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Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,889
Registered: ‎03-13-2010

Re: My daughter is moving out


@CelticCrafter wrote:

@Plaid Pants2 wrote:

@qvc chick wrote:

Listen, this thing has two sides to it....

 

First side, yes, I would like her to still live at home.  She paid cheap rent, had tons of money left over to buy whatever she wanted, and was company for me.  We do alot of things together, she is my only daughter.

 

Second side, her new apartment is costing almost $1300 a month, NOT including gas, electric, cable, water, cell phone, car insurance, homeowners insurance...etc.

 

She makes around $60K a year.  That doesn't seem nearly enough to pay for everything, she will pretty much have nothing left after the bills.  She loves the good life, eating out, taking trips, buy fancy clothes, gettting eyelash extensions, etc.

 

I suggested to her, staying at home until age 25 (year and half away), and putting all that extra income into savings account.  Then she would be well prepared when she leaves.


This is an impulse thing.  Not sure how it will work out.  There is no need to RUSH.  Do you get what I mean??


 

 

 

 

Living on her own, she will learn how to budget, and to make do, and to do without.

 

We all had to learn that.

 

You should embrace her wanting to venture out on her own. By holding her back, you are only stagnating her growth as a human being, and as an adult.

 

It is NOT up to you to decide if what she makes is "enough" or not.

 

That is HER decision to make as an ADULT.

 

 

Besides, some people commute for a lot longer than just thirty minutes just to get to their jobs.

 

 

Also, if she is renting, she does not need HOMEOWNERS insurance.

 

I rent, and I don't have it. There is one less "expense" right there.

 

 


@Plaid Pants2 - most apartment complexes require renters insurance, and want to be named as an additional insured on the liability portion of it.


 

I've lived in many apartments, but I've never lived in one where that was a requirement.

 

However, I currently do have renter's insurance.  It was my own decision to get it.  I have additional coverage for some very expensive things that I own, but the basic policy is less than $15/month, not very much at all and well worth it.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 10,371
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: My daughter is moving out

[ Edited ]

Let her fly.  She needs to be on her own if she's ever to completely grow up.  This doesn't have to interfere with your relationship.

 

I thought the empty nest would kill me but I found out I'm pretty darned happy with the kids on their own.  I'm more independent, stronger than ever.   I got my first pet (rescue dog) at age 60 and love him to pieces.  He makes the house more loving and wonderful.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,513
Registered: ‎10-27-2010

Re: My daughter is moving out

She should be moving out by now, and you must encourage her and keep your understandable feelings to yourself. My mother had a firm rule. She told us she would only pay for college if we went away. So we did. I only learned years later from my aunt that Mother cried and cried when I left. To me, she put on a bright, encouraging face. I have asked her about that, complimenting her on being such a good mom. Her answer is that part of her job was to nudge us out of the nest. 

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,889
Registered: ‎03-13-2010

Re: My daughter is moving out


@libbyannE wrote:

She should be moving out by now, and you must encourage her and keep your understandable feelings to yourself. My mother had a firm rule. She told us she would only pay for college if we went away. So we did. I only learned years later from my aunt that Mother cried and cried when I left. To me, she put on a bright, encouraging face. I have asked her about that, complimenting her on being such a good mom. Her answer is that part of her job was to nudge us out of the nest. 


I so agree.

 

I remember my Dad telling me privately that he would buy me any kind of car I wanted if I commuted to a local university rather than go out-of state.  I mentioned it to my Mom, and she gave me a whole speech about the wonderful experience of going away to school and how much more of an education I would receive in all aspects of life.  She was pretty adamant about it, and normally she was on the passive side, so this got my attention.

 

I did end up going out-of-state, and I loved it, and my education went far beyond what I learned in class.  Years later my mother told me how difficult that had been for her.  We were always close (and still are), and it broke her heart that I was leaving, but she knew that it was the right thing for me to do.  And of course she was right.

 

It's exactly what you said - Part of the job is encouraging children out of the nest no matter how tough it might be on us.  A 23 year-old with a job who wants to live on her own sounds like a very positive thing to me, with pretty perfect timing.

Super Contributor
Posts: 439
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: My daughter is moving out

Update - I have talked with my daughter and she is moving out in March.  She is extremely happy, and I have looked at the place she is moving to, and it's brand new and very nice and safe.

 

So I have come around, and am excited for her.  She wants me to help her decorate.  I have put on a bright smile, and even tho she knows this will be hard for me, I have decided to give her my blessing.

 

Now, how do I get a life of my own??  Lol.  It's tough when you single.  You don't have a partner to fall back on.

 

Oh - she asked me if I can take off on the day she is moving, so I could help her set up.  I said sure.  She then said, if I want to take my blow up bed over to her house, I am welcome to spend the night.  So hopefully we will always be close...

Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,513
Registered: ‎10-27-2010

Re: My daughter is moving out


@NYC Susan wrote:

@libbyannE wrote:

She should be moving out by now, and you must encourage her and keep your understandable feelings to yourself. My mother had a firm rule. She told us she would only pay for college if we went away. So we did. I only learned years later from my aunt that Mother cried and cried when I left. To me, she put on a bright, encouraging face. I have asked her about that, complimenting her on being such a good mom. Her answer is that part of her job was to nudge us out of the nest. 


I so agree.

 

I remember my Dad telling me privately that he would buy me any kind of car I wanted if I commuted to a local university rather than go out-of state.  I mentioned it to my Mom, and she gave me a whole speech about the wonderful experience of going away to school and how much more of an education I would receive in all aspects of life.  She was pretty adamant about it, and normally she was on the passive side, so this got my attention.

 

I did end up going out-of-state, and I loved it, and my education went far beyond what I learned in class.  Years later my mother told me how difficult that had been for her.  We were always close (and still are), and it broke her heart that I was leaving, but she knew that it was the right thing for me to do.  And of course she was right.

 

It's exactly what you said - Part of the job is encouraging children out of the nest no matter how tough it might be on us.  A 23 year-old with a job who wants to live on her own sounds like a very positive thing to me, with pretty perfect timing.


@NYC Susan

Your mom sounds wonderful! If isn't cold to tell the poster to encourage her daughter. It is wise. Both need time to grow up, in a way. My mom abandoned I are super close, and my admiration for her is boundless.

 

Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,553
Registered: ‎03-14-2010

Re: My daughter is moving out

In my opinion she should not move out. In America we are becoming too fragmented, families break up and go their separate ways. The concept of the nuclear family seems to be dissolving. Very sad indeed. I long for the Golden era of the 1950s. It truly was a great age.
Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,475
Registered: ‎03-14-2015

Re: My daughter is moving out


@Reever wrote:
In my opinion she should not move out. In America we are becoming too fragmented, families break up and go their separate ways. The concept of the nuclear family seems to be dissolving. Very sad indeed. I long for the Golden era of the 1950s. It truly was a great age.

 

 

 

Even in the 1950's kids moved out and on their own.

 

It's called growing up.

 

Just because kids move out, doesn't mean that they are no longer emotionally close to the parents. 

 

In fact, it can create an even stronger bond between the adult child(ren) and the parents, once the kids leave home.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,553
Registered: ‎03-14-2010

Re: My daughter is moving out

Id be worried as a parent if a 23 year old was living alone. I feel its too young. With people marrying later in life, and so many students strapped with student loans why not remain in in the family home until she is is closer to 30?
Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,475
Registered: ‎03-14-2015

Re: My daughter is moving out


@Reever wrote:
Id be worried as a parent if a 23 year old was living alone. I feel its too young. With people marrying later in life, and so many students strapped with student loans why not remain in in the family home until she is is closer to 30?

 

 

 

 

Because as an ADULT, it is HER choice as to when she wants to move out.

 

It's a sign of being independant.