Mom to Mom

[KathyPet]

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@Reever wrote:
Id be worried as a parent if a 23 year old was living alone. I feel its too young. With people marrying later in life, and so many students strapped with student loans why not remain in in the family home until she is is closer to 30?

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Are you serious?  

[NYC Susan]

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@Plaid Pants2 wrote:

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@Reever wrote:
In my opinion she should not move out. In America we are becoming too fragmented, families break up and go their separate ways. The concept of the nuclear family seems to be dissolving. Very sad indeed. I long for the Golden era of the 1950s. It truly was a great age.

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Even in the 1950's kids moved out and on their own.

It's called growing up.

Just because kids move out, doesn't mean that they are no longer emotionally close to the parents. 

In fact, it can create an even stronger bond between the adult child(ren) and the parents, once the kids leave home.

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Exactly.  And how long are they supposed to stay at home?  The OP's daughter is 23, gainfully employed, able to support herself, and feels emotionally ready.   What exactly should she be waiting for?

My mother, btw, moved out of her parents' home in 1949 when she was 19 years old. She had a college degree, a good job, and an excellent relationship with her parents that lasted until they passed away decades later.  So yes, absolutely kids moved out in the 50's, and earlier than that too.  The tradition of love of family that has been passed down for many generations in my family did not suffer in the slightest.

[NYC Susan]

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@Reever wrote:
Id be worried as a parent if a 23 year old was living alone. I feel its too young. With people marrying later in life, and so many students strapped with student loans why not remain in in the family home until she is is closer to 30?

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A 23 year old is an adult.  

And don't you think 30 is a little late to first be learning about responsiblity and how to function independently?

My kids are in their 30's.  I worried about them when they were 23, and I worrry about them now.  I'll be worrying about them always because I'm their mother.  But that doesn't mean they have to stay home, wrapped in cotton.  It was my job as a parent to raise them to be responsible and independent.  And, oh yes, happy.  They're certainly far happier than they would have been if they had remained home with me.  And I'm proud of the adults they have turned out to be.

[tansy]

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@Reever wrote:
In my opinion she should not move out. In America we are becoming too fragmented, families break up and go their separate ways. The concept of the nuclear family seems to be dissolving. Very sad indeed. I long for the Golden era of the 1950s. It truly was a great age.

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I could not disagree more.  My experience of the 50s, 60s and 70s was that children moved out at young ages like 18.  It was expected.

[CAcableGirl2]

You will be fine and so will she.  When my oldest son moved out and I was telling him he was too young to be on his own and he should stay, save money and wait a few more years, he reminded me where I was at his age.  By his age, I had already been married, moved out of state, and had a son (him).  Try to remember how you felt at her age, and how exciting it was to start to experience life on your own. 

[BohemianGal]

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@LilacTree wrote:

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@qvc chick wrote:

My daughter, who just turned 23 wants to move into her own apartment.  She has a good job, but this apartment will cost her most of her paycheck. 

We live in a townhome right now, just the two of us.  We are very close, but sometimes she gets moody.

I told her, why not wait until she saves enough money, and then buy something. This way she will have a tax write off.

I have to admit it will be very lonely without her.  I like her company.

Need advise from other moms who have gone thru this!

Thanks

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@qvc chick

Let her go . . . she'll be back.

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Yes, as @LilacTree said, that's the TRUTH!!!  lol.

And, may I add, chances are she will be moving in and out of your home SEVERAL times before she (hopefully) makes a permanent move.  My son, approaching 28 years of age, first moved out at age 19. He moved back home in 6 months. After that he moved "in and out" 3 more times before his last move at age 24. He is currently planning to move from a shared "bachelor pad" with 3 roomates to move in with his current girlfriend (of 6 months). This could eventually lead to a "walk down the isle" or a move back home to Mom and Dad...it's anybody's guess...

[NYC Susan]

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@BohemianGal wrote:

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@LilacTree wrote:

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@qvc chick wrote:

My daughter, who just turned 23 wants to move into her own apartment.  She has a good job, but this apartment will cost her most of her paycheck. 

We live in a townhome right now, just the two of us.  We are very close, but sometimes she gets moody.

I told her, why not wait until she saves enough money, and then buy something. This way she will have a tax write off.

I have to admit it will be very lonely without her.  I like her company.

Need advise from other moms who have gone thru this!

Thanks

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@qvc chick

Let her go . . . she'll be back.

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Yes, as @LilacTree said, that's the TRUTH!!!  lol.

And, may I add, chances are she will be moving in and out of your home SEVERAL times before she (hopefully) makes a permanent move.  My son, approaching 28 years of age, first moved out at age 19. He moved back home in 6 months. After that he moved "in and out" 3 more times before his last move at age 24. He is currently planning to move from a shared "bachelor pad" with 3 roomates to move in with his current girlfriend (of 6 months). This could eventually lead to a "walk down the isle" or a move back home to Mom and Dad...it's anybody's guess...

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I completely disagree.  Sure, your son has moved in and out several times, but it's certainly not common.  None of my children did that, and none of my nieces/nephews did either.   I'm actually trying now to think of anyone I do know who moved out and then moved back, and I can't think of anyone at all other than those who moved out to attend college and then moved back with their parents briefly before heading off to grad school or their own apartments.  But I don't know of anyone who moved back and forth randomly, or without it having been the original plan.

Of course it happens, but I firmly believe that - more often than not - it doesn't.  I agree with not giving the OP's daughter a hard time (I refuse to say, "let her go", because the daughter is an adult).  But I really disagree with the contention that she'll be back.  I think it's more likely that she won't - and that's a good thing!

The reason the OP should not stand in her daughter's way is not because her daughter's attempt at independence will fail,  but rather because an employed 23 year-old is entitled to live her own life.  

[dex]

@tansy@I agree that children moved out much younger in the 50s -70s.I was expected to move out of the house as soon as I finished high school.I wasn't ready to be on my own though so I had to get a boyfriend to move in with.

[Plaid Pants2]

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@NYC Susan wrote:

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@BohemianGal wrote:

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@LilacTree wrote:

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@qvc chick wrote:

My daughter, who just turned 23 wants to move into her own apartment.  She has a good job, but this apartment will cost her most of her paycheck. 

We live in a townhome right now, just the two of us.  We are very close, but sometimes she gets moody.

I told her, why not wait until she saves enough money, and then buy something. This way she will have a tax write off.

I have to admit it will be very lonely without her.  I like her company.

Need advise from other moms who have gone thru this!

Thanks

---

@qvc chick

Let her go . . . she'll be back.

---

Yes, as @LilacTree said, that's the TRUTH!!!  lol.

And, may I add, chances are she will be moving in and out of your home SEVERAL times before she (hopefully) makes a permanent move.  My son, approaching 28 years of age, first moved out at age 19. He moved back home in 6 months. After that he moved "in and out" 3 more times before his last move at age 24. He is currently planning to move from a shared "bachelor pad" with 3 roomates to move in with his current girlfriend (of 6 months). This could eventually lead to a "walk down the isle" or a move back home to Mom and Dad...it's anybody's guess...

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I completely disagree.  Sure, your son has moved in and out several times, but it's certainly not common.  None of my children did that, and none of my nieces/nephews did either.   I'm actually trying now to think of anyone I do know who moved out and then moved back, and I can't think of anyone at all other than those who moved out to attend college and then moved back with their parents briefly before heading off to grad school or their own apartments.  But I don't know of anyone who moved back and forth randomly, or without it having been the original plan.

Of course it happens, but I firmly believe that - more often than not - it doesn't.  I agree with not giving the OP's daughter a hard time (I refuse to say, "let her go", because the daughter is an adult).  But I really disagree with the contention that she'll be back.  I think it's more likely that she won't - and that's a good thing!

The reason the OP should not stand in her daughter's way is not because her daughter's attempt at independence will fail,  but rather because an employed 23 year-old is entitled to live her own life.  

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I 100% agree with you, @NYC Susan.

When I was 18, I moved in to a college dorm, and after that, my own apartment.

I never moved back in to my parents place, and I didn't want to, either.

I was ready to start my own life, and there was no looking back!

[LilacTree]

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@BohemianGal wrote:

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@LilacTree wrote:

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@qvc chick wrote:

My daughter, who just turned 23 wants to move into her own apartment.  She has a good job, but this apartment will cost her most of her paycheck. 

We live in a townhome right now, just the two of us.  We are very close, but sometimes she gets moody.

I told her, why not wait until she saves enough money, and then buy something. This way she will have a tax write off.

I have to admit it will be very lonely without her.  I like her company.

Need advise from other moms who have gone thru this!

Thanks

---

@qvc chick

Let her go . . . she'll be back.

---

Yes, as @LilacTree said, that's the TRUTH!!!  lol.

And, may I add, chances are she will be moving in and out of your home SEVERAL times before she (hopefully) makes a permanent move.  My son, approaching 28 years of age, first moved out at age 19. He moved back home in 6 months. After that he moved "in and out" 3 more times before his last move at age 24. He is currently planning to move from a shared "bachelor pad" with 3 roomates to move in with his current girlfriend (of 6 months). This could eventually lead to a "walk down the isle" or a move back home to Mom and Dad...it's anybody's guess...

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@BohemianGal

All four of my girls moved in and out several times. Two of those required selling my current home for a larger one.  I still have one with me and she is 53 (but very ill). 

However, if that doesn't happen to qvc chick, I never minded the times I lived alone.  Also, my sister lived with me for several years, and a friend (woman) lived with me for a year.  My "alone" times never lasted long, LOL.