Where to start? Where to start? Well, those of you who hate the cold weather will be happy to learn you aren't alone....it seems Steve Harvey has picked up and moved to LA because he's tired of the cold weather in Chicago. He wants some 'fun in the sun' and he 'ain't gonna find it in chilly Chicago....he's tired of wrapping up in scarves and coats and wants to get out his shorts and sunglasses. So there you go sun worshipers....don't you wish you could just pick up and move if you didn't like the cold?
I've always heard that it isn't wise to date people you meet in motels and this story shows you why. It seems a lovely lady met this fella' and when he offered her....ummmm (his heart??) she tried to cut it out and intended to eat it...yepper, she was going to eat it She had a bumper sticker on her car that said, "I've got a perfect body, but it's in the trunk and beginning to smell". If I saw that on someone's car I'd run the other way just by reading that.
Bet you've been wondering what Princess Kate and Prince Phillip have been up to? Well, worry no more...it seems Prince Phillip is a fan of tickling with feathers, spanking and playing monopoly...! Now I'm not going to say in what order and what one has to do with the other (that's for you to lull in your quiet moments). I will tell you that the picture has Kate in a bra (probably a Breezy one) and grandma panties. The Prince has on one of those ugly sleeveless T-Shirts....and he's blindfolded... There's a bubble next to him that says, "I love loosing this game" and her's says "Ready for your ride"....I'll give you one teeny hint....(are you ready?) "If you land on a railroad (one of Will's favorites) hop aboard and hollar...choo-choo!"
Poor Bill Murray! It seems he's a bird lover, but the birds don't love him...He was out walking in the park with Woody Harrelson when he saw a baby bird... He tried to pick it up and help it and the Momma bird started attacking him (dive bombing him were the words I read). Suddenly birds showed up from everywhere and Woody had to come to his rescue. Poor Bill, he was traumatized! He was telling people he barely made it out alive! Woody was laughing so hard he could hardly say, "If you'd been killed that's all you'd be known for...killed by birds". Ha!
OK, you might need to sit down for this one...Are you sitting? OK, here goes...(this took too pages)...short story..."Portia Dumps Ellen for (fill in the L word) Love Shack". Picture shows Portia carrying out a few bags (probably groceries) but anyway, it seems she decided she has decided to divorce Ellen and wants $350 million (yes, you saw million) from Ellen. Now I'm not a math wiz but usually in divorces a spouse gets 1/2 (I think) so does that mean Ellen is worth (AT LEAST) $700 million dollars? Good grief! Do you want to know the reason for the divorce? Here's something taken from a recent movie....(hum it with me)..."A Tale as old as time.." figured it out yet? Noooooo!!! Not another woman, silly, She's upset because Ellen spends more time with her cats and dogs than she does Portia! And that's worth $350 million??? Oh! My!
I just know everyone here is loosing sleep worried about who has the best boobs and who's are real....I don't think it's difficult to figure it out but for those who wouldn't pass the quiz...one hint...Salma Hayak is real...well, they THINK they might be...they just think they're fantastic (their words, not mine). I'm sure she's happy to win that prize!
Are you still sitting down? Pam Anderson is supposedly feeding Julian (yes, that Julian from WikiLeaks) information, meals and ....hold on....LOVE! Yes, people, OUR Pam Anderson...At first it was suspected she was trying to poison him but since he's still alive these reporters have decided ....(well, what you read above)...she's providing a real 'love nest' at the Embassy for him. Who'd have thunk'?
OK, now you can get up....It seems Hoda has 'given up the bottle' for the new baby's sake...(Phew! I was really worried about that)...Yes, she's 'set the sauce aside' (cleaver wording...huh?). From now on she'll be drinking 'mocktails' (probably grape juice).
If you're having trouble finding Blake Shelton, it might be because he's recently lost 85 lbs (yes, that's what it says). All for Gwen...It seems Gwen said, "It's either me or the bottle" and I guess he chose her...Good for him!
You will need to close your eyes and envision this one...picture of Kim Kardashian standing with a cupcake over one boob, a kale leaf over another, and a fried egg over her southern region...The headline says, "Kim's the Next Naked Chef" This will make you want to buy her new book....it's a cookbook...but wait! She's going to pose nude next to her favorite foods...Yum! She's hoping this book will encourage people to eat better....What the hay?
OK, I've got to go rest for now. I have so much useless trash running through my head (what I do for you, my fellow QVC posters....) I hope you appreciate it...
Actually, I can't wipe the pictures of Princess Kate with the feather and bikini and Kim Kardashian with the fried egg (well, you know where) ...
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