Mom to Mom

[CelticCrafter]

When my daughter was little, we had the stranger talk.  

She was about 4 and was spending the day with my in-laws.  They were out walking and came upon a neighbor and my mother-in-law told her to say hello to the woman and my daughter would not - no Grandma, she's a stranger - oh no it's okay, Grandma knows her - no Grandma, she's a stranger and I'm not supposed to talk to strangers.  

Once she started school, we had a password in case someone told her they were there to pick her up for whatever reason.

[Imadickens]

---

@LTT1 wrote:
@Imadickens
I live in Texas now! How about you? LOL

---

New York! 😔 It's a little far to meet for coffee or a quick lunch...unless you have a private plane and a pilot, or a pilot's license!😉

[ROMARY]

Dare I say, from what I'm seeing around here (kids not paying any attention at all to their surroundings...............) it's probably a good idea to slightly scare them.  Maybe they will pay more attention......(After all, we don't seem to care if they watch scary science fiction, scary movies and play those very destructive and noisy violent video games).  So, what's the difference?  Better to be very alert and slightly afraid.  JMO

[LilacTree]

My first experience was a phone call in the early 50s.  I was just 13 and when I answered a man asked my name and I told him.  He then said something filthy.  I hung up very fast and looked at my father who had been sitting there.  He asked me what happened and I told him what the man said.  He jumped out of his chair and began questioning me if I knew the man's voice and I said "no."  He was furious and frightened at the same time.

He and my mother called the school the next day and talked to the principal.  They arranged to have my teacher pick me up and drive me to school every day for many weeks (it had always been a long walk alone).

The next year when I graduated 8th grade, this teacher had a little "party" for all the girls in the school auditorium which was in the basement of the school.  He was the only teacher there and he was dancing with and kissing all the girls.

I got the eerie feeling that he was the man who had called me that day.  I don't remember if I told my parents about this little private party.  But I'll always remember it with some amount of fear and disgust, as I am doing so now.

As for my own four girls growing up, I was always pretty straightforward with them about the dangers, and since they were almost always with their sisters and many friends, they were pretty safe.

[ROMARY]

Just having a discussion on this subject on a morning walk around the block with neighbors with old dogs.........I said that I'll bet that if a survey were taken among convicted kidnappers/child m*rderers/peds, etc., that most of them will admit that they preyed on the children who were unafraid and not scared to take chances talking with them, getting close to their cars, etc., etc.  In other words, I'm guessing that the children who are slightly (or more) scared and aftaid to take chances with strangers are the ones who are more safe, in the long run.  ..........just a thought.   As kids, we were warned to keep away from 'this and that' place, house, etc.  And that was that.  'Keep away, or else'.........

[Imadickens]

LilacTree! Very scarey story! When I was in elementary school some girls were in lunch line behind me. They were talking about a teacher in another school who ran a "club" they went to. Apparently , he got them in an elevator and molested them! They told, but because they were young, black girls no one believed them! The worst part is he became an icon in our town and has had many things named for him! Every time I pass one, I gag!

Romary: you make good points! I remember taking my ds to swim lessons. When we were leaving someone said goodbye to him. He didn't answer so I scolded him! When I had time to think about it, I was making him do what I taught him not to! I don't like the gruesome video games the kids play! I believe it teaches violence is fun and human life is worthless! Plus, if our kids are playing so are perverts, and kids play these games online against unknown others! I hate that the world is like this now! Innocence was a wonderful thing!

[ROMARY]

Jewelwisher:  'Scare them silly' is my motto.  I'm just sick and tired of seeing tweens walking alone, especially cutting through wooded trees mini parks where nobody else is walking.  These girls are walking, head down, texting (or whatever) and actually totally unaware of who is in front of them, never mind who is lurking behind them.  Case in point:  We walkers (a small group with older dogs) have to actually all step aside (on street sidewalks) and into the street when we see a texting tween/teen walking toward us!   Dogs and all............(It's like a robot is walking toward us.)

[blackhole99]

I prepared my only child to protect himself and recognize danger from the time he was 5 years old. There was no way I would feel comfortable sending my  child off to school thinking everyone had his best interests at heart. I told him no one should put their hands on him and to never go with anyone except me or his father or a close family member. I made sure he understood what I meant and even went over different scenarios. My child loved school and never missed a day.

[Bird mama]

I don't have kids or the answer.  I was born in 62 and I suppose there were creeps and freaks around back then too.  I came out the womb naturally cautious, however my Ma had a talent for keeping us safe without terrifying us.  If she was alive I'd ask her how she did it.  I grew up in Detroit and was 5 when the riots broke out.  There were tanks and National Guard people patrolling and Ma had a way of explaining it without my sisters, who were older from freaking out.  I think my Ma's matter of fact way of talking, without talking down to her kids or getting all scarey was the key.  I don't know if there are more freaks now or we just hear about it more in the media.  Rough time for kids today. 

[chrystaltree]

I think it isn't your job to tell her anything about safety; it's her parents' job and it's their responsiblity and since your take on it differs, you need to let them take the lead.   It's tough today because parents have to walk a fine line between teaching a child to be safe and cautious and careful without instill fear in them.  Your grand is very young and I don't imagine she is in situations where she is not with adults.  So, most parents begin slow and in an age appropriate manner.  How you say it and when and what differs from child to child.  You know her anxiety probably has nothing to do with her safety.  Often when you quizz kids and drill them, you only end up putting fear into them.  When I discussed things or wanted to teach my girls things; I always did it in the form of conversation when were were relaxed and quiet and quiet.  I would not have sat in a car and went through the "what would you do if".