Wellness

[nmarie]

I had breast cancer this year.  One of the nicest gifts was from a lady I work out with at the gym.  She just brought me a large piece of chocolate cake, from Walmart bakery, and a small plant.  That small gesture meant a lot to me.  A nice mum would be nice.  Do what you feel is best.  I didnt let a lot of people know about my diagnosis.  I appreciated the nice gestures from people that did know.  My Aunt sent me mini Grandma's coffee cakes.  My Mom sent my gift card to go out to dinner.  My best friend gave me Reeses and note pads.  My neighbor was diagnosed with cancer and I gave her a flameless candle, with a note saying that when it lights up at night remember all those praying for you.  

[GCR18]

I fought cancer last year.  She may say she has everything covered now.  I was like that too, then one day things changed.  By then nobody asked if they could help, they assumed everything was handled.  I think you should keep asking.  I'm going to run some errands tomorrow, is there an errand I can run for you.  Or if you ever need a ride to treatment, I'd be glad to take you.  Not sure how close you are to her.  You could offer to sit with her during treatment.  It's a long day when you sit there for 5 hours.  She likely has everything she needs to bring along to treatment.  You could give her a bag of snacks.  I liked to munch when I got chemo.

[dex]

@GCR18 Thank you for helping me decide what to do.I hope that you are well and your treatments are behind you.I have offered to drive her to treatments and sit with her but she declined.After reading your story I know to give her some time and ask again and this time I will tell her if at anytime she wants to change her mind then I would love to help.

[dex]

@nmarie I hope that you are well now and appreciate that you responded to my post.I am happy that the people who were closest to you found ways to brighten your days and that you were able to bring a little cheer to your neighbor too.I can't believe so many people are affected by cancer just in my social circle....

[jackthebear]

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@dex wrote:

Thank you to everyone for your input.Now I am more confused because if I don't talk about it with her will she think I don't care or that I forgot her battle.I will have to wait for a cue from her and hope that she doesn't feel abandoned.

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I think you are being very thoughtful but I'd think just being at the gym is a normal,healing activity for her, just be your usual self, 

[blackhole99]

@dex You didn't say she was your friend, just that she is a lady you know from the gym, so I would just take her lead. If you are this nice to an acquaintance from the gym, you must be a wonderful friend.

[drizzellla]

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@birkin baby wrote:

Maybe you can be supportive by just being"normal" with her. You know...Working out,chatting,etc. Sometimes people want to get away from heavy burdens,even for an hour.  Either way, you are very thoughtful.

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YES! YES! YES!

I was operated on June 28 and had a mastectomy.  My days were then filled with my Surgeon Doctor appointments, many many tests, Cancer Doctor appointments, numerous fittings for sleeves, prosthesis, physical therapy, lots of drugs and Plastic Surgeon appointments. All the while I could only sleep for half an hour at a time - I was so uncomfortable. And just moving a position was uncomfortable. I could go on and on.

I was a mess physically and I felt it. Last thing I wanted to do was to be reminded of it. I did not tell anyone about the operation - except my imitate family and my boss and one co-worker. I did not want anyone to pity me. I was being handled by a good team and all I wanted to do was move on. I did not want anyone to talk about "it". I was living it and wanted to move beyond it. Not to be brought back and reminded about how bad I felt.

So please honor her wishes and don't bring up the subject. She wants to work out at the gym - just like you. 

[dex]

@drizzellla thank you .I like to hear from those who have been through it and I am thankful that you took the time.I appreciate your advice and wish you healing and good health soon.

[kismet]

I was recommended this book when I was going through breast cancer.  I got a lot out of the book. 

https://www.amazon.com/Kitchen-Table-Wisdom-Stories-Anniversary/dp/1594482098

[gmkb]

@dex I speak from personal experience.  The best gift is to offer a ride if she needs it to one of the many many appointments that are required.  I have a medical appointment almost every day and sometimes need to rely on others.  

Some days when she comes in pay her a sincere compliment on her appearance.

Breast cancer robs you of your appearance (hair loss, mastectomy, etc). Some days you need a sincere compliment to feel better. 

Perhaps you could suggest going out to lunch some day, your treat. 

Do not give sweets.  Sugar feeds cancer and should be avoided.  In my case I lost all taste for anything sweet with chemo.