up getting into a huge fight. She thinks I'm lazy (she hasn't held a job in decades, mind you). I told her when she evicted me from the house I was originally staying in that it was really bad timing, since I was dealing with health problems. She told me she can't worry about that, that she has to put herself first (as usual). Since I've been here, my depression and anxiety have become much worse. I talked to my psychiatrist, and that was a waste of time. I belong to an online support group, but there's only so much help they can give me.
I spoke to an aunt about letting me stay with her. She said yes. Then--when she called back later--she told me that social services may be making a visit to her home because of the custody battle my cousin is going through. My cousin's little boy stays at her house regularly, and they want to see the room that she's providing for him. That would be the room I'd be staying in. She didn't exactly say I couldn't stay there, but she kind of did...so I can't go there.
The only money I can get is whatever I can make selling my stuff over the next week. I will have to sell just about everything I own. If/when I get a place again, I will have nothing.
I'm so tired of making any sort of gains and then having them ripped away from me. I can't keep doing this.
I know that you're not into religion, and I understand. However, pastors receive training in helping others and I look at them as professionals, not just religious leaders. Please consider calling one and talking to them as soon as possible. They also know all the agencies and support organizations available in your area. If nothing else, you might be able to get a referral for your housing needs, etc.
I have a doctor's appointment this afternoon, but will be back by 4 p.m. I'll check in when I get home!
@fortune It's okay, Fortune. At some point I'm hoping I will fall asleep. I feel less like crying now and more like punching walls. But I'm exhausted.
@mistriTsquirrel wrote:
@fortune wrote:
@fortune wrote:
@mistriTsquirrel wrote:
@fortune wrote:
@mistriTsquirrel wrote:
@fortune wrote:
@mistriTsquirrel wrote:
Jasper is such a cutie!!!
What I meant about going back to where I was when I was in high school is that I'll be living at my mom's for awhile. I hate that fact, but that's where I'm going. After that, I don't know.
For some reason, I'm feeling very very down today. I thought about going for a walk, but the streets are icy, and I don't need to fall and have another physical ailment to deal with.
I don't feel optimistic today.
I feel broken.
Are any of your high school classmates still around? I think there is an online site where you can trace former classmates. As for me, I'm so old that a lot of my high school buddies are either dead, in an old folks home, or old and mean and don't want to socialize!! One of the many fun things about getting old! Ha!
You know some people are really good at compartmentalizing. I try to work on that sometimes. If you can keep your thoughts and feelings about your Mom in a compartment in your mind and avoid going there, it really makes it easier!
Has she decided to stay in her home for a while now, or is she still all over the block about moving to be near your brother?
Jasper and I are thinking about you and your guinea pig--what is his or her name? I wonder if he and Jasper would be friends??? Jasper has been trying to hook up with a rat he spotted at my bird feeder. He's not much of a hunter, and the squirrels just sit around and laugh at him!
My son is going to his office party tonight. He's an architect. I'm dog sitting with Jasper, who doesn't like to be left alone. He thinks he's a person not a doggie, and cries if he doesn't go everywhere his dad does. I hate to say this, but Jasper is smarter than some people I know!! And, I really mean this, too!!!
HUGS and KISSES from both Jasper and me, Mistri!!!
Things have changed since I last wrote.
I've been staying at my mother's, but she told me I have to be out about a week from now. I have no place to stay. I'm afraid I will lose Milo (the guinea pig), because I don't know if I can keep him while living in my car.
I don't know what to do. I've been thinking a lot about locking myself in the garage with my car running.
I'm so tired of hearing people say "just try; you just have to try harder." I'm trying as hard as I can. There just doesn't seem to be any end to this misery.
Somehow, I have to find a way to get rid of the majority of my belongings by next weekend. My birthday is next weekend. (That was a nice touch.)
I feel like I should be checking myself into the hospital, but there will be no way to get everything done if I do that.
At this point, I'm really fighting the urge to put myself out of my own misery.
Oh my gosh, Mistri! Why is your Mom giving you the ultimatum to be out of your house? Is she moving to be closer to your brother? Can you make a list of the most important things you need to do right away? Do you have access to any money from your Mom or anybody else? Where can you live? I'd contact my relatives first to see if they can either loan you money or let you stay with them for a while.
Do you have any more visits with your shrink left? Can you call your county to get a referral for some help? Is there a church near you where you can go and talk to the pastor?
Is your physical condition keeping you from going back to work or the depression or both?
You are pretty much on your own, it seems. You CAN handle whatever you need to do to take care of yourself. You are smart, resourceful, talented, and mature. Think of yourself as your child. You would take care of this child with your very best efforts.
Please call the pastor at your neighborhood church ASAP to set up a visit. Tell him or her that you are despondent and considering suicide.
HUGS, Mistri. Keep us posted about your progress!
I don't know if I can answer all of those questions right now..
My mother asked me to read a letter she wrote, and to let her know what I thought about it. She didn't really want to know. We wound up getting into a huge fight. She thinks I'm lazy (she hasn't held a job in decades, mind you). I told her when she evicted me from the house I was originally staying in that it was really bad timing, since I was dealing with health problems. She told me she can't worry about that, that she has to put herself first (as usual). Since I've been here, my depression and anxiety have become much worse. I talked to my psychiatrist, and that was a waste of time. I belong to an online support group, but there's only so much help they can give me.
I spoke to an aunt about letting me stay with her. She said yes. Then--when she called back later--she told me that social services may be making a visit to her home because of the custody battle my cousin is going through. My cousin's little boy stays at her house regularly, and they want to see the room that she's providing for him. That would be the room I'd be staying in. She didn't exactly say I couldn't stay there, but she kind of did...so I can't go there.
The only money I can get is whatever I can make selling my stuff over the next week. I will have to sell just about everything I own. If/when I get a place again, I will have nothing.
I'm so tired of making any sort of gains and then having them ripped away from me. I can't keep doing this.
I know that you're not into religion, and I understand. However, pastors receive training in helping others and I look at them as professionals, not just religious leaders. Please consider calling one and talking to them as soon as possible. They also know all the agencies and support organizations available in your area. If nothing else, you might be able to get a referral for your housing needs, etc.
I have a doctor's appointment this afternoon, but will be back by 4 p.m. I'll check in when I get home!
@fortune It's okay, Fortune. At some point I'm hoping I will fall asleep. I feel less like crying now and more like punching walls. But I'm exhausted.
I'm back! I've been thinking about you a lot. With all the things going on in your life--being out of work, feeling lousey physically, being depressed, having anxiety, being kicked out of your Mom's (or threats to that effect), receiving no caring or love from her, not seeing anything in your future but living in your car--for starters, I ask myself who wouldn't be depressed and anxious!
I think being around your Mom is very toxic. I can't understand why she doesn't seem to care about helping you or doing what's best for you. What does your shrink think about her? Has she ever gone with you for a visit? It doesn't seem like she has anything to give you and can't live up to your (or anyone else's) expectations.
I hope you take my advice and get yourself to a pastor for another viewpoint at least. There are many people in the congregation who would be honored to be there for you, as well. You wouldn't have to join in their religious beliefs to be supported.
Keep me informed! I'm your friend. We've known each other for several years! Jasper sends a kiss to Milo! He's a good kisser!!
@fortune wrote:
@mistriTsquirrel wrote:
@fortune wrote:
@fortune wrote:
@mistriTsquirrel wrote:
@fortune wrote:
@mistriTsquirrel wrote:
@fortune wrote:
@mistriTsquirrel wrote:
Jasper is such a cutie!!!
What I meant about going back to where I was when I was in high school is that I'll be living at my mom's for awhile. I hate that fact, but that's where I'm going. After that, I don't know.
For some reason, I'm feeling very very down today. I thought about going for a walk, but the streets are icy, and I don't need to fall and have another physical ailment to deal with.
I don't feel optimistic today.
I feel broken.
Are any of your high school classmates still around? I think there is an online site where you can trace former classmates. As for me, I'm so old that a lot of my high school buddies are either dead, in an old folks home, or old and mean and don't want to socialize!! One of the many fun things about getting old! Ha!
You know some people are really good at compartmentalizing. I try to work on that sometimes. If you can keep your thoughts and feelings about your Mom in a compartment in your mind and avoid going there, it really makes it easier!
Has she decided to stay in her home for a while now, or is she still all over the block about moving to be near your brother?
Jasper and I are thinking about you and your guinea pig--what is his or her name? I wonder if he and Jasper would be friends??? Jasper has been trying to hook up with a rat he spotted at my bird feeder. He's not much of a hunter, and the squirrels just sit around and laugh at him!
My son is going to his office party tonight. He's an architect. I'm dog sitting with Jasper, who doesn't like to be left alone. He thinks he's a person not a doggie, and cries if he doesn't go everywhere his dad does. I hate to say this, but Jasper is smarter than some people I know!! And, I really mean this, too!!!
HUGS and KISSES from both Jasper and me, Mistri!!!
Things have changed since I last wrote.
I've been staying at my mother's, but she told me I have to be out about a week from now. I have no place to stay. I'm afraid I will lose Milo (the guinea pig), because I don't know if I can keep him while living in my car.
I don't know what to do. I've been thinking a lot about locking myself in the garage with my car running.
I'm so tired of hearing people say "just try; you just have to try harder." I'm trying as hard as I can. There just doesn't seem to be any end to this misery.
Somehow, I have to find a way to get rid of the majority of my belongings by next weekend. My birthday is next weekend. (That was a nice touch.)
I feel like I should be checking myself into the hospital, but there will be no way to get everything done if I do that.
At this point, I'm really fighting the urge to put myself out of my own misery.
Oh my gosh, Mistri! Why is your Mom giving you the ultimatum to be out of your house? Is she moving to be closer to your brother? Can you make a list of the most important things you need to do right away? Do you have access to any money from your Mom or anybody else? Where can you live? I'd contact my relatives first to see if they can either loan you money or let you stay with them for a while.
Do you have any more visits with your shrink left? Can you call your county to get a referral for some help? Is there a church near you where you can go and talk to the pastor?
Is your physical condition keeping you from going back to work or the depression or both?
You are pretty much on your own, it seems. You CAN handle whatever you need to do to take care of yourself. You are smart, resourceful, talented, and mature. Think of yourself as your child. You would take care of this child with your very best efforts.
Please call the pastor at your neighborhood church ASAP to set up a visit. Tell him or her that you are despondent and considering suicide.
HUGS, Mistri. Keep us posted about your progress!
I don't know if I can answer all of those questions right now..
My mother asked me to read a letter she wrote, and to let her know what I thought about it. She didn't really want to know. We wound up getting into a huge fight. She thinks I'm lazy (she hasn't held a job in decades, mind you). I told her when she evicted me from the house I was originally staying in that it was really bad timing, since I was dealing with health problems. She told me she can't worry about that, that she has to put herself first (as usual). Since I've been here, my depression and anxiety have become much worse. I talked to my psychiatrist, and that was a waste of time. I belong to an online support group, but there's only so much help they can give me.
I spoke to an aunt about letting me stay with her. She said yes. Then--when she called back later--she told me that social services may be making a visit to her home because of the custody battle my cousin is going through. My cousin's little boy stays at her house regularly, and they want to see the room that she's providing for him. That would be the room I'd be staying in. She didn't exactly say I couldn't stay there, but she kind of did...so I can't go there.
The only money I can get is whatever I can make selling my stuff over the next week. I will have to sell just about everything I own. If/when I get a place again, I will have nothing.
I'm so tired of making any sort of gains and then having them ripped away from me. I can't keep doing this.
I know that you're not into religion, and I understand. However, pastors receive training in helping others and I look at them as professionals, not just religious leaders. Please consider calling one and talking to them as soon as possible. They also know all the agencies and support organizations available in your area. If nothing else, you might be able to get a referral for your housing needs, etc.
I have a doctor's appointment this afternoon, but will be back by 4 p.m. I'll check in when I get home!
@fortune It's okay, Fortune. At some point I'm hoping I will fall asleep. I feel less like crying now and more like punching walls. But I'm exhausted.
I'm back! I've been thinking about you a lot. With all the things going on in your life--being out of work, feeling lousey physically, being depressed, having anxiety, being kicked out of your Mom's (or threats to that effect), receiving no caring or love from her, not seeing anything in your future but living in your car--for starters, I ask myself who wouldn't be depressed and anxious!
I think being around your Mom is very toxic. I can't understand why she doesn't seem to care about helping you or doing what's best for you. What does your shrink think about her? Has she ever gone with you for a visit? It doesn't seem like she has anything to give you and can't live up to your (or anyone else's) expectations.
I hope you take my advice and get yourself to a pastor for another viewpoint at least. There are many people in the congregation who would be honored to be there for you, as well. You wouldn't have to join in their religious beliefs to be supported.
Keep me informed! I'm your friend. We've known each other for several years! Jasper sends a kiss to Milo! He's a good kisser!!
@fortune Thanks, Fortune.
My psychiatrist hasn't met my mother, and we really don't talk about her much. He usually just asks me questions and I answer them. I understand that he's not a counselor, so I try not to annoy him with my issues. He does get annoyed with me sometimes. Last visit, I was asking questions about a medication he was considering for me, and he seemed frustrated with me. I felt like saying, "if I can't ask you, who the h*** am I supposed to ask?" I have a feeling that he has a set of questions he wants to ask and certain things he wants to say, and if I interrupt that, it irritates him. He actually kind of reminds me of my dad that way (and a few other ways). I understand that he has to write stuff down when I'm talking, but it doesn't seem like he's listening. I mean, if you're writing stuff down that I'm saying, why do you keep asking me if I've made an appointment with the therapist you recommended when the answer is the same every time: I don't have the money for the co-pays right now. There are other questions like that that he asks each time, that shouldn't have to be repeated. (Some are supposed to be, but some aren't.) He isn't the best psychiatrist I've seen, but he's not the worst either.
Anyway, I think I'm going to be so busy contacting agencies about things like food stamps that I'm not sure if I'll be setting foot inside a church anytime soon. Actually, I just sat through an uncomfortable prayer with an aunt of mine. I already asked one aunt if I could stay with her and got an awkward response, but I decided to call the aunt who lives further away who I'm not as close to and ask anyway. She was clearly feeling put on the spot, and she was uncomfortable, so I just told her it was no big deal and I would check out my other options. (Not sure there are any, but anyway...) She asked if it was okay for her to say a prayer. In this prayer she asked God to heal me, and asked for his guidance regarding whether or not I should stay with her. It was clear that she didn't feel good about me being there, but felt that she should ask God. I felt bad for asking. I'm okay with people saying prayers, but sometimes the things they say when they are praying make me feel...uneasy. Also, I feel like I'd just be using church people by going there as a non-Christian and asking for help. And I know they'd want to know why I don't believe. I'm just not in a place right now where I'm strong enough to withstand the kind of scrutiny I've received from church-goers in the past. I had some pretty bad experiences when I was waiting tables. You wouldn't believe the things that some people will say to you when they know that you're pretty much stuck listening to it, because you're their server. I was talking to a couple once about why I wasn't saved, and we talked about the fact that I prayed with my father when he was dying. The man kept badgering me about why I couldn't accept salvation myself, until I finally burst into tears and ran into the kitchen. I just can't handle that sort of thing right now.
I hope you will give Jasper kisses for me. I'm not sure how Milo would react to dog kisses. I have a feeling he'd be pretty freaked out. LoL
Thanks for checking on me; I'll try to keep you updated, though I'm sure I will be pretty busy this week getting things figured out...and I won't have wi-fi in my car (I don't have a smart phone either), so I'll be limited if my car is where I end up.
Wish me luck, Fortune.
@mistriTsquirrel wrote:
@fortune wrote:
@mistriTsquirrel wrote:
@fortune wrote:
@fortune wrote:
@mistriTsquirrel wrote:
@fortune wrote:
@mistriTsquirrel wrote:
@fortune wrote:
@mistriTsquirrel wrote:
Jasper is such a cutie!!!
What I meant about going back to where I was when I was in high school is that I'll be living at my mom's for awhile. I hate that fact, but that's where I'm going. After that, I don't know.
For some reason, I'm feeling very very down today. I thought about going for a walk, but the streets are icy, and I don't need to fall and have another physical ailment to deal with.
I don't feel optimistic today.
I feel broken.
Are any of your high school classmates still around? I think there is an online site where you can trace former classmates. As for me, I'm so old that a lot of my high school buddies are either dead, in an old folks home, or old and mean and don't want to socialize!! One of the many fun things about getting old! Ha!
You know some people are really good at compartmentalizing. I try to work on that sometimes. If you can keep your thoughts and feelings about your Mom in a compartment in your mind and avoid going there, it really makes it easier!
Has she decided to stay in her home for a while now, or is she still all over the block about moving to be near your brother?
Jasper and I are thinking about you and your guinea pig--what is his or her name? I wonder if he and Jasper would be friends??? Jasper has been trying to hook up with a rat he spotted at my bird feeder. He's not much of a hunter, and the squirrels just sit around and laugh at him!
My son is going to his office party tonight. He's an architect. I'm dog sitting with Jasper, who doesn't like to be left alone. He thinks he's a person not a doggie, and cries if he doesn't go everywhere his dad does. I hate to say this, but Jasper is smarter than some people I know!! And, I really mean this, too!!!
HUGS and KISSES from both Jasper and me, Mistri!!!
Things have changed since I last wrote.
I've been staying at my mother's, but she told me I have to be out about a week from now. I have no place to stay. I'm afraid I will lose Milo (the guinea pig), because I don't know if I can keep him while living in my car.
I don't know what to do. I've been thinking a lot about locking myself in the garage with my car running.
I'm so tired of hearing people say "just try; you just have to try harder." I'm trying as hard as I can. There just doesn't seem to be any end to this misery.
Somehow, I have to find a way to get rid of the majority of my belongings by next weekend. My birthday is next weekend. (That was a nice touch.)
I feel like I should be checking myself into the hospital, but there will be no way to get everything done if I do that.
At this point, I'm really fighting the urge to put myself out of my own misery.
Oh my gosh, Mistri! Why is your Mom giving you the ultimatum to be out of your house? Is she moving to be closer to your brother? Can you make a list of the most important things you need to do right away? Do you have access to any money from your Mom or anybody else? Where can you live? I'd contact my relatives first to see if they can either loan you money or let you stay with them for a while.
Do you have any more visits with your shrink left? Can you call your county to get a referral for some help? Is there a church near you where you can go and talk to the pastor?
Is your physical condition keeping you from going back to work or the depression or both?
You are pretty much on your own, it seems. You CAN handle whatever you need to do to take care of yourself. You are smart, resourceful, talented, and mature. Think of yourself as your child. You would take care of this child with your very best efforts.
Please call the pastor at your neighborhood church ASAP to set up a visit. Tell him or her that you are despondent and considering suicide.
HUGS, Mistri. Keep us posted about your progress!
I don't know if I can answer all of those questions right now..
My mother asked me to read a letter she wrote, and to let her know what I thought about it. She didn't really want to know. We wound up getting into a huge fight. She thinks I'm lazy (she hasn't held a job in decades, mind you). I told her when she evicted me from the house I was originally staying in that it was really bad timing, since I was dealing with health problems. She told me she can't worry about that, that she has to put herself first (as usual). Since I've been here, my depression and anxiety have become much worse. I talked to my psychiatrist, and that was a waste of time. I belong to an online support group, but there's only so much help they can give me.
I spoke to an aunt about letting me stay with her. She said yes. Then--when she called back later--she told me that social services may be making a visit to her home because of the custody battle my cousin is going through. My cousin's little boy stays at her house regularly, and they want to see the room that she's providing for him. That would be the room I'd be staying in. She didn't exactly say I couldn't stay there, but she kind of did...so I can't go there.
The only money I can get is whatever I can make selling my stuff over the next week. I will have to sell just about everything I own. If/when I get a place again, I will have nothing.
I'm so tired of making any sort of gains and then having them ripped away from me. I can't keep doing this.
I know that you're not into religion, and I understand. However, pastors receive training in helping others and I look at them as professionals, not just religious leaders. Please consider calling one and talking to them as soon as possible. They also know all the agencies and support organizations available in your area. If nothing else, you might be able to get a referral for your housing needs, etc.
I have a doctor's appointment this afternoon, but will be back by 4 p.m. I'll check in when I get home!
@fortune It's okay, Fortune. At some point I'm hoping I will fall asleep. I feel less like crying now and more like punching walls. But I'm exhausted.
I'm back! I've been thinking about you a lot. With all the things going on in your life--being out of work, feeling lousey physically, being depressed, having anxiety, being kicked out of your Mom's (or threats to that effect), receiving no caring or love from her, not seeing anything in your future but living in your car--for starters, I ask myself who wouldn't be depressed and anxious!
I think being around your Mom is very toxic. I can't understand why she doesn't seem to care about helping you or doing what's best for you. What does your shrink think about her? Has she ever gone with you for a visit? It doesn't seem like she has anything to give you and can't live up to your (or anyone else's) expectations.
I hope you take my advice and get yourself to a pastor for another viewpoint at least. There are many people in the congregation who would be honored to be there for you, as well. You wouldn't have to join in their religious beliefs to be supported.
Keep me informed! I'm your friend. We've known each other for several years! Jasper sends a kiss to Milo! He's a good kisser!!
@fortune Thanks, Fortune.
My psychiatrist hasn't met my mother, and we really don't talk about her much. He usually just asks me questions and I answer them. I understand that he's not a counselor, so I try not to annoy him with my issues. He does get annoyed with me sometimes. Last visit, I was asking questions about a medication he was considering for me, and he seemed frustrated with me. I felt like saying, "if I can't ask you, who the h*** am I supposed to ask?" I have a feeling that he has a set of questions he wants to ask and certain things he wants to say, and if I interrupt that, it irritates him. He actually kind of reminds me of my dad that way (and a few other ways). I understand that he has to write stuff down when I'm talking, but it doesn't seem like he's listening. I mean, if you're writing stuff down that I'm saying, why do you keep asking me if I've made an appointment with the therapist you recommended when the answer is the same every time: I don't have the money for the co-pays right now. There are other questions like that that he asks each time, that shouldn't have to be repeated. (Some are supposed to be, but some aren't.) He isn't the best psychiatrist I've seen, but he's not the worst either.
Anyway, I think I'm going to be so busy contacting agencies about things like food stamps that I'm not sure if I'll be setting foot inside a church anytime soon. Actually, I just sat through an uncomfortable prayer with an aunt of mine. I already asked one aunt if I could stay with her and got an awkward response, but I decided to call the aunt who lives further away who I'm not as close to and ask anyway. She was clearly feeling put on the spot, and she was uncomfortable, so I just told her it was no big deal and I would check out my other options. (Not sure there are any, but anyway...) She asked if it was okay for her to say a prayer. In this prayer she asked God to heal me, and asked for his guidance regarding whether or not I should stay with her. It was clear that she didn't feel good about me being there, but felt that she should ask God. I felt bad for asking. I'm okay with people saying prayers, but sometimes the things they say when they are praying make me feel...uneasy. Also, I feel like I'd just be using church people by going there as a non-Christian and asking for help. And I know they'd want to know why I don't believe. I'm just not in a place right now where I'm strong enough to withstand the kind of scrutiny I've received from church-goers in the past. I had some pretty bad experiences when I was waiting tables. You wouldn't believe the things that some people will say to you when they know that you're pretty much stuck listening to it, because you're their server. I was talking to a couple once about why I wasn't saved, and we talked about the fact that I prayed with my father when he was dying. The man kept badgering me about why I couldn't accept salvation myself, until I finally burst into tears and ran into the kitchen. I just can't handle that sort of thing right now.
I hope you will give Jasper kisses for me. I'm not sure how Milo would react to dog kisses. I have a feeling he'd be pretty freaked out. LoL
Thanks for checking on me; I'll try to keep you updated, though I'm sure I will be pretty busy this week getting things figured out...and I won't have wi-fi in my car (I don't have a smart phone either), so I'll be limited if my car is where I end up.
Wish me luck, Fortune.
Boy, it doesn't sound like your shrink is very good. It's really too bad you don't have a trusting relationship with him. I don't blame you. Listening doesn't seem to be his strong suit! Why do people like that go into that field! It doesn't help that he reminds you of some of the things that bothered you about your father. . .
My parents were Evangelical Christians. I was totally turned off by the hypocrisy of it all (in my parents' case). I feel exactly like you do about religion. So I understand why you are hesitant to go to a pastor.
You know that I have total confidence in your ability to take care of things for yourself! You have a lot of knowledge about depression and have counseled others very acurately. And, you're a very intelligent person!You have so much to give to others. HUGS!
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