Today I had lunch with my oldest daughter (43). She's the only one who lives near. We usually have lunch specifically when school starts (she has 4 children in 4 different schools).
I do have 3 daughters. They are now adults, 2 married, one with 4 children, 1 with 3 children. My daughters have given me more than I've ever given them. I waited 7 years to have a child and I've never regretted it for one minute. It wasn't always easy but it still wasn't as hard as it could have been (based on what I hear from others). I think a lot of it revolves around RESPECT. Respect for themselves, for the parents and for everyone else.
I totally raised myself. I had a very difficult childhood. I could do anything I wanted to do, but I never got in trouble, just chose not to. Not a goody-two-shoes, just made a decision to 'be different' from my family.
I believe in leading by example. It's not 'do as I say, not as I do'. Think about it, children learn to do everything by observation. If they see us respect ourselves and others, that's the way they'd be. Just so many things like that.
I just recently had a conversation on the phone with my youngest daughter (36). She was upset about about a friend. Whenever I've talked to them I tell them about myself and what happened to me. When they were young they'd say, "You always make this about you". I'd say the same thing over and over. I'd say, "No, I'm explaining that I understand how you feel because I was presented with the same thing, felt the same and here's how I handled it". Now that they are adults I hear from them, "Mom, thanks for telling me about what happened to you. I understand what you've always been telling us". I thought "thank goodness". It's music to my ears. I told her the other night, "I let you see the mistakes I've made and that I'm not perfect (warts and all). It wasn't easy to do that because you want your children to think you're perfect". Many kids (now adults) don't really know their parents because they don't let them see the 'warts', etc.
I was lucky because I had my husband's support. I'd say, "Are we going to have to talk to Dad about this?" They'd usually say, "Nooooooooo"! He wasn't mean, he just 'enforced' (otherwise known as talk them to death, etc).
Every family has to figure out what works for them. That's what we did.
These days often there is no male in the picture. Women have to earn a living and enforce the rules, everything themselves. That's too bad. It's the children and society who end up suffering on all accounts.
I doubt there are many parents who'd say they regret having children (ask when they are adults...Ha). Sometimes I'll be in a store and I see a flustered Mom with children and I'll keep walking but say, "It might not feel like it right now; but this is the best time of your life with your children". I really believe that.
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