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Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 5,354
Registered: ‎07-17-2010

@fortune

 

Jasper is such a cutie!!! Heart

 

What I meant about going back to where I was when I was in high school is that I'll be living at my mom's for awhile.  I hate that fact, but that's where I'm going.  After that, I don't know.

 

For some reason, I'm feeling very very down today.  I thought about going for a walk, but the streets are icy, and I don't need to fall and have another physical ailment to deal with.

 

I don't feel optimistic today.

 

I feel broken.



"Heartburn Can Cause Cancer" -- www.ecan.org
Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,403
Registered: ‎03-14-2010

@mistriTsquirrel wrote:

@fortune

 

Jasper is such a cutie!!! Heart

 

What I meant about going back to where I was when I was in high school is that I'll be living at my mom's for awhile.  I hate that fact, but that's where I'm going.  After that, I don't know.

 

For some reason, I'm feeling very very down today.  I thought about going for a walk, but the streets are icy, and I don't need to fall and have another physical ailment to deal with.

 

I don't feel optimistic today.

 

I feel broken.


@mistriTsquirrel

Are any of your high school classmates still around?  I think there is an online site where you can trace former classmates.  As for me, I'm so old that a lot of my high school buddies are either dead, in an old folks home, or old and mean and don't want to socialize!!  One of the many fun things about getting old!  Ha!

 

You know some people are really good at compartmentalizing.  I try to work on that sometimes.  If you can keep your thoughts and feelings about your Mom in a compartment in your mind and avoid going there, it really makes it easier!

 

Has she decided to stay in her home for a while now, or is she still all over the block about moving to be near your brother?

 

Jasper and I are thinking about you and your guinea pig--what is his or her name?  I wonder if he and Jasper would be friends???  Jasper has been trying to hook up with a rat he spotted at my bird feeder.  He's not much of a hunter, and the squirrels just sit around and laugh at him!

 

My son is going to his office party tonight.  He's an architect.  I'm dog sitting with Jasper, who doesn't like to be left alone.  He thinks he's a person not a doggie, and cries if he doesn't go everywhere his dad does.  I hate to say this, but Jasper is smarter than some people I know!!  And, I really mean this, too!!!

 

HUGS and KISSES  from both Jasper and me, Mistri!!!

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 5,354
Registered: ‎07-17-2010

@fortune wrote:

@mistriTsquirrel wrote:

@fortune

 

Jasper is such a cutie!!! Heart

 

What I meant about going back to where I was when I was in high school is that I'll be living at my mom's for awhile.  I hate that fact, but that's where I'm going.  After that, I don't know.

 

For some reason, I'm feeling very very down today.  I thought about going for a walk, but the streets are icy, and I don't need to fall and have another physical ailment to deal with.

 

I don't feel optimistic today.

 

I feel broken.


@mistriTsquirrel

Are any of your high school classmates still around?  I think there is an online site where you can trace former classmates.  As for me, I'm so old that a lot of my high school buddies are either dead, in an old folks home, or old and mean and don't want to socialize!!  One of the many fun things about getting old!  Ha!

 

You know some people are really good at compartmentalizing.  I try to work on that sometimes.  If you can keep your thoughts and feelings about your Mom in a compartment in your mind and avoid going there, it really makes it easier!

 

Has she decided to stay in her home for a while now, or is she still all over the block about moving to be near your brother?

 

Jasper and I are thinking about you and your guinea pig--what is his or her name?  I wonder if he and Jasper would be friends???  Jasper has been trying to hook up with a rat he spotted at my bird feeder.  He's not much of a hunter, and the squirrels just sit around and laugh at him!

 

My son is going to his office party tonight.  He's an architect.  I'm dog sitting with Jasper, who doesn't like to be left alone.  He thinks he's a person not a doggie, and cries if he doesn't go everywhere his dad does.  I hate to say this, but Jasper is smarter than some people I know!!  And, I really mean this, too!!!

 

HUGS and KISSES  from both Jasper and me, Mistri!!!


@fortune

 

Things have changed since I last wrote.

I've been staying at my mother's, but she told me I have to be out about a week from now.  I have no place to stay.  I'm afraid I will lose Milo (the guinea pig), because I don't know if I can keep him while living in my car.

 

I don't know what to do.  I've been thinking a lot about locking myself in the garage with my car running.

 

I'm so tired of hearing people say "just try; you just have to try harder."  I'm trying as hard as I can.  There just doesn't seem to be any end to this misery.

 

Somehow, I have to find a way to get rid of the majority of my belongings by next weekend.  My birthday is next weekend.  (That was a nice touch.)

 

I feel like I should be checking myself into the hospital, but there will be no way to get everything done if I do that.

 

At this point, I'm really fighting the urge to put myself out of my own misery.



"Heartburn Can Cause Cancer" -- www.ecan.org
Honored Contributor
Posts: 17,739
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

@mistriTsquirrel  please don't do it. People do care about you. You have many friends here

 

I wondered where you were. Phone a hotline  for help or go to the hospital. There is help for you some where

 

When I saw your post I was so happy to know you were back

 

I'll see if I can find a 1-800 number for you

Honored Contributor
Posts: 17,739
Registered: ‎03-09-2010
Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 7,201
Registered: ‎11-15-2011

Boy can I understand that feeling!  I don't have suicidal thoughts or the need to hurt myself......but sometimes it would be so nice (at the time) to just go to sleep and not wake up.  Facing another day just seems more than you can bear.

 

Image may contain: text

 

I won't say try to think positive, just think, "This too shall pass!"  (((hugs)))

Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,403
Registered: ‎03-14-2010

@mistriTsquirrel wrote:

@fortune wrote:

@mistriTsquirrel wrote:

@fortune

 

Jasper is such a cutie!!! Heart

 

What I meant about going back to where I was when I was in high school is that I'll be living at my mom's for awhile.  I hate that fact, but that's where I'm going.  After that, I don't know.

 

For some reason, I'm feeling very very down today.  I thought about going for a walk, but the streets are icy, and I don't need to fall and have another physical ailment to deal with.

 

I don't feel optimistic today.

 

I feel broken.


@mistriTsquirrel

Are any of your high school classmates still around?  I think there is an online site where you can trace former classmates.  As for me, I'm so old that a lot of my high school buddies are either dead, in an old folks home, or old and mean and don't want to socialize!!  One of the many fun things about getting old!  Ha!

 

You know some people are really good at compartmentalizing.  I try to work on that sometimes.  If you can keep your thoughts and feelings about your Mom in a compartment in your mind and avoid going there, it really makes it easier!

 

Has she decided to stay in her home for a while now, or is she still all over the block about moving to be near your brother?

 

Jasper and I are thinking about you and your guinea pig--what is his or her name?  I wonder if he and Jasper would be friends???  Jasper has been trying to hook up with a rat he spotted at my bird feeder.  He's not much of a hunter, and the squirrels just sit around and laugh at him!

 

My son is going to his office party tonight.  He's an architect.  I'm dog sitting with Jasper, who doesn't like to be left alone.  He thinks he's a person not a doggie, and cries if he doesn't go everywhere his dad does.  I hate to say this, but Jasper is smarter than some people I know!!  And, I really mean this, too!!!

 

HUGS and KISSES  from both Jasper and me, Mistri!!!


@fortune

 

Things have changed since I last wrote.

I've been staying at my mother's, but she told me I have to be out about a week from now.  I have no place to stay.  I'm afraid I will lose Milo (the guinea pig), because I don't know if I can keep him while living in my car.

 

I don't know what to do.  I've been thinking a lot about locking myself in the garage with my car running.

 

I'm so tired of hearing people say "just try; you just have to try harder."  I'm trying as hard as I can.  There just doesn't seem to be any end to this misery.

 

Somehow, I have to find a way to get rid of the majority of my belongings by next weekend.  My birthday is next weekend.  (That was a nice touch.)

 

I feel like I should be checking myself into the hospital, but there will be no way to get everything done if I do that.

 

At this point, I'm really fighting the urge to put myself out of my own misery.


@mistriTsquirrel

Oh my gosh, Mistri!  Why is your Mom giving you the ultimatum to be out of your house?  Is she moving to be closer to your brother?  Can you make a list of the most important things you need to do right away?  Do you have access to any money from your Mom or anybody else?  Where can you live?  I'd contact my relatives first to see if they can either loan you money or let you stay with them for a while.

 

Do you have any more visits with your shrink left?  Can you call your county to get a referral for some help?  Is there a church near you where you can go and talk to the pastor? 

 

Is your physical condition keeping you from going back to work or the depression or both?

 

You are pretty much on your own, it seems.  You CAN handle whatever you need to do to take care of yourself.  You are smart, resourceful, talented, and mature.  Think of yourself as your child.  You would take care of this child with your very best efforts. 

Please call the pastor at your neighborhood church ASAP to set up a visit.  Tell him or her that you are despondent and considering suicide.

HUGS, Mistri.  Keep us posted about your progress!

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 5,354
Registered: ‎07-17-2010

@cherry wrote:

@cherry

 

Thanks, cherry, but I called that number yesterday.  I was given the number for United Way and told to "try."

 

Everyone around me seems to think that I can just wish away a chemical imbalance I've had for 30 years.  When you add on the fact that I'm about to be homeless and I will probably lose my guinea pig (my best friend, and all I really have at this point), it is hard to think of reasons to keep going.

 

I can normally muddle through, but I am in such emotional pain that my heart feels like it is breaking.  I don't want to die, but this pain is becoming unbearable.



"Heartburn Can Cause Cancer" -- www.ecan.org
Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 5,354
Registered: ‎07-17-2010

@Zhills wrote:

Boy can I understand that feeling!  I don't have suicidal thoughts or the need to hurt myself......but sometimes it would be so nice (at the time) to just go to sleep and not wake up.  Facing another day just seems more than you can bear.

 

Image may contain: text

 

I won't say try to think positive, just think, "This too shall pass!"  (((hugs)))


 

Thank you, @Zhills.  I know that I just have to keep pushing myself to live, but I just feel like screaming at the top of my lungs and taking myself out of this horrible ****ing cruel world.



"Heartburn Can Cause Cancer" -- www.ecan.org
Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 5,354
Registered: ‎07-17-2010

@fortune wrote:

@mistriTsquirrel wrote:

@fortune wrote:

@mistriTsquirrel wrote:

@fortune

 

Jasper is such a cutie!!! Heart

 

What I meant about going back to where I was when I was in high school is that I'll be living at my mom's for awhile.  I hate that fact, but that's where I'm going.  After that, I don't know.

 

For some reason, I'm feeling very very down today.  I thought about going for a walk, but the streets are icy, and I don't need to fall and have another physical ailment to deal with.

 

I don't feel optimistic today.

 

I feel broken.


@mistriTsquirrel

Are any of your high school classmates still around?  I think there is an online site where you can trace former classmates.  As for me, I'm so old that a lot of my high school buddies are either dead, in an old folks home, or old and mean and don't want to socialize!!  One of the many fun things about getting old!  Ha!

 

You know some people are really good at compartmentalizing.  I try to work on that sometimes.  If you can keep your thoughts and feelings about your Mom in a compartment in your mind and avoid going there, it really makes it easier!

 

Has she decided to stay in her home for a while now, or is she still all over the block about moving to be near your brother?

 

Jasper and I are thinking about you and your guinea pig--what is his or her name?  I wonder if he and Jasper would be friends???  Jasper has been trying to hook up with a rat he spotted at my bird feeder.  He's not much of a hunter, and the squirrels just sit around and laugh at him!

 

My son is going to his office party tonight.  He's an architect.  I'm dog sitting with Jasper, who doesn't like to be left alone.  He thinks he's a person not a doggie, and cries if he doesn't go everywhere his dad does.  I hate to say this, but Jasper is smarter than some people I know!!  And, I really mean this, too!!!

 

HUGS and KISSES  from both Jasper and me, Mistri!!!


@fortune

 

Things have changed since I last wrote.

I've been staying at my mother's, but she told me I have to be out about a week from now.  I have no place to stay.  I'm afraid I will lose Milo (the guinea pig), because I don't know if I can keep him while living in my car.

 

I don't know what to do.  I've been thinking a lot about locking myself in the garage with my car running.

 

I'm so tired of hearing people say "just try; you just have to try harder."  I'm trying as hard as I can.  There just doesn't seem to be any end to this misery.

 

Somehow, I have to find a way to get rid of the majority of my belongings by next weekend.  My birthday is next weekend.  (That was a nice touch.)

 

I feel like I should be checking myself into the hospital, but there will be no way to get everything done if I do that.

 

At this point, I'm really fighting the urge to put myself out of my own misery.


@mistriTsquirrel

Oh my gosh, Mistri!  Why is your Mom giving you the ultimatum to be out of your house?  Is she moving to be closer to your brother?  Can you make a list of the most important things you need to do right away?  Do you have access to any money from your Mom or anybody else?  Where can you live?  I'd contact my relatives first to see if they can either loan you money or let you stay with them for a while.

 

Do you have any more visits with your shrink left?  Can you call your county to get a referral for some help?  Is there a church near you where you can go and talk to the pastor? 

 

Is your physical condition keeping you from going back to work or the depression or both?

 

You are pretty much on your own, it seems.  You CAN handle whatever you need to do to take care of yourself.  You are smart, resourceful, talented, and mature.  Think of yourself as your child.  You would take care of this child with your very best efforts. 

Please call the pastor at your neighborhood church ASAP to set up a visit.  Tell him or her that you are despondent and considering suicide.

HUGS, Mistri.  Keep us posted about your progress!


@fortune

 

I don't know if I can answer all of those questions right now..

 

My mother asked me to read a letter she wrote, and to let her know what I thought about it.  She didn't really want to know.  We wound up getting into a huge fight.  She thinks I'm lazy (she hasn't held a job in decades, mind you).  I told her when she evicted me from the house I was originally staying in that it was really bad timing, since I was dealing with health problems.  She told me she can't worry about that, that she has to put herself first (as usual).  Since I've been here, my depression and anxiety have become much worse.  I talked to my psychiatrist, and that was a waste of time.  I belong to an online support group, but there's only so much help they can give me.

 

I spoke to an aunt about letting me stay with her.  She said yes.  Then--when she called back later--she told me that social services may be making a visit to her home because of the custody battle my cousin is going through.  My cousin's little boy stays at her house regularly, and they want to see the room that she's providing for him.  That would be the room I'd be staying in.  She didn't exactly say I couldn't stay there, but she kind of did...so I can't go there.

 

The only money I can get is whatever I can make selling my stuff over the next week.  I will have to sell just about everything I own.  If/when I get a place again, I will have nothing.

 

I'm so tired of making any sort of gains and then having them ripped away from me.  I can't keep doing this.



"Heartburn Can Cause Cancer" -- www.ecan.org